Slowly, Sweetly
by absolutefluffiness
Summary: Believing they have nothing left to give anyone else by way of love, two brokenhearted friends marry for convenience and find solace in each other's friendship. But love has a way of slowly slipping in when you least expect it. S x S NOW M RATED
1. Comfort in Beginnings

**Slowly, Sweetly**

**Chapter One: Comfort in Beginnings**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the CCS characters. And special thanks goes to 'Tomoyo' of the ECRS team for not only beta-ing this (she helped fix the sequence here!) but also for contributing a few small but crucial scenes. **

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**July 12: Not Sakura's Dream Wedding**

It was a bright, balmy summer day, and Sakura Kinomoto was getting married in a lovely, tiny chapel beautifully decorated with roses and peonies. To the casual onlooker, it looked like a dream wedding; the little chapel was lavishly draped with white gauze, and big fat flower balls lined the short aisle, embellished with tiny pink ribbons.

The dashing groom, Sakura had dreamed of. Syaoran Li was a tall, leanly muscled man with high cheekbones, thick tousled chocolate-brown hair, large thickly-lashed brown eyes, and an arrogant kind of handsomeness that served to hide the shy person he really was. Clad in an expensive, custom-fit tuxedo, he was gorgeous.

The beautiful Vera Wang gown which floated like a cloud of white silk about her, which Syaoran had helped Sakura pick out just a few days ago in downtown Ginza, the most expensive shopping district of Tokyo, was just the gown she'd always wanted to marry in. The off-shoulder gown clung to her upper body then burst into lovely waves of silk just beneath her waist, kissing the floor lightly as it floated about her. She looked beautiful thanks to makeup by one of Japan's leading wedding makeup artists; light eyeshadow enhanced her large green eyes, and emphasized the lovely, healthy flush of her cheeks.

Sakura's gorgeous platinum engagement ring with the large flawless diamond and the platinum wedding bands with one diamond each had come from the Tiffany's in Ginza. Her bouquet of roses and orchids with white and green ribbons trailing from it came from a floral architect who had been featured in many international magazines.

The white rose petals strewn along the red carpet covering the nave, the sunlight streaking in through beveled windows..she had dreamed of all those since she started dating.

But everything had been bought within days after Syaoran had proposed marriage. Everything had come from stores. She had refused to let Tomoyo bring a camera to the wedding ceremony; it wasn't a real one anyway. Nothing was planned or personalized. Sakura swallowed, annoyed at herself for being so ungrateful.

The reason for her sorrow was that she had not dreamed of a marriage without love. She'd thought she would be married in a large temple or church surrounded by friends and family, in a big, happy, raucous wedding. Not in a tiny chapel in Tomoeda with only her best friend Tomoyo Daidouji and her husband's best friend Eriol Hiiragizawa in attendance. She had not even had the chance to tell her other friends of the marriage; it had been settled so fast as Syaoran was on a deadline.

Nor had she dreamed of the fact that once they got to their home, she and her husband would sleep in separate rooms. For she was not in love with her husband—and he was not in love with her either. Oh, they were friends, sure, but Sakura was wounded and broken from the many times she'd been hurt in the past by those who were supposed to love her.

Because Sakura was marrying for convenience. Her friend Syaoran needed a bride to claim his share of the family inheritance, and she needed a husband to save her from the debt troubles her father's and brother's death had plunged her in.

Her brother Toya's college debts were still unpaid, and her father Fujitaka had taken out a loan on their home to finance his latest expedition. Certainly he intended to pay, and had been on his new expedition with his son Toya and Toya's special companion (and Sakura's onetime crush) Yukito Tsukishiro. But what he had not intended was for a drunk driving teen from a fraternity party to crash into them and then try to flee the scene after discovering he had killed them all. Sakura had nearly lost her family home, and had been dispossessed by the bank until Syaoran stepped in and asked her to marry him to save her and help him save his share of his family's inheritance.

She sneaked a glance at Syaoran, then briefly imagined the one she loved, Yue Lim, in Syaoran's tuxedo. **No, **she thought to herself, **Yue would want to marry in a traditional Chinese outfit. **Sakura bit her lip to keep herself from crying over the fact that Yue did not love her enough to stay with her, to fight for her when his traditional Chinese family had looked down on her.

Barely two months after Sakura had become Yue's girlfriend, he had left. Though he had been kind when he'd let her down, Sakura now believed that she was not enough, that she had nothing to offer anyone in a relationship, that she was not someone anyone could learn to love. Rejected and dumped in middle and high school, in college, and most recently by Yue, she had lost her faith in love.

Where had she gone wrong? Sakura had been a happy, cheerful child, secure in her existence, and taking joy in her family and friends. Athletics had occupied her more than academics, and she had become a cheerleader—a popular one, considered cute by those who knew her. Everything had gone to hell the first time she had been in a relationship though. Memories flooded over her, and Sakura closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. And she knew she was pretty, and so she'd come to the conclusion that it was she who was the problem somehow.

Syaoran glanced at his friend—no , his bride—as the minister droned on. For a moment he caught himself wanting to imagine his ex-wife Alia in the beautiful off-shoulder gown.

But the impulse didn't last long, because Sakura was breathtakingly beautiful, he was surprised to notice. The gown, her veil, the way her eyes sparkled in the morning sunlight...He and Alia had been married in such a hurry, they had gone for one of those quickie ceremonies at City Hall three years ago. He'd been in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, and Alia was in a peach sundress that set off her bobbed blonde hair beautifully.

Happy and eager and in love, they had gone on their honeymoon without telling anyone. Syaoran felt then that he was on a high, nothing could be better than the heaven he'd found in Alia's love. And she had been his first love, too. He'd been cold and aloof when it came to girls, but Alia had been like the first warmth of spring in a cold existence.

But that was three years ago, and Alia was gone. This was Sakura, he reminded himself, and when she smiled at him shyly, he smiled back and thought, **'At least she's a good friend. She understands. And she's pretty.'**

When he caught her spacing out during the ceremony, he knew she was probably sinking into memories of her unhappy past. So when she turned to him, he caught her eye then quickly stuck his tongue out at her in an imitation of her own mannerism, knowing it would annoy her. It was his favorite pastime with her, and only with her; getting a rise out of Sakura would never grow old for him.

When her eyes widened, he smirked, knowing she would find a way to get back at him later. Good timing, though; he'd snapped her out of it right when the minister said, "Do you, Sakura Kinomoto, take Syaoran Li as your husband, to have and to hold, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do," she said in a firm voice.

Asked the same question, Syaoran answered likewise. They were pronounced man and wife, they signed several documents, and then, Syaoran was told he could kiss his bride.

Sakura waited as her veil was raised. Syaoran, overcome by an impulse to get another rise out of Sakura, suddenly whispered, "Tongue or no tongue?" He waited for the explosion, and got it.

She glared and hissed back, "You just try it, buster!"

Syaoran laughed. "Okay, calm down. I was kidding." And so Sakura's new husband gave her a quick peck on the lips, then grinned boyishly.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Syaoran joked.

She smiled. "No, it wasn't." But her eyes promised vengeance for later, and he grinned; he'd be ready. In their playful battle, he was definitely one up on her in that department.

"Told you I didn't have cooties," Syaoran laughed, patted her on the arm in a friendly fashion, then turned to talk to Eriol.

She pasted a smile on her face when Eriol urged her to change into other clothes so they could celebrate at the posh Ginza Flower of Seasons hotel.

_**There is no love waiting for me**_, she thought sadly as she stripped off the gown in a dressing room and handed it to Tomoyo. _**It's me, **_Sakura thought sadly. Nothing she did in relationships was right; always, she had bad timing, was the wrong person, did the wrong thing, did too much or too little. **And that's why I'm being married in a ceremony that's empty and hollow.**

She had been such a loving, cheerful child; her childhood was a happy one. Growing up with Tomoyo in idyllic Tomoeda with her family had made her a confident, perky person. But then she entered high school, and begun the series of crushes, near-relationships, and relationships that would eventually break down her spirit and kill her faith in love.

She had not lost her longing to be loved, though...and that was the cruelest thing of all.

Once they boarded the van that would take them to the hotel, Sakura looked out the window, sighed once, and withdrew into herself, making sure to paste a goofy smile on her face so as not to worry anyone.

But Syaoran understood her silence, and patted her hand; Sakura smiled at him gratefully, knowing he knew why she was quiet. His heart had been broken by a bitter divorce two years earlier, after which he and Sakura had met and become friends. He had been dealt a nasty blow by fate, though...the terms of his father's will stipulated that he be married by the age of 26 or be required to marry his betrothed cousin, Meilin...who was already happily engaged.

Poor Meilin had begged Syaoran to marry. The will was binding, having been executed by the last leader of the Li clan, and even Fuutie Li, the new leader and Syaoran's eldest sister, could not break it. And Syaoran's twenty-sixth birthday was coming up.

Just over a month before Syaoran's deadline, Sakura had almost lost her home to the bank. Left with nothing after her family's deaths, he'd come upon her numbly standing on the sidewalk outside her house. Between sobs, she'd managed to tell him what happened, and he'd managed to convince the bank manager to hold off on repossession by a week so she could at least retrieve her possessions from the house. But once she had been thrown out of her house, Sakura could not bear to go home. He understood, and offered her the second room in his new house as a place to stay, since his house was large and he lived alone.

When a grateful Sakura asked what she could do for him in return, he told her the truth about his need for a bride, then made his proposal: a marriage of convenience. He needed Sakura to stay married to him for at least two years; in exchange, he would cover her family's debts and take care of her for so long as she was married to him. He would give her her freedom anytime she wanted it once the two years were over. Syaoran also made a case for their marriage by saying that since they were friends, it would not be unpleasant. He would make no demands on her for consummation or for a child; all he asked was that she be discreet if she chose to take a lover.

Sakura had laughed at that rather bitterly. "Like I'm going to have one? You know my romantic history."

Syaoran had the grace not to laugh; instead, he'd urged her to think about it. "We get along anyway. Since most husbands and wives fight like cats and dogs, this is a win-win thing for us."

"Who the heck is forced to marry by a will?" Sakura asked disbelievingly.

"I am," Syaoran said.

"But why?"

"See, I like my life. But only sons of the Chinese aren't expected to become composers; we're supposed to take on the family business or lead our families. I like what I do. So I play ball until the will no longer can affect me."

"Oh." Sakura found it strange. "But how come you can marry me? Y...Yue...he...couldn't."

"Yue comes from a tradition-bound Chinese family," Syaoran's scornful tone made it clear what he thought of Yue's family. "My dad doesn't care who it is as long as I marry and introduce her to the family. And my family is much more open-minded than the Lims."

"What about Alia...she..."

Syaoran looked guilty. "I forgot about my family with her around. They never met her. I—" and he looked away, "I wanted to keep her to myself, and kept putting off going to Hong Kong—until it was too late."

An awkward pause.

"Think about it, Sakura. I'm not a jerk, I'm wealthy, handsome..."

Sakura snorted. "Not too much in love with yourself, ne?"

He ignored her and continued, "And I cook better than you, so..."

"Yeah right!" Sakura snorted. Syaoran laughed then; it was fun to goad Sakura playfully, and she was the only one he did that to. Normally cold and hostile towards others, he loosened up when he and Sakura were alone. He liked her company, and sincerely thought that a marriage between them for convenience was a good idea. So he kept at her until she finally agreed over a thank-you dinner she cooked for him a few days later at his house, where she'd moved in after retrieving her valuables and family mementoes.

"Oh all right," Sakura grumbled, after Syaoran presented his case again. "It's just...I didn't think I would be proposed to this way! You could at least kneel when you ask me that"

Grinning, Syaoran got on his knees in front of her seat, and repeated, "Now will you marry me? Except, I don't have a ring. It doesn't work well if I kneel without one."

Sakura sighed in exasperation and smacked his arm playfully. "Fine, fine, yes! Now get up; you're embarrassing yourself." She felt happy; Syaoran was, after all, her friend. She could imagine growing old with a friend, safe from betrayals from him because he, too, was heartbroken. He would never hurt her, she believed.

"You won't regret this," Syaoran said, and grinned, trotting off to call his family with the news.

"I wonder what Yue's reaction will be?" Sakura asked herself wistfully.

Syaoran heard, but Sakura never saw the grin that crossed his face. So she was surprised when Syaoran turned up at her office the next day with a gigantic bouquet of roses.

"What are you doing here?" she asked after she'd closed the door.

"What, can't your fiance check on you?" Syaoran teased. "Nice office."

"Keep your voice down!"

"Are you ashamed of me?" Syaoran grinned evilly.

"No but why are you here?" Sakura hissed.

"You said you wanted to know what Yue's reaction would be," Syaoran said. "Hmm. Maybe I should make some noise to suggest we're..."

"Don't you dare!" Sakura was so red, Syaoran had to laugh.

"Seriously now. I came here to fetch you too. You're taking the rest of the day off. We're going to start shopping for our wedding," Syaoran said firmly.

"They're going to talk, you know," Sakura whispered as Syaoran placed an arm around her waist and dragged her out of her office. Eyes followed them curiously.

Syaoran turned to her and whispered back, "Wouldn't you prefer to be talked about that way, because everyone's wondering who the gorgeous guy you're rebounding with is, instead of wondering how you're coping as the girl Yue tossed aside?" And to Sakura's shock, he planted a kiss on her cheek as Naoko, Chiharu, and Rika gaped.

"Syaoran-kun!" she squeaked, her objections lost in her embarrassment. "Yes...I mean, no, but..."

"Then _**why **_are you protesting?" For good measure, he wrapped his arms around her waist with exaggerated tenderness and smiled at her friends. "She's trying to resist me, woe is me," he said melodramatically. "And here I am just trying to marry the girl of my dreams."

Sakura looked at Rika's face. The normally composed girl was out of her mind with shock. It was enough to make Sakura laugh uncontrollably as Syaoran dragged her away with a boyish grin. His acting was a surprise; she hadn't known he was capable of such...insanity.

"So," he said, removing his arms from around her once they got to the elevator, "it _**was **_worth it, was I right? I bet word of this reaches Yue within hours." He smirked. "Serves the jerk right for what he did to you."

"Okay, fine," Sakura grumbled, then upon catching sight of his smile, smiled back. "You're evil."

"And you wouldn't have me any other way. Now come on," Syaoran grabbed her hand and practically tossed her into his BMW. "Let's start picking out rings."

But it wasn't just an engagement ring and wedding rings; they also picked up her gown, hired a decorator, and bought many other things. Sakura was floored by the amounts Syaoran casually charged to his black credit card, and surprised by his good taste.

"You have got to be kidding," Sakura groaned when Syaoran playfully pointed at a lingerie shop.

"Hey, if we're marrying," he wiggled his eyebrows, "we should be friends with benefits," he baited just to see her turn red.

She did. "You...you..."

"Pig? Pervert? Jerk?" he suggested helpfully.

Sakura decided to change the topic before she murdered him. "Tomoyo will kill me for not letting her do my gown," she said, sighing.

"Don't worry. I asked her advice," Syaoran smiled, then paused to dig out his cell phone to call Tomoyo, who quickly asked to be passed to Sakura.

"Get silk teddies!" was the naughty, teasing screech Sakura heard. "And edible undies!"

"Tomoyo-chan! I was asking about the wedding dress!"

"Oh that?" Tomoyo laughed her trademark 'oh-ho-ho-ho' laugh. "I was under the impression that friends with benefits was your arrangement."

Sakura rolled her eyes, and said, "Tomoyo-chan, I love you and I don't want to go to jail for murder so I'm hanging up now." Over her best friend's protests, she cut the call, red in the face, and asked Syaoran, "What next?"

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Two days later, they were finally done shopping and were having lunch at a cafe they frequented, the Cat's Eye cafe, because they both loved the pasta and hot chocolate there.

Syaoran had gotten in several playful jabs at Sakura, and she gave up trying to get back at him. "Hmpfh. Whatever happened to the snotty, quiet, arrogant, cold Syaoran I first met?" Sakura complained. "I think I prefer him to you."

"Hah," Syaoran shot back. "And I bet you prefer that poncy silver-haired gay boy to handsome me."

"Syaoran!"

"What? Just telling the truth. I know I'm straight," Syaoran baited.

"This from a guy who kept his ex-wife's bedroom intact?" Sakura retorted. "He may seem be gay but he's not nuts."

"For your information, her room was cleaned out and I moved out and sold our home a little later," Syaoran said.

"What, you actually cleaned it?" Sakura asked.

"Not exactly...I left her room the way it was for months, like a shrine to Alia, until Eriol came in and cleaned it out while I was gone. I was so mad, I nearly..." Syaoran chuckled, and Sakura stuffed more pasta into her mouth.

"Sorry," she muttered when she noticed where his attention was.

"Good God Sakura, you sure can pack it in," Syaoran teased.

Sakura swallowed, then stuck her tongue out childishly at Syaoran. "Unlike you, I don't have to watch my weight."

"Ouch," Syaoran grimaced; he worked out everyday, alternating swimming, martial arts, and the gym to stay trim. "Okay...where was I?"

"I bet," Sakura twirled more noodles around her fork, "you punched his lights out."

"Couldn't," Syaoran leaned back in his seat in the cafe. "Tomoyo was standing in front of him the whole time. It was like she knew what I was going to do!"

"She probably did. The woman is evil, and I've known her since we were yea-high," Sakura indicated toddler height with her hand. "But I love her anyway."

"Amen. Eriol's the same way. Maybe we should set them up, hmm." Syaoran was about to light up a cigarette when Sakura frowned.

"I thought we were quitting?"

"We is incorrect," Syaoran defended. "You never started, and I only took this up to calm my nerves after Alia left...I don't smoke that much..."

"She left nearly two years ago. Time to kick the filthy habit," Sakura plucked the cigarette out of Syaoran's mouth, and for good measure, she reached into his breast pocket, grabbed the pack, and tossed it in the trash can.

"Hey! You can't do that!" Syaoran protested.

"As your fiance I am telling you to quit!"

Syaoran rolled his eyes. "What, are you going to make me a henpecked husband?"

"Would Alia have kissed you if you smoked? Smoker breath is icky," Sakura fired at him.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. Only Sakura had the nerve to mention Alia that way...and get away with it. But then...she had a point.

"No. Would Yukito have liked it if you ate like a pig in front of him?" he sassed back.

Sakura flung her napkin at him. "Hey! I do not eat like a pig!"

"Yeah, well," Syaoran smirked.

"Hey, I'll walk you back to your office," he said, while stealthily reaching for the bill. Sakura's hand smacked on the black folder quickly, though.

"You paid for lunch last time. My turn," and she tugged it towards her.

"Na-uh, Sakura," Syaoran's grip was equally firm. A small tug of war ensued, with both contestants growling at each other, but Sakura cheated. "Don't look now," she said in a low voice, but..."

Syaoran whipped his head around, thinking she meant Alia, but instead, it was a sexy female celebrity. Just like that, she jerked the bill away from him and gave her credit card to the waiter.

"You..." Syaoran gritted his teeth.

"Call me a name, why don't you?" Sakura giggled. "I dare you."

"That would be unsporting," he protested.

"Well, then glare all you like," Sakura grinned as she signed the charge slip. "Okay. Now you can walk me back to work. Oooh, I'm stuffed. How about carrying me?"

"You wish," Syaoran snorted, and stood up. "Come on, cherry pig, let's go."

"WHAT did you call me?"

At the lobby of Sakura's office, they kissed each other on the cheek and waved goodbye. Her officemates passed by and giggled.

"Your boyfriend sure is gorgeous," Naoko said. "Those eyes are just...wow."

"That guy is not my boyfriend," Sakura rolled her eyes, then sighed. Naoko knew why, and stopped teasing Sakura. Because her ex, Yue—who had dumped her just a short while ago—worked on the floor right above her. Because Sakura had not gotten over him yet. And because Yue was her boss.

But Sakura was tired of the pitying looks, and so she decided to do something reckless. She raised her left hand, and allowed Naoko to goggle at the ring there.

"That guy's my fiance," Sakura smiled beatifically.

Just as Sakura expected and Syaoran had predicted, the news spread like wildfire about the office. Yue had actually called her to his office to "discuss" her new projects. But the subject got around to her engagement.

"Nice ring," Yue said quietly. Sakura sighed; she knew he would never say it out loud.

"It's from my fiance," was all Sakura said. No names.

Yue raised an eyebrow. "So quickly?"

"These things happen," Sakura smiled and shrugged.

His curiosity getting the better of him, Yue asked, "So how did you meet?"

"Through Tomoyo," was Sakura's reply. She wasn't going to tell him more than what he asked.

"How long have you known him?" Yue raised one eyebrow.

"A year," Sakura said. And she wasn't lying.

"You knew him while we were..." Yue's surprise pleased Sakura.

"Yeah." Sakura smiled. "We're good friends."

A long silence stretched uncomfortably between them. She knew Yue wanted to know why he hadn't heard of Syaoran before, but she wasn't telling. Besides, it was a long story.

"If you're done with me," Sakura said, amused by the double meaning of her statement, "I'll go ahead, sir." And she showed herself out of his office.

In truth, Sakura had met Syaoran when she was assigned to interview the pop star Eriol Hiiragizawa. She smiled as she remembered how she had broken through Syaoran's arrogant, aloof demeanor.

"Sakura-chan? How does it feel to be a married woman now?" Tomoyo asked.

The question brought her out of her reverie. Syaoran stared at her curiously, smiling slightly.

Her mind scrambled to come up with an answer, and found one. "It's not really different," she said slowly. "But I guess it's not so bad. There are worse people to marry." She grinned, teasing Syaoran now. "Not many of them, though."

Syaoran rejoined with a smirk, "Yeah. You'd need a real prince to beat a precious find like me."

"Sure," Eriol said. "Now, prince Precious, let's go and celebrate...with some lobster! Waiter! Buttered lobster tail for us, and steaks too!"

Sakura joined in the laughter, and enjoyed her first meal as Mrs. Syaoran Li.

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**absolutefluffiness says: Whew. It isn't easy writing this, and so I would appreciate it if you told me what you think in a review (please? Puppy-dog eyes and all). I don't consider constructive criticism a flame, don't worry! ****Chapter 2 will be up on Saturday April 11!**

**This fic is "T" for now but you've been warned: it may become "M" depending on what happens as I write it. When the turning point arrives, I'll put up a new poll to ask for your opinion. Thank you, and I hope you liked this!**


	2. Memories Relived, Part One

**Slowly, Sweetly  
Chapter Two: Memories Relived, Part I**

**Cute disclaimer adapted from the amazing author dynonugget: "I'm very sure the CLAMP team does not post stories in FFN under absolutefluffiness!"**

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**Friends Together  
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As they got home from their sort-of post-wedding dinner/celebration with their friends Tomoyo and Eriol, Sakura and Syaoran waved as the other two left, Tomoyo yelling something naughty which both chose to blithely ignore.

"As I said earlier," Syaoran said, "that wasn't so bad." He put an arm over Sakura's shoulders and gave her a friendly one-armed hug of reassurance.

"Yeah," Sakura smiled. "Thank you." She placed an arm around his waist and hugged him back in a similarly friendly fashion. "For everything."

"No, thank you," Syaoran smiled back. "Really."

They stood smiling at each other and hugging comfortably, almost like brother and sister. It was nice to be with each other, with no pressure to be someone else or to please the other. The coolness of the July evening, the chirping of the crickets, the moon in the sky—life was quiet and peaceful, and with a good friend by their side, both felt at peace with the world.

"Happy to be home?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah," Syaoran nodded. "And hey, it really is nice to be with you."

Sakura squeezed his waist playfully. "I know. Like I said, there are worse people to marry." Then she muttered, "Like to be told you can't date someone because you're not good enough for them."

Syaoran stared at Sakura. He knew the general gist of what had happened between her and Yue, and was annoyed by Yue's having dropped poor Sakura over what Syaoran thought was a poor and lame excuse. He wanted to ask her what had really happened, but he knew her too well to insist upon hearing the story. She would tell him when she was ready.

Not all Chinese families were as strict as Yue made them out to be; Syaoran himself came from an old, wealthy Chinese family, and his older sisters had married whomever they pleased. **Stupid Yue**, he thought, and vowed to be unpleasant to the man if they ever met. He was already planning the snide things he would say. "Nice hair. How long does it take to dry?" Or maybe, "Oh so you're the ex right before me. No wonder Sakura agreed to marry me instead of you. At least I don't look gay." Syaoran smirked; he was looking forward to meeting Yue, indeed.

Then he noticed that Sakura was sinking into that strange mood that overtook her whenever she remembered any of her exes. Syaoran decided to break it with a joke. "Now, since you're stuffed from dinner, don't expect me to carry you over the threshold. You're way too heavy for any groom," he teased.

He was rewarded for the insult with a light smack in the face with the bouquet she was carrying. "You...you..."

"Poor poor cherry pig," Syaoran kept it up as he opened the door with his key. "Has such trouble thinking of comebacks. Maybe I should help you. Hm, must remember to give you your copy of the house key."

"Ooh!" Sakura stomped one foot, and realized she was playing right into Syaoran's hands by reacting. "I still owe you for what you did in the chapel."

"Not holding my breath," Syaoran pretended to yawn. "You need time to think of a suitable revenge."

Sakura counted to ten then let out a breath, collapsing on the couch. "Look, Syaoran, I know you enjoy trying to annoy me but please...can you sometimes lay off? I just get so...tired," she pleaded earnestly.

He stared at her, and saw that she meant it. "Oh, sorry." Syaoran rubbed his neck. "It's just so much fun, you know, to play with you that way. You're the good-time girl," But as soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he'd made a mistake by saying them.

Sakura stiffened, then muttered, "Yeah, and all my exes agree with you. Good night." And she marched up the stairs and into her bedroom.

Syaoran watched her go, annoyed at himself for going overboard. He had so few friends, and of them, though Sakura was the newest, he was fondest of her company. He wouldn't have proposed marriage to her otherwise.

Normally, she enjoyed verbal sparring matches with him and gave as good as she got. She'd once confessed to Syaoran that it was fun because it reminded her of her deceased brother Toya. But tonight was an exception; Syaoran smacked his forehead when he realized that he'd overlooked her mood during and immediately after the wedding. She was remembering her past. '**How inconsiderate of me!'** he thought.

So he did the only thing he could do—he decided to swallow his pride and go to her. It wasn't easy; he waited a few minutes, screwing up his his courage, then he went up, and knocked on her door.

"I'm coming in, Sakura," he said softly. He came upon her brushing her hair, and he felt even guiltier when he noticed that her eyes were brimming with tears. God, he _**hated**_ it when she cried!

"Sakura," he came a few steps closer, "don't cry. Please," he said softly.

She swallowed, and he thought she was about to deny that she was going to cry. Instead, she asked, "What is it?" Her tone, instead of being defiant, was soft and somewhat defeated.

"I..." Syaoran gulped, unused to apologizing. "I'm…so sorry. I just forget myself sometimes." He patted her shoulder. "Okay?"

Sakura sighed. "Just...don't always do it. Okay?"

"Sure," Syaoran said.

As he turned to leave, he was stopped by a small giggle. He turned to see Sakura wearing a small smile.

"I really have to get used to you being nice," Sakura said. "It's like some other guy took over your body or something. Although," she mused, "the teasing part I could live without." She stuck her tongue out at him in the mannerism Syaoran found endearing.

Syaoran snorted. "Yeah, rub it in," he said good-naturedly. "Never gonna let me live down how I behaved when we first met?" He sat down on her bed and picked up a stuffed penguin toy on it, squeezing it.

"Never," Sakura grinned. "Not when you were being such a..."

"Jerk?" Syaoran finished helpfully as she nodded. "Or so you say. I have no memory of being like that," he said airily, and Sakura snorted.

* * *

Oh but he _**did**_ remember. Sakura's best friend Tomoyo, a fashion designer, had gotten her an exclusive interview with Japan's hottest balladeer, Eriol Hiiragizawa, who was her client. Sakura had wound up working for an entertainment magazine after college, to her own surprise, and she liked doing interviews for them.

Eriol had thoroughly enjoyed Sakura's off-the-beaten-path questions like, "Do you believe that music creates reality?" and how she had done a crash course on him to know what he did, thus preventing her from asking questions he was tired of answering.

It was when she asked, "There's this study that shows that music—along with scent—triggers and makes memory. Do you choose your songs on that basis? You're known for songs that touch the heart...and you seem to wear your heart on your sleeve. Yet is it you? You seem so...different...in person. More calm, more composed, more…more like someone who's shy and sensitive. No offense meant."

"None taken, Sakura-san. Allow me to explain. The discrepancy is because someone helps me write my songs," Eriol admitted with a smile.

"But you take them and make them your own," Sakura said admiringly.

"Still...I believe that he deserves credit for his achievements. Allow me to introduce him to you." Eriol bowed and moved to the music room of his studio.

"Him" was his long-time collaborator and best friend, composer Syaoran Li. Eriol thought Sakura could get a good story out of the interview, and dragged a reluctant Syaoran into the room.

"Do I have to talk to some bimbo?" Syaoran didn't bother lowering his voice; he hoped the girl in the next room would hear, be offended, and leave.

"She's not a bimbo, Syaoran," Eriol smiled. "And I think you'll get along." Using his taller, more muscular body, Eriol managed to fling Syaoran into the next room and onto a couch across Sakura.

"This is my best friend and collaborator Syaoran Li. Syaoran, this is Sakura Kinomoto," Eriol began.

Syaoran nodded slightly in her direction and raised an eyebrow rudely at Sakura, who smiled at him.

"Wow. So you write Eriol Hiiragizawa's songs?" The question was not unexpected, and Syaoran sighed in frustration at the perky girl before him. She was pretty; girls like Sakura always were, he mused. Big green eyes, a ready smile, cheeks flushed with good health, a good figure. But Syaoran didn't much care for her; he was tired of pretty girls flinging themselves at him since he'd suffered that particular burden since middle school. Perky, pretty girls like Sakura simply annoyed him; he found them shallow and uninteresting.

"Yeah." Syaoran did not expound. Instead he crossed his arms and looked at her coldly. His hostile demeanor often ended conversations quickly, and he'd learned to wield it to keep people away from him. Since high school, he'd been annoyed by women who tried to court him; he always suspected they were after the money of the Li Clan, no matter how many times his best friend Eriol pointed out that perhaps his devastating good looks had something to do with it.

Sakura was unfazed though; years of dealing with her older brother Toya had taught her to see through demeanors like Syaoran's, and she could see a shy, hurt young man behind it. A rather handsome shy young man, she thought, and she suppressed the urge to giggle. His tousled chocolate-brown hair and amber eyes were striking, and he had an arrogant air to him that made him even more attractive.

She plunged on. "You wear your heart on a sleeve in these compositions. Eriol-san says he rarely changes anything from your original demo cds. Is it easier for you to express your pain through music? I mean, heartbreak is a constant...everyone goes through it...but with you, it's a deep, painful longing...like you're searching for your heart again. And I think it's been a least a year or so since your heart was broken because it feels like you've had time to brood over the pain. Was it...if I may be so bold...was it a divorce you didn't want?"

Syaoran's dark brown eyes widened as he stared at Sakura. Her green eyes were sympathetic, not mocking. She was sincere. How _**had**_ she known? How had she reached into his emotions and known about his ex-wife Loraina, whose private name with him was Alia? The beautiful violet-eyed blonde had swept into his life, given him a taste of love...then left, divorcing him after a year.

Yet he could not hate Alia as much as he pretended to. He wouldn't see her, wouldn't talk to her—but he'd kept her clothes, her bedroom, her changes to their home intact. He longed for her to walk through the door of the house they had shared and to say, "Syaoran, I'm home—for good."

Because Syaoran still loved her, despite her constant insistence on him moving on to find "the one he was destined for" whenever she talked to Eriol—his only means of finding out about what she was doing these days...he still loved her.

* * *

**Syaoran's Past: Meeting Alia**

_He'd met her quite by accident; they'd both reached for the last bottle of the same brand of expensive Italian tomato sauce at a Tokyo organic gourmet grocery. She said, "You have good taste," then handed it to him, smiling before moving on to the next aisle._

_Syaoran had been flirted with in the past, and he'd never responded; Eriol had gotten to teasing him about being gay as a result. But this woman...she...something about her violet eyes snared Syaoran as he'd never been taken with a woman before. She was gorgeous—but that wasn't it; Syaoran had had beautiful women fling themselves at him before, which was why he wouldn't hear of it when Eriol wanted to sing with him in public. But this woman—she was warm, and she was sweet. Syaoran longed to find out who she was, and why she was the way she was. So he'd done something that had floored Eriol when Eriol found out about it; he followed the beautiful violet-eyed blonde._

_"Hi," he said when he got her attention, and to his shame, his cheeks went pink._

_"Hi," she smiled. Normally she didn't like being hit on by strangers but this handsome amber-eyed man was blushing like a boy, and it made her feel sweet on him._

_"Uh...My name's Syaoran. I know this sounds weird but I...will you go out with me? I promise I'm not some freaky pervert or dirty old man..."_

_She laughed, a soft, tinkling sound that thrilled Syaoran. "You're too young to be a dirty old man, you know. And too good-looking to be a pervert."_

_"Um...heh heh," Syaoran looked down, scuffling his shoes. "I...I'm stammering and I'm babbling. Sorry. I just—will you have dinner with me? Tomorrow? A...at the Tokyo Tenement?" he said, naming a delicious, expensive sushi bar and fusion cuisine cafe. "All on me."_

_"You could ask me my name first," she chided gently._

_"Oh, uh, yeah." Syaoran grinned nervously. "You are?"_

_"I'm Loraina," she said, but Syaoran was fixed on her delicate lips, fighting an insane impulse to kiss her then and there._

_"Ah. Alia," he said, mishearing her name because he wasn't paying attention. "What a beautiful name for such a beautiful woman," he said, then turned red upon realizing how pathetic he sounded._

_Again, she laughed. "Loraina, not Alia," she corrected him. "But I like the sound of Alia."_

_"M...may I call you that?" Syaoran asked shyly. He couldn't keep his eyes off her delicate face, her thick lashes, her tall, slender figure, the lips he wanted to kiss so badly._

_Riveted by the shy, handsome stranger, Loraina looked into his beautiful amber eyes and said yes._

_"I..." Syaoran smiled. "Can I get your number? And where you live?"_

_Syaoran called that very evening; it was almost dawn when they hung up the phone. It felt like love at first sight; they had talked about the things they liked, the things they believed in._

_When Syaoran picked Loraina—no Alia, he thought—up, she was in a plain shirt and jeans. But she took his breath away; the simple outfit served as a backdrop to her beauty._

_Loraina took one look at Syaoran in his short-sleeved green polo shirt and jeans, and decided she wanted to date him. He was smart, funny, shy, sweet—he was a dream man. When he took her hand to help her into his car, they both started; their hands tingled at the contact. They had spent dinner quietly talking, with several pauses to look into each other's eyes, and it was only when the waiters pointedly stood at their table to close down the cafe that they finally left._

_In the car, as he took her home, Syaoran could not speak. Alia was affecting him so badly, he wanted to find out why. He didn't know she suffered the same way; she couldn't keep her eyes off his high-cheekboned face, his sensuous lips, his lean body._

_"Would you like coffee?" Alia invited at her doorstep when Syaoran escorted her there._

_"Sure," he said, but started when she laced her fingers through his to guide him in the house. He watched as she made coffee, loving every movement she made._

_As they drank, they were quiet, neither wanting to let the other go. But Alia made the first move as she came to get his cup._

_"I would like to see you again," Alia said, and kissed his cheek gently. She smiled, then was about to go back to her chair when Syaoran stood up._

_Seizing his emotions and putting them on the line, Syaoran pulled her up so her lips could meet his, and he kissed her tenderly. Soon he sent his tongue questing into her mouth, and he found her waiting for him. When she wound her arms around his neck, he became even bolder, and pressed her body against his, letting her feel how much he wanted her._

_And they ended up in her bedroom; Syaoran had carried her there, and proceeded to make love to her (also to Eriol's shock). He'd asked her to move in after a delirious week of daily dates, and constant lovemaking. He was passionately in love for the first time in his life; he thought of her all the time, sent her flowers and presents daily at the accounting agency where she worked, drove her to and from work—she quickly became the reason why he lived. Her gentleness, her kindness, her genuine concern for him had made him come undone._

_In return she had brought cheer into his life and made his days less grueling. Waking up next to her had been a small joy that made him look forward to mornings. Alia had chided him gently for being so driven and work-centered, luring him out, making him loosen up, letting him feel how much she loved him. So Syaoran began deviating from his daily routine so he could spend time with his beloved._

_As for Alia, she'd never been swept off her feet, and Syaoran's romantic tenderness and sweet possessiveness blew her mind. Because he made love with his emotions fully showing, every night (and sometimes morning) had been like living in paradise. She had only hesitated when he'd proposed marriage after three months._

_He'd made her breakfast; Alia was hopeless in the kitchen, and Syaoran had bravely attempted to eat her cooking when she'd first moved in. But he discovered that the best way to avoid an upset stomach was to do the cooking himself._

_Looking across at her as she smiled at him lovingly, Syaoran had blurted out the first thing on his mind._

_"I can't live without you, Alia. Marry me," he said softly._

_"What?" Her violet eyes widened in shock._

_Syaoran frowned; that wasn't the response he'd expected. "Marry me, little sunshine," he said. It was his intimate nickname for her, one he used only when they made love._

_Alia sat quietly. "We've only been together for three months," she said softly._

_"I love you. You know that," Syaoran said, and indeed she did; he'd said it the first time they made love, and over and over since then._

_"I know," she smiled. "But this is a big step. Please let me think about it."_

_Disappointed, Syaoran nonetheless agreed and took her to work, reiterating his proposal as he walked her to her office. But, restless and impatient, he dragged a reluctant Eriol with him to buy an engagement ring that very afternoon. "I'll convince her," he'd vowed to a skeptical Eriol. "She'll say yes tonight."_

_"Don't you think you're rushing her?" Eriol said softly when Syaoran agonized over whether to get an amethyst ring, or a diamond one._

_"I'm sure," Syaoran smiled happily. "I've never loved anyone like this—"_

_"Ever." Eriol interrupted. "That's what worries me, Syaoran. You have no experience in love."_

_"She loves me. It will be okay," Syaoran said, ignoring the warning tone in Eriol's voice._

_"Don't rush her," Eriol said._

_"Look, are you my best friend or not?" Syaoran asked in exasperation._

_Eriol took Syaoran firmly by the shoulders. "You made love to her on the first date, you made her move in with you after a week, and you've pretty much dictated the pace of this relationship. You haven't even introduced her to me or to your family!" he said. "Listen to me. While being swept off her feet may have thrilled her, not all women can stay complacent forever."_

_"She loves me, why can't you believe that?" Syaoran snapped._

_"Because she's never said it to you once, has she!" Eriol hissed. "Not once, Syaoran! Not once in your stories in the past three months, and you choose to ignore the truth." The clerks at the expensive jewelry store stared; they recognized Eriol, and were intrigued by the handsome man with him._

_Syaoran flinched and stepped away, glaring with fury. "Of course she loves me. It's completely obvious. Why else would she move in with me, make love to me, be with me, be..."_

_"Maybe she doesn't have a choice when it comes to you. Maybe a fool stole her away, swept her into his fantasy, and she didn't get the chance to protest, because she did like that fool... But she'll run away from you at this rate, Syaoran. You're scaring her off by being possessive, controlling, and aggressive." His blue eyes flashed. "And don't blame me when it happens."_

_Syaoran snarled and was about to lash out when a throat was cleared softly. "Did I come at a bad time?" inquired a soft alto voice, pitched just right to soothe tempers. It was the voice of a woman who could sing beautifully, and later he would find out he was right._

_Violet eyes, darker than Alia's, were the first thing he noticed. The second was the strangely self-possessed dignity the raven-haired woman wore about her—just like Eriol. The third thing Syaoran noticed was that she was not fawning over Eriol as fangirls were wont to do. He'd kissed her cheek in welcome, and she had done the same._

_"Tomoyo Daidouji-san, may I present my best friend Syaoran Li?" Eriol smiled at the beautiful young woman and bowed slightly._

_"I'm sure the pleasure is mine," Tomoyo bowed and smiled gently at Syaoran._

_Confused, Syaoran muttered a greeting, looking suspiciously at the two, who led him off to have lunch. He wound up buying a white gold ring with a diamond at a jeweler Tomoyo recommended._

_That night, he'd waited for Alia outside her office, and kissed her before she had a chance to protest. Then he presented her with the ring._

_"I love you so much, Alia," Syaoran said. "I...please say yes. I can't breathe without you."_

_Alia stared at the ring. _**Syaoran doesn't know me that well,**_ she sighed inwardly; _**if he did, he'd have known I like wearing my birthstone for May, which is amber. Amber the color of his eyes.**_ And white gold—she'd never liked it._

_But he was so deeply in love with her; he never hesitated to show it. How could she refuse such a wonderful man when so many women were looking for someone like Syaoran?_

_Alarm bells went off in her head when she recklessly looked into his eyes and said, "Yes, but on one condition."_

_"Anything," Syaoran promised._

_"If I fall out of love, you will let me go. Swear it!" She was acting on a strange premonition, which she obeyed._

_Syaoran smirked; of course she would stay in love with him, he'd make sure of it. "I promise, on my love for you," he said as he slid the ring on her finger and smothered her with kisses. "Let's get married, tomorrow," he said._

_"I..." The alarm bells were back, but Alia accepted his kisses, and said "Yes."_

_She was the first to open his heart...and the last, he vowed. He had been hurt so badly, only Eriol had been able to prevent him from killing himself as soon as the divorce was final._

_And it had been two years since she had been gone.  
_  
Yet Sakura had somehow seen the story through his songs. He would later learn that Sakura had become more empathic, more insightful over the years—plenty of heartbreak and the influence of Tomoyo made it inevitable.

Correctly interpreting his silence, she said, "I understand lonely people," she said gently. "Because...I'm that way too. I just wish I could express my heart as well as you, in a way that helps people like me let out what's in our hearts. You see, I just lost someone I loved so much."

She smiled, though Syaoran noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes—something he would notice a lot in her, and which everyone else save for Tomoyo overlooked. "I thought he loved me but..." She shook her head. "Anyway, what I meant to say is that I understand you because of your songs. You express the feelings so well, and I sort of 'read' your story through them. Especially that part in 'Let the Pain Remain', the one that goes _'So let the pain remain forever in my heart, for every throb it brings is one more moment spent with you. I'll let the pain bring on the rain if that's the only way, if there's no other way to be with you again.'_ You know," and Sakura smiled but looked away, "it was like you were saying what I felt. I cried when I first heard that song. Because it's so true. Even painful memories are better compared to nothing."

Syaoran took a long time to speak, merely staring at Sakura. She patiently waited for him, neither smiling nor frowning—just being there. When he did, he said, "What did you say your name was again?"

And just like that, to Eriol and Tomoyo's surprise, they became friends. Syaoran and Sakura began spending time together, talking about their lost loves occasionally.

For Syaoran, it was like finding the one person who could understand what was in his heart and never think him weak for it. Sakura also got to talk about the pain of losing Yue recently, whom she had loved for so long...and whom she had practically courted. He had yet to drag the full stories of her love life out of her though—and when he did, he would be horrified by how badly love had treated her. Syaoran discovered he enjoyed teasing Sakura, and he slowly came out of his shell with her.

On the other hand, Sakura liked the challenge of getting Syaoran to be less angry, less sullen. It was like having Toya with her again, and Syaoran made her feel safe. His company was a welcome relief from the tense relationships in the past, and her hurts tended to fade away when they played, bickered, ate, and even exercised together.

For both of them, it felt good to be able to open up to someone who wasn't asking them to 'get over it' or 'move on'...or worse, trying to set them up with someone else. Talking about Alia and Yue was cathartic for them; Syaoran felt the thorn in his chest lifting a bit, and Sakura began to regain her optimism and cheerfulness. Both played sounding board to the other so well, it was like they were old friends within months.

Getting Syaoran to open up was like a pleasant game for Sakura, because he reminded her of her brother: gruff, grumpy, and even rude on the surface, but kind and shy with a rare wit if you could peer past the facade.

He on the other hand liked Sakura's cheerfulness, even though he knew that sometimes she forced the happy face on. She never judged him, and seemed to actually appreciate his presence. Her attitude was infectious, and Syaoran found that he could smile when he was in her presence. Together, they had found the comfort that was lacking in their lives.

* * *

Syaoran was lost in the memories of their first meeting, and he had a small smile on his handsome face. Sakura tch'd; she wanted to go to sleep, and he was in the way.

"Hmmm. Your expression tells me you're remembering someone with a name that begins with 'A'" Sakura teased.

"Actually," Syaoran smiled, "I was remembering how we met."

"Aha! So you DO remember," Sakura said triumphantly.

"Yeah well," Syaoran ruffled his hair. "Anyway, you comfortable?"

"I will be once you get out of my bed," Sakura stared pointedly at it, suppressing a smile.

"Fine, fine," Syaoran grumbled. He stood up, kissed Sakura's forehead, and bade her good night and sweet dreams. Sakura smiled and bade him the same.

* * *

A preview of Chapter 3 is in my profile, if you're interested!

The lyrics Sakura quotes are real; they are by a Filipino singer named Basil Valdez, and are not mine either. "Let the Pain Remain" is a beautiful song for the heartbroken. Because of Syaoran's profession here, I'll be quoting or translating songs I love (almost none of which are mainstream, and many of which are by Filipino singers).

Happy Easter (in advance) and much love to those who reviewed:** butterflyangellover14, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, Link Fangirl01, kat, Twilight Kisses, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, Lizzie, 3, rondallagurl, -Kori Kage Tenshi-, DineyBlue,xSapphirexRosesxFanx, michiko14anime, puasloma **(Sorry about the long chapters!)**, emerald princess, anigal 08, AngelEmCuti, ~harmony~, pyscho-pyro-shrink, HappyBlossom, Li-Saku-Chan, CheeseyCraziness, nexa alex, oneactivedownload, Railway Station,** **kaleez, cupid17, Julia and Tania, Karithinia, **and** chariot330.** I really appreciate it, thanks so much!

**Next update is on or before Friday, April 17!** I know some of you want faster updates but I have summer school so the time to write and revise is shorter. I've got other chapters "banked" but I need to revise them and make sure I haven't pulled boo-boos anywhere. Hope you understand : )

But to make up for it, I have chapters 4,500 words long. Okay with you guys? : )


	3. The Past Intrudes into the Present

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter Three: The Past Intrudes into the Present**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own or make a profit from the CCS characters, who all belong to the ladies of CLAMP!

**absolutefluffiness says: **_No, not another long chapter? Yes, sorry, but...a little SxS fluff makes up for it! And try not to kill Yue, guys. Also, I must explain that in Chinese tradition (at least for those of us here), amber is an alternate birthstone for May, particularly for firstborn girls (like my Achi or older sister). But since it seems it's not a well-known fact, I'll change it. Sorry if it drove some of you nuts; my bad for using Asian gemology. Sorry!_

_

* * *

  
_

**Friends at Home**

For the first time since he was a child, Syaoran woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking. He'd always done his own cooking since he was in college, and so for a moment, his heart leapt: _**Alia! **_And he jerked upwards, his heart pounding. He pulled a pair of shorts over the boxers he liked to sleep in, and threw a shirt on hastily. He was halfway to the door when he remembered: Alia could not cook, and try as he might, he couldn't teach her how. His heart fell at the realization of his own stupidity.

But the smell of bacon and waffles was delicious, so he followed his nose. Sakura was humming cheerfully in the kitchen, a pink gingham apron over her clothes, and she greeted him as he entered. Syaoran glanced at the clock. Eight in the morning, and Sakura, framed in the morning sunlight, looked lovely. He rubbed his eyes, surprised at how he had overlooked that in his friend—no, correction, wife.

"Oh good, I was just about to wake you. Rough night?" She eyed his disheveled appearance—and smiled when she realized that Syaoran still looked quite good despite the backwards T-shirt and the messy hair. No sense getting him conceited, though. "A come-hither beauty in the morning you sure aren't," she teased. "Maybe I should get you a comb—no, a dozen—for your birthday. Oh, happy birthday, by the way." She kissed his cheek, and he sat in his chair.

"Ergh," Syaoran grunted, and pulled up a chair. Sakura laughed; he'd teased her for not being a morning person, and now she was discovering that it was he who had problems in the morning.

"Aww, you're so cute and defenseless in the morning," Sakura teased him as she placed the food between them, and gestured at him to eat. When he stared at his plate, she laughed, then came over.

"Raise your arms, silly," and when he obeyed, she pulled his shirt off, and reversed it.

_**Holy**_...Sakura couldn't resist peeking. Who knew Syaoran was that...sexy? She'd always thought of him as just another guy, just her friend, but seeing his naked torso, how well-sculpted it was (and to think she had been teasing him about getting fat!) and how smooth his skin was...She gulped, then helped him put his shirt on again. '**Stop checking your best guy friend out, idiot!' **she scolded herself.

Syaoran slowly came awake. Bacon, some ham, a mushroom and cheese omelette, and waffles...a Western breakfast. It amused Syaoran, who dug in; she knew him so well that she'd made the breakfast he liked to eat when he was out of the house. She was sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny, positive...he wondered what would have happened if he'd met her before he met Alia...no. He smiled and shook his head. Sakura would probably _**kill **_him for even having _**those **_kinds of thoughts about her.

But it felt so sweet to think of falling for Sakura. It wouldn't be so bad now, would it?

"Thanks," he said. "But if I get fat, it's your fault," he teased back. "Handsome Syaoran Li, turned into waddling pig by wife. I can just see the headline now."

Sakura snorted. "Not my fault I make good meals. And also not my fault you're greedy."

"Fine, pick on a witless guy who just woke up," Syaoran grumbled. Sakura giggled, grinned at him, and continued eating—until something occurred to him. "Wait. Since when do you wake up early?"

Sakura shrugged and avoided his eyes. Syaoran knew she didn't want to talk about it, and he suspected she hadn't slept, but he didn't pursue the topic. Sakura tended to get prickly or nervous when forced to reveal things, and he didn't want to spoil her good mood; he rather liked seeing her smile.

In truth Sakura had spent the night thinking of how her life had led to this marriage with Syaoran, and she had remembered Yue—and how he had broken up with her.

* * *

**Heartbreak: A little over a year and a half ago**

_When Sakura had started working at the Entertainment Network, she had noticed her very handsome silver-haired boss, the son of the owner, immediately—she couldn't miss the smoldering looks he was giving her, and she was thrilled—especially after he asked her out a month into her employment. _

_He'd proven to be dryly witty, funny, and thrilling to be with; he'd sent Sakura into orbit when he kissed her hand and bade her goodbye. Then he'd called her as soon as she arrived home, and they had talked for an hour. __Sakura then began exchanging funny and silly text messages with him, thrilled because he was just so—romantic. When roses appeared at her doorstep a few days later, Sakura floated on a high for the next week._

"_Who is it? Spill!" Tomoyo had demanded, and Sakura had eagerly told her about Yue._

_Yue, for his part, was intrigued by the beautiful auburn-haired, green-eyed beauty. She had laughing, sparkling eyes, and was almost inordinately cheerful. And, big bonus, she treated him like a regular guy. He __had flirted openly with Sakura when she began working for his company, taken by her sweet appearance, her smile, her innocence. He courted her for six delicious months before she finally said yes._

_They had two blissful months. Sakura worried so much after Yue had first kissed her, and he had not left or chosen to cheat on her...in fact, he was sexy and sweet. The first time they'd made out in his office after hours was delicious; Sakura had never felt so much _**wanting **_for a man in her life._

_Sakura remembered the first time they made love. They were alone in his office, and they were working on an ad campaign when he suddenly swept all the papers on his office table aside._

"_Yue...What..." was all Sakura got out before he seized her and pinned her to his desk. Then his lips came crashing down on hers in a passionate, delicious kiss._

"_God...How am I supposed to focus with you around? You're a beautiful distraction, baby," Yue groaned, then sent his tongue into her mouth. He kissed his way down to her neck, and Sakura, momentarily afraid, tried to push him away out of fear of a repeat of what had happened with her high school boyfriend. But why was she feeling so excited, so eager to let Yue touch her? Why was her body __**begging **__for his touch?_

"_What?" Yue raised his gray eyes, dark with need, to hers. "No...are you a virgin?" He stroked her cheeks gently, kissing her forehead._

"_No...but..." Sakura took a deep breath, fighting her tears. "I..."_

_Miraculously, Yue understood, and folded Sakura tenderly into his arms. "You had a bad first time, didn't you?" Yue breathed. "What kind of asshole wouldn't give you heaven when you gave your virginity to him?"_

"_I..." Sakura swallowed, not wanting to cry. "He pretty much forced me into it, and luckily he was done in five minutes."_

_Yue looked at her incredulously. "Five minutes?" He threw his head back and laughed; Sakura blushed. Was he laughing at her inexperience?_

"_I...I think it was my fault, I didn't have experience, I..." She shut up when Yue pulled her close, kissing her forehead, her nose, then slowly, her lips, drugging Sakura with a sweet, slow, sensual kiss which had his tongue sliding gently over hers. He pressed his body against hers, and she gasped; she could feel him against her and...he wanted her._

"_I'm not laughing at you, Sakura, sweet baby. I'm laughing at that pathetic loser who didn't understand that you're the kind of woman who deserves to be made sweet love to for hours on end." Yue spoke into her ear in a low husky voice. "So...I'm just going to have to make up for that, aren't I?" He picked Sakura up in his arms, despite her protests, and carried her to the elevator, where he continued to kiss her. Thrills ran over Sakura's body; her first time with Kito had been nothing compared to this...drowning sweetness._

"_Someone might see," Sakura gasped as Yue nipped her earlobes._

"_I love you, and I don't care," Yue breathed. His driver pulled up with his limousine, and he whispered tenderly in Sakura's ear, "My place. I want you not to worry. I'll take care of you." He held her gently in his arms, kissing her forehead, kissing her lips, slowly arousing feelings in Sakura that she thought were dead. Those feelings she had read about in romance novels—_**they were real**_, she thought, as she twined her fingers in Yue's long silver hair. "You're going to know what real lovemaking is like," Yue whispered against her lips. "Five minutes times ten...longer, even..." he said as he stroked her neck. "Your first time—I'm going to erase that memory, baby."_

_At his large home, Yue continued to kiss Sakura as they entered the door. He was whispering things that were driving her crazy. He complimented her skin, he kissed her eyelids, he told her that he'd been wanting to touch her ever since he saw her. And he himself believed it; he saw Sakura as the most beautiful thing he'd ever had the pleasure of making love to._

_So when they made it to the bed, Sakura was breathless with desire. Yue then spent the night showing her why it was called lovemaking, and Sakura found out what it meant to reach the heights of pleasure—over and over and over again._

_After the fourth time, lying in Yue's arms, she thrilled when he kissed her and said, "God, I love you. You're so beautiful." Then he'd pulled her into his arms and they had fallen asleep...like true lovers._

_For the first time in her life, Sakura could now giggle away with Tomoyo and compare notes on being made love to. Tomoyo was cautious with her approval, but when she saw how happy Yue made Sakura, was delighted._

_Sakura happily attacked Yue when they were alone; she had discovered she had a sensual side which Yue enjoyed. She had discovered full-blown love for the first time in her life, and enjoyed Yue's sweetness in bed. He told her constantly that he loved her, and showed it in many ways: showering her with presents, checking on her constantly, and, one night, after their second month anniversary, they had made love then he'd given her a pair of gorgeous, sinfully expensive emerald earrings._

"_See, they're emeralds surrounded by diamonds," Yue said as he placed them on her. "The diamonds are me, and the emeralds are you. If you look at it, it's me protecting you, loving you."_

_Sakura had cried for joy, and Yue held her close, whispering that he loved her...forever. They made very passionate love that night and Sakura floated about in a sea of joy for the rest of the week._

_Which was why she was so shocked when Yue dropped her less than a week later._

"_This isn't working out," Yue said quietly. He'd summoned Sakura to his office, and they were separated by his large office table._

"_What?" Sakura couldn't believe her ears. Hadn't they just made passionate love a few days ago? Hadn't he been the one—not her—to say he loved her forever? Yue had been so happy; he'd shown her that making love wasn't just about what he wanted, but also about her pleasure. She'd thought they were doing fine. So what was this now?_

"_My parents found about about you and they don't approve," he said, unable to meet her eyes. "I can't marry you," Yue said. "My family would never approve."_

"_It's too early for that," Sakura said. "I just...where did you get the idea I wanted marriage? Yue, I love you but not yet..."_

"_I'm at the age where I need to marry," Yue said. "And my parents have made it clear they won't stand for someone who isn't Chinese."_

"_I am not trying to marry you," Sakura said, keeping her voice level. "I love you but I..."_

_Yue crossed over and took her in his arms. "I love you too but I can't go against my parents' wishes." He bent his head to kiss her._

"_I didn't ask you to," Sakura pushed Yue away. "And I am not pressuring you to marry me; I didn't even think of it!" Her green eyes were blazing. "You act like I forced you to make a choice when I didn't!"_

"_By being there you forced me to make a choice," Yue said sadly. "I love you but I can't..."_

_And to her dismay Sakura knew what the choice was. "Fine." She removed the emerald earrings he'd given her and placed them on his desk. "Here. Sorry for the bother. I'm sorry I disrupted your life. I'm sorry I'm such a...nuisance." She was somewhat ashamed; she'd never talked to anyone that way before but...she couldn't take it anymore. _

"_No. You can keep them," Yue began, but Sakura was halfway to the door._

"_No."_

_He caught her, gathering her into his arms. "At least let me kiss you goodbye," Yue whispered._

_It was the hardest thing in the world for Sakura to turn her head and push Yue away. "No." She walked away stiffly, not looking back, not crying, not running._

_But she went home and cried for the rest of the night. She didn't bother telling anyone what had happened; whatever for? So that she would be pitied again? Or—maybe they would wonder why she'd lost yet another boyfriend._

_It had happened so fast; she had had no sign, nothing to tell her something was wrong. She thought of the last few days over and over: had she said something, done anything to suggest she was pressuring him into marriage? _

**No. It's you. Something is innately wrong with you, **_a voice sneered in her head. _**You are a freak, Sakura.**

_Sakura took a week's leave after that, telling Tomoyo that she was on assignment. Though Tomoyo was skeptical, Sakura had fled before Tomoyo could grill her. She'd gone to Osaka, checked into a tiny inn by Osaka Bay, and switched her cell phone off as she roamed the city aimlessly, hating herself, hating why she seemed to drive all those who claimed to love her away. And drowning in the memories of the first real taste of love she'd had._

**I'm a freak**_, Sakura told herself as she sat in one of Osaka's famous rock and sand Zen gardens. I don't deserve to love, or to be loved. I'm never good enough for anyone, and everything I touch turns to shit._

_And when she returned to the office, she'd held her head high and smiled so hard, it hurt. _No, Yue didn't hurt me, _she'd told Naoko. _No, I'm okay, _she told Rika. _No, I have no problem working in the same office with him; good jobs are hard to come by, and why would I want to leave such a lovely job? _she told Chiharu._

_She lied to everyone but Tomoyo, and everyone she lied to believed her, because she was so good about smiling to cover up her true feelings. Too bad the person who needed most to believe those lies didn't believe her: herself._

_

* * *

  
_

Syaoran watched Sakura carefully, his eyes concerned. He knew this mood of hers; she was remembering something that hurt her, and it drove him crazy not to be able to ask her what it was. He didn't like seeing her hurt. It made him want to go and punish someone for how his friend—no, his wife—felt. But clearly she didn't want to talk about it, not yet, and so she didn't answer his question. She knew Syaoran would know better than to pry, and said something else instead.

"So," Sakura said as she finished her breakfast, "how are we going to spend our first day as husband and wife?"

**She doesn't want to talk about it, **Syaoran repeated in his mind, and decided to do what she clearly wanted him to do: change the topic.

"We're gonna spend it in bed," Syaoran, having his wits about him now, teased naughtily. "Making wild monkey love, like normal couples do on their honeymoons." He wiggled his eyebrows in a parody of lust. "Besides, it's my birthday, so as your husband I command you to do your wifely duty and treat me like a god today." He bit his lip to keep from laughing; he wanted Sakura to react first.

**You could never make love the way Yue did, **Sakura thought sadly. **Not to me. **But Syaoran did not need to know about that. "Yeah right, you wish," Sakura rolled her eyes. "We are not a normal couple. Come to think of it we are not _**that **_kind of couple! Now. Seriously. Got plans?"

Syaoran finally laughed. "You break my heart, cherry p..." and ended it there, Sakura's glare telling him to leave off the "pig" part. "Well, you know my routine. I'll go work on some compositions, read and listen to music for a bit, work out, have lunch, write some more, and then make my notes on Eriol's recordings. Then I take care of some of my other businesses. Same old, same old," Syaoran said as he forked the omelette. "Mmm. These are good," he complimented her. "You sure know how to make meals so tasty."

"Thanks," Sakura smiled. "I'll do the dishes when you're done."

"Hell no. You cooked. I'll wash." Syaoran stood up and began gathering the dishes.

"You can't do work around the house. That's what I'm here for," Sakura protested, tugging a plate away from him.

"Hey, I'm not a useless rich boy," Syaoran shot back. "Now stop arguing or I'll start trashing you early. You hear? I'll call you the you-know-what."

Sakura snorted, the air from her mouth pushing her bangs upwards. Nonetheless she insisted on helping Syaoran, much to the latter's annoyance.

"Look, I know how to wash dishes!" Syaoran said, grabbing the dishtowel away from Sakura.

"And like I said, I should do the housework," Sakura argued. "You pay for everything! So let me do something!"

"I'm the guy in this marriage!" Syaoran protested. "So I make the money!"

"Ha! Sexist!" Sakura accused. "So I contribute nothing to this marriage?"

Syaoran was about to say something when he realized how silly they were being, and roared with laughter. Sakura stared at him.

"What now?"

"Look at us, fighting like an old married couple," Syaoran snickered. "This is your fault, you know."

"What?" Sakura glared, then seeing the mirth on Syaoran's face, began to laugh as well. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah? Well you're the cherry you-know-what who married the idiot," he retorted, grinning.

"Don't make me regret it!" she squeaked as she dodged the soapsuds he flung in her direction. She threw the dish towel at him, and Syaoran pretended to scoop up more soapsuds to throw at her. She grabbed the water sprayer and sprayed him with water. They began laughing like children, Sakura shrieking when Syaoran managed to smear soap bubbles on her hair.

"You are such a meanie," she pretended to complain as she wiped the suds off. Syaoran mopped the floor, snorting with laughter.

"You, madam, are immature," he sniggered.

"You, sir, started it!" Sakura laughed. "Boy, I wish I hadn't married you!" she kidded.

"Oh, now you don't mean that," Syaoran grinned; he remembered he had something for her. "You marrying me helped me secure my future," he smirked. Sakura snorted. "And so I got you a little wedding present," he said.

"Syaoran, you shouldn't have," Sakura drew back but Syaoran grabbed her hand firmly and led her down the walkway along the side of the house they shared.

"I wanted to. Come on. You're always so prickly about receiving gifts. As Mrs Li you're not expected to be commuting and wearing jeans to the office all the time," Syaoran said sternly. "Plus, why can't I spoil one of my best friends?"

They stopped, and Sakura blinked. Parked next to Syaoran's black BMW in the garage was a cute little pink Honda Jazz, small and maneuverable. A festive green bow was tied to the steering wheel.

"I..." Sakura drew in a breath. Syaoran smiled; he'd thought of her as soon as he'd seen the little pink car in the showroom. It was cheap, got good mileage, and the cuteness was irresistible.

"Your driving lessons begin later," Syaoran said. "It's an automatic because Tokyo's traffic can be, well, sucky. Use our so-called honeymoon to learn how to drive. Oh and Tomoyo will be taking you off later to shop for new clothing."

"I..." Sakura looked down. "It's too much. I don't deserve this...I can't accept this..."

Syaoran took hold of her small chin; he had to bend down a bit because Sakura was several inches smaller. She looked like she was about to cry, and Syaoran didn't want that. He tapped her chin gently; the gesture was very sweet, and Sakura's eyes welled up again; she hadn't experienced sweet gestures from anyone in a long while. Syaoran sighed, and decided to change her mood instantly with a single phrase. "Shut up, cherry pig."

"WHAT did you call me?" Sakura exploded.

Syaoran smirked; it worked. She was flushed with annoyance, and he knew the nickname sort of suited her. Not that Sakura was fat; far from it, she was small and slender. But she liked pink, she flushed a lovely cherry pink when she was embarrassed, and he liked cute pigs. Hence the pet name, one guaranteed to get a rise out of her, and he used it now to deflect her tears.

"Okay calm down," Syaoran grinned. "Just don't cry. I admit to being selfish; I want to spoil you because I know you didn't have a lot growing up. But I also don't want to worry about you too much, and I don't want you taking the subway home. Besides, what kind of a husband would I be if I let you take the subway to work? What would the people in your office say, huh?"

**'Uh oh, she looks like she's going to cry again. Time for another stupid comment,' **Syaoran thought. "Not when I'm rich, gorgeous, generous, and such a good catch. I have to act the part, yes?"

"Oooh!" Gritting her teeth, Sakura aimed a slap at his arm, and Syaoran dodged easily, laughing. Playing with her was fun, and helped him relax. She finally accepted the keys of the car, and he slung an arm over her shoulders as they walked in companionable silence back to the front door of their house.

Syaoran retreated to his large music studio, and Sakura knew he was writing. Snatches of piano notes floated to her occasionally, and when the driving instructor arrived at two, she went out with the woman. She learned fairly quickly, picking up the basics, and the instructor praised her, then said her next lesson would come the next day.

* * *

**Girl Talk **

When Sakura was done with her first driving lessons, Tomoyo kidnapped her to go shopping for clothes. Sakura was relieved to note that Tomoyo was only accompanied by a driver, instead of by the plethora of bodyguards who normally trailed in the raven-haired beauty's wake.

Tomoyo had argued briefly with Sakura once they entered the first department store, as Sakura wanted to buy things on sale.

"Sakura-chan! You're armed with a black credit card, which means practically no limit. Li-kun instructed me to strong-arm you into getting good clothes and I intend to keep that promise!"

"Just because it's black doesn't mean we have to waste Syaoran's money!" Sakura protested.

"Waste? You consider clothes a waste?" Tomoyo was outraged and put her hands on her hips, violet eyes wide.

"Oops. Uh..." Sakura remembered too late what Tomoyo's passion was. "Sorry."

Placated, Tomoyo stopped huffing. "Look, Li-kun said if it weren't for you, he wouldn't be able to live in style. So consider this a reward for helping him. Okay?"

"You make it sound like he bought me," Sakura grumbled.

"You know that's not what we meant!" Tomoyo began to huff again.

"Okay, okay! Just...don't huff. I'll obey you," Sakura held up her hands in surrender, then hugged Tomoyo. "Look, I love you. Calm down."

"I am not mad," Tomoyo said serenely. "I am merely making you see reason."

Sakura snorted, and the next hour passed by in a blur of fittings and purchases.

"Enjoying your honeymoon?" Tomoyo teased as they bought pretty tops, dainty skirts, and cute sandals in Harajuku.

"I already told you, making love is overrated," Sakura kidded her to see how she would react.

"It is not!" Tomoyo's eyes took on a filmy, dreamy quality an Sakura grinned. Success.

"So. Tomoyo, when are you ever going to admit to me who you had a secret affair with?" she teased.

Tomoyo managed to keep her demeanor calm. "I didn't." **'Not a secret...between him and me...and that's why I can't tell you, because I'm sorry I don't regret loving him,' **she thought. **'I hate myself for not telling you the truth but I'd rather hate myself than have you hate me.'**

"But...You know so much about being made love to," Sakura pressed. "And you get that dreamy look..."

"A girl can dream, yes?" Tomoyo giggled. "And you know I have a vivid imagination. So I can imagine what it's like to share yourself with the man you love." She hoped she had deflected Sakura's interest in her past.

"Given my experience, pathetic as it is," Sakura sighed. "All I had was...was that wonderful time with Yue."

Tomoyo patted her shoulder. "Believe me, just a taste of love can be enough."

"Someday, you're going to tell me," Sakura said quietly. "You're hiding it because you think I won't accept whatever you're hiding." She took Tomoyo's hand. "But I can accept it. You must have loved someone you think I will object to for some reason." She hugged Tomoyo. "You've done so much for me, it would be selfish for me to condemn you for anything. So when you're ready, you'll tell me."

Tomoyo smiled. "You're a lot calmer since you and Syaoran became friends," she said.

"Yeah, well, he grows on you," Sakura smiled. "Being with him is a comforting thing."

"Oooh! So tell! Did you? Did he make love to you on your wedding night?" Tomoyo's violet eyes widened. "Was he good? Does he kiss well? Did you go all the way? I bet Li-kun is big!" Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

Sakura, to her horror, summoned up an image of Syaoran half-naked when she'd righted his shirt earlier that morning...and she came to a stop because she realized that she _**was **_curious about what Syaoran was like in bed—and what he would look like naked—how he would kiss...'**No, stop it, not with Tomoyo here!' **she scolded herself.

"Oh come on! Of course not! It would be like doing it with my brother!" Sakura protested, sweat-dropping. "Not Syaoran! I meant I like being with him, is all! He...it's like having a brother again." And she prayed Tomoyo would accept what she said.

"A gorgeous brother," Tomoyo prodded, smiling.

Sakura smiled back. "Yes, I admit Syaoran is very handsome, and I could have done worse. But Tomoyo-chan...I can't fall in love with him. You know why." Her eyes turned sad. _**That **_was the truth.

"Just because you can't doesn't mean you won't," Tomoyo said quietly. "Li-kun is gentle, funny, sweet, and he likes you enough to marry you. Don't you know love has started from worse situations?"

Sakura ignored the comment because it hit too close to home. "I intend to stay married to him. I'm happy with Syaoran and I don't want to destroy that. He thinks we can make a go of this marriage as friends. If I fall in love..." she looked away, "you know what happens, Tomoyo-chan. It's my curse. I drive men away. And Syaoran is too good a friend to drive away. I love having him around; I love having him as my friend."

**And I would like to know what it's like to love him. I think it would be so easy.**

Sakura's eyes widened; luckily Tomoyo had bent her head down to inspect a shawl. **No, idiot, stop it, don't destroy it now! **she thought frantically.

"Friendship is a good basis for a romantic relationship," Tomoyo said quietly. "Can't you think of it? And don't you trust Li-kun to be different?" **'And can't you see it's already going there?' **she added in her mind.

"It's not him who's the problem...it's me," Sakura murmured. "I like him too much to fall in love with him and destroy it all," she added. She meant it; she couldn't imagine life without her infuriating, funny, sweet amber-eyed friend. Then to get her friend's attention off her, she pointed. "Look! A sale on opera albums!"

Tomoyo sighed. How so like Sakura to change the topic when she didn't want anything to do with the discussion. As a child Sakura had gotten fidgety when she didn't like the topic, but she'd learned to deflect attention by changing the topic.

Then Tomoyo went cold. Sakura's college boyfriend—_**the bastard**_, Tomoyo thought—was in the same department store. There he was, standing like he had no care in the world, like he hadn't hurt Sakura so badly.

There was nothing for it. Quickly noting that Sakura had her back to the guy, Tomoyo chirped, "Okay, enough breaktime! Now let's head for that store that sells Christian Louboutin shoes!"

On the way out, the young man tried to smile at them but Tomoyo shot him a glare.

Weird, the man thought. **'It's as if she hates me but I'm sure I don't know her..."**

He had no idea that his sin was to look like Sakura's second boyfriend.

_

* * *

  
_

_absolutefluffiness says: I know you guys are raring for SxS to get together but patience is a virtue! Plus, the title should tell you something (giggles). But why not "rush" me with a review, LOL! Seriously, I love reviews and thanks so much!_

Dedicated to **Julia and Tania** for seeing exactly what I was doing! Giant glomps of joy to **Twilight Kisses, butterflyangellover14, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, pyscho-pyro-shrink, Karithinia, CheeseyCraziness, ~harmony~, AngelEmCuti, LinkFangirl01, puasloma, winterkaguya, anigal08, rondallagurl, xSapphirexRosesxFanx, ami, teenureen, Konata Suzumiya, Kaiia, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, swtcherryblossoms, butterfly. KISSU, swallowingtears, nexa alex, **and **witch cheri. **Your reviews really keep me going!

The next chapter should be up in a week. I'll put the preview of Chapter 4 here (and yes, I cut parts out of previews haha, for suspense!):

_Sakura suddenly bumped her hips against his in time to the music; unprepared, he stumbled and grabbed her for to regain his balance. They both went down on one of the plush couches; Sakura yelled, and Syaoran shouted, "Watch out!" They wound up with Syaoran on his back on the couch, Sakura on top of him, both laughing._

_His amber eyes...Sakura stopped laughing, beginning to lose herself in their depths. She had always been aware of what an attractive man her husband was, but being this close to him...she unconsciously raised a hand to touch his cheek. _

_Syaoran was looking up at Sakura's flushed cheeks. She was so different from Alia. So much laughter, so much cheerfulness, no fear, no restrictions; lovely in a delicate way, and her presence had soothed so much of the pain in his heart. She knew him and accepted him for who he was. Oddly, he felt no need to possess her, to keep her by his side; only, he wanted to be part of her life. _

_Her touch on his cheek made his heart ache. Could he open his heart again...to her?_

_Sakura suddenly raised herself off him. She knew this was how it all started: sweet moments, laughter, unexpected kisses. Then loving. _

_Then he would leave her. That was the way it had been with Yue, with Emile, with Kito. _

_And she liked Syaoran too much to let it happen with him. Better that they live together as friends for the rest of their lives than for her to find sweetness with him for a while, only for it all to fall apart._

_Biting back her emotions, she grinned, then said, "I'll go start lunch. Shrimp and tuna pasta okay?"_


	4. Memories Relived, Part Two

**Memories Relived, Part II**

Disclaimer: Me no own CCS, you no sue me. Yay! (Can anyone suggest another disclaimer?)

**absolutefluffiness says: **_A fast update! I was hesitant as I felt it wasn't ready yet, but since this is a slow-paced story, I guess I can make up for it by updating fairly frequently. More notes below._

_Previously: Sakura remembers her whirlwind affair with Yue, and Tomoyo brings up some truths Sakura appears not to be ready for.  
_

* * *

**Cheated On – Sakura's College Years**

_College was a relief to Sakura, and she joyfully enrolled in the preschool teaching course that she wanted. With Tomoyo as her roommate, she rented an apartment near Tokyo University._

_It was like being free. People had no preconceived notions of who she was there, and best of all, no one knew what had happened to her in high school. Sakura happily signed up for organizations, extracurricular activities, and got herself into a whirlwind of social activity which Tomoyo encouraged._

_It was through one of the clubs she joined that she met Emile. He was just a few inches taller, slightly chubby, but very cute. His shy smile attracted her, and when he asked her out, Sakura was thrilled. He was romantic and kind, and he paid attention to her—very unlike her terrible high school boyfriend Kito, whom Sakura tried not to think about._

_Tomoyo encouraged the budding friendship, and six months later, Emile quietly proposed to Sakura that they go steady. And Sakura, determined not to repeat her mistakes in high school, tried to get to know Emile as well as she could, spending time with him, making him good meals, being sweet._

_He found it funny. "And why do you want to know my favorite flower?" he asked as they snuggled on a large couple's swing._

"_I just want to know all I can about you," Sakura kissed the tip of his nose, then wiggled her toes in happiness._

"_Mmm. Orchids," Emile said, his dark brown eyes alight with humor. "Your favorite? You can't be the only one asking these questions."_

"_Nadeshiko blossoms! Favorite color?"_

_Emile laughed, running a hand through his short black hair. "I feel silly. Blue? Yours, I know, is pink."_

"_Okay," Sakura nodded, then giggled as Emile kissed her._

"_Do you have a list or something?" Emile asked curiously._

"_No. But I take everything you say down in my mind."_

"_That's sweet," Emile grinned, and kissed her hand. "That's why I love you."_

_Sakura beamed at him, and thanked the gods for bringing him into her life._

_He liked to surprise her; once, he'd pounced on her after class, covering her eyes and asking, "Guess who?"_

"_Emile!" Sakura flung her arms around his neck. The gentle-looking boy kissed her back, his dark eyes alight with laughter._

_Sakura had made a happy return to love thanks to Emile. He was kind and sweet, and he didn't pressure her to get into bed with him at the first opportunity. He was taking engineering, and intended to become a city councilor._

_It was a cozy, sweet relationship, as far as everyone knew—even Sakura. They moved from kissing to gentle making-out, and Sakura was grateful he never pushed her for more. Their relationship seemed like a textbook romance, and something nagged at her as a result._

"_I don't get it," Sakura said as she lolled in Tomoyo's room in their apartment. "We're happy. Why am I worried?"_

_Tomoyo was distracted, but working hard to cover it up; she had seen the young man she loved just that afternoon, and she didn't want Sakura to know. "Hmm...Maybe it's because you're not used to quiet relationships, Sakura-chan? No offense meant."_

_Sakura paused, chewing on a chocolate Pocky stick as she thought. "Well, yeah, maybe," she mused. "Oh, I'm being silly!"_

_Tomoyo would blame herself when the relationship blew up; she had been sneaking out of the apartment to meet with the boy she loved. They would make passionate love, him skipping work, her cutting class. It was as though they knew their time together would not last...and given that he was cheating on someone else, it was doomed._

_Preoccupied this, Tomoyo had not noticed the warning signs: Emile making excuses to Sakura for not seeing her, Emile breaking dates at the last second, Emile being busy with study groups._

_And so when Sakura received the video in her email, it had shattered her._

_Tomoyo knew Emile was popular because of his leadership at a school fraternity, and he was sought after by the girls of the corresponding sorority. Sakura had turned down the sorority's invitation for her to join them, and unknowingly had set herself up for retribution from the rich, snobbish girls._

"_Hey, I have a video in my email," Sakura called to Tomoyo, who had just arrived, freshly bathed to hide the evidence of an afternoon her forbidden lover had spent making love to her. "How do I open the file?"_

_Tomoyo froze, terrified that Sakura would know what she had been up to that afternoon. __She soon realized that Sakura was too engrossed in preparing her Christmas present to Emile. So she came over, and saw that the subject line was 'Surprise from Emile!' "Surprise from Emile? But the email address isn't his," she said, feeling a bit wary of the video._

"_Will DivX run this?" Sakura asked curiously._

"_Try it," Tomoyo said._

_Sakura clicked on 'download' and when the player ran, she was horrified to see a drunken Emile at a fraternity party pawing the leader of the sorority. He even pulled down the girl's shirt and bra to expose her breasts, and laughed raucously._

"_Aw, won't your sweet and cute girlfriend mind?" the sorority leader, whose name was Akane, asked as she ground her hips on his lap._

"_That virgin?" Emile snorted; it was an ugly side of him neither Sakura nor Tomoyo had even suspected was there. "Nah. She expects white lace and wedding bells. I wanna get laid tonight." He made a lewd gesture with his hips and everyone roared with laughter. _

"_Wanna do me?" Akane asked, leering at the camera. "I promise I won't be sweet and virginal." She raised her skirt and showed him her underwear—a tiny thong that left little to the imagination._

_For an answer, Emile groped her. Akane laughed and ground her hips into his hand. The camera followed as they vanished through a doorway in the fraternity house. Then an off-camera girl's voice sneered, "Hey Kinomoto! This is what happens when you don't put out, and when you think you're too good for the rest of us!" High-pitched laughter from several women followed, and then the camera entered the bedroom._

_Tomoyo turned away; Sakura watched in horror as it showed Emile having sex with Akane. Every now and then he would make a crude comment, like "Your boobs are bigger than hers! Lemme have a handful!" And she knew he meant her. _

_The video ended after a while, but Sakura had been unable to tear her eyes away from it._

"_Oh my God...I am so sorry..." was all Tomoyo could say. Sakura had numbly walked away, and was beginning to pack things in a bag._

"_Sakura?"_

"_I have...to return his presents," was the soft, frozen reply. "Only," Sakura spoke through her tears, which Tomoyo could see Sakura did not even feel, "I can't do it myself. Could you...please...give them back for me?" She tossed in the stuffed toys, the dried flowers, the love notes mechanically. Then she began, suddenly, to laugh. "He's wrong about one thing. I'm not a virgin," Sakura said._

_**No. No, no, no...**__Tomoyo's hands flew to Sakura's mouth. "Don't, Sakura! Don't hurt yourself by bringing __**that **__up."_

"_Maybe I should've slept with him after all," Sakura continued to laugh hollowly. "Seems that's what he wanted." Then she began to sob in earnest. She had trusted Emile, thought he was the one to heal her wounds from Kito...yet he'd wound up inflicting more on her._

"_Oh Sakura," Tomoyo said as she held her best friend in her arms. She stroked Sakura's short auburn hair gently as Sakura cried, just as stunned. The video had clearly been taken on purpose, and Emile, drunk as he was, clearly did not love Sakura if he could sneer about her in that way._

_**Why did this have to happen? **__Tomoyo raged inside. She knew Sakura was heartsore because she'd constantly been rejected—through no fault of her own. Yukito Tsukishiro, her brother's boyfriend, had been her crush; she'd taken the news of his relationship with Toya cheerfully. She'd liked a boy in middle school, and told him of her feelings; luckily Haru was a kind boy, and told her that he liked her but not that way—because he wanted to court Tomoyo. Tomoyo had turned him down in order not to break Sakura's heart even more._

_And the one man she had loved in her life...no. Tomoyo couldn't bear to tell Sakura the truth about who she loved. It would hurt her, and she loved Sakura too much for that. Yet she could not stay away from him—and would be unable to do so until the day he died in a terrible accident. He wanted to leave with her, to run away, but Tomoyo refused to hurt so many people with an impulsive act._

_**Why did these things happen to Sakura? **__Tomoyo would never know. And since she couldn't promise Sakura that things would be all right, she simply consoled poor Sakura and stayed by her side._

_**I wish she could smile truly again, **__Tomoyo prayed._

_When she returned Emile's gifts the next day, he had the grace to look ashamed. "Tomoyo-san..."_

"_It's Daidouji to you," Tomoyo cut him off coldly, dropping the bags at his feet so she wouldn't have to touch him._

"_...er..." Emile scratched his head. "Can you help me? I know I, uh, pulled a boo-boo there," and he laughed, "but...You see, I still like Sakura and I think she'd make a good trophy wife for my political career, so maybe I could...can you help me win her back?" He smiled at her in what he thought was a winning manner._

_Tomoyo drew herself to her full height. "No." She wanted to add, __**'you stupid whorish scumbag, you disgusting asshole' **__but she did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten to her too. She made a hand signal, and her bodyguards stepped forward._

"_Try to approach me or Sakura-chan again, and..." Tomoyo began to laugh her oh-ho-ho-ho laugh, but in a cold manner, "maybe you'd like someone else in my family to deal with you?" _

_Emile went pale; the rumor on campus was that Tomoyo's father was the ruthless Yakuza leader Kirigo Daidouji, who had been known to slowly cut pieces off his enemies while keeping them alive._

"_No...S...Sorry!" He'd fled, leaving the gifts behind._

_Tomoyo snorted. Coward. She wasn't related to the Yakuza leader and she'd never said anything, but people believed what they wanted to...and who was she not to use the advantage? Her father was dead, but no one had ever asked her about it. She'd meant her mother—if Sonomi Daidouji ever found out what Emile had done to Sakura, he would find himself missing vital parts of his anatomy while still being alive._

_She'd dealt with Akane the same way, and since Akane was on a scholarship funded by the Amamiya industries which were owned by Sonomi Daidouji, it was a simple thing to let the girl know who owned Amamiya industries. Tomoyo had demanded that the entire sorority leave Sakura alone, or Akane would find herself serving burgers or doing porn for a living. Terrified, Akane acceded; there was no way she could pay for her college tuition on her own. _

_She waited for the chance to ruin Emile for good, using her trusty camera as a weapon. A week before elections for the student president of their university, where he was a front-runner, she posted videos of him having sex with other girls in the sorority, planning to spend student council money, and mocking his admirers as 'lapdogs'--all on the college website, with the help of a hacker friend who hated Emile. It had been taken down, but the damage was done: Emile lost his credibility, lost the elections, and was nearly expelled for drinking on campus. He had no idea who had done it to him, and Tomoyo preferred it that way._

_But the satisfaction of taking vengeance for Sakura soon became something hollow when she noticed that from then on, Sakura always had the ghost of tears in her eyes no matter how widely she smiled._

* * *

**Back to the present: A Peony and a Pig**

They'd shopped the whole day, and in the early evening, Sakura entered a small figurine shop, to Tomoyo's surprise. When she followed, Sakura was paying for a small crystal peony.

"What's that?"

"For Syaoran's birthday," Sakura said, smiling as she cradled it in her palm before handing it over to be gift-wrapped. "He loves peonies and he has a crystal collection. I noticed he had no peonies—they're his favorite flower—so I thought this would be perfect."

"I didn't know that," Tomoyo smiled. "Know what else he might like then so I can get him something?"

"Well, he likes small figurines of flowers and animals."

Tomoyo peered at the exquisite figures, and noticed a lovely little pig with a cheerful face. "Does he have a pig yet?"

"No...let me see..." Sakura held up the pig and began to giggle. "Oh, I should have given him this. He calls me a cherry pig."

Laughing, Tomoyo bought the crystal pig and had it wrapped. Sakura was thrilled, and thanked Tomoyo for getting Syaoran a present.

Tomoyo smiled. Syaoran meant more to Sakura than even Sakura knew, but would she ever see it? **Probably not, **Tomoyo mused. So instead she convinced Sakura to get pretty dresses and sleepwear that made her look more feminine before they finally set off. **'Syaoran would have to be blind not to notice,' **Tomoyo giggled inwardly. **'Those two need all the help they can get!'**

Syaoran was relaxing in their den when they got home, sheets of music strewn about him. Tomoyo said hi to him, gave him her present, then left.

"Show me the bounty!" Syaoran crowed. "Tomoyo stopped you from getting items on sale, yes?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Yes, you...whatever." She held up tops and skirts, modeled outfits for Syaoran, who approved.

"Great," Syaoran said. "Now promise you will be more stylish when you go to work, okay?"

"Yes, O Husband," Sakura said sarcastically. She went off to drop the clothes in the washing machine, then came back to find that Syaoran had brewed the weak tea she liked. Then she realized she hadn't thanked him yet.

"Hey," she began, and Syaoran looked up. "Sorry I didn't thank you immediately. For all this," she indicated the maze of packages for shoes, clothing, and accessories.

"It's nothing," Syaoran smiled. "Least I can do for you."

"It doesn't excuse my bad manners," Sakura said, a bit ashamed of trying to spar with Syaoran on his birthday. "Here," Sakura held up the small green and silver package. "Happy birthday. For your collection." She kissed him on the cheek, a kiss he returned happily.

Syaoran tore open the wrapping, then smiled. "Oh. This is beautiful," he smiled. "Thank you." He immediately stood up and gave the peony a place of honor in the glass cabinet that housed his collection, then came back to kiss her cheek again.

Sakura giggled. "You might want to open Tomoyo's present as well," she said, and Syaoran obeyed. He let out a bark of laughter when he saw what it was.

"Hah. I can tell you two planned this," he chuckled. "But thanks too. The pig should be pink though, like you." He dodged as she swatted him with her hand, and placed the pig next to the peony. A twinge in his heart made him fondle the little peony; Alia had given him a necklace on his last birthday before their divorce. She'd never noticed his collection—but Sakura had. He turned and smiled at her, grateful she was so kind and thoughtful with him.

"You know," he said cheerfully as Sakura plopped on the sofa, her teacup in her hand, "we can make this marriage thing work, don't you think?" He began fixing his music files in a large metal filing cabinet. "I feel positive. Other couples fall out of love; we can't do that 'cause we aren't in love anyway. We're friends, and that's better, right?"

**What the hell are you thinking, Li? Why did you say that? That came out completely wrong, you idiot!**

Sakura's heart plummeted. It was a good thing he'd said that; it brought her back to earth and reminded her that he did not think of her that way. She smiled. "Hey, I'm supposed to be the optimist here."

Soon, it was time to go to bed. Syaoran locked up, escorted Sakura to her room, then kissed her good night on her cheek.

"Sleep well, cherry pig."

"You too, you conceited whatever," she fired back, but sleepily.

Syaoran smiled and closed the door.

* * *

**Is Something Beginning?**

Sakura and Syaoran fell into a comfortable routine of alternating household chores; since Syaoran was the one who worked from home, he tried to do most of them, only to wind up being scolded by Sakura, who insisted that certain chores were hers. They playfully bickered, occasionally wrestled, and came to trust each other more. Syaoran told Sakura more about his relationship with Alia, and Sakura filled in most of the blanks about her failed relationships. Neither regretted their decision to marry.

Summer quietly slid into fall, and as the air turned cooler, they began to share Sakura's favorite weak tea before bedtime, talking about how their days were. Syaoran knew Sakura was still struggling with working with Yue, and once suggested that she quit. Her annoyed response made him drop the subject, but he realized that she had her pride, and would make the decision on her own.

One September morning, Syaoran exited the music room where he worked, humming along. He'd left the demo CD playing so that he could continue to count measures for the danceable "Music is Life" track for Eriol's new CD, and came upon Sakura happily dancing to it in the living room, where she had been changing the sofa cushion liners.

Her eyes were squeezed shut and she was smiling as she danced. Her lithe young body swayed to the music gracefully; given how clumsy she could be at times, he was surprised at how easily her body moved with the music.

Dear God, his wife was utterly beautiful. How had he not seen it until now?

Sakura suddenly stopped dancing when she noticed Syaoran at the door and blushed. "Sorry...I...the music...it was just so..." She gave up and gave him a sheepish grin.

Syaoran smiled slowly. "It's okay. You like mainstream music, so if that makes you dance, then it works. And...you look pretty when you dance." **Did I just say that out loud?**

She giggled. "Huh. You didn't trash me, for once. Are you ill?"

He laughed. "What, do you really think of me that way?"

"Yup." Sakura continued to sway to the music. "It's one of your most danceable tracks so far. And you sound good on it." Syaoran felt his cheeks go warm at the compliment, and cleared his throat to cover up his discomfort.

Since **when **did Sakura affect him that way?

The music swelled to the peppy bridge, and Sakura began to tap her feet in time to it. She impulsively grabbed Syaoran's hands, and pulled him into a dance in the middle of the room, laughing when he tripped over himself. but soon Syaoran's martial arts training took over, and he began to move with Sakura. A smile spread across his face; he was having fun. And he was with the only person who could give it to him, take him away from his worries and make him laugh.

Sakura suddenly bumped her hips against his in time to the music; unprepared, he stumbled and grabbed her for to regain his balance. They both went down on one of the plush couches; Sakura yelled, and Syaoran shouted, "Watch out!" They wound up with Syaoran on his back on the couch, Sakura on top of him, both laughing.

The music ended, and on came one of Syaoran's newer works, a love song. Syaoran remembered raising an eyebrow at the lyrics coming from Eriol, but had decided not to ask questions; he knew Eriol kept his heart fiercely guarded, and for him to write something like it was odd. It meant someone had inspired Eriol enough for him to write lyrics. In the background, the music floated over them. _"What I need is someone like you, in this life where I am all alone in the world. Once, I was hurt, too scared to trust again, so I wished I would never love again. But you, you're so different from all the others I've known. Please, let it be you..."_

His amber eyes...Sakura stopped laughing, beginning to lose herself in their depths. She had always been aware of what an attractive man her husband was, but being this close to him...she unconsciously raised a hand to touch his cheek.

Syaoran was looking up at Sakura's flushed cheeks. She was so different from Alia. So much laughter, so much cheerfulness, no fear, no restrictions; lovely in a delicate way, and her presence had soothed so much of the pain in his heart. She knew him and accepted him for who he was. Oddly, he felt no need to possess her, to keep her by his side; only, he wanted to be part of her life.

Her touch on his cheek made his heart ache. Could he open his heart again...to her?

Sakura suddenly raised herself off him. She knew this was how it all started: sweet moments, laughter, unexpected kisses. Then loving.

Then he would leave her. That was the way it had been with Yue, with Emile, with Kito.

And she liked Syaoran too much to let it happen with him. Better that they live together as friends for the rest of their lives than for her to find sweetness with him for a while, only for it all to fall apart.

Biting back her emotions, she grinned, then said, "I'll go start lunch. Tuna pasta okay?"

Syaoran realized that he had been about to kiss Sakura, and chastised himself, **'Don't scare Sakura away!' **And he realized he would never forgive himself if he made her run away. She'd inserted herself into every part of his life: friend, someone who consoled him, someone he trusted...and now, he was wondering—could they become lovers? Even though she'd made the tender gesture of touching him...his cheek still burned from the brief contact—he couldn't be sure what it meant. But he wondered what it would be like to share himself with Sakura that intimately, to make love to her and know her as a true wife.

But reason took over. **'Yours is a marriage of convenience,' **a stern voice in Syaoran warned. **'Remember that, and you'll never be hurt again the way you were with Alia. And you won't hurt Sakura as well. You have no right to hurt her!'**

Sakura ducked into the first floor bathroom and gave in to her tears. No, no, no! She could not fall in love with Syaoran and destroy everything. She banged her head on the bathroom door. What had just happened back there? Why was she suddenly feeling this way about him? It was just one moment, one little moment in which they were laughing and the next—God, she hadn't even noticed until he was up close that Syaoran was even more handsome than Kito, Emile—even Yue! She'd overlooked it because she thought of him as a substitute for Toya.

**Not anymore.**

"No," she told her reflection sternly. "You have a chance at being happy with him—as his friend. Do not destroy it. It's better to be by his side as his friend."

But it took a long time before she could leave the bathroom.

Neither spoke of the incident, and the days continued to go by. Late in October, they sat sipping their tea in companionable silence as they always did at night. Sakura asked, "So what did you do all day?" She'd noticed he'd become quieter lately, a little less annoying, a lot easier to trash playfully, and she wondered why.

"Wrote another one of those songs you call 'manically depressing,'" Syaoran shrugged. "It's for Eriol's new album."

"Can I hear it?" Sakura asked.

"I..." Syaoran had been thinking of the end of his marriage to Alia, and wasn't sure he was ready to let someone else hear. But he trusted Sakura, and so he said, "Sure."

Syaoran sat at the grand piano and began to play, warning Sakura it was a rough draft. He sang in a clear, pleasant tenor, _"How can the brokenhearted dream, when sorrow is your constant companion? I wish you'd taught me what to do before you finally left me. I don't know how to stand on my own anymore, not since you came into my life, because I hoped it would always be you with me against the world. How can I dream that you'll return and wake me once again with your kiss even in the last second of my life? Can this dream come true? How can you dream when your heart is broken and wounded? Don't we need someone to be there for us? Your love was my only reason for living..."_

His voice trailed off, and he looked distant, his fingers sprawled across the keys of the piano. Sakura realized that his wedding anniversary to Alia was coming up in a few weeks, and he was reliving the memories—whatever they were, they were hurting him.

"Syaoran?" Sakura called. When he didn't respond, she crossed over to the piano bench and shook him. "Syaoran!"

"She...I..." To her horror, she could see tears in Syaoran's eyes. He turned away from Sakura and slumped down on the piano. She patted his back and made soothing, hushing noises. "Alia...we..." He was incoherent, and Sakura held him as he gasped for air, fighting his tears and emotions.

After a while, he calmed down. "I never told you how we ended it, did I?" Syaoran said softly as Sakura stroked his back soothingly.

"Then tell me. I'll listen," Sakura said softly.

And slowly, haltingly, he did.

* * *

**His Heart on a Sleeve: Two Years Ago**

_**No one else can open my heart and break it again, **__Syaoran __told himself as he lay recovering in his hospital bed after he had collapsed when his divorce was final. __**Love is a lie...and I hate lies.**_

_**She lied to me**__. He found it easier to blame her, not himself. Alia had vowed to love him forever, and after a whirlwind romance that wound up at the altar a mere three months after it started, she had, a year after their marriage, told him she was leaving._

_It had started innocently; he had told her that he wanted a baby to 'complete' their family. Alia had been silent._

"_Syaoran...Maybe I'm not ready for a baby yet," she said softly._

_Syaoran laughed it off and told her he'd stop buying condoms so she could get pregnant. "You'll love it. Women love being pregnant by the men they love!" he said as he kissed her affectionately._

_That night, Alia refused his advances in bed, and he could have sworn he had heard her crying at some point. The next morning, as they had breakfast, Alia asked for a divorce._

_Syaoran had not taken it well. First he had laughed, disbelieving; everything had been going well, why divorce then? But his soon-to-be ex-wife Alia had patiently explained that while she still loved him as a friend, she was no longer in love with him. Did he want to live out a lie?_

_She remembered everything he'd said. Every act, everything...his passion was something that had scared Alia._

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Syaoran asked._

"_Would you have listened?" Alia was tearful. "Have you ever listened to me? No, do you even notice how I feel?"_

_And then she reminded him of his promise. Syaoran had rushed Alia into marriage, ardently swearing she could have her freedom if it didn't work out. Smitten and in love, Alia had agreed on that condition...and Syaoran had forgotten about it._

"_You wanted to _**own **_me, Syaoran, don't you understand? I...You call my office thrice a day. I don't see my friends anymore. You go crazy when I'm not next to you...Syaoran, it...I can't breathe!"_

_Now he remembered Eriol's words from a year ago, right before he'd married Alia._

"Maybe Alia **doesn't **have a choice. Maybe a fool stole her away, and she didn't get the chance to protest, because she did like that fool... A little. But she'll run away from you at this rate, Syaoran. You're scaring her off by being possessive and aggressive."

"_I..." Syaoran began, "I didn't know. I'm sorry..."_

"_There are so many things about me that you don't know," Alia wailed. "You've made me this perfect lover in your mind. Do you know where I went to high school? Who my friends are? Oh, wait, you never met them, there never is time for it, is there? Don't you find it odd that it's been a year yet I've never met your family?"_

"_I love you!" Syaoran roared. "I...We're still in the honeymoon period. I just want you all to myself for now..."_

"_For a year! Syaoran, don't you see what we're doing to each other?" Alia stared deep into the beautiful amber eyes she loved, but...not that way._

"_Then why did you agree to marry me?"_

"_Syaoran, did you give me a choice in anything?" Alia challenged. "Tell me _**when **_I dictated what happens in our relationship."_

_And he couldn't think of an example. Alia looked at him sadly. "You see? __You chose to go after me. You seduced me on the first night we met. You insisted that we marry so soon, and you wouldn't let me invite my family and friends. And now you choose when to get me pregnant, and you didn't even see past my hesitation. You...God I was so blind to what you were doing!"_

"_Then we won't have a baby," Syaoran said, confused. "Why are you so upset? You love me too, you said so on our honeymoon..."_

"_After you asked me to," Alia said mournfully. "You said it wasn't fair that you never heard it from me. I..."_

"_I didn't see any objections when we made love," Syaoran pointed out. "And why didn't you say something earlier?"_

"_Because I was swept away!" Alia cried. "Because I..." She laughed hollowly. "I wanted you too...Why else would I have agreed to everything you wanted? I thought I needed someone like you, but now I see we're not growing as people anymore. What happens when you tire of me, when the flame of your passion burns out? Will you discard me? Can you make your passion last?"_

"_Why don't you trust me?" Syaoran was bewildered. "I meant it when I said I would love you forever."_

"_That you can't understand what the problem is..." Alia began to cry. "There it is, Syaoran and you can't see it. You can't see it. You...will never see it..." She was sobbing hard now._

_Syaoran tried to take her in his arms but she pushed him away. "No. No, Syaoran. I can't take this anymore. I'm so sorry."_

_That was when he had begun to scream. Then he had begged, much to his shame. "You can't just leave me! You don't tell someone you love them then change your mind just like that!"_

_Alia was forced to put aside her own feelings to try and comfort Syaoran. "I still love you," she said gently. "But I no longer am in love with you. Remember it was you who offered me my freedom if things didn't work out? It really happens, Syaoran. And it would be utterly unfair and cruel of me to stay if only you are in love with me. It would be like using you because I could not give you the love you need...the love you deserve. If you love me, let me go."_

"_If you love me, then stay!" Syaoran grabbed her shoulders and shook her._

"_Syaoran..." Alia sighed softly. "Love isn't about forcing the other person...and you promised me..."_

"_I refuse to believe it!" Syaoran was drawing blood from his clenched hands; his nails were digging in so deep, they had broken his skin. "I believe love is forever!"_

_Alia sighed, then touched Syaoran's cheek; he was crying, and it hurt her to hurt him. "Syaoran...would you rather have us live a lie? What if I fell in love with someone else? Wouldn't that be even worse? And you love so deeply, Syaoran, that it would be sadistic to accept that love without giving anything back. I believe you are destined to love someone else, to give her all the love and passion you have. Someone who needs you to be that way with her. That someone isn't me though. Would you rather wait until I cheated on you?"_

_To his shame, Syaoran had clung to her, begged her not to leave. Alia had held him until he'd fallen asleep from exhaustion...then when he'd woken up, she was gone, leaving behind a tender letter thanking him for their year together, for all his kindness, and for loving her._

_He'd burned it outside the home they had shared, and immediately placed the house on the market._

_The divorce was the worst thing that had happened to him. Alia tried to reach out, to be kind, and constantly sent him letters of apology but Syaoran angrily refused all contact with her. Amazingly she had understood, and sent him a letter apologizing for what had happened. He never responded, and withdrew into his cold, angry shell, giving her their house, everything they had shared in their divorce settlement. Yet he refused to move out—he wanted her to come back and throw him out herself. _

_She never did._

_If it hadn't been for Eriol, Syaoran would probably have killed himself._

* * *

Hi! Reviews really are the best thing, and I am so grateful to: butterflyangellover14, pyscho-pyro-shrink, puasloma, nexa alex-you are so kind, thanks!, Karithinia- Are you a Lolcats fan? I am!, teenureen- I hope you passed!, butterfly. KISSU, Twilight Kisses, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, Mrs. Radcliffe 13- LOL that made me laugh, winterkaguya-heh heh, smile, Teruna Hime-thank you! and it will really be slow, because as Eriol says later, the key word for SxS is 'dense' haha, michiko14anime-let's both dream!, rondallagurl, emeral princess-happy birthday!, LadyChan14, 3eliic.X, AngelEmCuti, Eliu, witch-cheri, anigal08-no problem!, -Kori Kage Tenshi-, and xSapphirexRosesxFanx!

**What Syaoran sings is an English translation of "P_aano Ba Ang Mangarap_" (How Does One Dream?) by the Filipino singer Sharon Cuneta, one of my faves. I don't own the song! EDIT: Sorry, I forgot! And as for the song Eriol "wrote" it's an English translation of the song "Sana Ay Ikaw Na Nga" by Vina Morales. Cute, wistful, sweet song about wanting to love again.**

More notes: _My creative writing teacher is letting me submit this as my requirement for summer, and is a great help; Miss Fernandez, thank you if you're reading this! Also thanks to Tomoyo, Mei Ling and Chiharu of the ECRS team for everything! Next: The flashbacks are being narrated by whoever's involved but since I have difficulty using the first person point of view, I just write them. So it's actually Sakura and Syaoran telling their stories here. I wouldn't put them in if they weren't important though :D_

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**And a preview of Chapter 5:**

_Syaoran __pressed Sakura to his chest. "You're a beautiful, wonderful woman, you hear me? No matter what happened to you in the past, you are not to blame!"_

_She raised disbelieving eyes to his. "So why has everyone left me?"_

_He smiled. "I'm still here. I may be poor company but hey, I'm here." He touched his wedding ring to hers. "And I'm stuck to you for life, yes? I won't leave you, I promise." He grinned._

_She was silent, then, "Can I get a refund on you?"_

_Syaoran laughed in relief and tousled her hair. "That's more like it." He turned serious again though. "Never keep these bottled inside, Sakura. Promise? Tell me all about these painful things."_

_When her breathing became more even, Syaoran released his hold on her and prepared to go back to his room, but Sakura held his hand._

"_Don't go. Stay," she asked, her green eyes wide and fearful. "Please, Syaoran."_

_He'd never seen her so vulnerable before, and suddenly, he was conscious of and embarrassed by his clothing—or lack thereof; he liked to sleep in boxers. But he couldn't leave her._

_So he nodded and slid in under the sheets next to her, pulling her into an embrace. Sakura sighed and soon fell asleep. Syaoran stayed awake longer, watching her sleep. She was so strong, he realized. She'd never betrayed a hint of her past, and could find a reason to smile everyday._

_She truly was amazing._


	5. The Things We Do

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 5: The Things We Do**

**I don't own any character except Alia!**

**absolutefluffiness says: **_You probably know this is another long chapter; please don't kill me? Also, thank you to my friends on the ECRS team. If I ever learn how to write lemons well, I'll join you!_

_**Previously: **__Syaoran receives a thoughtful present from Sakura, and an incident makes them uncomfortable. Nearing the anniversary of his marriage to Alia, he unburdens himself to Sakura._

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* * *

  
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**Comfort Together**

Syaoran felt better after telling Sakura the ugly truth of how he had driven Alia away. He'd never even told Eriol all this; when Eriol had asked, Syaoran had brutally dismissed the question, and snarled when Eriol brought it up again. Telling Sakura the story, Syaoran felt something tight in his chest finally begin to release him after all those years.

Sakura had managed to move Syaoran onto the couch, guiding her tall husband there. He had quickly swallowed his tears when he'd begun the story, but now he was staring out the window with a blank look on his face.

**So that's what happened. **Sakura felt sorry for Syaoran, understanding why he needed Alia so badly, but she also understood why Alia had left Syaoran. Alia had needed someone to see who she was—but Syaoran was so besotted with her, he had made her into someone else. She felt sorry for Alia.

But Syaoran was the one who needed her now. "Syaoran," she began, holding his large hand in hers, "I can't begin to understand how bad it is for you, but..." She stood up then brought some tea back. "The best I can do is to be here and to listen to you."

Syaoran looked at her gratefully. "Sorry for freaking out on you. Boys don't cry," he said softly. "I am such a _girl_."

"Sheesh," Sakura smiled. "Amazing how you can be so sexist in the middle of your agony!"

"Chalk it up to my devastating conceitedness," Syaoran managed a small smile. He squeezed her hand gratefully. "Thank you, Sakura. That...that means a lot to me. Thanks for listening...and not judging...I..."

Sakura grinned. "Let me guess. Eriol interrupted when you told him this story?"

Syaoran did not reply, staring out the window for a while, and Sakura waited patiently. Finally, "I've never told him," Syaoran said quietly. They sat together silently, Sakura's small hand a reassuring warmth in Syaoran's larger hand. She could soothe him just by being there, and he was grateful.

"Thank you for not judging me," Syaoran said after a while. "I...I think I forced the issue with Alia..." He took a deep breath. "God! I drove her away...I...I'm so confused. I don't know why I was like that with her, like I couldn't let go...I was so obsessed with her. And—we never really knew each other, in the end." He sighed, embarrassed at what he had to admit.

Sakura bent his head and nestled it on her shoulder. "You'll have time to analyze it later. Stop blaming yourself for now."

"But I..."

"Syaoran. Listen to me," Sakura said firmly but gently. "If you want to move on, the first person you have to forgive is yourself. It's good you realize you played a part in all that but...Syaoran, let it go. If you do then next, you'll be able to forgive her too, and I think she deserves it. Okay?" She made a mental note to see if she could meet Alia and maybe get her and Syaoran to meet somehow, so that they could perhaps forgive each other.

They sat quietly together, then after a while, "Does it feel better now that you told me?" Sakura asked.

Syaoran probed his feelings and discovered that he _**did **_feel better. "Yeah. Thank you so much."

"Least I can do for my husband," Sakura grinned as she hugged Syaoran comfortingly. He held her close to him, savoring her nearness; she soothed him like no one else could, and Syaoran was grateful that she had agreed to marry him. **'A lifetime with her would be quiet and happy,'** he thought, **'so long as I don't scare her off, so long as I don't do anything stupid.'**

They stayed in the embrace, enjoying the comfort it gave them. Sakura hadn't been held close in a long time, and she enjoyed being wrapped in Syaoran's strong arms. It felt like he could close the world away and keep all her hurts at a safe distance. She nestled her chin into his shoulder, and Syaoran adjusted himself so that she would be comfortable.

Both were thinking of how lucky they were to be good friends married to each other-and both were afraid to lose the other through their own stupidity.

After a while, Sakura stood up, then kissed his cheek, patting Syaoran's back reassuringly.

"Come on. It's late. I'll start dinner. You go and rest."

"Wasn't it my turn to cook?" Syaoran stood up, noticing that darkness had fallen.

"I don't trust you to cook when you're upset. I might wind up with Syaoran-bits in my food," Sakura joked. "You might julienne your fingers when you grate the carrots. Yuck."

"Hey! I am not clumsy in the kitchen!" Syaoran protested.

"Yeah, whatever...now just go and do something _**manly **_while I make dinner!" Sakura shooed him from the kitchen. "And no brooding over Alia!"

Syaoran stood by the kitchen door. Sakura kept throwing him out when he offered to help, and so he settled for watching her. She was deft with the knives, and could cook without a recipe; he knew she'd been cooking since she was a girl of ten. She liked to hum as she cooked, and finally summoned him in when the curry she was making was almost done. Watching her do the domestic routines made him feel comfortable and safe—and warm. He wanted to see her do this for the rest of his life, and he smiled.

"Here, let me know if it's good," she said as she handed him a small tasting plate. He took it and blew on it before sipping the sauce. As he expected, it was good—meaty and tasty.

"Hmm," Syaoran pretended to deliberate. "Looks like you are actually useful in the kitchen, cherry pig."

She smiled instead of getting mad, and he raised a brow. In response to his unspoken question, she said, "You're trashing me, which means you feel better. Good. Now go set the table; you can't be completely useless here."

Syaoran decided not to match wits with her, and quietly set the table. They ate in companionable silence instead, and this time, when Syaoran cleared the table and started the dishwasher, Sakura let him.

**It is good to be married after all, **she thought, and she smiled as she bade Syaoran good night and went to her room. She tried on one of the silky little nightgowns Tomoyo bought and sighed as it whispered over her skin; her best friend really did have good taste. She heard Syaoran lock up downstairs, then he knocked on her door.

"Yes? Come in," she invited. "I'm decent, don't worry."

"Oh good, then I won't have to see you naked. Ew," he joked as he came in. Sakura rolled her eyes good-naturedly. He smiled as he came in, his eyes a warm toffee color in the soft lamplight, Sakura noticed. **'God he really is good-looking,' **she thought wryly.

"Thanks. I appreciate what you did for me. And I want to tell you that I know you're also keeping some hurts deep inside. I hate seeing you hurting but—Sakura, I won't force you to tell me. But when you're ready, I want you to tell me so that I can help you through it. I owe you so much...and I can't bear it when I know you're hurt and there's nothing I can do." Syaoran opened his arms. "Come here."

Sakura came close and let herself be enfolded in Syaoran's arms. She liked being held by him; it was soothing and comforting. She didn't realize he liked holding her as well; she fitted into his arms quite nicely. And it didn't hurt that she was just so pretty, like a cute little button.

He kissed her forehead gently. "I hope you sleep well tonight. I know you don't get much sleep at night because you think too much," at this she stuck her tongue out at him, and he ignored it, continuing, "...so try and get some rest. Breakfast tomorrow—it's my turn, okay?"

"Sure. Means I can sleep in," Sakura smiled up at Syaoran, then kissed his cheek. "Good night, dearest husband," she teased.

Syaoran was surprised at how much he liked those words coming from her, and kissed her back. "Sweet dreams, sweet wife," he replied affectionately. He made sure she was tucked into bed before he retired to his own room and drifted off to sleep.

But the night would be shattered with a horrible dream of the past for one of them.

* * *

**Nightmare: ****Innocence Shattered **

Syaoran woke up to the sound of gasping and crying. For a moment, he was disoriented, but when he heard Sakura cry, "No, please no!" he bolted up and ran to her room.

He'd been hearing her tossing and turning in bed over the previous month. He wanted to comfort her but had to settle for tucking her into bed at night. One night she had told him the story of her and Emile; a week later, she'd told him the story of her and Yue. Completely pissed at the two men, Syaoran decided he would ask Eriol to find out what he could about them.

Despite Sakura's confiding in him, Syaoran was unsettled; she was holding something else back, he knew. And this nightmare...he suspected it was about what that was.

Her door was not locked, thankfully—though he made a mental note to talk to her about that—and he found her thrashing in her bed, tears on her face.

"It hurts...please stop..." she begged someone.

He crossed over to her quickly and shook her shoulders. "Sakura. Sakura! Wake up!" When she didn't wake, he cursed.

It took some time, and when she did, she sat up and fell off the bed, scrabbling to get away from him, whimpering incoherently.

"Sakura! It's me, Syaoran!" He could see she was in the grip of a horrible nightmare; her face was pale and her eyes wide open but unseeing. He'd never seen her like this before, and it bothered him.

Finally, he knelt and took her in his arms, shushing her, stroking her back. She struggled for a while, then went limp.

"S-Syaoran?" she finally said after a few minutes.

"Shh. I'm here." He knew better than to ask, and instead held her, rocking her in a soothing way.

"He..." Sakura gulped. "He...I dreamed of him. It's been so long..." She hiccuped, then sobbed a bit.

"Who?" Syaoran stroked her hair, which was matted with sweat.

"K-Kito," she whispered.

And Syaoran felt the thrill of a bad premonition go through him.

* * *

**(Sakura's senior year, high school)**

"_If you love me, you'll give it to me," said Kito, Sakura's handsome high school boyfriend. Blond and blue-eyed, he'd been the boy everyone wanted at school. Sakura had also fallen for him, and despaired of Kito ever noticing her. And so she'd been thrilled when the basketball star had finally noticed her, and asked her out. When he proposed, Sakura had joyfully accepted, and they'd gone steady._

_Tonight was graduation night and their sixth month anniversary. Sakura loved Kito, although when they made out, she was always scared and uncomfortable when he began to slip his hands under her clothes. She'd even taken to wearing jeans all the time so he couldn't slide his hands under a skirt and try to pull her underwear off. But that never stopped him, and sometimes she could sense him pulling away._

"_But Kito..." Sakura frowned. She felt she wasn't ready to give him her virginity yet. "I...I can't...please," she began._

_Kito looked away, his blue eyes hooded. "It's okay, Sakura. I understand that you don't want me that way." He gave her a small smile and kissed her nose, then began to walk away. "You just don't love me enough." He knew she was scared of losing him, and he mentally counted down...ten, nine, eight...ten paces away from her, she called out._

"_Wait."_

_Kito smirked, knowing he'd gotten what he wanted. Sakura was so easy to manipulate. He came back, kissed her gently, then brought her back to his house._

_Once they were in his bedroom though, he changed. He'd practically ripped her clothes off, mauled her chest, poked her down there then penetrated her quickly. She bit her lip and tried not to cry; it hurt, because she wasn't aroused or ready. Sakura tried pushing Kito off her; it was futile, since he'd pinned her to the bed. "Stop, please...you're hurting me," she whimpered._

_Kito grunted. "When a guy gets started, he shouldn't stop. And you asked for this," he said as he continued to thrust into her. __She could feel herself bleeding, though Kito was oblivious to all but his own pleasure. To distract herself from the pain, she looked around frantically. All she could see were the dirty clothes on his floor, the beer cans in a corner, a few porn magazines sticking out of a drawer as he moved above her, grunting. Who would have thought that such a handsome boy was such a slob?_

_Certainly not a romantic setting for the first time, Sakura thought wryly. Oh if only Tomoyo could see her now; Sakura closed her eyes and wondered what her best friend would say. She'd always sensed Tomoyo didn't like Kito but never said it out loud. __**'You were right,' **__she said in her mind to Tomoyo._

_Two minutes later, mercifully, it was over; he'd splattered himself over her in imitation of the porn videos he loved, and Sakura thought, __**if sex is this bad, maybe I don't want it after all.**_

"_Oh no, blood is a bitch to get off the sheets," he moaned when he rolled off Sakura. It never occurred to her until much later what the significance of his statement was—she wasn't the first he'd deflowered in his bed. He'd ducked into the shower quickly, and Sakura lay there in a sticky mess, waiting for the pain to subside, before she collected her clothes. Romance novels had lied, she thought; the ones Tomoyo lent her talked about a period of snuggling and kissing after lovemaking. This wasn't lovemaking, she thought sadly; it was sex to please Kito, to keep him by her side. He hadn't even bothered telling her what to do._

_When Kito came out, Sakura was fully dressed. She smiled shyly, and hugged him. He kissed her forehead, then moved out of her embrace. "Gotta get dressed, babe," he said, and did not offer her the use of his bathroom to clean up. He ignored Sakura's attempts to snuggle up to him or talk to him, simply flashing his winning smile._

"_Where are we going?" Sakura asked as Kito propelled her out of his messy bedroom._

"_Home, before your older brother starts looking for you," Kito said._

_The drive back to Sakura's home was quiet. "Thanks for proving you love me," Kito smiled as he dropped Sakura off at her house. "Now you're a real woman. You'll never forget me 'cause I was the first."_

_Once she got home, she washed away the traces of blood, wincing at the pain and the bruises he'd left all over her. Facing the mirror, she looked for traces that she was not a girl anymore. A real woman? She still looked the same. And the feeling of being cheated, of being used did not go away._

_When Kito didn't call the next day, she was relieved, but when days turned into the lazy weeks before going off to college, she tried calling him._

"_Oh, it's you," he answered coolly. "What is it?"_

"_Kito...why haven't you called?" Sakura was ashamed of the desperation in her voice. "You said...that if I loved you...and I thought..."_

"_I never said I loved you," he said calmly. "I just wanted to see how much you loved me. Besides, we're going off to college. You'd just tie me down. You have no ambitions—I mean you don't even know what to do, you chose your course at random to be with Tomoyo."_

_Sakura was speechless. It had never been in her nature to fight back hard, and all she was able to say was, "So you used me?"_

"_Hey, I didn't blab," Kito said with indignation. "I never told the other guys so you should be grateful. Besides, now you can screw around in college without fear of being called a virgin. So you owe me."_

_A long pause, then Sakura said, "No I don't," and was about to hang up when his cruelest words reached her._

"_Yes you do and you listen to me. You're a silly girl with good looks but few brains and a dumb smile, plus you're a prude to boot. You're boring and honestly, you're just arm candy. You're lucky I was the one who broke you in, not some loudmouth jock who would tell the whole team about it, so you just watch your mouth, Kinomoto. Even if you don't deserve it, I won't go around telling people I popped your cherry. Besides, it's not like you were great. You just lay there like a corpse. So here's some advice: get experience in college." And then the line went dead._

_Sakura sat down hard on her bed, not even feeling the tears coming down her cheeks. Ashamed and humiliated, she didn't say a word to anyone except Tomoyo—and it would not be until many years later that she would tell the miserable story to anyone else._

"_Oh Sakura," Tomoyo said the next day as she held her best friend in her arms. She stroked Sakura's short auburn hair gently as Sakura cried. Tomoyo had never liked Kito, but since she preferred that Sakura be happy, she had said nothing._

_She knew Sakura was heartsore because she'd constantly been rejected—through no fault of her own. Yukito Tsukishiro, her brother's boyfriend, had been her crush; she'd taken the news of his relationship with Toya cheerfully. She'd liked a boy in middle school, and told him of her feelings; luckily Haru was a kind boy, and told her that he liked her but not that way—because he wanted to court Tomoyo. Tomoyo had turned him down in order not to break Sakura's heart even more._

_And the one boy she had loved in her life...no. Tomoyo couldn't bear to tell Sakura the truth about who she loved. It would kill her, and she loved Sakura too much for that._

_Why did these things happen to Sakura? Tomoyo would never know. And since she couldn't promise Sakura that things would be all right, she simply consoled poor Sakura and stayed by her side._

_When they went off to college, Sakura had regained her cheerfulness. They shared a dorm room, and Tomoyo would later notice that Sakura always had the ghost of tears in her eyes no matter how widely she smiled._

_I wish she could smile truly again, Tomoyo prayed._

* * *

**Good Night, Sweet Dreams**

"I was so stupid, so useless...I think everyone I dated knew that deep inside I was this cheap slut...that's why they all left me..." Sakura shivered. "It was me, me, me! MY stupidity! I let Kito make me—a whore..." She began to sob.

Syaoran held Sakura tighter, his mouth set in a thin line. Sakura was blaming herself for what happened? She thought of herself as something that low? It was almost blasphemy, and he reined in the impulse to track the boy down and kill him.

He turned her to face him, and lifted her chin. "Sakura. Listen to me. He...I...What you just told me—that wasn't lovemaking or even sex. That was rape," he said. "Nobody—and I mean nobody and least of all you—is to blame when they are raped. It's the rapist who should be ashamed, I believe that! Never you!" he added fiercely. "It may not have been a rape in the sense of being attacked but he should have stopped when you asked him to. You are not the whore. He is. Do you hear me?"

"I..." And to his horror, Sakura burst into a fresh round of tears, shuddering in his arms. "Make him stop, make him leave my head, just make him leave me alone!" she wailed.

Syaoran pulled her closer, rocking her, shushing her, kissing her forehead. He'd never seen this side of Sakura before, and it made him angry that someone had so violated her, he'd shattered her inside. Syaoran had always known Sakura was hiding things behind her smile, but he had never dreamed it would be something like this. He calmed himself down with fantasies of finding the Kito guy and cutting his genitalia off.

When she calmed down, he spoke softly. "Sakura, listen to me. It was not your fault. He forced himself on you, can't you see? If he had loved you even a little bit he never would have done that. He was nothing but a..." Syaoran cast about in his mind for words harsh enough and failed, "fucking asshole who deserves to have it cut off." He pressed her to his chest. "You're a beautiful, wonderful woman, you hear me? Don't you _**ever **_believe otherwise."

She raised disbelieving eyes to his. "So why has everyone left me?"

He smiled. "I'm still here. I may be poor company but hey, I'm here." He touched his wedding ring to hers. "And I'm stuck to you for life, yes? I won't leave you, I promise." He grinned.

She was silent, then, "Can I get a refund on you?"

Syaoran laughed in relief and tousled her hair. "That's more like it." He turned serious again though. "Never keep these bottled inside, cherry. Promise? Tell me all about these painful things."

When her breathing became more even, Syaoran released his hold on her and prepared to go back to his room, but Sakura held his hand.

"Don't go. Stay," she asked, her green eyes wide and fearful.

He'd never seen her so vulnerable before, and suddenly, he was conscious of and embarrassed by his clothing—or lack thereof; he liked to sleep in boxers. But he couldn't leave her.

So he nodded and slid in under the sheets next to her, pulling her into an embrace. Sakura sighed and soon fell asleep. Syaoran stayed awake longer, watching her sleep. She was so strong, he realized. She'd never betrayed a hint of her past, and could find a reason to smile everyday.

She truly was amazing.

In the morning, he was surprised to realize that he had slept through the night—and so had she. He stroked her cheek gently, then kissed it before rising to begin breakfast. Sakura needed him, and he would be there for her.

"Syaoran?" Sakura came downstairs in shorts and a shirt, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

Syaoran smiled. "Oh, there you are. Breakfast is served," he said as he pulled out a chair for her. Rice, fish, meat and potato stew—Sakura grinned. He really did know her well enough to know her favorite breakfast.

"Smells good," she said, and then she used her chopsticks to taste the food. "Ooh, tastes good!" She dug in happily, and Syaoran laughed.

"I'm glad you like it." He stood next to her and touched her cheek. "Feeling better?"

Sakura held his hand; Syaoran opened his arms in an embrace and let Sakura snuggle against him. "Thank you. I've never told anyone else what happened that night."

"Promise me you won't blame yourself," Syaoran said gently. "As you once said to me, the first person you need to forgive—is yourself."

Sakura didn't reply, but he felt her smile against his chest. And so they stayed that way for some time, until Sakura's phone went off, reminding her it was time to go to the office.

* * *

**An Unfortunate Discovery**

Eriol had always thought Syaoran had rushed into things with Loraina—he didn't dare think of her as Alia, as Syaoran got prickly when others used his pet name for his ex-wife—and was impressed that the young woman had refused to string Syaoran along. She had actually sought out Eriol to explain her side of the story during the divorce proceedings, and sent her letters to Syaoran through him.

"Pardon me, Loraina-san, but I would like to be impertinent and ask, why did you marry Syaoran in the first place?" Eriol asked when he met her as Syaoran's representative during the divorce proceedings.

And he was surprised when Loraina told him the story of their marriage. Loraina refused to cast Syaoran in a bad light, instead focusing on her feelings of being trapped in the marriage. She kept stressing what a kind, gentle, loving person Syaoran was. Eriol was sure she was trying to hide the darker aspects of Syaoran's possessiveness, and admired her for it, but he could read between the lines. His prediction, sadly, had come true, and he hated himself a little as a result. Why hadn't he stopped Syaoran? Why hadn't he forced his old friend to see the light?

**'Because I owe him for helping me through my own problems,' **Eriol thought. And he knew that he would soon have to tell Syaoran of a problem that he had tried to deny over the years he had known of it. He was not looking forward to it though.

But he soon noticed that Syaoran would ask him how Loraina was doing. Very subtly, indeed, but Eriol knew Syaoran too well. Syaoran knew he talked to Loraina, and so Eriol made sure to meet her every so often when she sent her letters to Syaoran.

Today, over half a year after Sakura and Syaoran's wedding, they had met again, as they did every few months, for Loraina to deliver her latest letter to Syaoran. She asked about his wellbeing, and Eriol decided not to mention that Syaoran was married; it would give Loraina the false hope that he had moved on. Instead he told her that Syaoran was doing better.

"Oh? That's good," Loraina smiled. "I was hoping maybe you knew someone you could set up with him."

Eriol chuckled. "Come on, Loraina-san, you know Syaoran doesn't like being forced into anything...although I understand why you tell me that you felt you never really knew him."

Her violet eyes were sad. "I really did love him, Eriol, but you're right. We never really knew each other. We fell so fast...he...he needed too much from me that I couldn't give." She looked away. "I was choking. Can you understand that?"

Eriol nodded, and Loraina continued. "He needs someone who can love him back fully, who can give herself completely to him. That...that person...isn't me. He needs someone who needs him to love her—and he needs her to love him with her heart and soul."

"But you may have wounded him so badly that he won't go out again," Eriol pointed out gently. Loraina hung her head.

"I know! But Eriol, isn't it better that I let him go now, before we had children? If our marriage had lasted any longer, it would have been like drawing a knife slowly along his heart." Loraina's eyes glistened with tears. "I owed it to him to let him go...can you understand?" she pleaded. "It's been years...help him move on. Please. I don't want Syaoran to suffer because of me anymore!"

A long pause, and finally, Eriol nodded. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," he said softly, adjusting his glasses as he sighed. "I don't envy you, and I can't say I agree completely with you but I'll see what I can do," he said. "I cannot guarantee that Syaoran can move on. That's a matter for him."

"Loraina," a soft voice said, and both Loraina and Eriol looked up. He did not miss the soft, loving look that passed between Loraina and the handsome, elegant, silver-haired man.

"This is my boyfriend, Yue," Loraina said shyly as Yue bent down to kiss her lips gently. "This is my friend Eriol Hiiragizawa."

"Charmed to meet you," Yue, manners impeccable, bowed. "Your career is a subject of admiration." He smiled.

"It is a pleasure likewise," Eriol returned the bow, and pulled out a chair for Yue.

Yue...Yue...Eriol smiled but was racking his brains for why he knew who Yue was...

_**...Ah. Sakura's ex. **_

Eriol kept his face calm. Clearly the relationship between Yue and Alia had come about after their time with Sakura and Syaoran, respectively. But it was going to be ugly when they found out though. He was going to have to talk to someone, and soon. Then his eyes lit up when he realized who the best person to talk to was.

"If you'll pardon me," Eriol stood up, "I need to attend to the costumes for my next music video. Loraina-san, I shall make sure your letter is delivered. Yue-san, a pleasure meeting you." He bowed, smiled, then left, quickly placing a call as he did—to Tomoyo.

Coincidentally, Tomoyo was working on a costume for Eriol's Meiji-era themed music video when her cellphone went off.

"Eriol? I'm not yet done with the costume," she said, but Eriol interrupted.

"Pardon me, Tomoyo-san, but this is urgent. It's about Sakura and Syaoran."

Tomoyo heard the urgency in his voice and understood quickly. "Where do we meet?"

"Outside their house," Eriol said. "How soon can you make it?"

"Twenty to thirty minutes. See you."

Half an hour later, at the entrance to the large house Syaoran now shared with Sakura, Tomoyo found Eriol pacing in front of his white Mercedes. She stepped out of her mother's limousine and raised a brow curiously.

She liked being around Eriol. They often carried on conversations with few words, because they understood the language of subtlety so well. He was a comfort to her—and only he knew her secret, the lover who had died and taken her heart with him.

"Do you know Yue is engaged?" Eriol asked quickly.

Given the whitish tinge of Eriol's face, which she could see even in the darkness, Tomoyo quickly guessed the worst. "No. Not to Loraina...? What are the chances..."

"Yes, indeed. Fate is a cruel prankster, and we are the bearers of bad news," Eriol quipped. Neither laughed though.

"I suppose we should break it to them," Tomoyo said, and she and Eriol both screwed up their courage and entered the Li driveway.

As they approached the living room, which could be seen from the driveway, Tomoyo put a hand over Eriol's hand. Understanding, he stopped, and followed her pointing finger.

Syaoran could be seen through the window. Sakura was snuggled up to him, and two tea mugs steamed in front of them. She moved her head to nestle in his shoulder, and Syaoran adjusted himself to make her more comfortable. Presently, she stood up, smiled, said something and left; Syaoran followed her.

Eriol tugged on Tomoyo's hand, and they followed the Lis. They were in the kitchen. Eriol and Tomoyo were now close enough to hear the playful bickering, and to watch Sakura and Syaoran eat. Then they washed their dishes.

"I think that perhaps we can postpone the unhappy news for now," Eriol said softly.

"I suppose so," Tomoyo agreed.

They repaired to a nearby cafe to discuss their options. Both knew and understood what they had seen.

"They don't realize it, do they?" Tomoyo asked as she sipped her tea. "What they're beginning to feel for each other? The way they held each other..."

"Of course not. When it comes to Sakura and Syaoran, the key word is 'dense,' and I bet it will take a year—or more—before they do," Eriol said cheerfully as he spooned cream into his coffee.

"Kind of cute, honestly," Tomoyo smiled. "All Sakura talks about lately is his latest prank on her."

"Syaoran is normally quiet and hostile but with her he's playful and downright silly," Eriol mused. "She brings it out in him. Maybe they might realize how they feel—but in a year?"

Tomoyo smiled. "Yes, definitely a year. Minimum. But...want to wager on it? I bet that it'll take under a year." She sat back. "No, with help from the two of us, maybe six months."

"I like the way you think," Eriol grinned.

"Ah but my plan may not be what you expect," Tomoyo smiled. "If we openly push them together..."

"Correct. It will backfire," Eriol smiled. "So...maybe some suggestive action is called for here. But how?"

Tomoyo grinned. "I think we should start with reconaissance. Let's invite them out to dinner tomorrow."

They shook hands, and parted gleefully, with a mischievous mission in mind—one which would have to change after the events of the next day.

* * *

There is a little poll on my profile: who do you think Tomoyo's secret lover was?

Thank you 'Tomoyo' for helping me out with a key scene here!

I love it when my parents go off for their vacation cause it means I can sneak on the PC (or go to an internet shop) and update more often! I am so so thankful for all the reviews, i really am and I hug you all! Thanks to **Twilight Kisses, michiko14anime, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, teenureen, Julia and Tania, winterkaguya, anigal08, Suyi, redeyes143, rondallagurl, Dream of Autumn, swallowingtears, pyscho-pyro-shrink, butterflyangellover14, -Kori Kage Tenshi-, puasloma, Wintereise, butterfly KISSU, beaucoup riant, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, Karithinia, aegyo, DineyBlue, AngelEmCuti, MahalNiSyaoran, kaelaa, Link Fangirl01, **and** xSapphirexRosesxFanx!**

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**And a preview of Chapter 6:**

"_The trouble with you," Syaoran said quietly, "is that you give your affections too quickly. It cheapens the whole thing. What you're trying to do with Yue—it's--it's pathetic."_

_Sakura flinched. "Pardon me for being human," she retorted._

_**She has to hear it, **__Syaoran thought. "You are desperate to be loved, see? You'll take it from anyone who is nice to you. Hell, if I were nice to you, you might fall for me too. You're like a stray puppy who'll go home with anyone." __**If that doesn't get through, nothing will, **__he thought. __**See reason, Sakura, damn it all to hell!**_

_**(no but you lied Li you want her to fall for you) Shut up! **he scolded himself.**  
**_

_**I am not going to cry, **__Sakura thought. What he said hit painfully close to home and she almost hated him for it. __**At least not until I'm out of his sight. **__She raised her chin defiantly and said, "I don't have to take this from you, Syaoran."_

_Syaoran grabbed her hand and held it in a painful grip. "Face it, Sakura! You help others hurt you. You have to stop letting them hurt you! Stop being stupid!" If she didn't listen, he was ready to tear his hair out. Why, oh why did she have to do this to herself? Didn't she know he spent too much time worrying about her as it was? He absolutely, positively hated it when she was hurt!_

_That he was hurting her in the attempt to make her see reason escaped him until later.  
_

"_Thank you very much for reminding me of my stupidity," she said icily, and tried to wrench her hand out of his grasp. But he wouldn't let go, and so she decided to lash out with a barb of her own. "Relationship advice coming from the man who married his first girlfriend and lost her after he went all mental and possessive!" It worked; he let go, his face pale._

_Sakura did not look back as she stormed up the stairs and slammed her door behind her._


	6. Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

**Chapter 6: Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back**

**absolutefluffiness says: **1) Don't own them. Wish I did.

2) Whee, fast updates! But then I will have to go back to slower updates (probably once a week) as my parents are returning from Hong Kong next week and will control my net access again (sigh).

3) This update is a few hours late because we lost our internet for a while. Sigh.

**Note: **Watch out for Syaoran's mouth in this chapter. You might want to carry a bar of soap for to wash it out with XDDD No offense meant!

* * *

**Can You Let Go?**

Winter had arrived, and Syaoran noticed that Sakura was coming home a bit later at night, and she was laundering more exercise clothes than usual. He smiled; she was athletic, that he knew. But when she arrived after work, bathed and fresh, she was often glowing and happy.

_**Did she find a lover then? **_Syaoran wondered. He felt a twinge of jealousy; he felt he would make a good lover for her, not some stranger. He was someone who genuinely cared about her, someone who wanted her to be happy. He'd been hoping..._**I was hoping nothing! Shut up! **_he screamed at himself in his head.

Syaoran found that he'd ripped up the music sheet he was holding, and took several breaths to calm himself. No. Absolutely not. Sakura was happy, in her own way. Him moving in on her would complicate things unnecessarily, and probably make her nervous. She would feel that he was pressuring her, forcing her to give something to him that they never bargained for when they agreed to marry.

And his new, growing feelings for her were something Sakura did not ask for.

**Shit.**

He found himself wanting to scream, to kick out at something. Why did it have to be so hard? With Alia he'd just gone and taken what he wanted from her. But not with Sakura. Aside from the fact that she might probably disembowel him for thinking these—dare he say romantic?—thoughts about her, he had finally faced what drove Alia away. He'd never bothered to really get to know her as a person—and neither had she. It had all been about romance and making love and being with each other, and he realized that he and Alia had cheated each other out of a healthy relationship.

He finally understood what Alia had been so desperate for him to understand.

But Sakura...Syaoran smiled. He knew how to goad her; he knew how to calm her down; he knew what she would pick out at a department store, he knew so much about her, it sometimes scared him, because the more he knew about her, the more he wanted to know. And it scared him to think of Sakura leaving his life. He couldn't imagine his own home without her in it—no, their home. Hell, he couldn't even see a tomorrow without her.

"I want to be part of her life," Syaoran said to himself softly. And he knew that only she could make that decision; all he could do was hope she let him in. He was too afraid to court her; even though they'd known each other so long and so well, the last thing he wanted was for her to disappear from his life.

**Damn it. **Now he would have to talk to Eriol, and Eriol would probably smile and say "I told you so." It was Eriol who had helped convince him to choose Sakura for his bride, and dropped hints—which Syaoran had ignored—that she would be perfect for him.

**Damn, damn, damn that smart glasses-wearing Japanese idol boy!** Syaoran snorted. His best friend could be maddeningly subtle.

He returned his attention to the lyrics which Eriol had sent him by email, and frowned, hitting a few keys experimentally on the piano. What the devil was going on with Eriol? He didn't do anything without a good reason; hell, the guy even got manicures to keep his cuticles from getting ragged, Syaoran sniggered.

So what was with the flood of maudlin—and there was no other word—lyrics he was sending Syaoran? Syaoran felt laughter bubbling up inside him when he read Eriol's latest. They were almost—saccharine coming from the normally reserved and subtle Eriol. _"You give me hope, the strength, the will to keep on. No one else can make me feel this way, and only you can bring out all the best I can do. I believe you turn the tide and make me feel real good inside. You push me up when I'm about to give up; you're on my side when no one seems to listen. And if you go, you know the tears can't help but show. You'll break this heart and tear it apart, then suddenly the madness starts..." _**(1)**

**Definitely a ballad, **Syaoran sighed and turned to the next printout. He'd attack the melody after reading all the lyrics.

As soon as he read the first sentence, he got an idea for the melody. _"I've known you for so long, you are a friend of mine. But is this all we'll ever be? I've loved you ever since...You tell me things I'll never know, I'll show you love you've never shown. Then again where you cry, I'm always at your side. You tell me 'bout the love you've had, I listen very eagerly. But deep inside you'll never see this feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad. But then again, I'm glad." _**(2)**

**Oh-kay. **Syaoran thoughtfully twirled the blue fountain pen he liked to use when he wrote music. Was Eriol saying _**something**_? Two songs about unrequited love was not a coincidence, and Syaoran reached for his cell phone—just as it rang. He was not surprised to see it was Eriol. The man was **spooky **sometimes, and he'd gotten used to it over the years.

"Your first song lyrics? So not you," Syaoran said instead of "hello." "Since when have you been the Lord of the Lonely instead of the Prince of Tokyo?" he mocked Eriol with the nickname the press had given him.

And to his surprise, Eriol hemmed. "Perhaps we should discuss the 'not-so-you-ness' of my song at some other time. In fact, I called to invite you and Sakura to dinner."

"Huh? You better be picking up the bill cause you're the guy who loves expensive places," Syaoran warned.

"Yes, I shall."

Syaoran stared at his phone. "Okay?"

"Yes."

"You must want something. You don't spring for meals just like that. What are you up to?" Syaoran's eyes narrowed. He knew Eriol too well.

"Well, if I were indeed up to something, I would not tell you now, would I?" Eriol teased.

"Prick," Syaoran said, though without heat.

"Why, thank you," Eriol permitted himself a small chuckle, and added, "We'll head for your place at nine. Tomoyo's calling Sakura in a bit. Goodbye."

Syaoran rolled his eyes as the connection was cut, then went to heat up some lunch for himself. He'd find out who Eriol was mooning over then take the mickey out of him about it—it had been so many years since Eriol had lost Kaho Mizuki, after all.

Then when he finished trashing Eriol, he would help the guy. He wasn't the best friend for nothing, and heaven help the poor woman he was interested in.

**I hope she likes annoying men, **Syaoran smirked.

* * *

**The Price of Pretense**

Sakura applauded with the rest of the people in the gym (just a few—mostly those who weren't playing basketball) as Yue scored a long three-pointer. He looked at her and winked, and she was thrilled. She'd joined Rika's tai chi class after discovering it held sessions in the gym where Yue held his daily basketball games.

Watching him move, bathed in sweat, Sakura sometimes remembered what it had been like to be with him. But watching him was enough for now.

She'd taken to watching Yue. She was letting her emotions run raw with Yue; that way she could blame him and be safely out of his reach. They were over, and in her heart she knew he would never try and seduce her again.

But if she were honest with herself, she was doing it to take her mind off her feelings for Syaoran. She had found herself needing him—sending him messages every day had become a ritual as he insisted on knowing if she'd arrived safely at work. He also loved trashing her; random little insults would arrive over the day. Knowing that Syaoran was so close, and yet so completely out of her reach was like drawing a knife over her heart—the pain was sweet, and she never wanted it to end.

_I can't lose him, _she told herself. And so she watched Yue, preferring to fool herself that she still wanted him. It secretly thrilled her when Yue smirked at her every now and then, or spoke to her after his games. But when he ignored her, it also hurt.

Like he was doing right now. He hadn't glanced her way at all, and had been wrapped up in his game. Sakura sighed, picked up her mat, and made her way to the showers.

On the way out of the showers, Sakura heard voices and dodged into a storeroom as she recognized Yue's voice.

"Dude!" one of his teammates, Kokuya, said, "when are you ever going to bring your new girl here?"

New girl? Sakura felt faint. It had been so long she thought Yue would never date again—and she'd harbored a secret hope it was because of her.

"Never. Not with you lechers around," Yue laughed easily. "She's too beautiful to let you guys see."

"You've been dating for a year, come on," another guy wheedled.

It hit Sakura like a slap; so Yue had started dating again barely two months after their breakup.

"Wasn't Sakura gorgeous too?" another one—Sakura thought his name was Ryoji—inquired.

"Yeah," Yue said. "She still is. And you leave her alone too." Sakura thrilled to the possessive tone of his voice.

"Hey, I think she still carries a torch for you," one of them sniggered—the one named Jiun. "She watches you play." The other guys hooted and cheered. Sakura's heart fell at that one; was she that obvious?

"We're the past. Leave her alone. Besides, she's married," Yue said curtly.

"We've never seen her husband. Rumor has it she married some rich guy for the money," Kokuya asked. "Did she?"

"Well, even if she did, it's her business," Yue said. "You guys had better not pry," he warned. "Leave her alone."

"Come on Yue, you're probably just being protective. Just like you are of that goddess you're dating."

"Idiots." But there was affection in Yue's tone.

"Looks like the new woman got you hard, eh?"

Yue's voice became soft and tender. "I love her. No, I worship her. Blond hair like you want to wind it around your finger, these violet eyes...God, I can't believe we're getting married soon. I can't imagine being married to anyone else."

"He's got it ba-ad!" The other guys laughed.

"But you're not allowed to marry a non-Chinese, right?" Jiun asked. "Your parents, and all that?"

"Fuck them," Yue said crudely. "I'm not letting them stand in the way of what I have with her. She is going to be my wife. Or they can go find someone else to take care of the company."

Sakura did not hear the rest. Yue was marrying someone. Who wasn't Chinese. _**I wasn't good enough for him, **_she thought, and unbidden, tears came to her eyes. Clearly he loved that new woman enough to fight his family for her. **Unlike me. At the first sign of trouble, he got rid of me.**

**That's what you're worth, Sakura, **a voice sneered in her head. **People like you but once they get to know you they back off and leave. Something is wrong with you.**

**Syaoran is still here, **she argued, feebly.

The voice in her head turned harsh. **Because you are a friend. Because you were his convenient bride. For a fifth of a share in the Li empire, anyone would marry even a troll. What makes you think you have anything to offer a man like Syaoran anyway? You're not a virgin. You're not beautiful—he calls you a pig, you must be fat. You're a poor orphan that he rescued, like a dog off the streets. No one falls in love with dogs like you because you were born to be used then thrown away.**

**Stop it! **Sakura put her hands over her ears; the futility of the gesture made her feel helpless as the voice continued. **Go ahead and fall in love with Syaoran. Go on and make love to him. See if he doesn't divorce you as soon as the necessary two years are over. It's not like you mean more to him than an inheritance.**

The voice of Sakura's insecurities battered away at her, and the weight of two loveless years bore down on her like a suffocating presence. She sat in the dark closet for a long time, feeling nothing but numbness.

It was dark when she finally left the closet. Normally afraid of the dark, Sakura walked across the blackened gym to the parking lot without seeing anything. She had no idea how she made it home, although she had a hazy recollection of being honked at several times on the road.

When she got home, she left her car in the driveway instead of parking it in the garage, and trudged through the snow to their door. Syaoran opened the door, and was shocked at her tearful appearance.

"What the hell...Sakura! What happened to you?"

She entered without answering, and Syaoran was alarmed. He'd never seen her this numb, this unfeeling before—not even the night when she'd told him about what Kito had done to her.

"SAKURA!" He yelled as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently. She blinked.

"Oh, Syaoran." Her voice was flat. "I have to go to sleep now."

"Not until you tell me what the fuck happened to you!" Syaoran raised his voice, completely worried, holding her and preventing her from moving.

"Yue's getting married."

Syaoran breathed a sigh of relief. "Well then that's good." **That stupid ass can still affect her this way?**

"To a non-Chinese girl." _Uh oh, _Syaoran thought. That would set her off.

"Did he tell you himself?" he asked.

"No. I overheard..."

"How?"

"Gym. I was watching him play basketball as I do after work and I overheard him talking to his posse...and he said it..."

Syaoran was appalled. "Sakura...Is this why you've been coming home late? To watch Yue play basketball?" **Why did she want to watch that stupid bastard anyway? He could play too; in fact he could do martial arts, play basketball and soccer, and**...He angrily pushed his thoughts away, realizing immediately that he was jealous.

Dammit. He did _**not**_ need this complication right now

She nodded.

"You idiot!" Syaoran spat. "You're just hurting yourself. Can't you let him go?"

"I thought...when he looked at me...maybe..."

"Maybe what? That maybe there was still a chance he liked you?" Syaoran asked, incredulous—and even more jealous. Why did she have to pine after Yue, damn it? Why couldn't she see _**him **_instead, for God's sake? "Sakura, did you think that?"

Sakura did not answer.

"Have you any idea how pathetic you look?" Syaoran roared. "You're supposed to be married! To pine after him that way makes it look just...Goddamnit, Sakura!"

"I haven't gotten over him, okay?" Sakura yelled back. And it was partly true; it wasn't as if she could say, _**Oh I watch Yue to take my mind off you and the confusing things I feel about you**_. No, that would not do.

Syaoran sighed; he wanted to scream some sense into her. "Well obviously he was just puffing his ego up with your antics! You just gave him a free ride, made his ego bloat...Sakura, were you even thinking?"

No answer. Syaoran decided it was time to try and shock some sense into Sakura.

"The trouble with you," Syaoran said quietly, "is that you give your affections too quickly. It cheapens the whole thing."

Sakura flinched. "Pardon me for being human," she retorted.

**She has to hear it**, Syaoran thought. "You are desperate to be loved, see? You'll take it from anyone who is nice to you. Hell, if I were nice to you, you might fall for me too. You're like a stray puppy who'll go home with anyone." **If that doesn't get through, nothing will**, he thought. **See reason, Sakura, damn it all to hell!**

**(no but you lied Li you WANT her to fall for you) Shut up! **he scolded himself.

Puppy. Dog. It was the only word Sakura heard, and her lost battle in the gym closet came back to her head. _**I am not going to cry, **_Sakura thought. _**At least not until I'm out of his sight. **_She raised her chin defiantly and said, "I don't have to take this from you, Syaoran."

He grabbed her hand and held it in a painful grip. "Face it, Sakura! You help others hurt you. You have to stop letting them hurt you! Stop being stupid! Listen to me! Please!"

"Thank you very much for reminding me of my stupidity," she said icily, and tried to wrench her hand out of his grasp. But he wouldn't let go, and so she decided to lash out with a barb of her own. "Relationship advice coming from the man who married his first girlfriend and lost her after he went all mental and possessive!" It worked; he let go, his face pale.

She did not look back as she fled up the stairs, not bothering to see Syaoran's reaction. She slammed into her room and locked the door Sakura

then looked at herself in the mirror.

Syaoran was right. She was a mess.

* * *

**And He Realized Something**

Syaoran stood there, and suddenly he hit the wall with unnecessary violence, drawing blood from his knuckles. Why did he have to be _**such an idiot**_? Why could he never say things the right way? And why did he have to hurt Sakura so mindlessly?

It would be much later that he would realize he was upset because he'd hurt her, and not because she'd fired that insult about him and Alia. In fact—he didn't care about Alia anymore.

**Sakura matters more to me**, he realized with a growing warmth spreading through him.

Was this love? Real love? This slow sweetness that had just crept up on him, enveloping him in a warmth he had never known before in his life?

Syaoran shook his head. **No. **His emotions about Sakura had carried him away. Fury that she was trying to cozy up to Yue—_stupid poncy bastard_, the phrase tumbled out of his mouth without him noticing. Anger that she was helping Yue—_ugly long-haired gay prick_—boost his ego and hurt her. Fear that Sakura—_sweetness and light_—would be mocked behind her back, treated like an idiot...God if he had the nerve he would make her quit her job and never see Yue again!

But in the end it was her decision, not his. Syaoran slumped on the kitchen table, and was still there when Eriol came in—sans glasses.

Eriol took one look at Syaoran, and said, "I presume dinner is off." He pulled out his cell phone to call Tomoyo, then came back. "What happened?"

Syaoran stared out the window. "The usual. I was an asshole to **her**."

"Care to elaborate or should I take your statement on a literal, physical level?" Eriol pretended to look Syaoran over. "Figurative, I see."

"She...she watches that _prick _play basketball."

"Pardon me?" Eriol crooked one eyebrow in the famous pose fangirls swooned over.

Syaoran told him the story of his argument with Sakura, interspersing his comments with such vicious insults of Yue (and his lack of manhood) that Eriol decided then and there not to say anything about Yue's upcoming marriage. When Syaoran paused to draw a breath, Eriol smoothly slid into the conversation.

"Listen, Syaoran. Whatever you do, do not go after Sakura now," Eriol said urgently. "Just make sure she's safe."

"I want to apologize for my stupidity," Syaoran began.

"No," Eriol put a hand on Syaoran's shoulder. "No. Let her work it out; Sakura-san, as you know, will never volunteer information on her own."

"I know that! And she's hurting, and it's my fault..."

"It's not about you, Syaoran," Eriol said softly. At this Syaoran seemed to deflate.

"I would give anything not to hurt her," Syaoran said.

"Yet perhaps that was what she needed in order to move on," Eriol said kindly. "Your delivery lacked finesse, as it always does, but I would have said the same thing, albeit much more politely than you did. You're right; she needs sense knocked into her and your theory of what lies at the root of her insecurity may be correct as you do know her best, save for Tomoyo-san. But Syaoran—she needs to be alone for now. Your ace in the hole is that in her heart she knows you care about her and do not say things idly. She will listen."

"I just care so much about her it hurts sometimes, you know?" Syaoran said raggedly. Eriol looked at him, realizing this was an unguarded moment. When would his foolish friend realize the true depth of his feelings? He wanted to shake Syaoran but knew it would be counterproductive, and so he stood up. He and Tomoyo would have to discuss this new development.

"Stay with her. Don't bring it up. Just be kind to her. You know best how to make her feel better." Eriol was already typing out a text message to Tomoyo as he stood up.

"How did you get in?" Syaoran asked curiously.

Eriol smiled. "You two left the door open. You really should be more careful," he said. "And not just with doors."

Syaoran stared at him, not fully comprehending the advice he'd been given, but realizing that Eriol meant something important.

He locked the door behind Eriol then went upstairs to keep vigil by Sakura's door.

* * *

**Tea and Coffee for Two Matchmakers**

"Why do I get the feeling this is only the first in the trials those two will face?" Tomoyo mused as she drank Eriol's tea. They were in his large city home, a full-floor condominium in a rich district of Tokyo.

"There's still the 'Yue and Alia are dating' issue to consider," Eriol said as he drank his customary strong coffee. "But I think Syaoran's behavior is progress. Knowing him as I do, for him to say he 'cares about her so much it hurts sometimes' is a huge admission."

Tomoyo looked out at the beautiful view of Tokyo at night. "Do you know that actually convinces me that he's the best choice for her?" she said. "I trust him with Sakura-chan the way I never did anyone else. And the fact that they've been friends for so long...well..."

"Too bad we can't say anything yet, not without raising their suspicions. They may be dense about each other but not about others," Eriol sighed, and removed his glasses, placing them on a side table.

Tomoyo glanced at him and smiled. "I ought to take a picture and post it on the Net for your fans. You look quite good without the glasses. Swoon-worthy, as they say."

Eriol smiled; he liked it when she complimented him. "Why, Tomoyo-san, that's very kind of you to say. But here's a secret: I don't need those glasses. They're part of my look. And when I take them off, people don't recognize me, so I can pretend to be a normal guy."

"A delightful pretense," Tomoyo actually clapped her hands. "My, that is so deceitful of you."

"Why thank you," Eriol smiled. They sat quietly sipping their drinks, then Tomoyo hesitated.

"Eriol?"

"Hmm?"

"Tomorrow morning—can you accompany me—to the cemetery?"

Eriol hid his emotions quickly. He hated accompanying her to the graveyard; he hated seeing her fall apart at the Kinomoto gravestead. But he was also honored that she trusted him with this part of her life, one she had kept secret even from Sakura herself.

"Of course. I'll bring an umbrella."

"I'll bring the flowers," she said softly.

Eriol watched her in the darkness. She was such a beautiful, intelligent, talented woman, and he rued that she could no longer open her heart again. He did not fool himself that it was possible; the Kinomotos and Tsukishiro had died just in May the previous year, and Tomoyo was not a person who let go easily. And he had known her for three years, during which she had tried to break off her affair but failed completely. Each time she had come running to him to cry—and each time he had consoled her, and given her good advice even if, afterwards, he had felt like punching someone. He was taking care of a woman who could not be his, and that strains even the best of men.

Too bad the breakup was finally accomplished with the death of her lover. If only...Eriol clenched one fist but otherwise betrayed nothing else on his face.

If she could just open her heart, he would show her the kind of loyalty she needed—No, who was he fooling? She owned him already—mind, body, and soul.

He permitted himself a small, sad smile. Syaoran wasn't the only one who was being very, very careful with the woman he adored.

* * *

**Apologies**

Sakura sat at her dresser, staring at herself for a long time, and did not move until the first red rays of dawn peeked over the horizon. Syaoran was right, even if she detested the way he said it. 'I can't be a victim forever,' she thought.

But Syaoran...She placed her head in her arms, folded on the dresser. He was part of the problem. She didn't have the strength to tell him what she felt, not when even she had no idea what it was she felt for him.

Then she smelled something cooking. Something delicious. Her stomach lurched, and she remembered she hadn't had dinner or breakfast.

Opening the door, she went downstairs. Syaoran, looking a bit silly in her pink apron, was cheerfully humming as he fried some fish. Rice was cooking in the rice cooker beside him, and on the table was her favorite orange juice.

When he caught sight of her, he smiled. "Hungry?"

She stared at him. Syaoran turned off the burners then removed the apron. He came closer, then suddenly hugged Sakura.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in her ear as he held her close. "For all the hateful words I said. I just...God, I hate seeing you hurt and crying, and I was just trying to make you see sense but I said it all wrong and now..."

Sakura began to cry again, and Syaoran held her as she did, stroking her back gently, soothingly. After a while, he raised her tearful face to his with one hand.

"Come on. Don't cry. Okay? I hate to see you cry and if you cry any harder I'm gonna go to your office and punch the lights out of Yue, and you don't want to bail me out of jail now, do you? Imagine the headlines: 'Li heir punches gay boy,' oh the shame." Sakura giggled despite her tears. "I hate him, I really do," Syaoran continued, and she flinched, "but it's your feelings I'm worried about. Will you forgive me?"

Sakura giggled a bit, and then sniffled. "Like I have a choice but to forgive you when you actually said you were sorry? Don't think I don't know you feel that phrase emasculates you."

"Yes, well, call me the prancing gay boy if it makes you feel better," Syaoran smiled. "Here," he said, handing her a tissue. "Blow your nose."

She obeyed him, and he released her to go to the phone.

"Wh...who are you calling?" Sakura asked.

"Your office. You're staying home because you don't feel well," Syaoran said. "I happen to know you didn't sleep last night, and I want you to get some sleep."

"How did you know?" Sakura asked, and Syaoran merely smiled. She took a closer look at him and swallowed a gasp. His eyes were red too.

He'd been awake all night then.

"I'm so sorry," Sakura started, but Syaoran put a finger on her lips to silence her.

"Stop apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for, but I do. I want you to just start smiling for me again. Okay? Now eat your breakfast—before I force-feed you," he said, smiling slightly.

Sakura stuck her tongue out at him, and to her shock, he retaliated, sticking out his own pink tongue at her.

"Hey!"

"Hey what? Like you have a copyright on that gesture?" Syaoran raised a brow. In truth he knew that the next time she did it he would probably catch her and kiss her—and find out what her tongue tasted like, with his—find out what it would be like to explore her mouth and kiss her as if there were no tomorrow...**Shut up Li!** It was a phrase he was going to repeat over and over for quite some time.

"Whatever." She stuck it out again, and Syaoran laughed.

Outside the snow fell gently as they ate in companionable silence, and later, after Sakura had bathed and changed, she heard a knock on her door.

They looked at each other and wordlessly, Syaoran held his arms open. Sakura floated into them, and he held her as they lay back on her large bed and went to sleep.

They would always fall asleep in each other's arms from then on, and their nights would be quiet and peaceful, long before they learned what it was they truly felt about each other.

**End of Chapter 6**

* * *

Special thanks to Ms. C, my sensei; you all ought to thank her for patiently helping me with this story and for letting me get credit! To the ECRS team for helping me out and keeping me (in)sane. And to everyone who reviewed, you guys inspire me to keep writing and posting fast—how can I not, when you guys are all so wonderful! :-D

**absolutefluffiness says: **Let me just note that Syaoran is not out of character here. In the series he always yells "Kuso!" (a generic cuss word in Japanese) when he is angry or frustrated. Quite the potty-mouth, he is, haha. I imagine that as an older man, he won't hesitate to cuss worse. So if you object to him calling Yue bad names, well, sorry XD

Lyric set (1) above is entitled "You" and is by Roselle Nava. Lyric set (2) above is from "Friend of Mine" by Odette Quesada. I do not own those songs nor am I challenging the ownership of the songs.

For those who asked, I might put up a compilation of the songs, sure, but only after the story is over. Some of the songs can give away the plot (hehe) so, sorry about that!

To those who were interested in Tomoyo and Eriol's story, I've decided to write it on the side and present it as a separate story, the first chapter of which will be up on or before May 1. Hope you'll check it out too!

Words cannot express my gratitude to Wintereise, Skei-Fyr, Karithinia, Link Fangirl01, AngelEmCuti, butterflyangellover14, Twilight Kisses, butterfly. KISSU, Suyi, Teruna Hime, rondallagurl, 3eliic.X, winterkaguya, michiko14anime, Dream of Autumn, DontWakeMeUp, xSapphirexRosesxFanx, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, anigal08, teenureen, Emina01814, redeyes143, pyscho-pyro-shrink, cupid17, puasloma, and ~harmony~.

* * *

**And as usual, a preview of Chapter 7 (up on or before May 1, 2009):**

_She looked up as her door was slammed open. "What the hell is this?" Yue stormed into Sakura's office, waving the letter she had typed. Yue glared at her hand, and Sakura realized her hand was still on Syaoran's photo, caressing Syaoran's smiling face. She picked it up and placed it into the box she was carrying._

_"My resignation," she said calmly, as she gathered her files. "Don't worry, I'm making a proper turnover to Naoko-chan."_

_"Just because I invited you to my wedding? Grow up, Sakura!"_

_And to his surprise, she did not get angry. How ironic that he was asking her to grow up, after he'd shoved his wedding into her face. "I __**am **__growing up, Yue. You and your future wife deserve space away from the ex—me. And you were right; I don't spend enough time with my husband. So we're taking off to Hong Kong this weekend. Perhaps we can make up for lost time." She smiled._

_Yue stared. "How long are you two staying there?"_

_"For as long as it takes," Sakura said as she packed the last of her files._

"_Why did you marry him?"_

"_Do I have to answer that?" Sakura said without heat. "No, I'll tell you. He's my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without Syaoran." _

_"His name is Syaoran, then." Yue repeated. He watched Sakura as she carefully taped the box shut, realization dawning on him. "You actually __**do **__love this bastard, don't you?" Yue said softly, incredulously._

_Sakura sighed. Leave it to Yue to have a rare moment of insight over something she was avoiding. But yes, he was right. She was in love with Syaoran. No sense in denying it now._

_"Yes," she said, smiling softly, "I love Syaoran." And oddly, she could admit it to Yue--but never to Syaoran. She lifted the box and as she passed Yue, she said, "I wish you and your wife luck and happiness." And she meant it._

"_But does he love you?" Of course Yue had to have the final word. Sakura did not rise to the bait, but merely smiled and left._

_No, Sakura decided, it didn't matter, because she wanted to hold the fragile blossom of her love for Syaoran close to her heart, never admitting to it because she was terrified he would disappear. She was willing to bear the pain of an unrequited love if it meant he would never leave her side. The secret would be the price she would pay to be able to continue to love him._

_Walking to the parking lot, she mused on the irony of Yue being the first to realize her love for Syaoran. But it would have to stay there, unsaid to the person concerned._

_She loved Syaoran too much to tell him the truth._


	7. Can You See It, Syaoran?

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 7: Can You See It, Syaoran?**

**Important apology:** _Sakura's second confrontation with Yue, previewed in Chapter 6, has been moved to Chapter 8. I'm really sorry about that but I think you'll see why I did it and forgive me—maybe with a review? (cheeky, eh? sorry!) Hence this has been updated before May 1—and watch out for another update soon! The first chapter of the ExT story goes up as scheduled on May 1, and I'd like to thank (Oriental) for that!_

Preview, thanks, and notes at end of story!

* * *

**Coffee and Tea**

"She forgave him quickly, didn't she?" Eriol mused as he stirred his strong coffee, the scent of which Tomoyo was beginning to associate with him. "I would have thought she would have raked him over the coals first."

"No. That's not like Sakura-chan," Tomoyo smiled. "And you of all people should know better than to ask questions you already know the answers to," she chided him.

They were discussing the fight between Sakura and Syaoran that he had walked in on the previous evening. Eriol had called Syaoran that afternoon, and finally wrestled a small part of the story of their reconciliation out of the latter by that evening; now, over a quiet dinner at Tomoyo's condominium, the two friends were dissecting the latest developments in what they whimsically referred to as their "project."

"Explain it to me, then," he smiled. "That way I can better gather my thoughts."

"All right," Tomoyo smiled. "Sakura-chan knew Li-kun was right—despite the unfortunate way in which he phrased it. And she knew he would be there to support and comfort her. In her way Sakura does trust Li-kun, but the one she probably doesn't trust—is herself." She sipped her tea, and added, "My mother said that those who have been victims tend to cling to their pain, as that they are familiar with. Treading new ground—in Sakura-chan's case, new love—is far more frightening because she has no idea what to expect."

"Add to that," Eriol looked off in the distance, "she needs Syaoran. She has lots of smiley, casual friends but close friends like you, Tomoyo-san, she has so few. Syaoran is someone she trusts and loves, and you can't blame her for thinking she is terrified to lose him."

"Wishful thinking," Tomoyo sighed. "Had they only met first..."

Secretly Eriol agreed. If only. "Why," he finally spoke, "do I feel that this is just the tip of the iceberg?"

"Perhaps because we are in the crow's nest, able to see far in the distance but unable to do a thing about it," Tomoyo said.

"For once, I wish I were wrong," Eriol said.

"For once, so do I."

* * *

The morning after they first slept in each other's arms, Syaoran woke up first. He stretched, catlike, having enjoyed the best sleep he'd had in years, then he turned to look at Sakura. He knew she was the reason; her mere presence made him feel warm and safe. She was still snuggled up to him, looking quite peaceful, and her breathing was slow and even. No nightmares, Syaoran was relieved to note; she hadn't tossed or cried out in the night.

He enjoyed watching her sleep for several moments. She smiled in her sleep and murmured something he didn't catch. **Please God don't let her be dreaming of Yue**, Syaoran cringed. It bothered him that he was falling for her, and her heart belonged to someone else.

Which made the person he was about to visit the perfect confidant; Eriol was stuck in some unrequited relationship as well, and would understand.

But this moment with Sakura—no one could take it away from him and he gently touched her smooth cheek. He'd never really watched Alia sleep, he regretted; with Sakura he was determined to savor every moment with her. All too soon though he noticed it was almost eight, and he moved to kiss her forehead. She stirred at his caress.

"Mmmff?" she asked sleepily. "Syrmnh?"

"I have to go see Eriol for a bit. Just thirty minutes, then I'll start breakfast. Okay?"

"M'kay..." she said, quickly drifting off again.

Syaoran watched her a little more, smiling, marveling at how fate had brought this amazing, beautiful woman into his life—and made her not only his friend but also someone he loved very much. He dressed warmly and drove to Eriol's condominium complex. Without preamble, Eriol opened the door; it annoyed Syaoran how the man knew he was coming even when he didn't say a thing.

"Syaoran." Eriol greeted him with a raised brow. "Wrote a song, or looking for advice?" He went to the kitchen to fix the tea he knew Syaoran liked.

"Provide a melody to your sappy crap?" Syaoran raised a brow as he hung up his thick jacket. "Bloody hell no." He followed Eriol into the kitchen.

"Early in the morning and your vocabulary is positively rhapsodic," Eriol twitted him as he handed Syaoran a mug of tea.

"Whatever." Syaoran nodded his thanks and sat down without being asked.

"How are you and Sakura-san?" Eriol asked as he sat down, a mug of his strong coffee in hand.

Eriol was surprised to see Syaoran smile a very tender smile. "We're good. No worries. I apologized to her..."

"You—apologized?" Eriol raised an eyebrow. "Since when does 'sorry' belong in your vocabulary?"

Instead of getting annoyed at the comment, Syaoran quietly told him the complete story of what had happened the other day, when he'd waited for Sakura to come down, and how he'd said sorry. "Then I made her take the day off and made sure she got some sleep. She was so tired, she slept the whole day; when I left she was still asleep. It was a wrench leaving her alone in bed but I had to talk to you in private."

**So they slept together, **Eriol realized, and hid a smile by taking a sip of coffee. **Tomoyo-san will be utterly disappointed to know that they didn't make love though.** "I'm glad," was all he said.

The two friends sat looking at each other, and Eriol said, to break the awkwardness, "So either you profess your concealed undying love for me now or you tell me what you need advice on." It had to be important for Syaoran to get out of bed early and drive through the snow to see him personally.

"What is it with you and Sakura and gay stuff?" Syaoran grumbled. Eriol merely raised a brow. Sighing, Syaoran looked away. "Advice," he muttered. "You're smart. What do you do if the person you love is still in love with somebody else? And you know it would hurt them if they knew you feel the way you do, but you can't help loving them? What if you don't want to lose their friendship?"

"Don't be stupid. She's getting married now." Eriol baited, praying that Syaoran would prove him wrong and be talking about Sakura. "I hoped you'd understand by now, Syaoran. Loraina is completely out of your reach."

Syaoran shot him a glare. "Just… What would you do?"

"You don't want to drive her away by loving her. Just remain friends," Eriol said. Oh boy did he **ever **feel qualified to dispense advice on this crap.

"…Yeah. That's right. What would you do?"

Eriol sighed, and took off his glasses. From his pocket he took a small cloth, and rubbed them clean. "You can't tell her, then. Just support her and be there for her, always. No need to show your love anywhere but in your own heart. Keep your feelings close, but let yourself prove that you will do what you can for her. If love's written for you both, maybe something will happen, and she'll see what you're trying to do. But if not, then you'll have her at your side, as a friend, forever. And that's all you can hope for."

"In other words, don't scare her off," Syaoran mused. "Like I'm not already trying that," he muttered.

Done wiping his glasses, he placed them back upon the bridge of his nose, and glared at Syaoran. To test his old friend, he continued to pretend to be obtuse, and added, "But that's me. Loraina won't accept you, Syaoran. She's seen an ugly side of you, a possessive side that refused – is still refusing – to let go."

Syaoran stood up, and walked towards the doorway before stopping. Used to Syaoran's habits, Eriol waited; Syaoran always liked having the last word. "You're wrong," he said clearly.

"Pardon me?"

"You're wrong. I've let go of Alia… I'll always adore her, but I've let go of her. I...I think now know what it means to truly love..." Syaoran paused, and looked out of Eriol's condominium's large bay windows. Snow was coming down; Syaoran knew have to go home soon to make sure he wasn't snowed out of his own house. He didn't want to leave Sakura alone, and he'd promised to make her breakfast.

"And you know what?" Syaoran continued, "it sucks to be in love, to always worry about the other person, to put a lid on what you want because you're worried about what she needs. But then it's also something beautiful, and I finally understand...why Alia divorced me. We never got the chance for a real relationship—and it was mostly my fault. Alia tried so hard..." Syaoran swallowed hard, "and I never even thanked her, but I pushed her away after she did the right thing. And so I'm going slow with her—the one I love now. I want to hear that she loves me first so I don't force my wants on her. And if she never says it—well, what can I do?"

"Then why… Who?" Eriol allowed a ray of hope to blossom in his chest.

"She means everything to me, Eriol, but I don't feel the need to own her. Just being part of her life is enough. I don't feel the need to own her or to control her—you can't do that. I..." and Syaoran almost smiled, "I think I finally know what it means to love someone so much that all you care about is her happiness. Never mind my own, because when she's happy, I am happy too. It's not that I don't want her, but I want her so much I know I have to take it slow with her."

Eriol did not dare smile, not what Syaoran was having his moment of realization. So instead, though he knew the answer, he asked, "Someone I know?"

He couldn't see Syaoran's slight smile as he said, "A very good friend, and the most beautiful woman I know," and left the room.

"So he realized it, huh?" Eriol mused. "Things will move along now… I just hope he realizes that even if he remains friends with her, they will never truly be content to restrain themselves from being nothing more. Syaoran will live in agony this way…until he finds the courage to express himself to Sakura-san." With a sad smile, Eriol added, "And this time, I have the first-hand experience to prove it…"

But he smiled. "No. Sakura-san suffers the same way. And there's that adage about misery and company..."

He automatically reached for his phone to call Tomoyo, whom he knew would want every little detail. Perhaps the time had come to plant cameras in his house, just as she had suggested, he thought—and the thought made him smile.

* * *

**Gifts for Valentine**

Sakura shopped with Tomoyo at the Sanrio megastore in Tokyo the day before Valentine's Day, buying little presents for her male friends. Tomoyo watched her friend with love and affection; she had gently prodded Sakura to talk about her life with Syaoran, and her friend happily shared stories of life with him: how they divided chores, how they played pranks with each other, how he called her at work—stories that told Tomoyo so much more.

And when Sakura bought her present for Syaoran—a cute little wolf pen holder and an engraved fountain pen—Tomoyo couldn't resist asking, "Why aren't you making him something like chocolate? It's traditional to give handmade gifts, Sakura-chan! How unromantic of you to deny Syaoran a gift made by your hands!"

Sakura giggled. "I can't, not when we live together! He'll know—and he'll probably eat the chocolate before Valentine's Day just to annoy me—that silly amber-eyed wolf," she said affectionately. "And no matter what project I start he'll know it's for him."

Tomoyo smiled broadly. With very little prodding from her and Eriol, Syaoran and Sakura had actually slipped into a very cozy, loving domestic arrangement. This had to be discussed with her partner in crime. She was sure that, as she and Sakura talked, Eriol and Syaoran were also talking as they met for their weekly music brainstorming session. After all, it was what they had agreed on.

"Oh, this is for you," Sakura smiled, and took out a present from her bag. It was a DVD with a 3D rendering program which she had commissioned for Tomoyo and her designs, one with an archiving and indexing feature which would help her best friend locate her designs.

"Oh, this is perfect!" Tomoyo smiled. "Thanks so much, Sakura." She placed it in her bag, next to the only other Valentine's Day present she received: seedling packs for hybrid roses, lavender, and nadeshiko, peach, and sakura blossoms from the man who had helped her hold herself together. She was taking the seeds to a hothouse for cultivation, and she thought of Eriol fondly; his kindness was something she relied on for so long.

"Why are you smiling so nicely?" Sakura asked curiously; they had stopped at the Cat's Eye Cafe for a snack.

"I'm glad you're happy," Tomoyo said as she reached out to take Sakura's hand. She offered the bait for the knowledge she wanted. "But I heard you and Syaoran argued a few days ago. Eriol-san says you locked yourself away from Syaoran all night."

Sakura sighed. "Yeah."

"Eriol-kun says Syaoran said he told you a lot of hurtful things," Tomoyo prodded.

"He did," Sakura said softly as she stirred her hot chocolate. She missed the little ritual of Syaoran blowing on it to cool it down as he normally did for her when they were at the cafe or at home. She then told Tomoyo the story of their argument, omitting only the part about her confused feelings for Syaoran. She didn't want Tomoyo to know just yet.

Tomoyo looked thoughtful. "He waited for you to come down and made breakfast?"

"And he apologized over and over," Sakura smiled at the memory. "Even after I went to work the next day he messaged me with 'sorrys' several times and even explained what he meant. Sheesh! And you know how hard it is for him to use that word. But he—I realized he had a point. I can't be a victim forever, and I can't live in the past. He's right, though he didn't deliver it well, sure—but that's Syaoran for you. It's not easy but with his help I'm trying to let go—and Tomoyo-chan, I hope I'm strong enough to let go."

"Had any nightmares since?" Tomoyo asked, concerned. She knew Sakura still suffered from nightmares of the past and fears of abandonment.

Sakura blushed. "We've slept together since then, and my dreams have been peaceful...it's like he keeps the demons away. He..."

She was cut off when Tomoyo screeched happily. "TELL! Oh, you're such a meanie, Sakura, tell tell tell! What was it like? How sexy is he? Ooooh! Have you made love every night since then? I bet he's better than Yue in bed!"

Sakura laughed. "No! Keep your voice down; people are staring. No, not that way. He just held me—spooned me, and we just slept. Period."

"Oh Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo fondly patted her friend's hand. "Sorry about that. But seriously—think about it. He _**is **_your husband, after all. Making love is normal, and you know how wonderful it can be. I hear Syaoran is a very passionate lover," she baited again, rather naughtily.

"I—I can't, Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura reddened, because she _**had **_thought about it, especially in the mornings when Syaoran sometimes unconsciously pressed himself into her and she would notice he had a morning "happy". Since he liked to sleep in boxers, she had no way of ignoring it. She wished she had the courage to wake him with a kiss, and things would move from there, from kisses to touching to feeling to nakedness—oh God she wanted to explore him, see how beautiful he was—and...

...and that was where the fantasy ended for her. She couldn't bear it if they got into some kind of physical relationship and then they would wind up using each other for comfort without love. She didn't think she could live with that.

Oh but the temptation to give in to the bliss of making love with Syaoran was overwhelming.

"But...Tomoyo-chan, about Yue—I think..." Who could you trust if it wasn't your best friend? She took a deep breath. "I think I was using him to distract me from Syaoran."

"Really?" The teasing glint disappeared from Tomoyo's eyes. Finally, the conversation had gone where she wanted it to.

"I don't understand what I feel about Syaoran," Sakura said slowly. "I can't stand not being with him, and the thought of losing him drives me crazy. I—I can't even think of the prospect of losing him," she said quietly.

Tomoyo hid a small gasp. Sakura had never been this way with any of her exes; she had simply fallen, and gone straight to "hanyaan" or sweet mode. Her emotions for Syaoran were strong, yet she was fighting desperately against them.

**She really does not want to lose him, **Tomoyo thought. **When will she realize that she already loves him, that all her subterfuges are nothing but symptoms of denial? And that he truly is different from all the others who've been in her life?**

"Perhaps, Sakura-chan, you should trust Syaoran a little more..."

"That's what you said before," Sakura sighed. "It's not that I don't trust Syaoran—No. That's a lie. I don't trust myself and as a result I don't trust him—and yet I want him there all the time and I need him so badly..." Sakura bit back her tears. "Oh Tomoyo-chan, I am so confused! He needs—he deserves—someone without my emotional baggage, someone beautiful like Alia," she said miserably.

"Sometimes it's a question of what he wants, instead of what he needs," Tomoyo said soothingly. The implications of her statement sailed right past Sakura though.

"Syaoran deserves someone—who's good enough for him," Sakura said miserably. "Someone who's not as—soiled—as me," her voice trailed off in a whisper.

Tomoyo stood up so suddenly, the table clattered. Her violet eyes were blazing. "Don't you dare, Sakura-chan! Never _**ever **_dare think of yourself as someone lesser than others. Just because all those—those _**bastards**_," and Sakura gasped; Tomoyo never, ever cursed!—"made you **feel **that way does not mean you **are **that way! I will never forgive you if you let them destroy you when so much life, so much love waits for you and you're too wrapped up in your misery to see it. Misery can be such a comforting crutch, Sakura-chan, but you can't let it define you!" She was breathing heavily from the emotion and Sakura stared at her, wide-eyed. Was _**this **_Tomoyo?

Little did she know that Tomoyo's anger stemmed from the fact that Sakura could not see that the one she loved—and Tomoyo believed Sakura was already in love with Syaoran—was still there. Syaoran cared about her, had married her, held her in his arms at night. There was all the groundwork for a beautiful beginning of love—and Eriol and she knew that Syaoran had finally realized he was in love with her ever since. He and Sakura had an eternity of tomorrows ahead of them.

What Tomoyo would give to still be able to hold her lover again—even just one last time...she clenched her fists and bit back the urge to cry. She would never have those things anymore—not since he had died. And to her horror, it was she who felt tears begin in her eyes. It was almost a year since the accident, and yet—she still could not accept it!

"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura stood up, horrified. How had the conversation gotten to this? "Tomoyo-chan, I'm so sorry..."

Her best friend had a point, she reluctantly admitted. But why was Tomoyo so affected? She reached out a hand to touch Tomoyo, who for the first time in their long friendship, turned away.

"Please don't apologize, Sakura-chan. You do that too often. I apologize for the outburst, though," she said quietly. "Please forgive me but I must go." She stood up and took her paper bags off the floor. "But promise me—stop being blind. Stop listening to your insecurities and start listening to your heart and what it feels, wants, and needs. Let go and let Syaoran in. It's for your own good." She bowed, smiled, and left.

And she left a confused Sakura behind. Let Syaoran in? What did she mean?

Sakura drove home, trying to make sense of what had happened. When she got home and took her coat off, Syaoran arrived shortly afterwards.

"Rough day?" he asked as he shook the snow off his boots, and took off his jacket. He kissed her forehead as she welcomed him home.

"I think I had an argument with Tomoyo, but I'm not sure..." How much could she safely tell Syaoran without giving away what she felt about him? Sakura's eyes widened; _**I should have shut up, Syaoran's too perceptive, he'll know**_**!**

Thankfully Syaoran only hugged her; he then tilted up her chin when she relaxed. "Cherry, it's normal for friends to fight. I suppose it was very personal 'cause you're not talking about it voluntarily, yeah?" She nodded, and Syaoran smiled. "Listen—leave her alone for now. Then ask her out for lunch or dinner. Tell her," and his eyes sparkled with mischief, "that you want her to design a nice cocktail dress or gown for you. Leave the choice of design and stuff entirely up to her."

"As a peace offering?" Sakura smiled.

"Yes, and you need one; my family is hosting a grand reunion sometime soon and I'd love to have you meet them," he said.

"That's a great idea. Thanks," Sakura kissed his cheek, and he resisted the urge to turn and 'accidentally' catch her lips with his.

"Oh, this is for you. Happy Valentine's," Sakura grinned, and tossed a green and yellow package at Syaoran. Inside was the cute little wolf pen holder, and a new silver fountain pen—with green ink included.

"Green?" Syaoran raised one dark brow. "Silver?"

"I told you—I think you should like green more," Sakura giggled. "I know you love blue, but like I said, green kind of is a nice color on you. Plus it's supposed to inspire creativity!"

"Well, when you put it like that," Syaoran laughed. He fully intended to try out the pen, and when he saw she'd had it engraved with his name, he smiled; she loved kidding him about his mania for labeling the things he owned. "Thank you. I am so gonna owe you a good White Day gift!"

Sakura, to his surprise, blushed. "You don't have to, really. Just—just stay...I mean, you being here..."

He understood, and wrapped her in his arms. "You'll always have me, whether you like it or not," he smiled. "And it brings a curse upon you to not return Valentine's Day presents with presents twice their value."

"Says who?" Sakura's eyes widened.

"All four of my sisters. They used to blackmail me with it when I was a kid. Shiefa even said I'd grow up, ahem, an 'inadequate' man if I didn't return presents twice their value to them," Syaoran groaned.

Sakura laughed, tossing her head back. "Awww! You must have been such a cute, gullible kid!"

"Yeah, so?" Syaoran cringed; this was embarrassing!

"I would have loved kidding you! Tomoyo-chan and I had this friend, Yamazaki-kun, and he told the most awful lies and stories. You would have loved him; he could make stories out of anything!"

"Humphf. Sounds like he'd make a better best friend for Eriol. Did you know that prick likes telling stories as well?"

"Eriol-san?" Sakura was surprised. "Really?"

"Unfortunately, yes. So what's for dinner?" Syaoran asked.

"What would you like?" Sakura walked to the kitchen and Syaoran followed.

"Mmm—how about that bolognese sauce, ribbon pasta, and the sausages I bought?" Syaoran asked as Sakura opened the refrigerator. "Don't forget the cheese!"

"Sounds good to me," Sakura smiled as Syaoran, without being asked, filled a large casserole with water, set it on the stove to boil, then reached for the onions and garlic. He began to peel and chop them, and she placed the ground beef in the microwave to defrost it.

As she waited for the meat to defrost, she watched Syaoran. He had a habit of biting his lip when he was concentrating, and she loved the way his teeth worried his lower lip. She found herself wondering what his lips would taste like, and smiled. His amber eyes would go somewhat dark too, when he was thinking—as they did now. His bangs would hang in his face and he would brush them away impatiently with the hand that wasn't holding a knife, or send a blast of air from his lips to blow the hair away. Sakura longed to brush his bangs away herself, but didn't dare; how would she explain it?

Her feelings, Sakura realized, complicated things; she was more sensitive to the things he said and more shy around him. Little intimacies she used to take for granted, like touching him or kissing him, suddenly were infused with fear as she was terrified he would see through her and what she felt for him. Everything he said, she would examine to see if she had missed some kind of meaning in it.

And she was furious at herself for complicating things. But if she went back to the way she felt before, it would mean never seeing how beautiful he really was, how wonderful a friend he was—how uniquely Syaoran he was, a gift to her from some kindly God who allowed her to find consolation in his warmth, in him allowing her to be part of his life.

Syaoran noticed Sakura was watching him, and suddenly felt embarrassed. She was probably comparing him to Yue; the emotional scars he bore from their fight over Sakura watching Yue in the gym were related to his belief that Sakura thought Yue was more attractive than him.

He'd never really cared about his appearance before, and no matter what Eriol said, he didn't think of himself as a handsome man. He was scrupulous about his hygiene, but he'd never gotten to getting facials, massages, and other things men like Eriol considered necessary. He didn't think of himself as a pretty boy.

Should he start then? Syaoran wondered. Would it be a case of, if he were more handsome, dressed more snappily, and was more charming, could he win Sakura over and get her to moon over him the way she did with Yue? He wished he was more suave, a better dresser, someone who didn't curse as often as he did. In short, someone Sakura could fall in love with, not just plain old Syaoran Li who had a potty mouth and liked to trash her.

But he wouldn't be true to himself if he changed that way all of a sudden and he knew Sakura never asked him to change anything essential about himself. That was the warmest thing about her: she accepted him as he was, and even forgave him when he forgot to forgive himself. Her presence was enough to keep him warm, and he felt that he would be a happy man if she agreed not to divorce him after the two years were over.

Not that he wasn't already happy. He was part of her life—that's what he wanted, right?

The complication was that he now saw her as a woman—one he desired, one he loved. Sometimes he was tempted not to sleep beside Sakura because he sometimes had erotic dreams about her. He wanted her; he'd stopped denying it, but he also respected her need for space, and time to heal old wounds.

If only he hadn't fallen for her. If only they could go back to their once-innocent friendship. Yet innocence, once lost, can never be reclaimed.

His grip on the knife slipped, and he almost cut himself; luckily his reflexes allowed him to pull his hand away before the knife could do damage.

"Syaoran!" Sakura was at his side in an instant.

"I'm okay," he said quickly. "Look," he held up his hand.

"Oh, thank goodness," she said as she inspected his hand.

Syaoran raised his hand to her cheek, not knowing he was leaning in closer as he did. He was mere inches away from her, letting himself drown in her eyes, and he smiled gently.

Sakura smiled back, and snuggled her cheek into his palm. "Don't scare me that way again, okay?" she said

"I promise," Syaoran said. The moment, whatever it was, had fled them but the sweetness would linger for a long time.

* * *

**Disaster**

A few weeks later, Sakura was humming to herself as she walked the corridors outside Yue's office. It was a holiday, and she wasn't afraid she would run into him; he was rarely around these days. **Probably with his new non-Chinese girlfriend—amend that to fiancee, **she thought bitterly. She was doing research in the library for a proposal she was writing, and she was thinking of ways to present the ideas she had in mind. She felt positive and enthusiastic; Syaoran and she had been enjoying their days together, and she'd even helped him once as he scored some cute lyrics for Eriol that made him cringe. He'd even sat patiently and waited as she'd gotten her hair highlighted and bobbed to the shoulder-scraping length it had been in high school; he was floored when the results were lovely. Syaoran then insisted that she go with Tomoyo for facials and massages and other beauty routines regularly—and even paid for them when he saw how happy she was and how good she looked.

Sakura smiled. **Syaoran. **It was lovely to have such a wonderful friend for a husband, and she was happy he seemed to feel the same way. They were supposed to have dinner tonight at the Cat's Eye cafe, something they did at least once a week, and she looked forward to seeing him.

She found the materials she needed in the filing room near Yue's office, and uttered a gleeful, "Yes!" She pulled them out, leaving notes and flags to mark what she'd gotten folders. Arranging them in a large envelope, she exited the room, eager to finish and maybe spend some time shopping for the groceries before meeting Syaoran.

"Oh, there you are," a familiar voice said, and Sakura froze. _**Yue! **_What was he doing in the office? "I was looking for you." Yue came closer, practically breathing into Sakura's face. "You look beautiful. Marriage...seems to be good for you." His arms formed a prison, and Sakura backed up, cringing.

"No," Sakura squeaked, and found herself backed into the wall behind her. "Leave me alone!"

"So tell me," Yue began, and Sakura didn't like the glint in his eyes, "was this an arranged marriage? A marriage of convenience? How come I never see your husband in the office? How come you don't talk about this guy, whatever his last name is, since you don't use it?" His tone was accusatory.

Sakura managed to hiss, "Not that you would know what it means to be a husband. Or to love, for that matter."

"But I will find out soon," Yue smiled. "I have an invitation for you—**and **your husband." He held out a dove-gray envelope. "Try to attend, will you? Together."

She pushed him away and gathered what was left of her pride, stalking away from him slowly instead of giving in to the impulse to run.

Naoko, who happened to turn into the other end of the corridor, put a hand over her mouth. She didn't like the look of what had happened, and Yue glared at her when he turned to walk back into his office. Quietly, she followed Sakura, who wandered back to her office haphazardly.

Sakura wanted to talk to Syaoran so, so badly. Once she reached her office, she opened the envelope...and then turned pale once she read the entire invitation.

_Our parents,_

_Penk Eng and Dao Yip Lim_

_Noribo and Arika Satoshi_

_have given their blessings to the joining of our hearts_

_Yue Deng Lim_

_and_

_Loraina Kirika Satoshi_

_would be honored by your presence_

_for their nuptials_

Details for the reception and venue followed, and a photo collage of the lovers appeared on the inside envelope of the invitation.

**It's Alia! **Sakura covered her mouth in shock, recognizing Alia from the photos that Syaoran used to have before she moved in with him. He'd politely gotten rid of them when they got married, keeping only a few in his own room—which, come to think of it, she hadn't seen those photos for a long time. Syaoran had replaced them with photos of Sakura and him.

But, Yue—was marrying Alia? She fought the wild impulse to laugh. Didn't this sort of thing happen only in insane stories, or on television? Sakura fumbled in her bag for her cell phone to call Syaoran.

**No. **She couldn't talk to Syaoran! She could not tell him that their exes were marrying—she didn't know why but she couldn't. Blind with tears, she grabbed her wallet and fled, leaving everything else behind—her purse, her car keys, her cell phone, everything.

She was, if she cared to admit it, terrified that Syaoran would break down and be upset over Alia remarrying, as she knew he was still in love with her. Though he hadn't mentioned her for some time, she suspected he was keeping it in out of respect for her.

That she was wrong was something she never suspected.

When Sakura disappeared for the rest of the day, leaving her purse behind in her office, Naoko knew something was very wrong.

She breathed a silent apology to Sakura and went through her things. Her driver's license was in the bag and it listed her address in a quiet area of Tokyo—an expensive community in a prime location. Sakura's new husband, it seemed, was a wealthy man, Naoko was surprised to note; he'd seemed like a regular guy (albeit extremely handsome) the one time he'd gone to their office.

Gathering her courage, Naoko summoned a taxi and gave the driver that address. At the gates, Naoko stopped, awed by the large yet cozy house, with fireblossom and sakura blossom trees—both still bare in the winter—lining the large driveway. A gleaming BMW sat in the garage, and what she could see of the furnishings were rich yet cozy. She got out of the cab, walked up to the door, and rang the bell.

Syaoran came out, curiously eyeing Naoko. "Yeah?" He barely managed to keep his voice this side of polite—bordering on rude.

"Ah...Li-san?" she began. He was so tall and good-looking, it was intimidating talking to him. "I am Naoko Yanisagawa, and I'm Sakura-chan's officemate. You might remember me from when you visited her before you were married?"

"Um...yeah?" Syaoran was curious and barely managed to rein in his normal tendency to be rude to strangers. But he reminded himself that she was probably a friend of Sakura's so he reined himself in.

"I..." She held up Sakura's bag and Syaoran's eyes narrowed. "I came to return this."

"What..." Syaoran's expression quickly changed as he grabbed the bag. He immediately noticed her cell phone inside, and he knew she would not leave it behind just like that. "What happened? Where is she? Is she all right? Where's Sakura?" He didn't realize he had grabbed Naoko's arm until the woman whimpered in pain. "Sorry." He released Naoko, drew a deep breath to rein himself in and asked in a gentler tone, "Please. Where is Sakura and what happened to her?"

Naoko looked up at him. Syaoran's eyes were wild, and she realized he was worried about Sakura. **He must really love her, **she thought.

"Li-san...I don't know where she is...I just want you to know... Do you know about...Yue?"

Syaoran didn't reply immediately, but his eyes hardened in anger. "Did that asshole do anything to her?" His fists clenched dangerously.

"I...I don't know..." Naoko stammered, put off balance by Syaoran's language.

He noticed. "Sorry. Please—go on."

"I-I was at the fourth floor, and I saw Yue—he was cornering Sakura. She fled shortly, but then Yue... He saw me, he glared at me... I don't know what happened, but I'm a little scared for Sakura. She disappeared after that... left her bag behind. Please, talk to her, okay? Yue... He can be nice, but he's made her cry so much..."

Syaoran swore so badly, Naoko cringed. This time he didn't apologize; instead he gritted his teeth. "I'll find her. Thank you for telling me." He left the door ajar, then came back with his car keys. He shoved some large bills into Naoko's hands. "Sorry I can't take you where you're going. I have to find her. Take a cab." With a loud screech of tires, he peeled out of the driveway and left.

Naoko stared at the door; he'd left it wide open! She resisted the urge to peek, carefully closing and locking the door before leaving. Sakura's husband been rude and peremptory, but she also saw how he was close to the edge when he'd realized something was wrong.

**Wow, I wish I could find someone who loved me that much, **Naoko sighed.

And she couldn't resist one last look at the house. Clearly Sakura and her husband both cared for the house; one could see it in what was visible through the windows. And it wasn't just a home for two; she estimated at least four bedrooms.

**They'll have very beautiful children, **Naoko smiled, and exited the gates to hail a cab. **I hope I get to see their babies. I think I'll write a love story about them someday.**

**End of Chapter 7**

* * *

Acknowledgements are due to: 'Tomoyo' of the ECRS team who helped shape a key scene here; 'Chiharu' for her support (and bless you, wonderful person!) and Ms C, who patiently guides me and who advised the move of the Yue/Sakura scene to chapter 8 for a very good reason.

Reviewers are wonderful people! Thank you again to **beaucoup riant, butterfly(dot)KISSU, Twilight Kisses, DontWakeMeUp, butterflyangellover14, lhaine07, Karithinia, AngelEmCuti, X(dot)ViixAn3elic(dot)X, rondallagurl, Skei-Fyr, Link Fangirl01, puasloma, Julia and Tania, michiko14anime, teenureen, cupid17, Dream of Autumn, harney, broken emerald, anigal08, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, aegyo, redeyes143, winterkaguya, Emina01*14, ~harmony~, lurkerreadergrrl, CheeseyCraziness, Teruna Hime, ****Dream Fighter75**, **Mrs. Radcliffe 13**, and **xSapphirexRosesxFanx**. Reviews are like cookies for me—and I love cookies, so thanks so much!

* * *

**Preview for chapter 8 (up soon! This is in addition to the preview in Chapter 6)**

"_No...No, Sakura, no please don't cry, I hate it when you cry," he said as he took her into his arms. "Shhh, please." He held her small body as she shook in his arms, wishing more than anything that he could take her pain away. Mutilating Yue sounded like a good idea right now, but...He clenched his fists as Sakura wept into his chest. She'd held it together for so long, and then twice in just two months, that sodding __**pansy**__ had made her cry so hard, Syaoran wanted to rip him apart._

_But he controlled himself, with an effort. No. Sakura and her feelings were what mattered now, not tearing that (_stupid ugly asshole_) Yue apart, however tempting the thought was. She might think he was angry at Yue for marrying Alia—and not the real reason: he was furious at Yue for hurting Sakura. _

"_Cherry—come on, please, look at me, Sakura—that's it—we are __**not**__ attending that wedding. You hear me?" Syaoran touched her chin gently._

_Sakura sniffled and managed to ask, "But why?"_

"_I don't want to give that asshole another opportunity to hurt you." Syaoran's eyes were flaming bronze, and Sakura was surprised._

"_But Syaoran..." Sakura wiped her tears away, "this is an opportunity for you."_

"_Me?" Syaoran was incredulous. "To what? If you mean you want me to sock that poncy boy in the face for you, sure! Do you want me to?" He looked very eager at the prospect of having Sakura's blessing to rearrange Yue's face._

"_No, no..." Sakura laughed through her tears. "To see Alia. To get some closure. It...it will be good for you."_

"_You're insane," Syaoran whispered as he pulled her back into his arms. "You've been hurt so badly and all you can think of is __**me **__getting closure? Screw that, Sakura. You're what matters. Okay? Never mind me."_


	8. Forward Looking Attitudes

**Forward-Looking Attitudes**

Disclaimer: Don't own them. But if CLAMP has an opening for a janitor I will gladly work for free! XD

Note: The scene previewed in Chapter 6 is finally here! As usual, beware of Syaoran's mouth! (My parents left the Internet on and so I updated ASAP! haha~) And now the turning point is finally here: please check out the new poll, asking you if you'll let me put in a very mature scene in a few chapters between Sakura and Syaoran.

* * *

**Reining Himself In**

Sakura had gone straight to Tomoyo, just as Syaoran guessed. She hadn't taken her cell phone, but he'd called Tomoyo, who told him where she was. Once at Tomoyo's beautiful condominium, he strode over and kneeled in front of where Sakura sat. He never noticed Tomoyo, who had opened the door for him, or Eriol, who stood in an alcove, watching them; he had eyes only for Sakura.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Syaoran asked, grabbing one small hand in his.

"Tell you what?" Sakura looked up at him, still dazed.

"That the asshole Yue is treating you badly!" Syaoran roared. "Your friend...the one with glasses...I can't remember her name—she came to the house with your purse and told me what happened with Yue. That he cornered you in the office and made you cry. Damn it, Sakura, didn't I tell you to tell me these things?" He paced, then spat, "I'll kill that bastard! Your friend said he cornered you in the office. What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?"

And it scared him when she did not cry but looked away, a blank look on her face. She held up a dove-gray wedding invitation wordlessly.

"What's this?" Syaoran grabbed it. "That bastard invited you to his wedding? The nerve of that poncy prick!"

Sakura laughed hollowly. "Even better. Guess who he's marrying."

Syaoran read through the invitation, and when he saw the bride's name, he screamed, "What the fucking hell?" He regretted his action when Sakura flinched and began to cry.

In the background Eriol sighed and moved closer to Tomoyo to whisper, "I **already **told him that Alia was getting married some time ago, and did he listen? Oh no, he did not!"

"Of course not," Tomoyo whispered back, smiling. "You were the wrong messenger."

"Ah, how could I have forgotten?" Eriol smiled back, then they settled to watch Sakura and Syaoran, who had forgotten about them.

"No...No, Sakura, no please don't cry, I hate it when you cry," he said as he took her into his arms. "Shhh, please." He held her small body as she shook in his arms, wishing more than anything that he could take her pain away. Mutilating Yue sounded like a good idea right now, but...He clenched his fists as Sakura wept into his chest. She'd held it together for so long, and then twice in just two months, that sodding pansy had made her cry so hard, Syaoran wanted to rip him apart.

But he controlled himself, with an effort. No. She was what mattered now, not tearing that (_stupid ugly asshole_) Yue apart, however tempting the thought was. No way in hell was he going to let Sakura think he was not over Alia yet. Never. "Cherry—come on, please, look at me, Sakura—that's it—we are _**not**_ attending that wedding. You hear me?" Syaoran touched her chin gently.

Sakura sniffled and managed to ask, "But why?"

"I don't want to give that asshole another opportunity to hurt you." Syaoran's eyes were flaming bronze, and Sakura was surprised.

"But Syaoran..." Sakura wiped her tears away, "this is an opportunity for you."

"Me?" Syaoran was incredulous. "To what? If you mean I can sock that poncy boy in the face, sure! Do you want me to?" He looked very eager at the prospect of having Sakura's blessing to rearrange Yue's face.

"No, no..." Sakura laughed through her tears. "To see Alia. To get some closure. It...it will be good for you."

"You're insane," Syaoran whispered as he pulled her back into his arms. "You've been hurt so badly and all you can think of is _**me **_getting closure? Screw that, Sakura. You're what matters. Okay? Never mind me."

"But Syaoran," she protested, pulling away from his embrace to face him, "you need to let go and forgive Alia so you can get on with your life."

He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "But Sakura," he smiled, "I already have. Thanks to you." And he prayed she would understand what he meant.

Sakura looked at her husband. His eyes were glistening with a strange emotion, but he was smiling. She looked deep into them, and realized he meant it.

She was ashamed of crying about Yue in front of him. He was, after all, the one she loved. _Shouldn't I be trying to show him...not drive him away...but wait...didn't he just say...?_

Her little pink mouth opened into an "Oh!" and Syaoran laughed; the motion brought his nose in contact with hers, and she giggled. God he wanted, wanted so desperately to kiss her. Just two inches and he would be touching his lips to hers in the kiss that he'd wanted for so long. He almost did, but at the last second, he stopped and kissed Sakura's cheek instead.

Tomoyo didn't even have to nudge Eriol; they had both seen Syaoran's lips. Seems they didn't have to do anything—but getting the two to give in to their feelings with all the complications swirling about them, that would be the challenge.

Or so they thought.

It was at that moment that Syaoran realized, with finality, with complete certainty, that he was deeply in love with this beautiful, selfless, strong, silly woman, and had been so for a long time. He'd tried to hide behind his dead affair with Alia to save himself, but—not anymore. He touched her hair gently, moving it back behind her ears. Perhaps confessing his feelings would help her...

**No. That's imposing your feelings and what you want on her, **he scolded himself.

He couldn't do it. Not when she was upset and vulnerable. He had sworn never to pressure her or make her think she owed him or that he was rebounding with her.

He loved her too much for that.

"So come on. Let's go home. I need you to take a leave for at least two weeks," he said as he stood up and took her with him.

"Ehh?" Sakura raised her brows. "What, are you going to trash me for two weeks straight?"

"No, no..." Syaoran was unable to keep from touching her; he'd have to work on his self-control soon, he knew it. He held her hand in his and, on an impulse, he kissed it. "We're going to take a vacation. Get away from all this shit. Go somewhere warmer."

"Hoe! Where?" Sakura was curious, and excited. Two weeks of just her and Syaoran? **There is a God!**

Syaoran laughed. He hadn't heard 'Hoe!' from Sakura in so long, and the sound pleased him. "Hong Kong. I think it's time we met the family, huh?" His eyes were alight with happiness, and for a moment, Sakura allowed herself to believe that maybe Syaoran could care for her the way she did him. Could she nurture that hope? A warmth spread through her, making her smile, and Syaoran smiled with her.

She had no idea that he was already in love with her.

A throat was cleared, and Syaoran turned to face Eriol.

"I suppose it would be moot to ask if you two were all right," he said, his eyes twinkling behind those fake glasses of his.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we are." Then he remembered his manners. "Daidouji-san, thank you for taking care of Sakura."

Tomoyo smiled. "I think she's in good hands now. Will you take her home?"

Sakura spoke up. "I left my car at the office. We have to go get it."

"We will," Syaoran squeezed her hand. "Okay? Now let's say goodbye to the nice people," at this Eriol and Tomoyo glanced at each other and simultaneously rolled their eyes, "and we'll be on our way. Wanna get some dango and takoyaki on the way home?"

"Only if it's your treat," Sakura giggled as she pulled her coat on.

"Ah, yes, exploitation of the husband. Eriol, Daidouji, thanks. I owe you two dinner."

Eriol quickly pounced on the opening. "Of course. All four of us. But," and his eyes twinkled again, "I've been meaning to go to Hong Kong to scout some video locations. I wonder who has a good eye with a camera?"

"Me!" Tomoyo squeaked. "Oooh I'll pay my own way, I know the best places for a shoot, you have to trust me, Eriol, I..."

"I always had you in mind, Tomoyo-san. Forgive my little joke," he smiled.

Tomoyo clapped her hands. "Hong Kong it is!"

Eriol laughed and turned to Syaoran and Sakura. "I overheard you two talking about going to Hong Kong. Since it's not a honeymoon, may we join you?"

"Pay your own way—and Daidouji-san's, and you can," Syaoran said good-naturedly. Tomoyo's glance lingered on where he was holding Sakura's hand, and Eriol's eyes followed. "Talk to you later. I'll book your room. Leave it all up to me. Bye!" The words tumbled out of Syaoran's mouth and he practically carried Sakura out of the door.

"What was with the rush to leave?" Sakura asked in the elevator.

"I am gonna book their room at the Mandarin hotel. The honeymoon suite," Syaoran snickered.

"Syaoran! That's not very nice!" Sakura scolded, but was beginning to giggle.

"No, but you have to admit—it's gonna be fun," Syaoran grinned wickedly.

"Come to think of it," Sakura mused, "it would be nice to pair those two, ne?"

"You're catching my drift, sweet wife." Syaoran smiled widely.

"Oh, so you noticed the chemistry between them too?" Sakura asked, smiling back.

"I—well, not until recently," Syaoran said. "But...when we get home, I'll show you the lyrics he's been writing. You'll see."

"You're evil," Sakura began to laugh.

"You wouldn't have me any other way," Syaoran said, and he kissed her cheek. "Come on, takoyaki and dango it is for you!"

And to Sakura's surprise, he picked her up in his arms, and ran to the car with her in them, both of them laughing fit to burst. It would only be the beginning of more happy times for them.

* * *

**Her Decision**

Syaoran drove Sakura to her office so that she could collect her car. He waited patiently as she went to her office to collect her things and her keys.

Now that he was alone and didn't need to hide his emotions from Sakura for her sake, he was angry and numb, but not because Alia was marrying Yue. He fought the urge to laugh. **What were the fucking chances? **He remembered reading a Noel Coward play in college that dealt with something like this.

What worried him was Sakura's feelings. Alia was by no means Chinese; she didn't even have a drop of Chinese blood in her veins. Yue—and Syaoran's grip tightened on the steering wheel of his BMW at the thought—must have gotten a kick out of rubbing Sakura's nose in it.

_Why couldn't Yue have just fought for Sakura? Didn't the goddamned moron realize that Sakura was beyond simply being worth it? _Syaoran rubbed his temples, irritated at the idiot. If it had been him who was in Yue's place, he would have told his parents to fuck all, and he would have gone off with Sakura and they could have married and had a dozen beautiful brats together. He smiled. Children. Oh yes he wanted to be the father of Sakura's children, and he knew she looked forward to being a mother.

And, Syaoran's smile widened, he looked forward to being a father the moment Sakura agreed to have children.

But he came back down to earth. If Yue had fought for Sakura, then she would never have entered his life, and Syaoran might still be pining for Alia.

He knew his family would love her; how could they not? Sakura—and he smiled—would win every single Li over, even his aloof mother. He was sure of it. It was one of the reasons why he loved her.

Asking Sakura not to attend Yue and Alia's wedding was a measure of self-defense; one look at Yue's smug face and he would have punched the bastard clear to hell. Sakura did not deserve that. Everyone would think Syaoran did it because he was still in love with Alia. He could not humiliate her that way. She had to know somehow—without him saying so—that he cared for her now, that he loved her and that love was the first real one in his life. And the last, I hope, he smiled.

He didn't care anymore that Alia was in love. _Good for her_, he thought, and was shocked to discover he felt no anger or bitterness. He actually felt happy that she had moved on, although he briefly worried that Yue might dump her the way he did Sakura.

**Not my problem anymore. **And he smiled at the thought.

But Sakura—he could just tell she was still wrestling with her inner demons. Raised in a sheltered environment, the world had been cruel to such a delicate, happy person—and she had tried so hard to deal. Her expression, her reactions—Syaoran simply wanted to punch Yue for being such an ass about letting Sakura know about the fucking wedding.

He had no idea that Sakura was experiencing her own epiphany in the office. She typed up a simple letter, and dropped it on Yue's desk; she first checked to see that he wasn't there.

She could tell Syaoran had held himself in for her sake, and was deeply grateful. In her heart she believed he deserved more than her; she felt she was a used doll, a broken one. _**Syaoran needs someone who has no emotional baggage**_, she told herself. Given what she had, what could she possibly offer him?

The photo of Syaoran that she now displayed on her desk was no longer for appearances. Every day, when there was a break in work, she would look at his handsome, laughing face and thank God that she was part of his life.

**Oh stop lying to yourself**, she scolded herself. **You want him to love you.**

Sakura stopped, open-mouthed. **What did I just think?**

And yet it was true. She hated her seesawing emotions; one minute she wanted to pounce on Syaoran and kiss him senseless, telling him how much she loved him. Then she would feel she didn't deserve him.

**I must make up my mind. I must be stronger! **Sakura set her jaw. **Because I need to show him that I love him, without saying the words. I might scare him off if I say them first.**

**I love Syaoran! **Sakura hugged herself, briefly thrilled. The revelation did nothing to ease her pain though; how could she have let herself fall in love with Syaoran? Things would have been less complicated if she had just remained friends with him.

Had they? No, first he was a substitute for Toya, and then somewhere along the way, she discovered that she loved him—every infuriating, silly, sweet, gentle, potty-mouthed, handsome inch of him. That first night, sleeping in his arms had given her the only peaceful sleep she'd had in years, and she'd woken up to watch him sleep, her heart aching with love. Now she woke up in the morning to his scent, to his hair in her eyes, to his arms carelessly flung over her, and she felt as peaceful as she ever had as a child.

Why was it that she had him, in one sense, and yet could not have him in another? It was torture. She let her fingers trace Syaoran's cheeks in the photo, and she realized that it was he that she loved the most of all those who had gone through her life—because he was everything to her but a lover.

Why? The irony of her being married to him yet unable to have him bothered her.

She looked up as her door was slammed open. "What the hell is this?" Yue stormed into Sakura's office, waving the letter she had typed. Yue glared at her hand viciously, and Sakura realized her hand was still on Syaoran's photo. She picked it up and placed it into the box she was carrying.

"My resignation," she said calmly, as she gathered her files. "Don't worry, I'm making a proper turnover to Naoko-chan."

"Just because I invited you to my wedding? Grow up, Sakura!"

Sakura realized, with a strange hollowness, that it was Yue who had not entirely let go of her. The thought should have thrilled her, but instead, she felt sad that he would marry with emotional baggage. Now she knew her decision was the right one. She would not be present in the office to complicate Yue's marriage to Alia.

And resigning meant she could pursue other avenues. Teach children? Dance? Spend more time with Syaoran? She smiled softly, and Yue was taken aback. To his surprise, she did not get angry. How ironic that he was asking her to grow up, after he'd shoved his wedding into her face. "I _**am **_growing up, Yue. You and your future wife deserve space away from the ex—me. And you were right; I don't spend enough time with my husband. So we're taking off to Hong Kong next month. Perhaps we can make up for lost time." She smiled.

Yue stared. "How long are you two staying there?"

"For as long as it takes," Sakura said as she packed the last of her files.

"Why did you marry him?" Yue demanded—tactless as always, Sakura smiled.

"Do I have to answer that?" Sakura said without heat. "No, I'll tell you. He's my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without Syaoran."

"His name is Syaoran, then." Yue repeated. He watched Sakura as she carefully taped the box shut, realization dawning on him. "You actually do love this bastard, don't you?" Yue said softly.

Sakura sighed. Leave it to Yue to have a rare moment of insight over something she was avoiding. But yes, he was right. She was in love with Syaoran. No sense in denying it now.

"Yes," she said, smiling softly, "I love Syaoran." And oddly, she could admit it to Yue--but never to Syaoran. She lifted the box and as she passed Yue, she said, "I wish you and your wife luck and happiness." And she meant it.

No, Sakura decided, it didn't matter, because she wanted to hold the fragile blossom of her love for Syaoran close to her heart, never admitting to it because she was terrified he would disappear. She was willing to bear the pain of an unrequited love if it meant he would never leave her side. The secret would be the price she would pay to be able to continue to love him.

But there was also that little flame in her heart, the one that insisted that Syaoran felt the same way—and she was afraid to fan the little flame.

**Should I be, though?**

Walking to the parking lot she mused on the irony of Yue being the first to realize her love for Syaoran. But it would have to stay there, unsaid to the person concerned.

She loved Syaoran too much to tell him the truth.

Loading the box in her tiny trunk, she waved at Syaoran, who flashed his lights to show he understood, then they drove home, Sakura leading, Syaoran following.

Sakura eased into the garage, and waited for Syaoran to park beside her. His face was set into grim lines, and Sakura thought, **my God, Alia still affects him this way?**

So she was surprised when he turned to her and gathered her into his arms once he exited his car. "You okay?" he asked

Surprised, Sakura nodded, and he kissed her forehead.

"Sorry I lost my temper. I forgot about your feelings."

Was this Syaoran? Sakura lost the battle to stay expressionless and grinned as she put her fingers to Syaoran's neck. "Hm. No fever. Most unusual."

"Why?" Syaoran cocked an eyebrow curiously.

"Nothing. You said 'sorry' twice in one day. Will wonders never cease? Don't deny you were in full combat mode a while ago," she said.

The snow began to fall, and Syaoran draped an arm over her shoulders. "Come on, cherry pig. Back into the house." He didn't want to talk about it, afraid of what he might betray to her.

"Avoiding the topic won't make it go away," Sakura chided him.

She felt Syaoran's muscles tense. "I **hate **the stupid prick, all right? Making you cry twice in a row with less than a month in between—gah, I want to cut his wanker off too, and won't that make me look ever so gay if I have a list of men whose organs I want to cut off?"

"Hoe?" Sakura opened the door with her key and stared at him, not believing what he'd just said.

"Kito. Emile. Yue. I want their tiny manhoods all bronzed and strung up in a row over the fireplace for what they did to you," Syaoran said grimly. Sakura's jaw went slack, and Syaoran feared he'd gone too far. "Um, what I meant was, I..."

He was not prepared for her to hurl herself on the couch, laughing fit to burst. "Eeew Syaoran! Do you have any idea how disgusting what you just said was?" Tears of mirth were leaking out of her eyes. "Manhoods—in a row! Eeew!"

"They hurt you!" Syaoran shuffled uncomfortably. "I just...come on...You know I didn't mean it in a bad way—well okay yes, a bad way but not in a gay way!"

She was gulping in air; her mirth was making it hard to breathe. "Oh Syaoran. If only Daio," and she named a gay friend of hers, "could hear you now. S/he would probably declare you closeted."

Syaoran snorted. "I am going to make tea now. You are going to pull yourself together." He went to the kitchen wearing a grumpy expression but once there, he breathed a sigh of relief. She was laughing. All was right in the world.

When he got back, he was not surprised to see she had curled up on one of the plush couches and pulled a fleece blanket over herself. "Want me to turn up the heater?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay, but go ahead if you like," Sakura smiled as he handed her her pink mug. "I know you get cold easily, and I can't be a human blanket for someone bigger than me," she teased. He rolled his eyes, then sipped tea from his blue mug as Sakura giggled.

"What now?" Syaoran asked curiously.

"I just thought you ought to be using green," she teased.

Syaoran sighed. "I just like blue. Don't tell me you think that's in the same league as my 'manhoods in a row' comment!"

Sakura lost the battle to keep her face straight, and snorted. It was such an unladylike display that Syaoran likewise snorted. Soon, they were laughing at each other.

"Look. Neither of us is in a state to cook, so I'm gonna call for delivery," Syaoran finally said. "What do you want?"

"Fried chicken. Greasy comfort food," Sakura bounced in her portion of the sofa. "Fries. Yucky greasy food we'll need our fingers for."

"Cherry pig," Syaoran said fondly as he stood up, and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Stop it. Do that one more time and I'm going to catch your tongue," he warned.

"With what?" Sakura raised a brow.

"With mine," he threatened. Before Sakura could react, he was out of the room, placing the order in the kitchen.

**Bleh. I am an idiot, **he thought as he rested his head against the wall. Whatever possessed him to—to flirt with Sakura that way—again?

Yet he knew he might do exactly that someday. Living in close proximity—how would he be able to resist?

He had no idea. And it was only a matter of time before he lost control and kissed her. Now wouldn't that open a serious can of worms?

**Get a grip idiot. She means more to you than your hormones, **he scolded himself.

God, sleeping next to her tonight would be like floating between heaven and hell.

And yet when he placed their mugs in the sink, he placed an arm over her shoulders and they went upstairs together. They did their evening ablutions, and soon, without being bidden, he was in Sakura's bed, the two of them snuggled comfortably like kittens.

* * *

**White Day Present**

Some time after Sakura quit the Entertainment network, and a few days before they left for Hong Kong, Syaoran hauled Sakura out of bed early, fed her breakfast, and told her that they had a "mission."

"What are we doing? Where are we going?" Sakura grumbled as Syaoran bundled her up in a thick thermal jacket with a hood.

"You'll enjoy this, I promise," he said, grinning. "Now get in the car."

In the back seat, Sakura noticed goggles, gloves, protective suits, and thick boots—one set in large size, one small. "Syaoran," she began in a warning tone, "I want an explanation. Now." Her mouth was set in a mutinous line.

"Do you trust me?" Syaoran smiled.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Do you?"

She stared at him. "This had better be good, Mr. Li, or you're gonna have another divorce on your hands!" And she was immediately sorry when hurt flashed in his eyes. "Sorry. Didn't mean it that way."

**It's a joke. Calm down**, Syaoran thought as he forced himself to smile. "It's nothing." He turned to start the car so he wouldn't have to meet her eyes. So she still saw the marriage as something temporary? Then again it was his fault; he heartily regretted telling her what he had several months ago about "we're not in love anyway..." Of course she wouldn't care. He'd made her not care.

And worse, now he **was **in love with her. **Ten points to the idiot, **Syaoran thought wryly.

Sakura watched Syaoran as he carefully negotiated the roads, and desperately wanted to take her words back. Syaoran was quiet, and she knew it meant she'd hurt him but he wasn't willing to say anything.

So he started when Sakura said quietly, "Pull over."

He obeyed, and Sakura turned to him, embracing him gently. "I'm sorry. That was thoughtless of me, Syaoran."

He nudged her arms away, and she was surprised when he smiled. "It's okay, Sakura. So I guess we're even?" And he wrapped his own arms around her.

"I trust you not to bring me to some hellhole and leave me there," she teased. "I trust you to call me 'Cherry Pig' when you feel like it. And I trust you with my life –which is a bad thing, so I might as well give it up now."

"Hah," Syaoran snorted, and he started the car again. When he swung into a demolition site, Sakura turned and raised her brows.

"What, do we need to do forced labor now?" she joked. "Lost your inheritance on a technicality—say, of being an idiot?"

"No, you have it wrong," Syaoran said in a mock-condescending manner. "You're the idiot, remember, married to the conceited jerk. Get it right."

She stuck her tongue out at him and for a moment, Syaoran lost control; he leaned over to her side, pinning her to her seat. He wanted to kiss her senseless, to capture her naughty little tongue with his own...

Her wide eyes looked up at him; what was he doing? Was he trying to—kiss her? Oh God yes!

**What are you doing, you cretin? **his mind screamed at him. For the first time, he misread her expression; he thought Sakura was looking confused and a little scared. **No! She might run away if I kiss her now!**

"Gotcha." And then he poked his index fingers on each side of her tummy, where he knew she was ticklish.

She screamed in laughter, and pushed him off. "You evil git!" she screeched.

Syaoran laughed. Sakura was just so utterly cute sometimes, and provoking her was so much fun. "Come on, cherry pig. Kidding."

"Seriously, Syaoran, are we going to do volunteer housebuilding or something?" she asked.

"No. This is stress release," he grinned as he reached in the back for the safety gear. "Put these on."

Sakura struggled into her safety gear and Syaoran got into his. They helped each other make the final adjustments, then exited the car.

"Can I please ask you what this is about now?" The mask muffled Sakura's voice, and Syaoran chuckled as he put her hard hat on her, and adjusted his to the correct position.

"I told you. Stress release. We both need it." A foreman walked up to them, tipped his hard hat to Syaoran, and handed him a ball-peen hammer.

They then trudged towards an area where a room had not yet been completely demolished.

"What the...Syaoran?" Sakura looked up at him as he handed it to her.

"Go on. These are the weakest walls. Take it out on them; I paid for an hour," Syaoran said.

"But..."

"Come on," he coaxed. "You'll like it."

When Sakura hesitated, Syaoran drew a photo from his pocket of Yue, and taped it to the wall.

"Syaoran!" Sakura was horrified, but she found herself amused. "You..."

"Planned ahead," he laughed. "I also have Emile here," and he taped Emile's photo to the wall. He'd deliberately excluded Kito though, so that Sakura would not be hurt—but just in case, he had a photo of him as well. Bless Daidouji-san and her photo and film archive!

"Please add Kito," Sakura said quietly.

Silently Syaoran drew the photo out and taped it to the wall, then nodded as he stepped back.

Tentatively Sakura raised the hammer and brought it down on Kito's face. The wall crumbled, and she was surprised to feel—better. She did it again, and squealed when more of the wall came down.

"You want to get more out of your swing," Syaoran said as he came up behind her and corrected her stance, planting her feet further apart, and showing her how to raise the hammer. "There. Try it now."

Sakura felt a satisfying _**crunch!**_as she demolished more concrete that way. She took a few more swings, then handed the hammer to Syaoran. "Your turn. That was strangely satisfying!"

"Back away then," he laughed, as he brought the hammer down and took almost a quarter of the wall down. They both began to laugh, taking turns with the hammer, their pain and anger slowly slipping away.

Sakura's arms were sore when she and Syaoran heard the foreman's whistle signalling the end of their hour. He returned the hammer, and outside the car, they stripped off their protective gear and threw it into the trunk.

Inside the car, Syaoran adjusted the heater and turned to Sakura, who was rubbing her arms.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah!" Her eyes were sparkling with life and happiness. "Thank you! That was weird but good!"

"Happy White Day, Sakura Li," Syaoran said gently. He ached to kiss her—but smiled instead.

"You always come up with the best presents, Syaoran. Really, thank you." Sakura squeezed her eyes shut in the happy smile Syaoran loved.

Syaoran smiled. He had missed those genuine smiles of hers, and knowing he had something to do with it made him feel even better.

"So—we go to Cat's Eye? Lunch?"

"Mmm, yes, then we ought to go get a massage. My arms are rubber," she said, wincing as she rotated her shoulders.

Syaoran watched her, aching with love for her, wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her. But instead he smiled, started the car, and said, "Cat's Eye, then Suriya Spa. Your wish is my command, sweet wife!"

Sakura laughed. "I am so lucky to have you, ne?"

And Syaoran felt his heart flutter at that comment. "Just after our wedding you said you wanted to change your mind," he teased.

"No," Sakura said thoughfully. "No. I like where I am with you." And she happily looked at him, squeezed her eyes shut as she smiled, and kept him quiet company on the drive back to their Tokyo home, her warmth filling Syaoran with hope.

**End of Chapter 8**

* * *

To Sensei C, 'Tomoyo-chan' and Em-chan, thank you for putting up with my silliness! And to winterkaguya,

(swoons) Thank you, thank you so much for the lovely reviews! Please don't worry; I don't consider constructive criticism a flame. GAH, I get worse in my creative writing class—here's a sample:

"_Your 'Syaoran' seems like an unrealistic character. What kind of man would be married to a woman like 'Sakura' whom you describe as beautiful and yet never touch her even when they sleep together? Is he an idiot?" _

"_But I'm trying to keep him in character; in fact he should have nosebleeds and blush like crazy when she's near."_

"_Is he gay?" -fluffy-chan cries- _

So go on and show me where the errors are!

Anyway hugs and dreams of Syaoran (and Eriol!) to **puasloma, anigal08, Dream of Autumn, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, nexa alex, AngelEmCuti, lhaine07, winterkaguya, Twilight Kisses, polarissakura, harney, Kaiia, Skei-Fyr, Karithinia, X. ViixAn3eliic. X, Happy Blossom, DontWakeMeUp, beucoup riant, butterflyangellover14, Link Fangirl01, xSapphirexRosesxFanx, aegyo, pyscho-pyro-shrink, Julia and Tania, redeyes143, Adelita P. M., ami, michiko14anime, Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon, ~harmony~, Emina01*14, FlyFly, cupid17, Hime Kimiko**, and **KawaiiAmy13.**

**

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**

**And a preview of Chapter 9 (which will NOT be delayed!)  
**

_Syaoran smiled. They lay in each other's arms for a while, Sakura relishing his nearness. How was it that each moment with him was so sweet, so wonderful to relive, so beautiful? Oh but she wanted to kiss him so much, show him what he meant to her—but no._

"_But Sakura," Syaoran began, uncertain of how to begin an awkward discussion, "My family...I—oh..." He shook his head._

_It had to be important, Sakura thought; Syaoran was rarely this shy around her. "Don't hold it back. Tell me whatever it is."_

"_At home—my home—we need to act like husband and wife at home...I may have to be very affectionate with you, and you with me. Do you understand where I'm going?"_

_Sakura almost laughed. Was that it?" Don't worry, I won't have to act because I am happy with you," she said, touching her nose to his gently._

"_We do have to get one thing out of the way," and Syaoran blushed._

_He was blushing. __**Ohmygodheissocute, **__Sakura thought, as she placed one palm on a burning cheek. "And what's that?"_

"_I—we—have to kiss," he whispered. "So you don't get jumpy or startled when I kiss you at my home."_

_Her heart leapt; wasn't that what she had just been wishing for? To hide her emotions, she said in what she prayed was an off-hand manner, "Yeah, we might as well practice, ne?"_

_But she shivered in anticipation. His lips on hers—something she'd been fantasizing about in unguarded moments. Dear God yes, kiss me, Syaoran!_

_Syaoran closed his eyes, as Sakura did the same. He was coming closer; he was going to kiss her—then she noticed he had stopped._


	9. Taking a Chance

**Slowly, Sweetly- Chapter 9: Taking a Chance**

**Disclaimer: **The usual.

**Note: **Missing the preview and notes at the end? Wondering where they went for each chapter? I've opened a Livejournal for previews and notes on my writing. Includes song lyrics and links to where you can listen to them! The link is on my profile page, or you can go to livejournal and look for absofluffiness! I've written my review responses there as well; that way I can thank and respond even to anonymous reviewers!

* * *

**Watching in the Night**

As he usually did lately, Syaoran woke up at around three a.m., when Sakura's sleep was deepest. He could enjoy these moments in which he watched her lying pillowed on one of his biceps, or on his chest, murmuring in her sleep sometimes. He was thrilled when he recognized his name. He loved her eyes; open or closed, they were expressively lovely, and when they were closed he could trace her long lashes with his finger.

Her nearness was like a heady drug, and Syaoran often fought back his desires for her. She liked to sleep in silk nightgowns, and the material clung to her body almost lovingly; he found himself envying the cloth, wishing it was he who touched her so intimately. But he reined himself in. Sakura did not deserve to be seduced due to his desires alone; though he suspected she had a sensual side, he had the lesson of Alia clear in his mind. Alia had responded to his seduction, but afterwards, she had wanted a deeper relationship—and he had selfishly denied her that. Hence the divorce.

But now was not the time for regrets over Alia. Syaoran realized that Alia had been a lesson for him—preparation for loving Sakura, whom he realized wanted to find his way to forever with. He understood that Sakura needed to be courted, to be shown she was loved. And he would rather suffer the torture of wanting her, of trying to hide his desire for her, than to scare her away by making it look like all he wanted was a physical relationship from her.

Hence these nights, in which he watched her. And it was only when she was asleep that Syaoran dared say the words out loud. "I love you, Sakura." Just that: a hoarse whisper heavy with emotion as he stroked her cheek with a finger, or traced a line from her shoulder to the tip of her index finger slowly, to feel her smooth skin.

He was doing that a lot lately: touching her gently while asleep. It was a secret he could keep close to his heart, and he enjoyed being able to watch Sakura to his heart's content. Loving her was a pleasant thing: she could surprise him at every turn, and he didn't feel that burning need he had with Alia. He soon realized that those were two entirely different loves; with Alia it had been ruled by lust and the need to possess, to own. Sakura, though, was another story entirely--a beautiful story whose end he wanted to see as a main character.

The next morning, as she left to go pick up their weekly grocery supplies—shooing him playfully when he offered to join her, Syaoran strummed his old guitar, and, inspired by watching Sakura sleep, he soon finished a melody. He turned to the battered notebook he kept his thoughts in, and soon, he had a new song. He doubted Eriol would want it, but still...and he smiled...it was the first of many songs Sakura would inspire for him. The way she looked as she slept, the things he could never say—he would, as he often did, let a song say it for him.

He reviewed the lyrics, singing them softly. _"Last night I watched you sleep; as you lay there, I dropped down to my knees and said a prayer. I leaned over softly to kiss your beautiful face. But I could not cross the ocean of your grace.... 'I love you' can be so hard to say, especially when it's meant in this strong a way. But at this moment while you lie asleep, I am suddenly free and my trembling arms reach out for you as if you could see. Now I'm standing above you, trying so hard not to tell you I love you, and all that I want in this world is you. If you'd only wake up, you'd know it was true." __**(1)**_

The soft purr of her motor alerted him that she was home, and he placed the lyric sheet in his private drawer so that he could go out and meet her, help her with her bags. It had been some time since Sakura had quit the Entertainment Network, and Syaoran loved being alone with her at home. He was happy to note that Sakura had become more relaxed around him; ever since the showdown with Yue, she had become less tense, less skittish, and he was grateful.

Her occasional fits of shyness and uncertainty confused him at times, and scared him. What he did not know was that Sakura had given in to her feelings for him. She was enjoying being near him, telling herself that changing their relationship now might not work. But she had decided that she would at least try to let him know how she felt. She was still a little shy; she'd never known this kind of shyness around a man before, but now that she'd gathered her courage, she was determined to let him know he was first in her affections without saying the words.

Little did he know that she woke up before dawn to watch him sleep, reveling in tracing the lines of his face with her eyes, seeing how his lashes kissed his cheeks when he shut his eyes, how his teeth glinted white when he smiled. How could she have been so blind to what a devastatingly handsome man he was?

**Because, **Sakura wryly answered her own question, **I only saw him as a friend and a brother substitute. **But she was making up for lost time now as she watched Syaoran sleep, sometimes even daring to touch his body; he slept in boxers, and she would occasionally throw the covers off them to see how the moonlight followed his body's contour. He was not well-built the way Eriol was; he was slender, and lean in muscle. Yet he was beautiful, like a tousle-haired version of Michaelangelo's "David," and she could not help but wonder what it would be like to share her body intimately with him. And she found that the thought thrilled her; as a result Syaoran often caught her smiling and blushing when she watched him.

What she had was that one magical moment when Syaoran was deeply asleep. The darkness in their room was complete, and Sakura felt her heart swell at the chance—and she pressed her lips gently to his own.

He tasted like the mint organic toothpaste he liked to use, and Sakura stroked his cheeks, his hair. She boldly bent to kiss his cheek, his nose, and her lips traveled to his neck and the hollow of his collarbone at the base of his throat. But that was all she dared do. She felt like she could burst from all her emotions, and something hard was in her throat, making it hard to swallow. A tear escaped, but she smiled and brushed it away.

"I love you, Syaoran," she whispered, saying the words she could never say when he was awake.

All Syaoran could see was that she was ambivalent towards him; comfortable one moment, awkward the next. She shot him shy smiles and glances, and at night, he would sometimes catch her watching him sleep when she thought he wasn't awake. He didn't understand it; what was she thinking? And it scared him to consider that she might be wanting out of their marriage. Why else would she act the way she did?

He remembered a dream in which she had kissed him and said she loved him, and he'd tried to fight the fog of sleep to hold her, crush her to his chest and say, _I love you too! _But the dream quickly faded, and the next morning, she was as she always was: cheerful and sweet.

What he would give to make that dream real!

"Struggling with that?" Sakura asked as she brought Syaoran some tea in his music room. He was working with a song; a melody had come to him but he couldn't get the words just right. Since she had quit the Entertainment Network, Syaoran had urged her to have a small vacation at home before they headed off to Hong Kong. She enjoyed being part of his daily routine, and liked the domesticity they had settled into.

"Yeah." Syaoran grinned and kissed her cheek as thanks when she placed the tea on a small work desk next to the piano. "I want to annoy Eriol," Syaoran said. "But the song has to be viable for on-air use. Lyrics that hit him where it hurts. He started on it already," he waved the lyrics Eriol had given him earlier, "but I want to add to it."

"Ah. Him and Tomoyo-chan. But..." and Sakura suddenly smiled. She had an idea.

Syaoran smiled; she had the look she got when there was a bee in her bonnet. "Spill, Sakura."

"Let me hear the melody then maybe I can help you with the lyrics," she suggested. **After all, I think maybe Eriol and I are in the same boat, **she thought.

Syaoran played the melody on the piano, and Sakura listened intently, asking he play it twice, which he did. Then she seized the silver fountain pen she'd given him and began to write.

"Please play the melody again," she asked Syaoran. When he did, she then sang it in time with the music, and Syaoran was surprised at the lyrics. Her voice was pleasant, though certainly she would never have a musical career, he was amused to note. But the speed at which she had come up with the lyrics amazed him, and he bent down to read what she had written so that he could arrange it with the notes.

He read, _"What do I have to do to let you know that you are the one I love? What I need is someone like you in a life where I am all alone in the world. Once, I was hurt, too scared to trust again. I wished I would never love again. But you, you're so different from all the others I've known. Please, let it be you."_

Syaoran glanced at Sakura, who was blushing. "I see you've noticed Eriol's predicament," he said.

Sakura grinned. "I think he'll understand where that's coming from," she said.

"He will, I'm sure of it," Syaoran chuckled.

"I...I also hope someone else understands what's written there," Sakura stammered, and her treacherous cheeks betrayed her by going wine-red. **Will he get it?**

He shook his head. "Neither of us knows what's going on in Daidouji's mind," he said. Then an idea struck him. "Why don't you ask her?"

"You know I know her better than that. She won't say a word until she's ready—unless I agree to put on one of those X-rated costumes she keeps sketching for me."

"I wouldn't mind," Syaoran said, wiggling his eyebrows and grinning, then he felt his ears burst into flame.

"No, you wouldn't, you pervert," Sakura laughed but she blushed; would she ver have the nerve to wear those for Syaoran? Better yet, would she ever have the opportunity?

She had escaped—for the moment; normally sharp and perceptive, Syaoran had missed her little innuendo. "So...time to hit the kitchen."

"Oh, yeah, my turn to cook," Syaoran said, and he hurried to the kitchen, calling back, "What do you want?"

"Surprise me," Sakura called, and though she could not see it, she knew he was smiling.

"Don't worry. I definitely will," he called back, and he smiled—something he was doing a lot these days. She makes me happy, he thought. Anything with her was worth it—and he was looking forward to being in Hong Kong with her.

Call him an optimist, but Syaoran felt something wonderful would happen in Hong Kong.

As it turned out, he was right.

**

* * *

Discovery**

It was their weekly brainstorming session, and Syaoran hid his smile as he handed Eriol a lyric sheet. "I think you'll find the lyrics rather...ahem...suitable," Syaoran said with a straight face. "You'll see that some of your lyrics have been—reworked."

Eriol eyed him suspiciously. "Wish It Would Be You," he read the title out loud, and continued after shooting Syaoran a curious look. Why had Syaoran rewritten that particular lyric set he'd sent over some time ago? _"What do I have to do to let you know, that you are the one I love? What I need is someone like you in a life where I am all alone in the world. Once, I was hurt, too scared to trust again. I wished I would never love again. But you, you're so different from all the others I've known. Please, let it be you." _**(2)**

"You had help rewriting this," Eriol said flatly, attempting to ignore the implications of the lyrics Syaoran had given him. "This is not your word choice. It's too gentle, too—wistful."

"I did. Sakura redid that part. Keep reading," Syaoran said, without breaking into a smile. He'd have time to tease Eriol later, he knew.

Sighing, Eriol continued. _"What do I have to do to end this insanity, this madness? I swore, never ever again, yet here I am again. What I feel, it won't be stopped, and it can't be hidden when my heart is screaming out your name. But you, you're so different from all the others I've known. Please, let it be you. I want it to be you." _**(2)**

"Definitely you," Eriol sighed. "The words 'madness', 'insanity'—a pleading tone—vintage Syaoran Li," he said. "Was Sakura with you the whole time you wrote this?"

"Yes, she saw my part of the lyrics. Your original lines didn't suit the thing."

**And she missed what you were saying? **Eriol almost laughed. **Then again you missed what she was trying to tell you!**

"Don't laugh, Eriol," Syaoran warned, misreading the look on his friend's face. "Sakura and I may be dense but the lyrics you wrote recently, that 'Friend of Mine' and the original of this one...you're finally in love again, aren't you?"

**He knows**, Eriol thought. **Years of hiding it from Syaoran and then he goes and teams up with Sakura—and now they both know. **He knew Syaoran would not have put things together by himself. Now he did laugh; would Sakura and Syaoran be able to put their own feelings together?

He bet himself not.

It was a relief for him, knowing Syaoran knew. But—and Eriol smiled—Sakura had helped Syaoran rewrite the lyrics? Then there was a message hidden there somewhere. Sakura could be subtle when she needed to be, and he quickly reread what she had edited.

"Did _**you**_ read what Sakura wrote, carefully?" Eriol asked.

"Who is she?" Syaoran fired back. He had a suspicion, but he wanted to hear it from Eriol, who was stonily silent. "Fine. I'll say it, you wuss," Syaoran grinned. "You're in love with Daidouji, and have been so for a long time. Why don't you just tell her?"

"Why don't you tell Sakura?" Eriol retorted.

The two friends stood staring at each other, and Eriol stabbed a finger at the lyric sheet. "Read the part Sakura rewrote again. And pay attention, you obtuse oaf."

Syaoran snorted. "She just wrote it after we discussed you and Tomoyo and how you behave around her."

Eriol rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Always, you persist in playing the fool. Would you like to wait until the chance has passed you by?"

"The chance for what?"

"Read the lyrics, you goddamned idiot," Eriol snarled, losing his temper. He did not want to do anything to endanger the trust Tomoyo had in him; Syaoran, on the other hand, had the love of Sakura, and did not realize it. It annoyed and frustrated him.

**This is serious, **Syaoran realized. Eriol did not curse unless it was absolutely necessary. So he reread the lyrics Sakura had rewritten, wondering what he could have possibly missed since he'd read it so many times before. _"What do I have to do to let you know, That you are the one I love? What I need is someone like you in a life where I am all alone in the world. Once, I was hurt, too scared to trust again. I wished I would never love again. But you, you're so different from all the others I've known. Please, let it be you."_

"She wrote these thinking of you and Daidouji," Syaoran began, and jumped when Eriol's palm hit the piano top so hard, the keys jangled.

"Read. It. Again!" Eriol gritted his teeth, his frustration making him reckless. How long would Sakura and Syaoran dance around one another, oblivious to their feelings? Perhaps not that oblivious anymore, but still...

Quietly, Syaoran read the lyrics over and over. Eriol waited impatiently. **Must I spoonfeed it to this obstinate bull? **And then finally, Eriol heard Syaoran gasp.

"Is she...Did she..." He remembered the sweet smiles and glances Sakura had given him as she wrote it, and her strange comment. _'I hope someone else understands what's written here.'_

**I am an idiot!**

"Yes, you obtuse creature," Eriol rolled his eyes, understanding the sudden widening of Syaoran's eyes.

Syaoran clutched the lyric sheet to his chest, a warmth exploding inside him, making him smile.

She loves me.

_She loves me._

**Sakura loves me! Just as I love her!**

When Syaoran whooped over the miracle that was now his, Eriol sighed and plopped on the couch. "Idiot," he said affectionately.

Everything made sense now to Syaoran: her actions, her shyness around him, her change of heart—even her words when they argued over Yue. **Everything**.

"But I can't tell her how I feel yet, not without scaring her," he said when he calmed down. "She needs time; if she hasn't said it yet then she's not ready, right?"

Eriol sighed, unwilling to undertake the long explanations Syaoran would need to understand why he believed that Sakura was ready, that she was also in love with Syaoran and was probably waiting for him to make the first move. "At least **you're **ready. What do you intend to do?"

Syaoran grinned. "Court my wife, the old-fashioned way. Don't expect us to return from Hong Kong quickly."

"Whatever you do, let her control the pace of your relationship—although I must say you seem to be letting her do that already." Eriol smiled.

"I am." Syaoran was giddy; Eriol could see it in how he paced the room, smiled, grinned, and chuckled. He'd never seen his friend this way, and it amused him. "Damn it to hell, I love her! And by God, she loves me. Did you hear that, Eriol?"

"I know," Eriol said.

"Are you sure?" Syaoran demanded.

Eriol merely rolled his eyes in response. "No, you caught me. She is passionately in love with me and is going to divorce you the second you get home so she can go haring around after me...Of course I'm sure!"

"And what about you?" Syaoran went back to the original issue. "What will you do with Daidouji?" He fought to hide a smile; he'd already booked the honeymoon suite at the Mandarin for them.

"It doesn't matter." And from his tone, Syaoran knew Eriol didn't want to discuss it.

"Suit yourself. But I—" and Syaoran smiled, "am going to move things along."

"Patience is a viiirrrtttuuueee..." Eriol sang out teasingly, thinking Syaoran meant himself and Sakura.

"Then call me Job," Syaoran bantered as he turned to leave. "See you later!"

**Always, he has to have the last word, **Eriol thought with a small amount of exasperation and no small amount of amusement. **I wonder if Sakura will put up with that?**

* * *

**Happy Campers**

Lying in bed together the night before their departure for Hong Kong, Sakura playfully began tickling Syaoran. The tickle fight erupted into a wrestling match, both players laughing and screeching like children. It devolved quickly into a pillow fight which ended only when Sakura landed such a hard hit on Syaoran, the pillow erupted in a snowstorm of stuffing.

Still laughing, Syaoran picked Sakura up and hauled her off to the balcony.

"See the mess you made? Who's gonna clean that, huh?" he pretended to be stern. "Ah, unlucky am I; I shall have to clean this up as my wife is incompetent in the upkeep of the home," he pretended to wail in a mock-Chinese accent.

Sakura laughed as well. "There is something called a vacuum cleaner, silly. And I'll replace the pillow."

"Weh, Buddha, did you hear her? Such wasteful thoughts, ah, woe is me!" Syaoran pretended to kneel and offer obeisance to an invisible ancestor.

"Syaoran," Sakura knelt beside him, "is it okay really for me to meet your family?"

She was nervous, he could tell, and he stopped mocking her. He went back into his bedroom to get a pillow and two thick blankets. He laid one blanket on the floor of the balcony, and urged Sakura to lie down, then he lay beside her and wrapped them in the other blanket.

"And what are we doing? Imitating caterpillars?" Sakura giggled as Syaoran embraced her snugly.

"They will love you. I'm sure of that," Syaoran said.

"The caterpillars? Might not be a good thing," Sakura pretended to misunderstand.

"My family can't help but love you." He smiled. **I know I do,** he added in his mind.

"Thanks," Sakura said. The late snow of March had stopped and the starlit skies were slowly revealed, as if by an invisible hand.

"I like the stars," Sakura sighed, snuggling closer to Syaoran.

"Me too. Actually, I think they remind me of you."

"Oh, don't be corny," Sakura snorted.

"I mean it," Syaoran insisted. "They're lights in the dark, and they make you believe that everything is going to be all right. That's how you make me feel."

Sakura smiled and touched her nose to his; it was the furthest she'd gone in expressing affection with him. "I associate you with the moon," she said.

"What, round and looney?" Syaoran joked. Sakura playfully pretended to bite his nose.

"No, silly. You were mysterious when I first met you, but you're actually a comforting presence if someone knows how to understand you," she said.

"Thanks, then," Syaoran smiled. They lay in each other's arms for a while, Sakura relishing his nearness. How was it that each moment with him was so sweet, so wonderful to relive, so beautiful? Oh but she wanted to kiss him so much, show him what he meant to her—but no.

"But Sakura," Syaoran began, uncertain of how to begin an awkward discussion, "My family...I—oh..." He shook his head.

It had to be important, Sakura thought; Syaoran was rarely this shy around her. "Don't hold it back. Tell me whatever it is."

"At home—my home—we need to act like husband and wife at home...I may have to be very affectionate with you, and you with me."

Sakura almost laughed. Was that it?" Don't worry, I won't have to act because I am happy with you," she said.

"We do have to get one thing out of the way," and Syaoran blushed.

He was blushing. _Ohmygodheissocute_, Sakura thought, as she placed one palm on a burning cheek. "And what's that?"

"I—we—have to kiss," he whispered. "So you don't get jumpy or startled when I kiss you at my home."

Her heart leapt; wasn't that what she had just been wishing for? A real kiss, not one stolen while he was asleep? To hide her emotions, she said in what she prayed was an off-hand manner, "Yeah, we might as well practice, ne?"

But she shivered in anticipation. His lips on hers—a kiss initiated by Syaoran was something she'd been fantasizing about in unguarded moments.

Syaoran closed his eyes, as Sakura did the same. He was coming closer; he was going to kiss her—then she noticed he had stopped.

"Sakura?"

"Yes?" Disappointed, she opened her eyes. Had he changed his mind?

"What we're about to do...This will take our relationship elsewhere. We're best friends, I can tell you straight, right? But—I've always wanted to kiss you."

Sakura gasped. Did he just say what he did?

"And I...I would like to see what doors open, how far we can go—together. I won't--I can't do this alone; I want you, and I want to know if you want me as well. This kiss..." and Syaoran kissed her hand as he kept his eyes on hers, "will move our relationship to another level, and eventually," he kept his voice steady though his ears were on fire, "I...I would like to make love with you. When you're ready to...to take that step with me."

Sakura realized he was trying to spare her feelings, and was fighting his own; she knew him too well, and was beginning to understand that—against her fears—he probably cared about her and not just as a friend. She smiled, and nodded, touching his nose with hers. "Yes." She bent her head to conceal her own blush, and her rising excitement. **He wants to make love to me!**

But then her old demons came back. **You don't deserve him. He'll leave you. He doesn't want you. **

Syaoran noticed her expression and understood. Gently he raised his left hand and touched his wedding ring to hers, repeating a gesture he had made months ago.

"Do you know that when I proposed to you, I lied?"

Sakura stared at him and saw that he was sincere. _**Here it comes, **_Sakura thought numbly. _**He'll ask to be friends with benefits. Or he'll ask for a divorce after two years. He...**_

He took a deep breath. "I lied. I don't want to let you go after two years, and if it's all right with you, can we stay married? Especially now—now that you are willing for us to explore our relationship further." The surprise on her face worried him. "Sakura..." He couldn't bring himself to tell her he loved her outright; he was still afraid he would scare her off or pressure her unnecessarily, but he needed to let her know that he would not leave her—not unless she asked him to. "I just want to give this marriage a real try," he said. "Because...well..." He lost his nerve then.

"Can I tell you something first?" Sakura asked.

"Of course," he said.

Sakura took a deep breath. "When I was in the fifth grade, I...I told Yukito that I loved him. Of course it was silly; we were many years apart, but I really felt it at that time."

When she fell silent, Syaoran waited patiently. He raised himself on his side and pillowed Sakura's head on his other arm so she would be closer to him.

"I...he said 'thank you, but the person you'll love most isn't me.' He pointed out that I loved him like my dad, though I didn't, honestly. But he was in love with my brother, and so I realized he was trying to spare my feelings because he loved me as a sister. Since then I always shared stuff with him—he also knew about Emile and Yue before he died. Not Kito, though—that was too painful."

Syaoran stroked her hair and nodded to show he was listening.

"He said..." and Sakura's eyes began to fill with tears—Syaoran would never get used to it; he knew she was a crybaby but it always hurt him to see her cry—and she hiccuped before she continued, "He said he was sure I would find the one I would love the most, and that he--that boy or man--would love me the most too."

She quieted down again, then a tear slid down her cheek. "He...I don't want to think he lied but...Syaoran, you know everything that's happened to me. I don't know if I can still believe that someone can love me the way I love him. But if I never find that someone," and Sakura pleaded in her head, **I want it to be you! Tell me you love me! **"I—want to stay with you." **Dear God that came out wrong**, and Sakura began to cry in earnest; how stupid could she be? How did her words come out so wrong--like she was settling for second best in Syaoran? Annoyed with herself, she swiped at her tears. **Please say you love me, and if you do I'll be yours forever! **she begged Syaoran with her eyes.

Syaoran was hurt by her words, but he refused to show it; he realized she was trying to say that she wanted him, that she loved him too, but her word choice was unfortunate; it seemed like she was settling for him because he was convenient, and that second best was him. **Can't you see I love you? **he screamed in his mind. But she was crying, and she took first place in his heart. His own feelings could be pushed aside for her sake--especially since he could tell she was very sorry for her words.

"You should keep believing," Syaoran said softly as he brushed her tears away. "Sometimes what you want is right under your nose." **Damn it Sakura, don't you see what I'm trying to say? I fucking love you!**

**You have no idea, **Sakura thought as she looked into his dark brown eyes. She loved him so much it hurt her to think of even telling him what she felt, to think that she didn't deserve someone as wonderful as him returning her love. Regardless of Tomoyo's words, Sakura was still haunted by the demons of her past, and it would not be easy to let go of all the bad things that had happened to her.

**Even the scraps of Syaoran's love are enough**, she thought. Even being his friend—no, his wife—was enough, even if her love might never be returned in the way she wanted. He'd been so badly hurt with Alia, she wouldn't blame him for never opening his heart again to see that she was right there. Being his lover would be enough for her, right?

**I'm so selfish, **Sakura chided herself. **Syaoran is offering to stay with me for the rest of his life! And that's enough! Even if he's just doing it to protect himself from pain—at least I'll be the one to keep him from becoming brokenhearted.**

"Syaoran," she said softly. "About what you said...I'd like to try too. And I think we start here," she murmured. Again she closed her eyes, and waited. This time she felt the touch of his lips on hers, featherlight at first.

A kiss. One kiss wouldn't do so much damage, would it? And Sakura was dying to know what it would be like to pretend that Syaoran cared about her in that way.

She had no idea that the kiss would change so much.

Syaoran could feel his emotions waiting to burst free, but he held himself in, and kissed Sakura gently. It was their first kiss together; it felt like a promise of beautiful things to come. He parted her lips gently, and captured her lower lip between his own; she was so soft, so yielding.

**Oh God he kisses me as though he loves me**, Sakura thought, drowning joyfully in his nearness, in his lips. She raised her hands to his hair, pulling him closer. **I wish he really were in love with me!**

**Dear God, I love her so much! **Syaoran thought. How could one simple kiss make him feel so much? He pushed the blanket aside, feeling warm, and he rolled on top of Sakura, deepening the kiss, finally allowing his tongue to touch her lips to ask for entrance, which she freely gave him.

How long they kissed, Sakura could not remember. It was a good thing she was lying down, because her legs had turned into jelly. Who would have guessed Syaoran was such an amazing kisser?

She had no idea it was because he loved her, and he'd let his emotions flow into their kiss. And to her surprise, she felt his desire between her thighs; her eyes flew open. **He wants me! **And she gave herself up to the pleasure of the kiss again, the kiss that was a promise of more beautiful things to come.

When he finally pulled away, he stroked her cheeks; she was flushed, and so was he.

"Wow," was all Sakura could say as she raised her hand and stroked his cheek. "Whoa." She smiled. Nobody had ever kissed her that way—not even Yue. She felt like she could have died during the kiss and been happy.

"Wow too," Syaoran smiled, and pulled her close, snuggling his wife to his chest. So this was how it was like to go slowly—it was a sweetness that he wanted more of but which he knew he had to restrain because it got sweeter the longer it lasted.

And he wanted to hear the words from her first. He'd vowed not to force his feelings on her—and it was a promise he would keep. She would dictate the pace of this relationship, wherever it was going.

"So don't be afraid," Syaoran said gently as he stroked her hair. "I promised a lifetime at the altar and even if we started out as a marriage of convenience I think we owe ourselves the chance to make it a real one. Don't you agree?" He held her hands and looked into her eyes. "Take a chance with me, Sakura. We're the best of friends, and I can't do this without you."

Sakura felt something releasing her, making her heart swell. At first she was afraid; this was how everything started with all her exes.

No. That was wrong. None of her previous relationships had started this way, none of them had ever been her friends—and she had never loved any of them the way she did Syaoran—as a friend, foremost, not a lover.

"I trust you," she said softly.

Understanding what she needed to hear, Syaoran said, "I will do my best not to betray that trust. Sakura, we both know nothing is for certain but I think I can say that with you I want to be sure that we're in this together."

"Then," Sakura placed a palm on each of his cheeks and smiled, "we'd better get started on that whole husband and wife thing, ne?" She blushed, and the next words came tumbling out. "And I trust you to help me set the pace—to show me, to...to make love when we're both ready. Not just me. Us. Together."

Syaoran laughed. "With pleasure, sweet wife." They continued to kiss as the snow fell gently beyond the balcony, rediscovering their childhood fantasies of kissing. Neither confessed love that night; it was far too early. But what they both knew was that they had crossed into a new aspect of their relationship, one which they were in no hurry to rush. They would enjoy themselves and see where it was going--together.

0-0-0

Lyric set (1) is from "Last Night" by Leehom Wang. He's not Filipino but Chinese and an Asian superstar. I imagine that if Syaoran sang, he might sound like Leehom (~hanyaan!) as he does now. See my LJ for the links to hear him!

Lyric set (2) is a translation of "Sana Ay Ikaw Na Nga" (Wish It Would Be You) by, again, my fave Basil Valdez. I imagine Eriol would sound like a young Martin Nievera, a Filipino singer. Again, see my LJ for the links to hear him!

**In case you missed this note earlier: **Missing the preview and notes at the end? Wondering where they went for each chapter? I've opened a Livejournal for previews (ahem--another scene between SxS!) and notes on my writing. Includes song lyrics and links to where you can listen to them! The link is on my profile page under "Homepage", or you can go to livejournal and look for absofluffiness! I've written my review responses there as well; that way I can thank even anonymous reviewers!

Review responses are on my Livejournal (link in my profile)! Thank you to **CardcaptorSakura16, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, ami, butterfly. KISSU, Em-chan, nexa alex, -Kori Kage Tenshi-, DontWakeMeUp, halliwells, Kawaii-ne16, Eliu, Link Fangirl01, butterflyangellover14, pyscho-pyro-shrink, Skei-Fyr, Twilight Kisses, AngelEmCuti, puasloma, X ViixAn3eliic X, aegyo, Adelita P.M., winterkaguya, mystic emeralds, cupid17, lhaine07, michiko14anime, Janec Shannon, KawaiiAmy13, anigal08, teenureen, Julia and Tania, lilmouse1988, Dream of Autumn, polarissakura, redeyes143, Selene Thalia, rondallagurl, ~harmony~, Suyi, xSapphirexRosesxFanx, Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, Yingfa Dreamer, Cranberry, Emina01*14, Karithinia, Mr X, vreni, Kandygurl4.**


	10. Confrontations

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 10: Confrontations**

**The usual disclaimer, and thanks again to 'Tomoyo-chan' (who wrote out a key scene between ExT here!) and 'Em-chan' for betaing, and 'Meiling-chan' for helping me make the kiss sizzle without being too smutty--yet! And of course, Sensei C! Check out my livejournal for thank you's and a preview of Chapter 11!**

**Watch out for Syaoran's mouth—and Yue's! It's a bishounen fight, LOL!**

**

* * *

  
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**Miscommunications **

"You did _**what**_?" A furious Loraina faced off with her fiance Yue in the penthouse condominium they shared in the most expensive area of Tokyo. Her violet eyes were flashing in anger, and she was glaring at Yue enough to make him quail. "Why?"

Loraina had been examining the computerized guest list for their wedding, snuggled in Yue's arms, and had seen the entry, "Sakura Kinomoto and spouse." **Sakura Kinomoto. **Yue's ex. Invited to her wedding—not that she minded but why didn't she know about it? Her eyes flickered to the tab for who had invited her, and it had Yue's name on it. She quickly stood up, causing Yue to protest, "What's up, baby?"

How could he? Pain, sharp as a knife, lanced through her. Why? Why did it affect her so?

Certainly the very sight of Yue made her emotional; Yue had that effect on her. He made her angry; they could fight insanely at times, and making up was all the sweeter as a result. They plucked each other's last string sometimes, and neither could resist the other for long. Loraina had never had a relationship like what she had with Yue—how he consumed her utterly with a look, how he could just turn her on with a glance. Tall, muscular, mysterious, and just so damned _sexy_, Loraina had had to call on all her reserves to keep from responding to his bewildered look.

"Loraina—Try to understand. I invited Sakura to our wedding to call her bluff of a marriage to whoever that guy is—Sharon, Ron-ron, Sauron, I dunno. She has to grow up," Yue paced as he talked. "She's in love with him but I have a nose for these things—he doesn't love her. The way she acts, it's like he hurts her. I was just trying to do her a favor...to show her that she's being stupid with that one-sided love of hers for that guy...I..."

**Smack.**

Loraina slapped Yue, and tears were brimming in her eyes. Yue was shocked; Loraina had never been this angry, not ever. Certainly they fought, but this—she looked both angry and shattered.

"How dare you use our wedding to try and punish Sakura for leaving you?" she said in a soft, low voice.

"You don't understand," Yue began. "That's not..."

"No. _You _don't understand," Loraina said. "You told me that she didn't let you kiss her goodbye, that she walked away from you, and at the time I thought it was funny because you acted like it was funny."

"But it was," Yue replied, confused. "Okay, not that I laughed; it sucked but she was so brave, just walking away...At that time, I still loved her; I pretended it was funny because it rankled; she was so cold!"

Loraina closed her eyes. "You said she was a good sport about your breakup, and so were you. But I should have seen it. You never got closure. You still love her, don't you? And that's what the invitation is for. You want to get back at her."

"Okay, yes!" Yue yelled back. "What part of 'a_t that time_, _I still loved her _is hard to get? But it's **you **I love now, and I love you more than I ever loved Sakura, can't you understand?"

Loraina turned her back on him, looking out the large floor-to-ceiling windows at the panorama of Tokyo at night to keep from showing Yue her tears. "You're still carrying the emotional baggage of that breakup."

"Bullshit," Yue swore, and he grabbed Loraina. "Let me show you how I love you," and he began to kiss her passionately. When his hands came up under her shirt, she realized that he was trying to make love to her to make her forget her anger.

Just like Syaoran used to.

"How **dare **you!" Loraina screamed, and pushed Yue away. Yue, confused, tried to reach for her again, but she backed away. "Don't you dare try and seduce me out of my anger, because I have every right to be angry! Stay away from me!"

"Rinnie," Yue said softly, using his pet name for her, "please, come on, I hate fighting you..."

"Do you know why I divorced my first husband? Because he tried to control me, to own me. Every time I tried to raise my issues, to fight him, he acted—just like you do now. You seemed—you _promised _you would be different. I was open-minded to your having Sakura around in your office, because she seemed like—no, she **is **a decent person. But you..." and Loraina's eyes narrowed, "you had the nerve to use our wedding in that way. How could you? I thought I meant more to you than that."

"That's **not** true!" Yue crossed over to try and hold Loraina; she pushed him away.

"Yue," she said hoarsely. "You haven't gotten over her, have you?" Jealousy, sharp as glass shards, sliced at her heart. How could he? Why had Yue lied about Sakura? Had he—dear God please no, Loraina pleaded—used her to get over Sakura?

"I have! I _**love you**_, Gods of the deep, what does it take to convince you about that? Sakura and I are over, please believe me, I—I fought my parents for you! I **never **did that for Sakura!" Yue pleaded. How had a quiet day in the arms of the woman he loved the most turned into this nightmare?

"Then why did you have to do what you did?" Loraina practically screamed. "She should be in your past, not someone you actively agitate and try to provoke..._why _can't you leave her alone?"

"I just wanted to expose the lie she's living. She's in love with that Showron guy, and—Rinnie, please! I was just trying to look out for her, I swear," Yue was desperate; the woman he worshiped, the woman he faced his family down for, was angry at him.

"Then perhaps you could have consulted me first before you did anything like that," she said coldly as she went to the bedroom they shared. Yue followed, apprehensive.

"Baby, what are you doing?" Yue stared as Loraina grabbed her jacket and her purse.

"Leaving. I don't want to be near you right now," Loraina swallowed her sobs, nearly blind to her rage, hurt beyond belief.

"Rinnie, baby," Yue followed her. "Please. If you love me, don't leave." He touched her arm gently as he said it, his beautiful silver eyes pleading with hers.

"Funny," Loraina choked. "That was one of the last things Syaoran ever said to me...right before the divorce. And I said, if you don't understand what the problem is now, then you never will." She slammed the door behind her and ran for the elevators, pushing the button blindly. _How could he? Was their relationship nothing but a rebound? A lie? _How could she have fallen for another Syaoran-type man, and agreed to marry him as well?

The elevator came and she bit back more tears. Yue hadn't even followed her when she stormed out of their penthouse. Which to her meant she was right. How could she have been so blind? How could she not have noticed?

Because she had let herself fall in love helplessly again. Because she had not seen past the romance, the seduction—again. She fumbled with her cell phone and scrolled until she found the name she needed, then she hit 'CALL.' When he answered, Loraina choked out, "Please...if you have free time, could I talk to you?"

A pause, then, "Certainly." As she expected, he didn't ask questions, and was as courtly and polite as ever.

"Where can I meet you?"

"My condominium in Ginza," came the response. "Do take care coming here; you are...overwrought," he said delicately.

"Thank you, Eriol-san," Loraina said, then clicked her phone off so that Yue could not call her.

Back in the penthouse, Yue was frozen, repeating Loraina's words. _"That was one of the last things Syaoran ever said to me...right before the divorce." _

**Syaoran.**

That name...

Sakura had said "Syaoran." He was sure of it, now that he had heard the name again. And so had Loraina. _Mother of demons_, Yue swore softly. Was it possible that Sakura was in love with—and married to—Loraina's ex-husband? How many Syaorans were there in Japan anyway? Had he known there was only one, he would have hunted him down and punched him in the face for disrupting Yue's life. Yue had never been good at assigning blame where it correctly lay.

* * *

**A New Emotion**

Tomoyo had just entered the elevator for Eriol's condominium when she heard a plaintive voice say, "Please, hold the elevator!" Quickly pressing the "OPEN" button, she was startled when a beautiful blond woman with violet eyes entered.

"Thank you for holding the door," she said gratefully.

"Not a problem," Tomoyo said pleasantly. "Your floor?" She looked at the woman; goodness, she was a beauty! Tomoyo wondered why her nose and eyes were red; _poor thing_, she thought. Perhaps a death in the family?

"Thirty-three," the woman said.

Tomoyo was surprised to feel a thrill of an emotion she didn't recognize shoot through her. There was only one tenant on that floor—the one whose costume she was carrying in a box. What business did this gorgeous woman have with Eriol?

"Ah, we have the same destination," Tomoyo smiled, and pressed "33." She noticed that the other woman looked at the floor, and was startled to notice that she was trying hard not to cry. My presence keeps her from crying, Tomoyo realized. She dug into her large leather bag and offered the other woman some tissue.

The woman looked up at Tomoyo gratefully, unable to form words of gratitude. Embarrassed, she looked up at the blinking lights that said they were on the eighteenth floor. Then her gaze returned to the costume box in Tomoyo's hands.

Tomoyo realized that this woman was too polite to ask what she was doing here, and unfortunately, Tomoyo didn't want to ask either. However, the woman was in tears. Her heart went out to her. Or, she thought it did. For some reason, she couldn't find sympathy for the woman, only frustration. _**Why?**_

"Sorry," the woman said, and she blew her nose as she spoke. "My name is Loraina. Are you visiting Hiiragizawa-san too?" She looked at the costume box.

"Yes," Tomoyo said. She did not elaborate. Why was she feeling the need to stay in control around this woman? And why was her name familiar?

The elevator doors slid open and the two women walked out. If Eriol was surprised to see them together, he did not show it. Tomoyo had decided to drop by unannounced; she'd finished the costume early, and had wanted to surprise Eriol. "Please," he invited, holding his door open, "Come in, ladies."

Tomoyo allowed the distraught woman to enter first, but her eyes were watching carefully for some sign of why she had come. There was relief when Loraina saw Eriol's calm manner, but it didn't seem there was anything else to this meeting as she took the chance to sit down on a nice chair, and fell limp. As Loraina settled herself, Tomoyo turned to Eriol. "I have the costume here. I hope you don't mind - I went with blue instead of silver with the embroidery."

Eriol smiled slightly. "I trust your sense of style more than anybody else's, Tomoyo-san. That will be fine." He bowed and accepted the box, placing it upon a table. "Is there any reason you came with Loraina?"

"We happened to meet in the elevator," Tomoyo said simply. Eriol hadn't mentioned that he called Loraina by her first name, and that strange emotion shot through her again. She'd thought she and Sakura were the only ones who merited that from him.

Loraina was wringing her hands and looking at Eriol desperately. Tomoyo smiled and said, "Perhaps you require privacy?" She lifted a brow, and turned towards the door

Eriol raised an eyebrow. _Interesting._ "Well, your timing is very nice, Tomoyo-san. I think you can help here. Would you mind staying a little?

_Tomoyo-san for me, and just Loraina for her? Why? _Tomoyo did not smile this time. How calm he can, she thought. Calm and cold.

"Loraina-san, what happened with Yue?" Eriol asked.

Loraina looked at him and managed a small smile. "You're creepy sometimes, you know that? How did...No, I won't ask how you know. You always do."

"He's the only one who makes you feel this way," was Eriol's simple answer. Even Syaoran had not elicited this kind of overwhelming emotional response from her.

"Do you...do you know Sakura Kinomoto, Yue's ex?"

Tomoyo stiffened. Why was Loraina asking about Sakura?

"Of course," Eriol said, though he couldn't entirely conceal surprise. Where did Sakura factor in? Did Loraina find out about the marriage between her and Syaoran? If she was regretting anything, this would be one rat's nest of problems.

"Yue..." Loraina choked on the word, "I..." She suddenly broke down into sobs, shocking even Tomoyo, who did not think of her as that emotional. One glance at each other, and Tomoyo stepped forward to guide Loraina to the couch, hushing her gently, as Eriol went off to get water and refreshments.

Eriol's mind was whirling and he was fighting to stay focused. Loraina was upset about Yue, so she had a fight with him. She had asked about Sakura, which meant they had argued about her. But she was still fairly in control, which meant she did not know who Sakura's husband was.

But Tomoyo's behavior—she had been, dare Eriol say, hostile even before Loraina had mentioned Sakura. It was a mystery he didn't have time to unravel; he realized that Loraina was on the verge of a breakdown. He promised himself he would investigate further later.

"He doesn't love me...he's still in love with Sakura..." Loraina whispered, hugging herself tightly.

With a flash, Tomoyo finally put things together. Loraina was Syaoran's ex-wife, the one who was marrying Yue. _Sakura calls her Alia, just as Syaoran does, _Tomoyo remembered. _That's why I didn't recognize the name._

And now there was trouble in their paradise. How ironic, Tomoyo thought, that the confrontation between Yue and Sakura, which had strengthened Sakura and Syaoran's relationship, appeared to have exposed cracks in that of Yue and Loraina.

As things continued to click into place, Tomoyo scrutinized Loraina even more carefully. This was the woman who had broken Syaoran a long time ago. A woman who was beautiful, and knew it, but didn't flaunt it. A woman who seemed withdrawn and unable to express her sadness, but could be capable of great love.

_Well, that explains why Syaoran might have lusted for her. She's absolutely beautiful, and kind to boot, _Tomoyo thought. The distaste in her mental voice surprised her. **Why **did she continue to hold malice against a woman whom she knew to be actually very nice? Shaking off her unease with herself, she continued to observe in the cool and logical manner she'd used all her life.

With his usual perfect timing, Eriol returned with a tray on which a teapot, tiny porcelain cups, and several sweet biscuits rested. He set it on the living room coffeetable, inviting both women to sit with a glance, then sat as well. He noted that Tomoyo took the seat farthest away from Loraina, and his curiosity was piqued. But that had to wait until later.

"So...Loraina, it does a soul good to talk of whatever causes tears," he said gently.

Loraina rubbed her eyes. "Yue sent her an invitation for our wedding."

This time, Eriol couldn't entirely conceal his lack of surprise. He had known about this, of course. Tomoyo saw it easily. Luckily, Loraina didn't notice.

"I see," Eriol murmured. "And what do you think? Obviously that didn't go over well."

"It's like he's baiting her. Showing her that he doesn't care about her anymore. I thought he was better than that. Was I wrong? I don't know. But it's more than that. He said that Sakura was married now. It's like he's holding a grudge over her, but for what? He hasn't gotten over her. He wants her attention. And he—he was willing to use our wedding to punish—to punish her..." Loraina wiped a tear away, and then another. Tomoyo silently stepped out of the shadows to give her another tissue, earning herself another thankful look.

"You think he's still in love with her," Eriol stated flatly. He sighed, and took off his glasses. It was a nervous habit of his. Whenever Eriol was particularly stressed, he took off his glasses and cleaned them to buy himself time.

If she had glasses, Tomoyo thought she might do the same. If Yue was still in love with Sakura... Catastrophe. _Not now! Not when Sakura and Syaoran were so close! _She clenched one hand, then loosened it when she saw Eriol give her hand a curious glance.

With one of his most charmingly sincere smiles, Eriol leaned forward and put a hand on Loraina's arm, causing her to look up at him. "I know it's hard, Loraina. Truly, I do. You're a sweet girl. I can't think of a single person I know who truly hates you if they know you for who you are. I hope for your sake that Yue is..." He struggled for a word for a second.

"Honest? Open?" Tomoyo supplied.

"Yes. I think that you two need to talk things over. Your relationship with him is not like his was with Sakura. You mean so much more to him, or he wouldn't have proposed to you. Don't give up on him just yet, because you fought once. Did you and Syaoran ever fight, before the divorce?"

Loraina stared at him. "I don't think so. Not really. He usually stopped it before we could really get into it by...by..." and she burst into a fresh wave of tears, remembering how Yue had tried to seduce her into forgetting about her anger.

Eriol grinned. "The best relationships always have arguments at some point. It shows how much you care for each other, that you can put each other so much off-balance. You'll be fine."

Tomoyo bit her lip to keep from frowning. Loraina was smiling now, completely reassured by Eriol's most suave smile. _Couldn't the silly girl see that it was a fake, made only to console her? Honestly._

No, that wasn't fair. Eriol was a master at masking his thoughts. It came with living a life of popularity - you show the paparazzi one face, and your friends another.

Frustrated with herself, Tomoyo almost growled. What was _**wrong **_with her? Just looking at Loraina made her feel... Uncomfortable. There was no reason for it. No cause. Unless - no, of course not. That didn't make sense.

_**Yes, it did.**_

Tomoyo struggled, trying to refocus on the drama before her.

"Thank you, Eriol. Maybe you're right. But is there some place I could go? I don't want to go back just yet. I'm not sure I want Yue knowing where I am right now...I don't want to see him," Loraina said nervously.

Tomoyo saw her chance here to put her mind to rest. She stood up from her seat and walked over to Loraina, taking the woman's hand with a kind smile. "If you need a place to stay, why not come with me? If Yue tries to find you, he'll try everywhere. But he doesn't know me, and you don't entirely know me. I'm Hiiragizawa-kun's friend, and costume designer, Daidouji Tomoyo. I will certainly have room for you in my home, if you will take it."

"Now, Daidouji-san, you know I couldn't impose upon you like that," Eriol scolded. "Why not let Loraina-san stay here?"

Turning to Eriol, Tomoyo raised her eyebrows. "An engaged woman staying at another man's house after a spat with her beloved?"

This made Eriol's mouth twitch with amusement. "Good point." He turned back to Loraina. "Will you go with Tomoyo-san, then? You may trust her with any secret you need to, and she'll listen."

Loraina smiled and nodded to Tomoyo. "Thank you. It is very kind of you to offer hospitality to a stranger such as myself."

"I can't ignore a crying woman," Tomoyo said, smiling still. _See! _she told herself. _She's very, very kind. No reason to dislike her at all._

Yet, when Loraina turned back to Eriol with gratitude, and impulsively hugged him, Tomoyo felt inexplicably uncomfortable, and fought back the urge to push Loraina away. Holding back a sigh, she stood up, and offered Loraina a hand.

And Eriol hid a smile by turning away. Tomoyo was wound up like a spring. Was she defensive because of Sakura? This definitely needed more investigation, then.

* * *

**Fight in the Night**

Yue drove his SUV recklessly though the streets of Tokyo. His beloved Rinnie wasn't answering her cell phone—she had, in fact, turned it off. He had just finished ransacking the office's 201 records for Sakura's new address. The bastard Syaoran surely lived with her—and if he found Rinnie there, there would be hell to pay.

His eyes narrowed. **Syaoran**. He was the cause of this all, that asshole. He'd never seen him but Yue hated him with every fiber of his being. Of course Rinnie would run to him. Her former husband. She'd brought him up during their fight, and surely that was where she had run to.

He parked, his tires screeching in front of the driveway of the lovely house Sakura and Syaoran shared. The gate was barred, and Yue began banging on it, screaming, "Come out, Syaoran! You stupid shithead, come out!"

Inside, Syaoran stirred in Sakura's arms, annoyed at whatever had disturbed his sleep. He heard a commotion in their driveway, and peered out the window. Someone was standing there, screaming Syaoran's name. "Come out, you bastard! You fuck-ass retard!"

Cursing, Syaoran pulled on a shirt and jeans, then grabbed a powerful flashlight and a jo staff. He went out through the back door, using the shadows to hide himself, and when he was near the gate, he let the intruder have the full blast of the SureFire flashlight in his eyes. That would blind him for ten seconds; there were enough lumens in there to light delicate surgery. Once he reached the gate, though, he gaped when he realized it was Yue. "What the fuck are you doing here? And stop yelling. You'll wake Sakura, you asshole, and then I'll have to kill you," Syaoran spat, flashlight trained on Yue's face.

"Rinnie...Is Rinnie there?" Yue asked, ignoring what Syaoran said.

"What..." Had he gone mad? Syaoran switched off the flashlight after he ascertained that Yue was unarmed, but pointedly kept the gate between them locked.

"Rinnie...Loraina! She's here! Let her out!"

Syaoran's eyes narrowed. "Are you fucking stupid? Why would she be here?" Then he smirked. "Had a fight, did you two? She leave you?" He felt a surge of vicious satisfaction when Yue paled.

"Did she come running to you? Do you have her in there?" Yue's eyes were wild, and, as he slowly regained his sight, he pressed against the gate. "RINNIE!"

Raising the staff, Syaoran banged the gate with it. The impact caused the gate to ring and shiver, and Yue backed off.

"Whatever your bloody fucking issue is, I don't care. You clearly know who I am, and I know who you are, and I don't know what kind of fucking joke the fates have played on all of us. But you leave Sakura alone, and you go to hell! Haven't you put her through enough hell, you goddamned Chinese bigot? You fucking leave her alone!" Syaoran bellowed. "You're nothing but the bastard who almost destroyed Sakura and I'm the guy who's trying to help her put it back together."

"I'm the bastard?" Yue screamed. "You're the one who isn't letting Loraina go!"

Syaoran laughed hollowly. "I don't care about that anymore, you fucking moron. You're the one who's supposed to be taking care of her. And you don't even know where she is. Congratulations for abandoning yet another woman again. It seems to be your **specialty**."

And he was shocked when Yue's eyes glinted sharply, but then turned dull with defeat. Though he was still glaring at Syaoran, it was definitely a half-hearted glare. "...Is Loraina here? She—she mentioned you when we fought and she...she left."

Syaoran glared at him darkly. "No. She's not. **Leave**." He turned his back and was about to walk away when Yue's next words reached him.

"She said I acted like you...that I was trying to control and own her. That I ignored her concerns. She was...upset that I invited you two to the wedding," Yue rasped, his face blank. Syaoran recoiled. Was that how Loraina still saw him—as a possessive monster?

_No. _And the corners of Syaoran's mouth lifted in a small smile. _I'm not like that anymore. _And the reason had been sleeping in his arms just minutes ago.

A long silence stretched between the two men. Syaoran, having shaken off his sleep, loomed over Yue, who had fallen to his knees.

"I can't lose her," Yue clenched his fists.

"Get up." Syaoran spat.

Yue did not move, curling into a miserable ball. "Rinnie..." he whispered.

Furiously, Syaoran threw the gate open. "Get **UP**!" He grabbed Yue and forced the other man to stand up, leaning him against the wall. "Fuck it, be a man if not for yourself then for Loraina!" He slammed Yue into the wall. "Stand up!" he yelled.

When Yue didn't respond, Syaoran grabbed Yue's collar and hauled him upwards so that he could glare at his fellow Chinese male up close. "You listen to me, and you listen good. I am no longer that man Loraina used to know. And if you have **half **a brain you probably know why I changed. Oh wait, you let Sakura go after breaking her heart and telling her—all those horrible things you did...If it weren't for you I wouldn't have had such a hard time getting through to her! You're part of the reason why I can't tell her I love her!" he shook Yue violently before releasing his grip. Yue fell to the ground with a thud.

"I'm not going to hit you. Don't get me wrong...I am dying..." and Syaoran clenched his fists, "to make you less of a pretty boy." He unclenched them. "But Sakura would be unhappy if I did that. That's why..." Syaoran swallowed past a lump in his throat, "get out. Go find Loraina. And if you hurt Loraina, God help you because I'm sure she can punish you suitably. Take it from someone who's been there. Now. **GET OUT**!" Syaoran shoved Yue out of the gate, and slammed it behind him. "If I ever see you anywhere near Sakura again, nobody can blame me for whatever I do to you!"

Yue did not move, but after what seemed like a very long while, he looked up at Syaoran, who noticed his tiny smile.

"She loves you. She told me that when she quit, do you know?"

"I know," Syaoran bit off. "Your point?"

"You love her." A simple statement but Syaoran tensed. "And you haven't told her, right?" Yue shakily got to his feet. "Tell her. She deserves to know. And you need to tell her as well...so that she can say the words to you. Take it from someone—who's been there too."

Syaoran glared at Yue's back as he climbed into his SUV. Stupid fucking poncy gay idiot! He looked back at the bedroom he now shared with Sakura. The lights were still off, and Syaoran was relieved that Sakura had slept through the whole thing. He released the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. How annoying that it took that stupid fucking poncy gay idiot only seconds to put things together.

But was Loraina all right? He wasn't sure, but...and he went back to the house slowly. He was worried about her, certainly...

Yet when he saw Sakura sleeping peacefully where he'd left her, he smiled. Sliding into her arms again, she sleepily murmured his name.

"It's me. I'm here. And," Syaoran said as he kissed her forehead, "I love you. I promise I'll tell you...as soon as I know you're ready."

He never noticed that, for the first time in years, he'd let another man have the last word. He didn't care about that anymore. Soon he was sleeping in her arms again, and his dreams were peaceful.

* * *

**Kisses for Breakfast  
**

That morning after their first kisses (and, though Sakura did not know it, after Syaoran's tussle with Yue), Sakura woke up first, and rolled over to look at Syaoran. He still looked the same, if a lot more peaceful; his breathing was slow and even, and he smiled in his sleep. She raised a hand to stroke his thick chocolate-colored hair, unable to keep from smiling. _He cares about me, _she said in her head. _He wants me, and he doesn't want to let me go._

Sakura longed to let go and give herself up completely to Syaoran, to let him know he owned her, body, heart, and soul. But she also could taste the joy of simply letting things unfold because he wasn't rushing her into confessing her feelings, and neither was he forcing his own feelings on her. And that was his greatest gift to her: they could savor their relationship, enjoy each other without the pressure the fear of commitment gave most couples. After all, and Sakura chuckled, they already were married.

"Something amuse you?" Syaoran slowly opened his eyes, finding Sakura smiling gently at him. He was still tired after the confrontation with Yue, but he was also feeling good. He'd finally told Yue what he thought, and given the prick fair warning of what to expect if he ever did anything to Sakura ever again. Sakura was safe from Yue, and that was what mattered.

"Wow, you're a sight for sore eyes." He playfully pulled her down, kissing her gently, without desire or demand. The kiss was affectionate and tender, and Sakura felt her heart swell in gratitude at Syaoran's consideration for her. He was clearly letting her choose whether to deepen the kiss or not, letting her set the pace as he had promised.

_How wonderful was he? _Sakura smiled, and pulled his face back to hers. "Good morning, Syaoran," she whispered against his lips, her eyes closed as she savored his nearness. Her fingers were tangled in his thick hair, and she was pressed against him, body to body in a delicious melding.

"Good morning, sweet Sakura," Syaoran grinned. "Shall I duel you, with the loser having to prepare our breakfast? Clean up the remnants of the pillow fight?" He glanced at the floor, and Sakura followed his gaze. They both laughed; the stuffing of the pillow from the previous night was still there.

"We can do it together, along with the cleanup of your room," she said, and she pecked his lips briefly. She stood up to swiftly gargle with some mint rinse, then to change in her room, calling behind her, "See you in the kitchen!"

Lying content in bed, Syaoran thought that Sakura's smile was like sunshine: warm, bright, and so real. He heeded her, pulling on shorts and a shirt, then padding into his bathroom to brush his teeth. Sakura often kidded him about wanting to brush his teeth first thing in the morning, and stray thoughts like these of her made him feel happy. Unable to resist grinning like a cat that had gotten the cream off the top of the milk bottle, he singsonged in his head like a small boy, _'She loves me, she loves me, and I love her!'_

Syaoran thought back over the years of friendship leading up to his marriage to Sakura, and the months after that. How she had become such an important part of his life was something he still marveled at—and the joy of realizing his love for her gradually was a beautiful thing. He now understood, finally, why Alia had been so upset at him, why she had left. And he was determined not to repeat those mistakes—not with the woman who meant forever to him.

He probably owed poor Alia—no, Loraina—an apology for the shabby way he had treated her—and then bravely decided to apologize in person. But that would have to wait until after Hong Kong. Hong Kong...Syaoran smiled. While Sakura had been out the other day, he'd made many arrangements over the internet and the telephone. No holds barred; after all, he would be wooing not just the woman he loved, but also his best friend.

In the kitchen, without being bidden, he cracked and scrambled four eggs when he noticed Sakura was dicing ham and cheese. Then he goggled when he noticed she was also heating miso soup and some whitefish.

"Er...Sakura? What's with the East-meets-West combination?" he asked curiously.

"I wanted fish and soup. You, dearest husband, love omelets. So here's a compromise," she smiled sweetly. "Could you start the rice cooker?"

Syaoran pressed the "COOK" button then placed his arms around Sakura from behind, making her giggle.

"You could feed me anything and I wouldn't mind," he murmured as he kissed her lips and cheeks slowly. When she shivered, he chuckled. "I love kissing you." He let his tongue snake out and lick her earlobes gently; he was rewarded with a shudder and a soft sigh. Gently, he kissed his way down to her neck, and said softly, "Stop me if you don't want this, okay, cherry?"

Sakura dropped the knife and spun around to face him, her eyes dark green and glittering with something he'd never seen before. She seized Syaoran's cheeks and pulled him towards her, her tongue demanding entrance into his mouth. Gladly, he opened his lips and stroked her tongue with his, pulling her closer. He was drowning in Sakura; he was surrounded by her delicious scent and he savored her willingness, her own enjoyment of the kiss. She returned the favor, nipping his earlobe gently with her teeth. Oh, she had dreamed of this, and she never wanted the moment to end; if for this moment, Syaoran was hers and hers alone, and she traveled back to his waiting lips, kissing him greedily.

He ran his tongue slowly down her neck to her collarbone, and Sakura gasped, throwing her head back to give Syaoran better access to her neck. He gently kissed up and down her neck, savoring having her in his arms and willingly accepting his caresses. And then, Sakura moaned in pleasure when Syaoran fastened his lips to the base of her neck and began to suck on it; the pain was mixed with a delicious pleasure, and she ran her hands over his chest, wanting to stroke him, to hold him. Syaoran supported her by holding the back of her neck, leaning her against the kitchen counter as he pressed his body against hers. He let her feel that he wanted her; he was no longer shy about letting her know of his desires for her, but he also wanted her to know that he would never push her for more than she was willing to give—although right now he honestly wanted to pick her up and take her back to bed and make love to her all day. So he pulled back, smiling tenderly at Sakura, and kissed her again, their tongues entwining.

_Dear God, _Sakura thought in the hazy fog of sensual arousal Syaoran had created in her, _if he can affect me this way just with a little necking, what will happen if we go further? _And to her shock, Sakura realized she wanted to find out what kind of ecstasy they could find in each other.

_I am so lucky! _She was beginning to see with new eyes: how Syaoran was so tender, so caring with her; how much he had changed over the years she had known him, and, most dramatically, since they had been married. _Maybe he loves me? Could it be? _The thought made warmth spread through her, and she began to kiss Syaoran back, giving as good as she got, loving him with her lips and her entire body, their limbs winding around each other naturally and gently.

Maybe surrendering to Syaoran would be the right thing to do. Because he had never—and would never—betray her trust.

When they came up for air, they touched noses and both laughed happily. Then Syaoran hugged her and began to sing his new song lines into her ear: _"Why is it that when I see you, my day seems brighter and merrier? That's how I've always felt with you and it's a feeling that's stayed constant until today. Why is it that when I talk to you, I never tire of our conversations? They're like a lovely song you never tire of hearing from beginning until end. That's how I feel about you: I can't understand it but it's true. Never before in my life have I met someone so memorable. Why is it so, my heart asks. I can't understand it but it's true. I don't know why but in my life, it hasn't changed, from yesterday until today, and I hope it will continue on and on." _**(1)**

Sakura almost gasped. Those lines...The words 'I love you' weren't in it but she could feel a strong emotion in what Syaoran sang—and the emotion was for her. The temptation to say, "I love you, Syaoran!" was almost overwhelming but she realized that she did not want to say the words yet; something was telling her to wait.

But she knew—her instincts, for once, were true. He was the only one she could truly trust.

"Mmm. I like morning kisses from you," Syaoran said cheerfully as he nuzzled her nose with his. "You kiss like a goddess," he said softly as he kissed her again.

"And you like a god," Sakura breathed against his lips.

They held each other gently, smiling and cuddling. Syaoran touched her chin gently, and said, "Looks like this just might work out for us. What do you think? Still think our marriage was a mistake?" he teased.

"You know what?" Sakura said, looking into Syaoran's dark brown eyes, "I think marrying you was my favorite mistake," she teased back, grinning.

"False comparison," he shot back. "The song 'My Favorite Mistake' is about an abusive relationship."

"And you trashing me all the time isn't abusive?" she playfully retorted. "Ah, woe unto me, husband of mine is unkind ogre who...who...hmm..." she began in a fake Chinese accent.

"You suck at comebacks," Syaoran pronounced.

"Give me some time!" she protested.

"I really ought to teach you Chinese," he suddenly said.

Sakura laughed. "Changing the topic? Fine. Please do," she smiled.

"And, getting back to your question," Syaoran said, his eyes full of naughtiness, "trashing you is not abuse when it is an act of self-defense. You insult me first, all the time." He pretended to clutch at his heart.

"I do not start it!" Sakura was laughingly indignant. "You do."

"No, you do."

"Didn't!"

"Do!" Syaoran was trying hard not to laugh and was turning red from the effort.

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Don't what?" Sakura was confused now, and began to laugh. To her surprise, Syaoran seized her lips again with his, stopping the kiss only when he heard her squeak and try to speak against his mouth.

"What?"

"I said, the omelet is burning!" Sakura squeaked, and, laughing, Syaoran let her go.

* * *

**Destination: Happy in Hong Kong**

Eriol and Tomoyo didn't even have to glance at each other when Syaoran and Sakura arrived at the airport—late. They caught the two sharing a quick kiss where they thought they would not be seen.

"Seems they're moving along quite nicely," Eriol said. He had no glasses on, and his lengthening hair was pulled back into a small ponytail; he'd hid that under a cap.

"Indeed," Tomoyo responded, and he smiled; they were beginning to talk like each other. Tomoyo grinned, then gasped when Syaoran dropped his bags to hug Sakura—then he gently kissed her lips as Sakura wound her arms around his neck. They kissed for quite some time, and when they pulled apart, both were flushed and breathless.

"Did you see..." Tomoyo began. "I do believe I saw some action involving tongues..."

Eriol snorted, and Tomoyo looked at him; it wasn't like him to snort.

"Come, Tomoyo-san, of course I did," he grinned. "It's kind of hard to miss two adults acting like lovestruck teenagers in Narita Airport."

Tomoyo giggled. "Just making sure."

"I hear Yue paid an early morning visit to Sakura-san a few days ago," Eriol smiled. "Seems they literally thrashed things out between them."

"And I hear Loraina is back with Yue," Tomoyo smiled. "Sakura and Syaoran are making out, we're going to Hong Kong. All is right in the world." She spoke without a trace of irony.

Eriol glanced at her. "It could be better," he smiled. Before Tomoyo could ask what he meant, Sakura and Syaoran, lugging only backpacks, arrived before them, their flushed cheeks the only evidence of their earlier activities. Tomoyo squealed. "Planning to get shopping done in Hong Kong?"

"He insisted," Sakura groaned, and Syaoran preened.

"I want to spoil my sweet little wife," Syaoran said as he placed an arm over Sakura's shoulders and pulled her close. He whispered, "Can I kiss you in front of them?"

Instead of answering, Sakura dropped her backpack, grinning, and grabbed his cheeks, planting a big kiss on his lips. Tomoyo laughed, and Eriol did too.

"I assume our mission is over," Eriol nudged Tomoyo as he whispered in her ear.

"She isn't pregnant yet," Tomoyo replied, with her violet eyes glinting mischievously.

"Never satisfied, are we?" Eriol grinned.

"Absolutely not." Tomoyo bent over her large valise and searched for a bag she had placed there earlier.

"And I can safely suppose you're digging in your luggage for those costumes?" Eriol smiled.

"You bet."

When Tomoyo handed the costumes over to Sakura, the resulting scandalized squeal and "TOMOYO-CHAN! was heard halfway across the airport, and Syaoran quickly added to the ruckus by saying to Tomoyo, "Perfect! Thank you!"

* * *

To quote Julia and Tania, "sizzle, sizzle!" Things are going to get hotter between SxS. You have been warned!

Lyric set 1 above is a translation of "Mula Noon Hanggang Ngayon" (From the Past to the Present, roughly) by Dina Bonnevie. I don't own the song either.

Preview of chapter 11 is in my LJ (see profile for link) and it comes with the thank yous for the previous chapter!


	11. Laying Foundations

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 11: Laying Foundations**

**absolutefluffiness says: **Warnings! One, long long chapter. Consider it my make-up gift for the long absence. Two, mild lime is in this chapter. And if you dislike limes, I'm afraid you'll have to stop reading next chapter because limes will abound and rating will go to M. I'm sorry but upon advice of my writing sensei, I won't interrupt the flow of the story by inserting warnings where the limes and lemons are. No offense meant to those who don't want the story to go M. (To those who have secretly pervy hearts like me, go to my LJ for a steamy preview! LOL!) Not saying when the lemon will take place, though I can assure you everything is written with the purpose of developing the story and with as much good taste as possible.

My thanks to Sensei C, who helped me through a lot and who has agreed to keep beta-ing the story; 'Mei Ling' of ECRS for guiding me through the limes and the lemon, 'Rika' for helping me with the plot, and 'Tomoyo' for being my more than co-author for the companion story "The Heart Has Seasons," which is soon to be updated. And of course, to everyone who's reviewed! You make me happy! Complete thank you list at the bottom; review responses are in my LJ!

I know this update is long overdue, but like I said in my LJ, it was hard to get back in the groove after my grandma died. Please be patient; to those who posted their sympathies, thank you so much. We're still waiting for the 40th day, and since classes have started, expect updates to slow down to once every two or three weeks. I don't want to split chapters for faster updates; the flow gets ruined, and you'll probably kill me anyway 'cause that will result in cliffies every chap, LOL!

I must note this here: All the names on the Loraina/Yue invitation are Chinese, NOT Korean. My mother's surname is Lim, and millions of Chinese are Lims. I am of Chinese ethnicity, and the names there are from friends and relatives. You can google Penk Ching (a Fil-Chinese cakemaker), Bruce Lee's first Chinese martial arts master Yip, thousands of Dengs and Engs, and even Chinese celebrities with those names. As for Noribo and Arika Satoshi, those are Japanese names because Loraina is Japanese and those are her parents.

I want to thank **Inuyashangel** for catching an embarrassing error in ch 10: Eriol should say that Yue visited SYAORAN, not Sakura. EEK! Thank you so much! I really appreciate the catch!

So—boring rant is over, story starts…NOW!

* * *

**Her Only Son's Heart**

"So he's finally coming home," Yelan Li said as she watched the flames in their fireplace leap merrily. The Li mansion was one of the few that had one in Hong Kong, and the late March weather was unseasonably chilly.

Yelan missed her only son Syaoran—Xiao Lang, in her mind. He was talented, handsome, and independent—and it still rankled with her that he had divorced his first wife before even introducing her to them. She knew he was the type to commit for life, and the divorce—and his refusal to speak of it and his first wife—were a cause for concern.

"With his new wife," Fuutie said. "Sakura Kinomoto." She handed over a photo of a pretty, smiling young woman to her mother.

"And you suspect it might be a marriage of convenience?"

"Yes," Fuutie said. "They were friends before this, and they arranged their marriage just days before it was held—I got hold of his credit card records, and they made their purchases for wedding items within a week before his deadline."

Yelan sighed. First was the whirlwind wedding to Loraina; she had known that would end badly when Syaoran kept putting off introducing Loraina to them. And now he'd married someone to secure his share of the family fortune. What other explanation could there be? How could his marriage to Sakura be a love match? It was the only kind of marriage Yelan believed could work.

She had always trusted Syaoran's instincts; he was a well-behaved boy growing up, and a level-headed man. But his sudden marriage, and divorce, to Loraina had thrown all of them off. Fuutie had quickly hired a private investigator to check Loraina out, and to their relief, she had no criminal record, no scandals to her name, nothing.

So what _**had**_ gone wrong in that marriage? The papers they had managed to get copies of showed that Loraina had filed for a quick divorce, not even asking for spousal support, or for any of the joint properties she and Syaoran had owned. In fact—and this disturbed Yelan—she seemed to be in a rush to leave Syaoran's life. The home she shared with Syaoran, which Syaoran had signed over to her ownership, Loraina had placed in trust for Syaoran, and she had refused to claim it. And according to the investigators, they had had no further contact, not even in court.

What had happened? Had Syaoran done something to her? No, she refused to believe Syaoran could scare a woman off that badly; Loraina had to be at fault _somehow_!

Yelan worried about her only son; she loved him very much. It had been a wrench to let him go off to Japan with his best friend Eriol after high school, but she knew he had always loved music, and had not stood in his way. Her reward came when Syaoran succeeded as a composer, but then it meant his visits home to Hong Kong became fewer and fewer. Since his marriage—and divorce—to Loraina, in fact, he had not been home.

Three years without him, with only phone calls to sustain her. And now he was coming home, bringing his new wife with him. She could not bring herself to think of the young woman as Sakura Li, not when they knew nothing about her except for her short-lived affair with the Lim clan heir Yue, and the death of her family. Her family's debts had been shouldered by Syaoran after their marriage, and that fact bothered Yelan no end. Sakura—could she be a gold-digger who chased rich heirs? Yelan shuddered at the thought. She wasn't sure how well Syaoran handled women like that.

But then she chastised herself. Syaoran had surely learned his lesson from the failed marriage to Loraina. And he was smarter than that. Sakura had to be a special woman—a good friend, at the very least—for Syaoran to ask to marry her. Or so she hoped. Doubts continued to assail Yelan, and she forced herself to remain calm.

She had to hope, because if Syaoran's heart were broken again, Yelan's would break along with it. And she decided to test this Sakura Kinomoto very, very carefully. She would not permit the young woman to break her son's heart again.

"Have Wei pick them up at the airport then," Yelan said. "I'll arrange for a little reunion so everyone can meet them." _And so that everyone can see what kind of a woman Sakura is_, she added in her mind.

"Should I call for a caterer?" Fuutie asked.

"No," Yelan smiled. "Wei, Shiefa, and I will do the cooking."

Fuutie smiled, knowing it meant that her mother had not given up hope on her little brother finding happiness.

"I think he'll be okay," she said.

"He has to be," Yelan said. "My dearest Syaoran has to be all right."

* * *

**Playful Past**

As the plane took off, the two pairs in first class began exchanging stories. Eriol and Tomoyo kept their eyes on their married friends. Syaoran, they noted, could not keep his eyes off Sakura, and he kept touching her: brushing his hands against hers, holding her hand, kissing her hair, even seizing her by the waist and placing her in his lap when the "Fasten Seatbelt" sign was off. Sakura happily responded to his kisses, and liked to retaliate by poking a finger into his side, tickling him, and playfully slapping his arm. Both were clearly smitten with each other, and new love had obviously been born between them.

"So tell us how you two became best friends," Sakura said to Syaoran with an evil grin. Eriol and Syaoran both groaned.

"Shall I start the story, or will you?" Eriol asked.

"I will. You might distort it," Syaoran said with a sigh. He told a fascinated Sakura and Tomoyo of how he and Eriol were pitted against each other in class since the first grade for the top honors in their school, and how Syaoran learned to detest Eriol as a result of their seesaw battle: one semester, Syaoran would come out on top, another, it would be Eriol. The others in their year level in school had given up competing against them. In the fourth grade, Eriol became Syaoran's seatmate, much to Syaoran's annoyance. Eriol had delighted in tormenting him with whispered snide comments such as, "Loser Li, there should be an adverb like, 'Loserly' just for you!" And that was where Syaoran, as a boy, had been weak: comebacks. By the time he'd met Sakura, he'd learned; but back in the fourth grade, he was helpless against Eriol's trashing.

So one day Syaoran snapped and dumped his pencil case, full of pencil shavings, on Eriol's head. Eriol spent the entire period in the bathroom trying to get the shavings out; he'd been forced to wash his hair twice. Later, in P.E., Eriol retaliated by pretending to block Syaoran's shot during basketball, but angling it so the ball hit Syaoran's nose. The resulting fight had brought kids cheering from all grades, and they were quite evenly matched, thanks to their martial arts backgrounds. It had finally been broken up by a vastly amused teacher, and they spent a month in detention—together. Their Conduct grades had suffered, and a girl had beaten them both, for the first time, in the class standings.

But during detention, where they'd had to cooperate to clean the school pigpen, and the boys' toilets, they had discovered identical senses of humor, a love for music, and how their personalities complemented: Syaoran could be rash, impulsive, hot-tempered, and stubborn, while Eriol was calm, diplomatic, and charming. They'd formed an alliance which created ties for first place in school events just about every semester—and was responsible for some of the most memorable pranks in the school.

"So as you can see he pretty much browbeat me into being his friend," Syaoran said airily.

"Pardon me, but you threw the first punch, you uncivilized oaf," Eriol teased.

"Yeah right. You missed when you punched," Syaoran retorted.

"Ah, dear Syaoran, at least I didn't hit the teacher with my water bottle."

"That's only because you, cowardly fake four-eyes, dodged!"

The two men stopped their playful bickering when both women began to laugh heartily.

"Photos!" An evil glint was in Tomoyo's eyes. "I demand to see photos of you two as kids!"

"Absolutely not," Eriol stood firm.

Syaoran began to snicker, and Eriol missed the danger sign; his best friend never laughed that way unless potential humiliation for Eriol was involved. He passed over a photo from his carry-on to Tomoyo—and for the first time, he saw Tomoyo burst into tears of laughter.

"Eating…toothpaste!" she choked.

"SYAORAN!" Eriol bellowed, trying to grab the photo from Tomoyo, who passed it to Sakura quickly. Sakura only had time to register a small boy with short dark hair and glasses who looked like a tiny Eriol chewing happily on a tube of sparkly toothpaste before Eriol snatched it from her.

"Who was holding the toothpaste?" Sakura asked.

Syaoran raised a hand, and Sakura began to giggle. "You force-fed it to him?"

"Hell no. He _**begged**_ me for it. 'Oh please Syaoran I'll be your best friend forever if you let me have your toothpaste," he said in a high pitched boy's voice. "My sister Shiefa took the photo. Obsessed with cameras, that one is," Syaoran said.

"Must meet her," Tomoyo grinned.

"Ah, so humiliation is the name of the game now?" Eriol grinned, his eyes glinting evilly. "Then I insist on telling you this, Sakura-san. Did you know that a little girl named Ying Fa—which means 'sakura' in Chinese, by the way—threatened to commit suicide when Syaoran refused to go out with her for Valentine's Day in the seventh grade? She stalked him for the rest of the year and offered me a hundred dollars for his locker combination."

Syaoran snorted. "You gave her Aris' combination!"

Eriol continued, "Then in eighth grade, two girls fought in the corridor over who would get to put chocolate in his locker; they both lost a lot of hair as a result—then they wound up hating Syaoran who never acknowledged their chocolates! In ninth grade, he was named 'Handsomest Freshie' and he didn't show up for the awarding ceremony…"

"Shut up!" Syaoran began to scrabble for Sakura's ears, trying to cover them. Sakura fought him off, pushing his hands away, eager to hear the rest.

"And that's not all. One day in high school—senior year—another girl named Gao Ke appeared in Syaoran's bedroom in the Li Mansion—stark naked on his bed." Eriol was chuckling now, and Syaoran was beet-red. "When the door opened, she said," and Eriol assumed a girly voice, " 'I love you Li Syaoran, and I offer you my virginity for you to take and use; only, give me tonight with you and I shall never bother you again. I have studied sex manuals and am ready to please you!'—only, it was our other friend Aris, who was more than happy to yank Syaoran in the room and lock them in together!"

"Oh my God!" Sakura screeched with laughter. "Is that how you lost your virginity? Lucky you!"

Syaoran shook his head furiously, turning red as a result, but when Eriol continued to laugh, he snarled, "Shut the fuck up, Eriol!" When his best friend chortled with glee, he stomped off to the bathroom moodily.

"He gets sex handed to him on a platter and he gets mad?" Tomoyo snickered.

"Yeah, and she was one of the prettiest girls in class, too," Eriol smiled. "Quite a body on that one; Aris suggested that if Syaoran didn't want the job, he'd happily take over. Of course he slammed the door in Aris' face. Gao Ke kept her promise too; she never spoke about it to anyone, and neither did Syaoran."

Sakura was surprised that she felt no anger or jealousy; it was a funny part of Syaoran's past, that was all there was to it. She loved who he was now…no one said she had to love his past, however crazy it was—because she loved him. She smiled.

"A hint, Sakura-san: when we get to Hong Kong, look for Mei Ling's—Syaoran's cousin—fiance Aris. He has even worse stories to tell about Syaoran," Eriol stage-whispered.

Sakura laughed; oh, this trip was going to be so much fun! She knew Syaoran wasn't truly angry—just annoyed—and would probably take his revenge on Eriol later.

When Tomoyo and Eriol turned to the designs they were working on, Sakura picked up the bag Tomoyo handed her at the airport, hoping against hope that a second look would show her tamer costumes. No such luck. Some were downright scandalous, in her opinion.

"If you want to try them on now, I won't mind helping you into them," Syaoran whispered naughtily in her ear; he'd returned to his seat. Sakura blushed; Syaoran's ear-to-ear grin wasn't helping matters at all. He had his own package of costumes, much to Sakura's amusement, even a scabbard for a sword.

"Do I even want to know what all this is for?" she asked cautiously, looking around the cabin of the plane they were in. They were the only passengers in first class, and Tomoyo was busy sketching new costumes for Eriol at the executive table provided for them.

In response, Syaoran grinned and pulled out several scarlet and gold cards. "Here. Your delightful best friend helped me by designing and printing these out."

"Obviously…" Sakura raised an eyebrow. How Tomoyo had found time for mischief was not that much of a surprise anymore; what did surprise her was how Syaoran had managed everything. She peered at the cards. "Clow cards," she read.

"I'm supposed to be descended from one of the most powerful magicians in the world," Syaoran said cheerfully, "and Daidouji says you liked to pretend to be a magical girl when you were little…so I figured," and he grinned, "you might want to turn back time while we're in Hong Kong."

"How do you mean that?"

"By going back to what we missed out on when we were younger," Syaoran said as he pulled some photos out of his package. "Here. It's not fair for only me to have ammunition." He handed Sakura a photo, and she stared at it, then giggled. A ten year-old Syaoran was in a cute green costume with long sleeves and bells on the tails. He was looking annoyed at the camera as he clutched a little green hat.

"Aww! You were such a cute little boy!" Sakura turned a large smile on Syaoran, who almost blushed. "Oh…just look at you…that green costume is adorable…and it has bells and such a cute hat…"

Syaoran pulled out another photo. "Oh quit it. You were cuter." He showed her a photo of her in her Tomoeda grade school uniform, little boater hat tilted at a rakish angle, her pink elbow guards the same shade as her rollerblades.

He laughed when Sakura turned completely pink. "Come on, I'm sure you made a cute little fairy or cat or whatever…like this one?" He raised another photo, earning a screech in his ear when Sakura realized what it was: a photo of her in a pink and white tutu, clutching a star wand, ribbons trailing around her.

"TOMOYO-CHAN!"

"It seems she's discovered the photos you gave Syaoran," Eriol said calmly.

"Wait till she realizes what I've done to her costumes," Tomoyo said, not pausing as she sketched out a futuristic battle uniform for Eriol.

"Dare I ask?" Eriol's eyebrows crooked.

"Body hugging. Gets transparent when wet. Easy to remove—and I told Syaoran how to take those costumes off her—sexily," she said with a tiny smile.

"You truly are determined to see this relationship through, aren't you?" Eriol teased.

"Her firstborn is mine," Tomoyo raised her head and her eyes glinted.

"Ought I to warn Syaoran then?"

"Only that he had better be the father, and if he isn't, I'll cut something vital off him," Tomoyo said, glaring at Syaoran, who was watching his wife staring wide-eyed at Tomoyo.

"That sounds positively painful," Eriol grinned.

"Better be." She turned her head away from Sakura and Syaoran, giving Eriol a slightly bigger smile.

"She's ignoring me," Sakura said indignantly. She pulled out a costume and examined it. "How am I supposed to fit in this?" she asked Syaoran as she held up a slinky white body-hugging leotard embellished with shiny black lines that emphasized her curves. It looked strangely familiar though. "Goodness, imagine the panty and underwear lines under this!"

"That's because you **don't** wear underwear under it," Tomoyo suddenly called out.

"What?" Sakura spluttered. "_Naked_?"

"How else do you think those anime babes got all the boys?"

Sakura opened and closed her mouth, her ears on fire. Syaoran calmed her down by whispering in her ear, "Same with this one for me," and he held up a matching white costume lined with green and black with matching gloves. "Luckily it feels good against my skin."

Thinking of Syaoran's naked body under the stretchy, clingy fabric made Sakura blush. "Why are you willing to do this?"

"Because Tomoyo said you quite enjoyed certain manga and anime when you two were younger…and this is your favorite Code Geass character Suzaku Kururugi's battle costume," he replied, blushing slightly himself. "Tomoyo says I look like him—and she says you had such a crush on him before…so…" and his voice trailed off in embarrassment. "I know he wasn't popular with fans because they thought he was a betraying, lying jerk…"

"He wasn't! He was a complex character who needed understanding…he always took the hard way…" Sakura protested.

"I know," Syaoran smiled as he pulled Sakura's head to nestle against his chest. "I watched the series whenever you were out, to get a handle on the character. I think I'm ready to play him with you." He kissed the top of her head, loving the fact that he could now freely express affection with her.

"Oh my…" Sakura had once confessed that Syaoran looked like a brown-eyed version of a favorite character…and Syaoran in that character's costume…Oh God!

"The costume comes with green contact lenses," Syaoran grinned, "and you may have noticed I haven't cut my hair for a while and now it sort of is as long as his…" and he tousled his hair so that it would look piece-y and wavy. "So—will I pass?"

Sakura took one look at Syaoran, shrieked then hugged and kissed him hard—kisses he happily returned with equal fervor. When she calmed down, she whispered, "I can't be held responsible for what I do to you in that outfit."

"I won't hold whatever you do against you," he grinned, "if you wear this for me." Syaoran held up another costume.

"But this is a schoolgirl uniform!"

Syaoran leaned in towards her, almost brushing his lips against hers. "That's the uniform of my old high school."

"Your girl classmates wore skirts this short?" Sakura raised a brow. "And goodness, this blouse is…tight!"

"No, no," Syaoran laughed, "Daidouji altered the uniform after I told her about my high school life."

"What, when you played around or something?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"I never had a real girlfriend in high school," Syaoran said in a low voice as he pinned her against her seat. "But I've always fantasized about making out with my girlfriend in various places on campus—too bad that came when I was an adult," he smiled as he rubbed his nose against hers.

"A pervy one," Sakura tried to needle him, but he merely grinned.

"Not my fault you turn me on," he whispered, then caught her lips with his. They kissed again, slowly and tenderly; Sakura tangled her fingers in Syaoran's hair as he pulled her closer.

Tomoyo grinned as she watched the loving couple. "He can't keep his hands off her, can he?"

Eriol rolled his eyes and kept his back turned to them. "Neither can she, Tomoyo-san. Pardon me if I don't watch; he's my best friend, but I still do not wish to see him engaged in…hmm…acts of lasciviousness," he grinned, enjoying his joke.

"It's not lascivious when it's love!" Tomoyo hissed angrily.

He raised an eyebrow. "Have I said something offensive?"

"Are you averse to sex?"

"No," Eriol raised a hand to clean his glasses then discovered they weren't there. "But why are you upset?" He confronted her anger head-on; her moods had been unpredictable since Loraina had been at her apartment.

Tomoyo sat there, feeling mortally embarrassed at her loss of control. What was wrong with her?

"I'm not," she said softly and turned back to her sketching.

"Just because I don't want to see them expressing their affection doesn't mean I'm averse to sex. Just not with everyone," Eriol said quietly. "Besides, I understand why they're that way. It's the same with new lovers everywhere—and I should know, I make my living catering to them," he smiled. "So let Sakura-san and Syaoran make out in peace. We can bother them later. I can tell they haven't made love yet though. They're being as frisky as teenagers because it's all new for them. Their hearts have both been badly broken, and now they're in a relationship knowing everything in their respective pasts. Of course they're happy."

_He rarely says these observations out loud_, Tomoyo thought, then realized he'd deliberately changed the topic so as not to upset her. And yet…the thought of his courtesy and consideration upset her as well.

_What is wrong with me?_ she wondered again.

_You want him to claim you_, a coldly logical voice in her head said.

_No_! Tomoyo bent down to her sketches, angrily pushing the voice out of her head. _I am not some salivating fangirl!_

Eriol changed the topic, sensing Tomoyo didn't want to talk about it yet. But once they were alone, at the hotel, he intended to press her about it.

Syaoran, having kissed Sakura almost senseless, was feeling a little dazed himself. Sakura giggled upon seeing his expression. "You had better not make us join the 'mile-high' club in front of my best friend," Sakura teased.

"No," Syaoran whispered, "I know you and I want our first time to make love on silk sheets and all the romantic trappings." He stroked her hair gently as he nuzzled her nose with his; she blushed and smiled. "But," and his eyes twinkled, "that doesn't mean we can't get up to other things."

"I married a pervert," Sakura said affectionately.

"A creative one," Syaoran said cheerfully. "Now. Choose a card," he indicated the Clow cards.

"Do I get a prize?" Sakura teased.

"Yep. Me."

"That's it?" Sakura joked. "Lousy prize. At least you should be accompanied by chocolate!"

For once Syaoran didn't have a witty retort. "Just pick," he said.

"Okay." She browsed through them, finally selecting one card. "What does this do?"

Syaoran smiled as he looked at it. "It means we're going back to my high school as soon as we can get rid of our two companions."

All too soon, the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign came on, and reluctantly, the group retired to their respective seats. One couple was destined to fall deeply in love in Hong Kong, and the other, to begin a tortured, sexually charged, and emotionally difficult relationship.

* * *

**Sakura's Next Husband**

Eriol and Tomoyo had insisted on taking a cab to their hotel, and Syaoran was gloating as he handed them the paid-up one week reservation form, knowing he'd gotten them the honeymoon suite. Eriol was too cheap to pass up free accommodations, and Syaoran had had the sofa removed from the room, just to be sure.

He would be half satisfied and half dismayed at the results of his meddling later.

Syaoran then introduced Sakura to the manservant Wei, who had helped raise him and his sisters. Sakura quickly won the old man over, and they chatted as he drove them to the Li Mansion.

Sakura gulped when she saw how many Lis were arrayed along the large curving driveway to greet them.

"You okay?" Syaoran asked, pulling Sakura close.

She nodded, and he leaned in to kiss her tenderly. Sakura was beginning to think she could not, would not ever be tired of his kisses; they brought her elsewhere, somewhere far away where everything was all right.

The old manservant Wei watched them in the rearview mirror. _How could this be a marriage for convenience?_ he wondered. The way Syaoran and Sakura looked at each other, it was like newborn love, and they could barely keep from kissing and touching each other.

He opened the door for the young couple, and the first thing Yelan thought was, _Heavens, if he bought her, she's worth the price_. Sakura was quite beautiful, and her health and sunny disposition shone through; she was in a pretty yellow dress with spaghetti straps, and the color enhanced her smooth skin. She was a bit shy upon seeing so many people, but a smile readily came to her face as Syaoran introduced her to his sisters, their husbands or significant others, his cousins, and other relatives.

A woman with eyes that were almost brownish red threw her arms around Sakura. "Oh God you have no idea how so, so grateful I am to you!" She hugged Sakura tight, and Sakura collapsed to the ground when the woman threw her weight on her. When she lifted her head, Sakura saw the beautiful raven-haired woman, with impossibly long, silky black hair, was weeping for joy.

She shot Syaoran a look, and Syaoran picked them both up, laughing. "Sakura, sweetheart, this is my cousin Mei Ling, whom you have just saved from a lifetime of being tethered to me."

"Hoe?" Sakura clapped her hand over her mouth quickly; how had that slipped out?

"Oooh, that was so cute!" Mei Ling squealed.

Someone picked Mei Ling up in strong, muscled arms, and Sakura looked up to see Mei Ling kissing a very handsome blond man. He kissed her back tenderly then set her on her feet.

"Sakura, this is my fiancé Aris," Mei Ling said, her eyes sparkling with joy. "We're getting married in June!"

Aris, who had startlingly silver eyes, bowed and kissed Sakura's hand. "And for that Mei Ling and I owe you so much. Thank you for taking Syaoran out of the picture," and he grinned teasingly.

Syaoran had reached Sakura by then, with a tiny boy clinging to his leg. "Come on, Ming, let go of Uncle Syaoran, that's a good boy…" But he tousled the boy's black hair affectionately, and the boy looked up at him adoringly. "This is your Auntie Sakura, my wife."

The little boy eyed Sakura curiously then nodded gravely. "Pretty. Good choice, Uncle Syaoran. Too bad I'm going to have to grow up fast and then make her divorce you so I can marry her."

Syaoran, Aris, and Mei Ling began to laugh, and Sakura bent down to examine the cute little boy. "Your nephew?" She shook hands with the boy, who had extended his hand.

"Yeah. Too precocious for his age," Syaoran rolled his eyes. "My sister Fan Ren overdosed him on baby vitamins, I think."

Ming, having decided he liked Sakura, leapt into her arms, and she laughed; she loved children, and boosted him on her hip as she held him. Mei Ling gave Syaoran a significant glance and made a loud "Ahem!" Syaoran glared at her halfheartedly.

"What?"

"You two have been married almost a year now. When are the babies coming?" Mei Ling asked naughtily.

"When she wants them," Syaoran smiled.

Mei Ling glanced at Aris and they smiled, each knowing what the other was thinking. Syaoran was watching Sakura with a loving expression on his face—one Mei Ling had almost never seen in him before.

"And where did you find that angel?" Mei Ling grinned as they watched Sakura. "Are you sure you deserve her?" she teased.

"She's my best friend," Syaoran said as he watched Sakura talking with Ming. Ming had wriggled out of Sakura's grip and was leading her into the large gardens surrounding the house.

"You love her," Aris said. It wasn't a question.

"That I do," Syaoran smiled.

"Not that I blame you," Mei Ling said, as she slid one arm through Syaoran's, and the other wound itself about Aris' waist. "But how long have you two known each other?"

"Several years," Syaoran said. He knew he could trust Mei Ling; they had grown up together, and were as close as siblings.

"What took you so long? What happened to Loraina?" Mei Ling asked.

"In the past. It's a long story, and part of the reason why Sakura and I got together."

"Mmm." Mei Ling let Syaoran go; his attention was clearly on Sakura, who was happily petting Ming's overweight black cat Koko. "Go on, go to her. We'll be fine," she said. Syaoran cast her and Aris a grateful glance, then went over to Sakura

Aris turned to Mei Ling and asked, "Why do I feel I've seen this whole Ming versus Syaoran thing before?"

Mei Ling rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, you of the many clichés in his life," she chided him. "What do you think?"

Aris knew Mei Ling meant Sakura and Syaoran. He watched the other couple; in the sunshine, Ming's dark hair seemed brown, and the illusion of him, Syaoran, and Sakura as a family was quite lovely. "I think this is for real," he said presently, "but why do I get the feeling this is a recent development?"

"Same here," Mei Ling said. "We'll get the story out of them sometime. If not them, then Eriol."

"He's here too?" Aris' eyes sparkled.

"Oh great. A three musketeers reunion," Mei Ling pretended to groan. "Hee, hee, listen to Ming," she said.

Aris turned to watch, then laughed. Ming was earnestly 'convincing' Sakura that he would make a much better husband than Syaoran, and Sakura was trying to explain that no, she was married to Syaoran and could not marry Ming.

"But there's div…divow…divorce," he said solemnly, enunciating his words carefully. He was young enough to still be struggling with the letter "r".

"But I can't divorce Syaoran. I…" and Sakura smiled, "I care so much about him."

"Oh but me you will love," Ming said. "I'm gonna be handsome, you just wait."

"Your Uncle Syaoran is already very handsome," Sakura blushed, then squeaked when the person in question kissed the back of her neck. Ming made a sound of annoyance.

"Don't kiss her. Only I can kiss her," Ming protested.

"Yes, well I know how to kiss her to make her melt," Syaoran bragged, and Sakura slapped his arm.

"Stop browbeating the boy!"

"What? He's trying to take my woman!" Syaoran defended.

_His woman._ Sakura smiled slowly. Soon, she knew, she would be his in every sense of the word. She shivered with a small thrill.

"You can just live apart from Uncle Syaoran," Ming pressed.

"Stop putting ideas in your Auntie Sakura's head," Syaoran said, though there was a glint in his eye.

"No! I wanna pw…play with her!" Ming looked thunderous, and Syaoran sighed as he signaled to his sister, who grabbed her son, laughing. "I wanna play with Sakura!" he screamed as his mother hauled him off.

"So do I," Syaoran muttered.

"Oh really?" Sakura grinned. Syaoran put an arm over her.

"Stop having an affair right in front of me," he grumbled.

Sakura's brows lifted mischievously. "But he is such a gentleman, and you're such a boor."

"Really?" Syaoran's eyes glittered. "Care to test that theory of yours?"

"And how do you propose we do that?" Sakura replied, looking straight into his amber eyes. He grinned, then began dragging her into the mansion. Loud cries of "Hoe!" and "Syaoran!" filled the air, much to the amusement of those watching, as the young couple struggled playfully.

"I wonder if Aunt Yelan will give them a break," Aris said.

"Aunt Yelan? Never," Mei Ling said as she let Aris wrap his arms around her. "But from what Syaoran has told me, Sakura will be fine. You were, when that will surfaced, remember? And…I think she's the best match for him."

"What makes you say that?"

"Remember how Syaoran looked a while ago?"

Aris thought of it. He'd met Eriol and Syaoran in high school, when he'd transferred in and become their third friend, although once he'd met Mei Ling, they'd become a group of four. Then it hit him. "He looks happy…is that it? Because, I think she loves him just as much."

Mei Ling smiled. "Syaoran never smiled or laughed in this house much. He was rather cold and arrogant growing up, remember. And yet, look at him being playful with his wife. She's changed him—and for the better."

"I hope your aunt sees that—for her sake," Aris said.

"Not for her sake," Mei Ling said. "For his." She shifted, then smiled. "Are you ready for what Eriol asked us to do?"

Aris grinned. "Of course. I love insanity, as you very well know, darling. And besides," he leaned closer to her, "I look great in that costume."

Mei Ling rolled her eyes. "Fine. Now why didn't you come up with something like this for me?"

"Oh, would you like me to?" Aris' eyes glinted evilly. "I can think of other uses for the costume Sakura's friend sent for you."

"On second thought—no," Mei Ling rolled her eyes. "Pervert."

"I love you too."

"Same thing," Mei Ling responded affectionately as she kissed Aris.

* * *

**Deeper**

"So this is was your bedroom as a child?" Sakura stepped into the large room with a porch of its own, and dropped her backpack (and the bag containing the costumes Tomoyo had given her) on the floor. It was the size of a studio-type apartment by itself, and she grinned as she faced Syaoran.

"What?" Syaoran asked.

"Green! I knew it!" She grabbed him and poked his sides, making him chuckle. "See, I was right about you and green."

"When you're a kid you pretty much have no choice about how your bedroom looks like," Syaoran, vastly amused, said.

Sakura flopped onto his large bed and rolled around like a child in it. "Hah. I decorated my own room."

"Must have been a pink mess then," Syaoran teased.

"Hey!" Sakura sat up. "Just because you're this obsessive compulsive neat freak…"

"Am not." Syaoran went over to the small refrigerator and grabbed some soymilk. "Oh, chocolate. Want one?" He tossed a plastic bottle at Sakura, who caught it easily.

"This is yummy," Sakura said after taking a sip. Then, "Is this the bed where you lost your virginity?" she asked curiously.

"Sakura!"

"I'm just curious!" Sakura smiled.

"Look, I…" Syaoran ran his hands through his hair. "I was seventeen, okay? Don't take it against me."

Sakura lay back, smiling, enjoying being able to tease Syaoran. "Did you two stay in bed the whole day?"

"Well…there was nothing else to do after we were locked in…"

"Why didn't you make her your girlfriend?" Sakura asked curiously.

Syaoran blushed. "I wasn't in love with her, and she was willing to just make love to me. I know it sounds like I was such a jerk, okay? But she offered willingly, and kept her promise never to say anything afterwards. And, boys that age are walking hormones."

Sakura thought of Kito, and said softly, "I know."

Syaoran suddenly joined her in the bed. "Stop thinking of Kito," he said sternly.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "How did you know I...Symphrn!"

He'd tackled her on the bed and kissed her. Grinning, he broke off the kiss. "Think only of me. After what we've got planned this week for you, I bet you won't remember the bad."

"Do I want to know?"

"Just go with the flow," Syaoran grinned impishly. "I have a question," he said.

"Sure," Sakura smiled up at him.

"This is a new place for both of us," he said as he caressed her cheeks. "It sounds a bit strange but I believe this is a new chance for us. Do you agree?"

"I know," Sakura said softly. "And I…I…" She was dying to tell him she loved him, but she couldn't find the words—and it felt wrong to do so at the moment. Instead, she pulled his mouth onto hers, kissing him tenderly. He took control of the kiss, his tongue like velvet on hers, and she let him have access to her neck. His butterfly-like kisses trailed down to her collarbone, and Sakura gasped in pleasure; he was patient and gentle, sweetly slow in his kissing her. Then Sakura felt him move even lower, parting her thighs with a knee; she let him, and he settled between her legs, moving to let her feel his desire for her as he kissed her neck, moving back to her lips every now and then, and then she felt his hand gently cup her bosom through the dress. He was slow and careful, and she sensed he would pull away if she refused the caress or hesitated in any way, so she grabbed Syaoran's cheeks and pulled him back to her lips, gasping, "Don't stop!"

And he obeyed her, fondling her intimately for the first time since they had married. When his hand slid under her dress, touching flesh he had never touched before, Sakura gasped and smiled at Syaoran. Her hand moved downwards boldly as well, and Syaoran hissed when she cupped him through his jeans, marveling at his size and hardness. They continued to kiss, exploring each other through their clothes, taking the first step towards sating their mutual desire for each other.

"Oh God I…Sakura…" Syaoran groaned. He slid one set of spaghetti straps off her shoulder, sliding them off and pulling one cup of her bra aside, the small mound within crowned with a tiny pink peak holding his gaze. He began to lavish her skin with kisses as he continued to fondle her, his tongue blazing a trail of warmth Sakura had never felt before.

But just as his hand slid up her skirt, between her smooth thighs, they were rudely interrupted. "Syaoran! Where are you?" a female voice yelled.

"Shit!" Syaoran pulled Sakura's bra and straps back in place. "I forgot to lock the door!" He bolted for the door and locked it just before the knob twisted.

"Locked? Why? Mom's calling for you two!"

"Go away, Fei Mei!" he yelled.

"Ooh, are you two making love?" the voice called teasingly.

"Go away!" Syaoran yelled in an even more vehement tone.

"Oh-kaaayy, but Mom said for you to go down immediately!"

Syaoran turned to Sakura and hung his head. "I'm so sorry, sweet Sakura."

She shook her head and smiled; she looked dreamy and so thoroughly kissed, Syaoran was sorely tempted to ignore his mother and find out just what it was like to feel Sakura's naked skin on his own. But he didn't want to embarrass her, so he reined himself in and helped her up. Then he kissed her again, wishing he could tell her how he loved her.

"Come on, let's go see what the Lady of the house wants," he smiled.

Hand in hand, they came down the stairs and into the study where Yelan Li awaited them.

* * *

**Plots and Plans**

"Scripts—check," Tomoyo said as she finished snapping fasteners on the cosplay scripts for Sakura and Syaoran. "Did you call your friend Aris yet?"

"Yep," Eriol said as he sauntered back into the room they shared. "He says the school is free for a week, and he's reserved the laser tag playroom at the mall. And Shiefa lent us her office for one night."

"Good," Tomoyo smiled. Syaoran's idea of trying to recreate Sakura's memories in a good way was such a sweet one that she had gone all out in helping him, even dragging Eriol into the project she had dubbed, "Sakura Reboot," much to Eriol's amusement.

"Have you always liked games?" Eriol asked curiously as he tried on the costumes Tomoyo had created for their parts in Sakura and Syaoran's little play.

"I like making Sakura-chan happy," Tomoyo said.

"And what about yourself?" he asked pointedly.

"Don't start," Tomoyo warned. "Stay focused on them."

The day is young, Eriol smiled; he let her win this round. But tonight—there would be an accounting.

And in the meantime, making sure he played his role to the irritating hilt for Syaoran was Eriol's priority—one he looked forward to.

**END of Chapter 11**


	12. Playtime

Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 12

Playtime

absolutefluffiness says: Forgive the delay but with schoolwork I don't think I can update more than once or twice a month (Hey at least I warned you!). I'm very sorry about that, but I promise this will be a completed fic.

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**WARNING: THIS FIC IS NOW RECLASSIFIED UNDER "MATURE" WHICH MEANS LIMES AND EVENTUAL LEMONS. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU DISLIKE LIMES AND LEMONS OR ARE UNDER 18. If you persist in reading this, then please do NOT complain because I've been warning people about the change in rating EVER SINCE I PREVIEWED THIS STORY. THE WARNINGS HAVE BEEN REPEATED SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER.**

Second warning: Major fluff overload, and mild crossover with Code Geass. You don't need to be familiar with that series, don't worry; this is cosplay, anyway.

If you've seen the scans for Ch 223 of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, you will see an adult Sakura and Syaoran there. They are love—and they feel like these two lovers in the story come to life. ~Hanyaan~!

Mei Ling-chan and Sensei C, thank you for helping me with the steamy scenes. And as always, Rika-chan and Tomoyo-chan.

Thank you for the reviews! The review responses will be posted in my LJ (please see my profile for the link) by tomorrow; I have limited net time right now. Below is a tiny preview of chapter 13; if you want a longer one, go to my LJ! (haha I'm evil!) Reviews are love. I love **constructive **criticism (hello Julia and Tania!)

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In case you missed it earlier: **WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU DISLIKE LIMES AND LEMONS OR ARE UNDER 18. This is your last warning!**

When Sakura and Syaoran came down to meet Yelan, they were greeted instead by Aris (and Mei Ling, who raced to them from the study), who suddenly whisked them off in Aris' big, psychedelically colored van. Sakura felt the wild colors and designs could give her a headache; she was vaguely reminded of the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine. Yet somehow it fit in with what she knew of Aris; the guy's flamboyant and cheerful personality was endearing, if a bit disturbing at times.

"What…" She pointed to it, and Syaoran rolled his eyes.

"Thing is—Aris has always been the weirdo in our group," he said, grinning. "You should have seen what he went through to court Mei Ling. He's a glutton for punishment—he had to take her in single combat before she would even date him…and do you know, he actually went through her 'Trial by Fire' silliness? He's about an inch away from insanity most of the time if you ask me."

"I can hear you, you know?" Aris said sweetly. "Thanks for the compliment."

"No problem," Syaoran said just as sweetly. He bundled Sakura into the van; he thought he knew where this was going. Except—he remembered scheduling this much later.

"But Madam Yelan…" Sakura protested, scared stiff of what Yelan Li would say to such rudeness, "We should go back and tell her we're going off…"

"Trust us," Aris grinned from behind his large shades. "It's okay. Mei Ling asked permission for you guys from Aunt Yelan."

"Yeah. I ran in there, yelled '_Borrowing Xiao Lang and Sakura-chan, Aunty, k thanx g'bye'_ and left to make it in time," Mei Ling said as she threw herself into the front seat.

Sakura gasped. "But that…that's not nice…She could be waiting…Is that okay?" She was terrified of being rude to Yelan Li; she'd already noticed that Syaoran's mother had simply disappeared without greeting them, and she had a bad premonition about that.

"She's cool," Mei Ling grinned. "Really." Then she tossed two shopping bags into the back seat.

* * *

_Yelan Li stood at the window, not seeing the beautiful scenery of the Hong Kong harbor below her. Mei Ling had run in and blurted something about Syaoran and Sakura, then left._

Why did they not talk to me themselves?

_More importantly, where had they gone that was so important? Common courtesy dictated that Syaoran introduce his wife to Yelan; they had not done so, and she had waited in vain in the parlor as Syaoran introduced her to the rest of the Lis present. They never went to her._

_She refused to blame Syaoran for the incident, focusing instead on Sakura. How little was she worth to her new daughter-in-law? Why didn't she realize that they had missed out on meeting her? What kind of upbringing had Sakura had?_

_She resolved to say nothing from then on. Only when they came back would she say anything._

_Even then it would only be to Sakura._

* * *

"What the…" Syaoran, who had been looking bemused all this time, opened his bag, then sighed. "Couldn't you guys let us get settled in before beginning this?"

Sakura had opened hers; it contained an even more scandalous version of the schoolgirl uniform Tomoyo had given her, and a strange white tuxedo-like costume with a white cape lined in lavender.

_Ashford Academy_, she noted on the school uniform. _And…Knight of Rounds, Rookie Class? Was there even such a thing? And no Knight has a lavender motif…_

Sakura then realized Aris had three blond braids at the nape of his neck, and Mei Ling was pulling on a bright redhead wig with sculpted hair. Aris was in a caped costume—like those of the Knights of the Round—and Mei Ling was in a sexy red top and hot pants.

"Oh no," Sakura began to laugh. "Syaoran, you didn't!"

"I didn't arrange for this," Syaoran said. "They were supposed to start much later!"

"No better time than the present," Mei Ling chirped. "Here are your scripts," and she tossed a green folder at Syaoran and a pink one at Sakura.

"This is color stereotyping," Syaoran waved his green folder.

"Well, then you have mine," Sakura teased, and grabbed his folder, leaving her pink one in his lap. A wrestling match ensued, and when Sakura lost, Syaoran, unable to resist, sought out her lips with his.

"Oi. Making out should be saved for the school," Aris said in a mock-stern voice. "Read your scripts!"

Syaoran smirked at him. "It won't be easy to kiss her in character!"

Sakura blushed, and Mei Ling said, "Oh I do hope your costumes fit correctly!"

"Have you been in contact with my best friend?" Sakura asked with a twinge of guilt; it had been some time since she had last really been with Tomoyo. Syaoran seemed to take up most of her time these days.

"Of course—how else do you think we got everything prepared?" Mei Ling said breezily.

"Hoe," Sakura said softly, the sound quickly cut off when a delighted Syaoran pecked her lips.

Once they arrived at the school, they were greeted by Eriol (looking dashing in a dark purple tunic and tight pants) and Tomoyo (in a more conservative version of Sakura's Ashford Academy uniform).

"How come yours is halfway decent?" Sakura protested as she looked at Tomoyo's outfit. The push-up bra made Tomoyo's breasts bulge out though, and…Sakura almost laughed when she saw Tomoyo put on a blonde wig. The effect, when Sakura noticed her blue contact lenses, was startling. Tomoyo was now Milly, the president of the student council, and she had suddenly developed a ditzy expression and American accent, behind which hid an incisive mind. _It's Tomoyo gone wrong,_ Sakura almost chuckled.

"Now now!" she trilled in a high pitched voice, "time to get dressed! Have you read your scripts?"

Everyone nodded; Mei Ling slyly pulled the zipper of the front of her costume down a bit lower, the better to show off her sexy cleavage with, and grinned at Tomoyo. Sakura resisted the urge to laugh—everyone was so into it…

"Get dressed!" Mei Ling, transformed into the redheaded ace pilot Kallen, complete with provocative outfit, dragged Sakura into the bathroom and shoved her into a stall.

"But who am I supposed to be?"

"Didn't you read the script?" Mei Ling looked appalled.

"Yes but…"

"You're Sakura, the lovely new recruit to the Knights of Rounds, and you're going to be taken under the wing of Suzaku Kururugi, who has been in mourning for his ex Loraina, I mean, Princess Euphemia, for too long. Then he takes you to school. Since you have to work with the Chinese federation, he's also been assigned to tutor you in school."

"But the character Suzaku doesn't know Chinese!" Sakura protested as she wriggled out of her sundress.

"Oh lighten up," Mei Ling laughed. "It's **our** story, come on; we made changes with complete abandon! Don't expect it to conform to the original plot of the anime! Once in school for your tutoring session—we'll leave you two alone." She wriggled her eyebrows naughtily. "Not a problem for me since I'm planning my **own** plot with Aris. Gotta keep busy!"

"Hoe?" Sakura struggled into the Knight outfit, then realized Tomoyo had altered it so that she would have to **really** take everything off and go commando under it. She reluctantly removed her underwear and put on the suit. It felt rather nice, although she felt a bit antsy.

"Okay," Mei Ling crowed as she helped Sakura with her cape, "let's go meet your Mentor Knight, the one who will teach you martial arts and hand to hand combat. After all, you might have to fight outside your Knightmare."

"Don't tell me…"

"No, of course we didn't make real Knightmares," Mei Ling chuckled. She touched Sakura's chin gently. "Syaoran didn't tell us the whole story but he said you've had an unhappy past with your exes. Tomoyo-chan, whom I corresponded with via email, said she wants to help you live down your horrible middle- and high school past. I won't ask," the reddish-brown eyed girl said gently, "but get into the spirit, Sakura-chan, so that you can work out the final vestiges of whatever hurt you then. Okay?"

"You're willing to do this for a stranger?" Sakura asked in a small voice, touched beyond belief.

"You're not a stranger," Mei Ling grinned. "You're family. And if you just knew how much you've changed Syaoran, and for the better—Sakura-chan, you are amazing."

The two women stood smiling at each other, then Mei Ling clapped Sakura's back. "Come on. I want to see how Syaoran…oops, gotta get in character now…Lord Suzaku reacts to his new trainee. And I am currently the captive of Lord Gino Weinberger. I get to beat him, instead of Suzaku, up." She grinned, and Sakura smiled back, following her out.

It was strange to see Syaoran in a similar outfit to hers, save with a blue cape. Someone had arranged his hair so that instead of straight tousled pieces, it hung in little waves, and curled at his nape. And his eyes—they were different…they were green.

She gasped, feeling a wave of heat and hanyaan come over her. Dear God he was a teenage crush—forget him being her husband now—she was suddenly eighteen again and watching her favorite anime, wishing the gentle but tormented Suzaku Kururugi was right in front of her—and he was. He had come to life, and Sakura smiled happily.

Seeing Sakura's smile made Syaoran forget his discomfort about the whole business. He resisted the urge to smile; his script had said, "Set a year post-death of your beloved Princess Euphemia," and he remembered how the character he was playing had mostly lost the ability to smile as a result of his beloved's murder. In Tomoyo's neat, careful hand was a note in his script: _"And the new recruit, Sakura Kinomoto, is about to break through your frozen heart. Yay!"_ Hearts ended the note; _how typically Daidouji_, Syaoran smiled. An emphatic note, this time in Eriol's strange font-like scrawl, said, _"Princess Euphy is/was Loraina. And the new recruit is about to arouse even more intense emotions in you. Just don't go hentai on her in public, you boor."_

Aris, and Eriol stood next to Syaoran; no doubt Tomoyo was somewhere filming the whole thing. Sakura remembered her script, and stopped then bowed in front of the three males. "Lord Weinberger, Lord Kururugi, Lord Guilford. I am Sakura Kinomoto, the new Knight of Rounds. I hope to learn much from you, and I thank you for the chance to prove myself."

Eriol looked magnificently like the one he was playing, and his aloof attitude reinforced the illusion. "Lord Kururugi," he indicated Syaoran, who did not smile, "shall be teaching you the basics of hand to hand and defensive martial arts. Obey him and learn well."

Aris suddenly draped himself over Syaoran, and grinned. "Cute. If you don't want her as a student, I can show her a Knight welcome," he said as he chuffed Syaoran on the chin. Sakura almost giggled; he certainly was into the Gino character!

"Welcome to the Knights," Syaoran said stiffly, just like an awkward Suzaku Kururugi. "Come, we shall start our session now."

Sakura followed Syaoran to the deserted gym; she would ask her questions later. She was surprised to feel herself getting into the spirit of things, and was excited to be able to pretend that she was with the real Suzaku.

"Take off your cape," Syaoran said, after he finished arranging practice mats on the floor. "Not your shoes. If you are forced out of your Knightmare, you fight with what you have."

"Lord Kururugi," Sakura began, "I learned a few moves in high school."

"Just Suzaku," and Syaoran permitted himself a small smile based on what he understood of the character.

"Then, Suzaku," and Sakura smiled one of her beautiful, brilliant smiles, "please call me Sakura."

How he loved that smile! Syaoran was praying this little game would help Sakura exorcise whatever was left behind from the bad memories of her youth. He would play any character, do anything…

…and, truth to be told, he was enjoying himself. He waited as Sakura went through the required warm-ups he'd set her to doing, and realized he liked the character he was playing. Knowing he was looking at Sakura with eyes almost as green as hers gave him a strange feeling of pride. He was someone else for Sakura, and the play was freeing him. Certainly he'd hated plays as a child; having the bad luck to have 'won' the role of Sleeping Beauty in the fourth grade (no thanks to Eriol, who had made sure a girl who had a crush on Syaoran played the Prince—he'd had to bribe another classmate to kill the power just as they were supposed to kiss), he thought he'd had enough of costumes. The hideous pink gown and blonde curls of his costume had nearly driven Syaoran insane with fury, and when his sister Shiefa had gone nuts taking photos of him, well…Syaoran had sworn he'd never wear another costume.

But this…He felt like a new man, and thanks to Sakura, he knew he was. Happy. Calmer. No longer possessive or angry. And that, he realized, was why Eriol and Tomoyo had chosen this for their first cosplay. The character he was playing desperately needed to let go, to forgive himself, and had been ruled by his inability to do so.

So much like him before he met Sakura.

And as for Sakura—what he had learned from her was that there was always something, some way that made things turn for the better. What she had been through—the hurt, the pain, even what Kito had done to her—she had somehow moved past it, continued living, somehow kept believing in love.

**Together**. Syaoran turned to hide a smile; that would be out of character, wouldn't it? That was how they had helped each other through their personal hells.

All that remained was to talk about their feelings, to admit the love they shared. It would be the right time soon, and Syaoran looked forward to telling Sakura just what he felt for her.

"I'm done, Lord…I mean, Suzaku-san," Sakura said.

Syaoran began to teach her basic combat moves, explaining how defense meant abandoning certain instincts. But Sakura wasn't listening; she was staring at his lithe body, at the muscles in his neck, at the way his hair curled at his nape…

"Sakura-san? Is there a problem?" Syaoran looked at her inquiringly when she stared at his back. The uniform, made of a Lycra and Spandex combination, clung lovingly to Syaoran's body, outlining his muscles almost lovingly.

"What a sexy butt…" Sakura began. She clapped her hands to her mouth—had she said that out loud?

When Syaoran went pink, she realized she had.

"Sakura-san…kindly…would you please…focus on the lesson, will you?" Syaoran admonished, but stammered a bit in imitation of the character he played.

"S—sorry," she stammered. He smiled slightly; Sakura was awestruck by his resemblance to the character, even down to the manner of speaking. Even her weird costume was all worth it; it was eerily like stepping somewhere else in time. The gym was silent as she and Syaoran went through the basics of a self-defense lesson. First, though, he merely showed her the moves. Like the Suzaku character, he was studiously avoiding physical contact.

Then he began to teach Sakura how to fall, how to roll. Now they had to touch. Sakura watched him in a daze; he'd removed his cloak and coat, and was down to his battle uniform, which clung to his body lovingly. Syaoran acted the part so well, she began wondering if he also had a Princess Euphy in his past.

_Oh wait. He did. _Sakura sobered somewhat at the realization. The pangs of her old insecurities began to creep back before she realized they were there. Then she smiled. That was the point of this playing: moving beyond their respective pasts. And Syaoran had turned into Suzaku Kururugi so completely, he could even copy the character's way of speaking.

But when he put her up to practicing the rolls and pins with him, she realized that he was distracted by her nearness. And so she seized her chance. Paying careful attention to one of Syaoran's knees, she hooked it and brought him down under her. She laughed; he was almost six feet tall and she was a mere five five, but he had not been paying attention.

"What shall we do now, Lord Suzaku?" she said as she sat on him and pinned his wrists to the ground.

For an answer he flipped himself out of her grasp. Okay, that didn't work. Sakura decided to just hurl herself at Syaoran, knowing he would catch her. And he did, his breath coming out in a startled "oof!"

That was when she kissed him.

The kiss started out tender, two pairs of lips meeting gently. She suddenly whispered, "Why Lord Suzaku, are you supposed to be kissing trainees?"

"No," he said in a harsh tone. "Shut up." Then Syaoran deepened the kiss, aggressively; his tongue forced its way into her mouth, and she gave a startled cry.

"Why Trainee Kinomoto—are you afraid of me?" Syaoran looked into her eyes.

"No," Sakura answered confidently.

And so he kissed her again. When he pulled away, he rasped, "I'd better stay away from you—before I claim you." His hard body was pressed against hers, and their breathing was ragged. She could feel his hardness, clearly delineated in his uniform, against her stomach, and she thrilled to it, pressing herself harder against him.

"I said I'm not afraid of you," Sakura replied.

"You should be," he said softly. "I'm not the man I used to be." He did not back away from her; instead he moved his hips so that it would be impossible to ignore his arousal.

Sakura almost gasped at the irony of his line; how true! They stared at each other for a long moment, then he released her. Sakura turned and smiled; behind her, unseen, Syaoran was doing the same. "I'll see you in Classroom 215 in twenty minutes then, Sakura."

In twenty minutes, Sakura was fidgeting in the tight blouse (which Tomoyo had unbuttoned so low, Sakura was unable to resist buttoning it up again to hide her white lace bra) and tried to pull down the oh-so-short skirt she was wearing. She was terrified someone would see her standing in front of the main building of Clow Reed High School, not knowing a word of Chinese, and looking like jailbait. But it was part of Tomoyo's script, and Tomoyo had threatened to disembowel her if she didn't act it out properly. "It's for your own good, I promise," was all she said.

She looked down at the notebook and her schoolbooks, then sighed, feeling like an idiot. The script called for her to go in and present herself to Room 215, where her tutor Lord Suzaku awaited her. She shrugged, and made her way through the deserted hallways.

"You're late," came a stern voice she recognized as Syaoran's.

"Oh, thank goodness, Lord Suzaku, I…"

"My name is just Suzaku, if you please," Syaoran said, a gentle smile on his face. God, he looked sexy in his dark gray tunic and long black pants, Sakura thought, and she unconsciously licked her lips. He hadn't taken out the green contacts, and he was smiling. "You must be confused because you just transferred here. But it is quite pleasant to see that I'm tutoring someone so beautiful."

When Sakura blushed, Syaoran reached out a hand. "They told you that Suzaku was a very gentle man, right? They were wrong," he said as he crossed the room and stood in front of her, leaning so close she could hear his breathing. "I am tired of hiding who I am. I take what I want—and I wonder if you know what it is, Trainee Sakura?"

Sakura stared at Syaoran, feeling a strange aggressiveness in him that she found disturbingly sexy. "Did you do the assigned reading?" he suddenly asked.

"I…" Sakura swallowed and looked up at Syaoran, whose eyes were dark. "Um…no…"

"Must have been struggling with Advanced Algebra, huh?" Syaoran leaned in and lowered his voice. "If you wish, I can tutor you there as well. It would be a privilege, Sakura."

"Er…" Sakura began to get into the spirit of the game. "But Suzaku, I have nothing for payment…" She moved closer to him, looking up at him through her lashes. "You'll be going beyond your duties as a Knight-mentor."

"I can think of something—and it won't cost you," he said, coming so close that their noses touched.

"Um…what would that be?" Sakura asked.

"A kiss for each session," Syaoran smiled. He'd moved closer, and Sakura blushed hard. He almost laughed; she was so like herself at a younger age, and it was turning him on—her shyness, her sweetness, her delicacy. "You must be very warm," he said softly. "You're a little red. Would you like to take a walk outside? Or—" and he drew her into his arms, "would you like me to warm you up…here?"

Sakura stared at his eyes. Now they were warm and they glinted with passion. She had completely forgotten the rest of the script—luckily he hadn't.

Again she licked her lips, this time nervously. "Um…I don't remember what comes next…sorry…"

"Fuck the script," Syaoran grinned. "Go back to high school. We're banishing Kito's memories now. You're here with your mentor Suzaku Kururugi. You left Seijyu High and moved here. And Suzaku…" he traced a line from her cheek to her neck with his lips, "thinks you are the hottest little thing to ever cross his path." He then began to speak against Sakura's lips, loving their softness against his own. "He's forgetting his old love, and learning to forgive himself. He's realized that there is another chance at love, if you just open yourself to it. And this time—he's not going to hesitate, not when another chance for love is right in front of him."

She and he both knew he was also talking about himself.

His lips brushed lightly against hers with each word, and Sakura closed her eyes to savor the feeling. Syaoran was right, and all they needed was the courage to be everything to one another. She looked up at him, then tiptoed up to kiss him gently. But he had other plans. He pushed her against the wall, parting her thighs and placing his hips between them, lifting her up a little.

"Sakura, you are an evil little temptress," was the last thing Syaoran said before he began to kiss her. Sakura lost it; she kissed him back, eagerly holding his chin and drinking him in.

"I told you I would claim you, didn't I?" he said as he pushed himself between her short skirt. "You—are mine, Sakura."

She didn't bother protesting; she wanted to be his. They kissed hard, Sakura entwining her arms behind his neck. He supported her with his hips; soon his hands were pushing her blouse off her. She fumbled with his black tunic, removing the buttons somewhat clumsily. When she pushed his undershirt off him, she smiled.

It was all the encouragement he needed. "Forget him," he whispered in her ear as he licked her earlobes. "All you need, all you remember—is me. Only me!"

"Yes," Sakura said, moaning as his kisses traveled downwards to her neck. How long he spent there, kissing, licking and tasting her, she didn't know or care; the fantasy had come to life, and she was eighteen again, and this was her hot new boyfriend, daring to take what he wanted and pleasuring her in return. Kito was fading; though she knew she would not forget the incident, as it had helped her become who she was now. But he would only be a brief unpleasantness. Syaoran, instead, would be the new memory—and a lovely one at that.

When Syaoran slid her bra straps off, Sakura threw her head back; she watched as he unclasped it and revealed the soft mounds of flesh under it to his gaze. As he'd expected, she was small but perfect, and soon, he began to worship her with his hands, fingers, lips, even teeth, delighting in the sound of her gasps and little whimpers. He left love bites on her, not caring if they were seen later. For Sakura's part, she struggled to keep her eyes open despite the pleasure she felt to watch Syaoran's handsome face.

He waited for the hesitation on her part; it wasn't in the script but he knew she would shy away a bit. His hands traveled downwards, then slowly moved up her thighs. She did, and he pulled away, kissing her gently.

"My apologies, Sakura. I was carried away," he said, though his fingers continued to stroke her skin gently. "I meant no disrespect. But I want you…to be mine."

That was her cue to say something, but she didn't care. "There is no disrespect when the longing is mutual," she quoted a line from a novel she'd once read.

"Then," Syaoran moved in closer and slid one hand between her thighs, up her skirt, daring to touch her cloth-covered feminine mound for the first time, "allow me to worship you in ways only a man can worship a woman."

Kito had tried to make out with Sakura many times in high school, and now Sakura was old enough to realize that he was not just bad at it, he also didn't care that he gave no pleasure to her. He'd blamed her for being cold and unresponsive, never admitting that it was his colossal ineptitude and selfishness that caused Sakura's lack of a response.

But Syaoran…He was what Kito should have been. Syaoran watched her face carefully as he took their relationship to deeper physical levels; he clearly took delight in her responses. He was all there; Kito tended to preen and look for other guys watching him and Sakura together. Syaoran had shut the world out completely; she was all he was focused on, and he was sensitive to her responses; if she liked what he did to one part of her body or breasts, he would learn it and repeat it as much as she liked it.

He also let her explore his chest, his back, not even shying away when she touched him through his pants. He made no move to force her to unzip his pants, or to pin her against the wall the way Kito always did. Syaoran remembered all too well what Sakura had told him, and he was determined to erase Kito's memory from her once and for all. He let himself be aggressive; he knew she could feel the affection in his movements—something that worthless asshole Kito had never given her, he was sure. He turned her around and kissed her from behind, continuing to stroke and caress her in that position. Emotions of love, lust, longing, and hope swirled in their hearts as they gave themselves up to the moment, and they both knew—they had crossed the line into making theirs a real marriage.

"Please tell me you're mine, Sakura," he whispered.

"Yours…Syaoran," she whispered back.

And she became just as bold, touching him, caressing him, yet they both understood that they would only go so far this time. Tacitly they had agreed to take lovemaking slowly, and as Syaoran moaned in her arms, Sakura gasped against his lips. Neither made a move to disrobe the other below the waist—this was their high school game, and they understood the rules. They would save complete nakedness and consummation for another time, another place. In sharing their pleasures with each other, Sakura and Syaoran learned that love could be taken to other levels, and they reveled in that knowledge—just as they both knew it was just a matter of time before they finally made love.

Footsteps sounded down the corridor, and Sakura noticed that the sun had gone down. She gently kissed Syaoran then nodded towards the sound. He pulled away from her and nodded in acknowledgement; Sakura was pleased to note he looked thoroughly kissed and loved. _Soon_, she thought. _I shall tell him what I feel, and I know the time is coming soon._

They helped each other straighten up their clothing, a task made difficult due to the kisses and laughter they shared.

"Taking advantage of a trainee," Sakura teased. "Whatever would the other Knights say?"

"I know Gino would say it's about time," Syaoran laughed.

Then Mei Ling and Aris burst into the room. "Time out!" Aris sang. "It's over, and the night custodians are coming. So, did you two get a lot done? I know we did," he laughed; he paid for it when Mei Ling swatted his butt. He grabbed Syaoran and hauled him towards the door. "You two can stay here; I'll just evaluate this guy's performance."

"As if you could," Mei Ling laughed. "Only Sakura can grade him on _**that**_ performance!" She smiled; she could see the happy flush on Sakura's cheeks. She took the seat next to where Sakura was perched on a school desk, and said, "Hey. Enjoyed your play?"

Sakura grinned. "Most definitely."

"Not giving me any details?" Mei Ling teased, and laughed when Sakura blushed prettily.

"Mei Ling-chan," Sakura began, "what was Syaoran like as a boy?"

"Hmm?" Mei Ling looked up, as if searching for the answers on the ceiling. "Very different from who he is now. Rather nasty and sullen, if you ask me," and she trilled with laughter. "Why do you ask?"

"I just want to know," Sakura smiled.

Mei Ling smiled as well. No words needed to be said; they both knew that Sakura loved Syaoran quite deeply, and Mei Ling knew the feeling was returned just as passionately. "Perhaps you should come over to my condo sometime. We can swap childhood stories and stuff."

"That would be wonderful," Sakura said gratefully. There was a silence, then Mei Ling looked at Sakura again.

"May I ask you something impertinent?"

"Sure."

"Please don't be offended," Mei Ling began, "but what's it like to not have a family? It's just been a year, right? I mean," Mei Ling reined herself in as Sakura's expression became more guarded, "I'm sorry! I'm being rude, I shouldn't have…I'm such a jerk…"

"It's okay," Sakura said softly. "I don't think I would have made it through without Syaoran and Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said quietly. "I'd just broken up with someone—someone who meant a lot to me a few months earlier, and then—there it was. In one night nearly everyone I loved was gone, just like that. I couldn't identify the bodies at the morgue; Tomoyo-chan had to identify them for me." Sakura closed her eyes, remembering Tomoyo's own grief. That was when Sakura had realized that Tomoyo had been in love with one of them—and she thought she knew who, though Tomoyo would never talk about it. She knew Tomoyo had vanished before the funeral because she herself had collapsed; Eriol had never said anything, but Sakura had realized that Tomoyo would not have left her unless she was completely incapable of being with her.

Not that she blamed Tomoyo. Her cousin and best friend had always, always protected her feelings, her heart. But Sakura felt a little hurt that Tomoyo had not trusted her to accept the relationship. But Tomoyo had done so much for her, and so she accepted that little aberration in their friendship. She knew Tomoyo would tell her someday.

"Do you…miss them? I'm sorry I asked but when Syaoran told me no one could walk you down the aisle, and then I met you and you just seem so—happy—I don't know…" Mei Ling said softly. "I don't know how I could carry on. I guess what I really want to ask is, can you tell me if…I…" She blushed. "Oh Sakura I am so sorry for letting my mouth run off with me! I didn't mean to bring up a painful past…I just…"

She was babbling, and Sakura suddenly understood. "Did you—are you about to lose someone…did something happen?"

"I…" Mei Ling sighed. "Ever since that will came to light last year, I thought Aris would have to be taken away from me." Mei Ling drew a deep breath. "I wanted to die, honestly. But I see you, and you've been through hell—yet you can smile."

"Let me tell you something," Sakura said. "It's not because I'm strong or anything like that, I think. It's because someone needed my smile. Tomoyo-chan needed me to be all right—she went through a lot in her personal life—and Syaoran also needed me to smile. And I needed to smile for myself as well because I knew that if I lost that smile it would be over. Um…does that make sense?"

Mei Ling looked at Sakura with more respect than she already had. Talk about the perfect person for her moody, shy cousin!

"I'm really happy you two met after all the crap in your life." Mei Ling clapped a hand over her mouth. "Ack, that came out wrong! I'm so sorry! What I mean is—I believe that what we experience makes us stronger, even if the experience makes everything suck and feels like—Ahh, I'm being an idiot. I'll cut to the chase. I hope you and Syaoran make it, really make it, because I can see that you love each other and maybe that love is the result of what you helped each other through. So I hope you two will be okay." She tousled her red wig as she thought of something else to say.

They both jumped when a jovial voice called, "Enough sappiness, Mei-babe. Let Sakura get dressed—or," Aris eyed the uniform on the hanger—"undressed, as the case may be."

Mei Ling flung one of her gloves at her fiancé, who easily dodged it. "Pervert."

"Don't challenge me," he replied saucily, "to show you just how perverted I can be." He made an obscene gesture with his tongue and lips, then bolted. Screeching unprintables, Mei Ling charged out of the room to chase a laughing Aris. Sakura smiled. Mei Ling sure was awful at wording and expressing herself, but the kindness was there.

So why did she still have an uneasy feeling? Sakura wished she as Syaoran draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, Sakura knew that the cocoon-like feeling of warmth he gave her was something she would never want to let go of. She turned her face up, and they kissed gently on the way back to Aris' strange psychedelically colored van. The sun set on them, and Sakura, whose head was nestled on Syaoran's chest, decided that it was one of the most beautiful she'd ever seen. And she knew he felt the same way, because as the fiery orange ball crept below the horizon, he held her hand and kissed it gently as they watched it set.

Could this peace and happiness last forever?

**END of Chapter 12**

* * *

**Preview of Chapter 13:**

_Soon Syaoran was steering her out; she mechanically said her farewells to Yelan, and they were back in his bedroom._

"_What's wrong?" Syaoran asked gently. "Don't think I didn't notice you sinking into depression back there."_

_She tried to deny it, smiling as she shook her head, but he frowned, and she knew—he knew. Syaoran knew her, knew her so well he was sensitive to her moods. Really, he was perfect for her, and yet—his own mother had said she didn't deserve him. __**But I need him!**__ Sakura knew she could look for a lifetime but she would never find someone who was like Syaoran, someone she could love and cry on and tell her secrets and trash and joke with…She looked at him; the feelings inside her were bursting, and she needed him…she…she walked out of his embrace and went to the door to his balcony, looking out at the sky, without seeing the stars above._

"_I love you, Syaoran," she said softly, not even feeling the tears come down her cheeks. "I love you so much."_

Want more? Check out my LJ on July 8 then! Seeya!


	13. Uncertain

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 13**

**Uncertain**

Mei Ling-chan and Sensei C, thank you for helping me with the steamy scenes. And as always, Rika-chan (butterflyKISSU) and Tomoyo-chan (YamiNoTomoyo).

Thank you for the reviews! The review responses will be posted in my LJ (please see my profile for the link) by July 30; I have limited net time right now. Below is a tiny preview of chapter 14; if you want a longer, steamier PREVIEW (not an update okay?), go to my LJ on July 30! (haha I'm evil!) Reviews are love; thank you to all who have reviewed!

Sorry for the slow updates but 1) Schoolwork and 2) Limited net time. Thank you for understanding!

* * *

"I wonder," Sakura mused as she snuggled into Syaoran on the ride home, "what happened to Tomoyo-chan and Eriol-kun?"

"Eh?" Syaoran raised an eyebrow; he hadn't given them any thought at all. "Dunno." Then he remembered that he and Sakura had planned to push the two together; he had set them up in a single suite with a single bed, after all. "Hmm. I ought to check on those two."

"Tomoyo-chan seemed—a bit off. She was acting, in character, but something…I don't know," Sakura thought out loud. "Normally she would have been lurking by the door…" she laughed, "probably filming us going at it…maybe to post it on YouTube…"

Syaoran shuddered. "No, please no!"

"I was kidding. Your expression was priceless," Sakura giggled.

"Harrumph," Syaoran grunted. "Don't I usually start the teasing between us?"

"In more ways than one," Sakura grinned. Then, "But Syaoran…really, didn't you notice anything about either of them?"

"Sorry," Syaoran said sheepishly, "I didn't notice."

"Didn't expect you to," Sakura teased. "Someone was focused on other things." Not that she minded—not at all. Syaoran had given her a beautiful gift; now she could think of high school and remember him instead of Kito. Syaoran's sweetness, his thoughtfulness—_dear God if I weren't already in love with him, I'd have fallen badly today,_ she smiled.

"You make it sound like I was such a horndog," Syaoran protested. Sakura merely raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay," he laughed. "Fine. So I was…would you," and he tilted her chin, "like some more now?"

Sakura's willpower was sorely tested, but she said, "Please, Syaoran, we have to go meet your mother once we get home," Sakura said.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Okay. Why are you so worried about her anyway? She'll love you."

"You earn that kind of thing; you don't just get it from others," Sakura said.

"Mmm," Syaoran nuzzled her ears. But he smiled. Sakura was laughing, teasing him, regaining her sense of humor…If that was what it took, he would gladly don a costume any time. As long as it wasn't a pink princess outfit with a curly blonde wig, that is.

"Are you happy?" he asked as he played with her fingertips.

"Yes," Sakura smiled, no hesitation. "I am."

"I'm glad." Syaoran smiled; they touched noses and giggled.

"I like it when you're sappy and sweet. I wonder, would anyone from your high school have recognized you now?" Sakura teased.

"God forbid," Syaoran said. "Lamebrains, all of them."

"Nice to know you retain some of your trademark arrogance. Why, I was wondering if I'd taken a clone of you by mistake. A nice one, mind you, who can kiss and make out like a horny teenaged boy," Sakura ragged him playfully.

"Hey," Syaoran bridled, "I notice you're getting a lot of shots in today. You are setting yourself up for some serious punishment later."

"Do your worst," Sakura laughed, and Syaoran playfully wrestled with her. Mei Ling, from the front seat, snorted.

"Get a room," she said. "Please. Ugh."

"Don't. I'm an appreciative audience," Aris grinned.

Syaoran glared at Aris, who laughed as he pulled into the Li driveway. As they alighted from the van, Mei Ling hugged Sakura.

"You tell us if that ugly beast of a husband of yours bullies you, you hear?" Mei Ling said. "I'll be sure to punish him." Sakura laughed when Syaoran shuddered.

"You seem to know how," Sakura grinned evilly at Syaoran. "Can you tell me more?"

"Was just waiting for you to ask," Mei Ling grinned back.

"We have to go now," Syaoran tugged on Sakura's hand.

Mei Ling pressed a card into Sakura's hand. "Our numbers and address are on that. You just report to me if Syaoran does anything, and we'll whack him for you. Or drop by for tea or a meal and we'll tell you how to discipline Syaoran."

"Inside now!" Syaoran yelled over Mei Ling as he pulled Sakura into the house. "This discussion is over—and if you tell Sakura anything embarrassing, I'll…I'll…do something!" he threatened.

"Yeah, I am quaking in my boots," Mei Ling rolled her eyes. "Anything at all, okay, Sakura?" She smiled.

"Okay, thanks!" Sakura pocketed the card, waved goodbye, then disappeared into the house in Syaoran's wake.

Aris draped an arm over Mei Ling's shoulders. "You seem to have gotten over your initial reservations about Sakura, babe."

"Kind of hard not to," Mei Ling smiled. "She's just—so real. So perfect for Syaoran."

"Or is she perfect because she came at the right time?" Aris teased.

"Hey, don't knock it; if she hadn't been there I might be married to Syaoran by now. Talk about a fate worse than death."

"And why would that be so?" Aris asked as he wrapped his arms around Mei Ling's waist.

She turned to kiss his cheek before she answered. "Cause I know him, have known him almost all my life. Who wants to spend the rest of their lives with someone like that? But you," and Mei Ling rested a palm on Aris' cheek, "you're always surprising."

"Then shall we continue this discussion at home?" Aris grinned.

"Gladly. But," Mei Ling paused, "be ready for a visit tomorrow."

"Sakura," Aris nodded. "Has she met Yelan yet?"

"We managed to delay the meeting—but I'm sure they will meet now. And I bet Auntie is pissed."

Aris made a 'tch' sound. "Then why didn't you let them meet immediately?"

"Hello, I know Auntie. The longer I keep Sakura away from her the more time she has to calm down and think—or so I hope."

"Let's hope you're right, Mei babe," Aris shrugged.

"Don't agree with me?"

"I think Yelan," and Aris didn't bother using any honorifics for his aunt-in-law-to-be, "just wants to punish someone other than Syaoran for his not coming home for, what, two? Three years?"

"I know," Mei Ling said softly. "I think Sakura's more relaxed now. Plus I wanted to see her and Syaoran together."

Aris raised both brows. "Did you watch them making out? Is that why you left me tied up in that closet for several minutes?"

Mei Ling ignored his protests. "Aris…You can't fake that kind of emotion. When they kissed…when they touched…I've said this before but really, I've never seen Syaoran that way with anyone. She's changed him."

"But is Yelan prepared to see that?" Aris pointed out. "I hope she doesn't let Yelan get to her. Yelan wants to hurt someone."

"I think Auntie will say rude and mean stuff to her later. She'll need to talk to someone," Mei Ling said. "That's why I gave her our numbers and our address. I think she'll come to us."

"Let's hope she doesn't need it," Aris said as he helped his fiancée back into the van. "Oh, and don't think I'm letting you get away with being a voyeur."

"It was data gathering!" Mei Ling protested.

"Whatever," Aris grinned.

Then he snapped the velvet cuffs on Mei Ling, who snorted.

"What have you got in mind?"

"Depends on whether you're a good girl," Aris grinned.

* * *

Back at the Li mansion, Yelan was slowly losing her resolve to test Sakura as she won over Li after Li. Even Syaoran's aloof, arrogant little nephew Ming had insisted he was going to marry her—and the little boy did not take to strangers well.

But could she trust the girl? She had known courtesans who could put on supreme acts. She could not forget about Syaoran shouldering Sakura's family's debts, nor the gifts he had showered her with: a car, jewelry, flowers on a weekly basis, and so on. Plus the date of their wedding—a day before Syaoran's deadline—was too convenient. No pictures? No souvenirs of that day? How was it possible?

Because it was a sham! There was no other explanation. Sakura was using Syaoran, taking advantage of his loneliness. I was right to keep away from her, not to watch as she fooled the rest of the family, Yelan thought, building a higher and thicker wall against the younger woman.

_No, Syaoran deserves better_, she thought fiercely. _Something is wrong with their relationship and I will not let him suffer again!_

In truth Yelan was burdened with guilt over not being able to help when Syaoran had lost Loraina. She had heard most of the story from Eriol—she'd forced Eriol to tell her, knowing Syaoran would never tell her himself. She had convinced herself that Sakura was taking advantage of Syaoran's vulnerability, and that she would only use her son. And so she had held back when Sakura and Syaoran had first arrived. Neither of them had noticed how she had not come up to greet them; perhaps they were too busy perfecting their act? They had mingled freely with the other Lis, and Yelan waited for them to acknowledge her—yet Syaoran never went to greet her. And she was annoyed, so she sent her youngest daughter to fetch the two.

Instead Mei Ling had raced into the room, yelled something about Sakura and Syaoran, then vanished. Astounded, Yelan waited—and then learned that Sakura and Syaoran had left with Mei Ling and Aris.

Without ever greeting her!

She sent for Fei Mei. "Didn't you tell Syaoran that I wanted him to present his wife to me?"

Fei Mei giggled. "Ma, give them a break."

Yelan raised a brow, so Fei Mei continued, "I think they were making love when I knocked. Boy, was Syaoran ever pissed." She punched the air in delight. "Take that Fuutie! I knew Syaoran wasn't stupid. He and that cute little woman are in love. Did you hear how Ming said he was gonna marry Sakura? That was just—lolworthy!"

"Lolworthy?" Yelan repeated.

"Lighten up, Ma. It means laugh out loud-worthy. If Syaoran dies within the next week, we know who to punish, eh? We check Ming's movements. Ming in the drawing room using poison," Fei Mei chuckled.

"You can joke about this?" Yelan's voice was icy.

"Ma," Fei Mei smiled as she walked closer to her mother and hugged her. "I know you're worried about Xiao Lang—but really, he's not a little boy anymore."

"You know Kinomoto's background as well as I do," Yelan ground out. "And you can joke like this?"

"Oh for seven heaven's sake, Ma! Cut them some slack. At least she came home with him! It's like you want her to be a bitch so you can come to Syaoran's rescue," Fei Mei argued. Why was her mother being so unreasonable? "Ma, you really should just trust Syaoran…you're acting like an old…"

"Old what?" Yelan's black eyes were dangerous.

With perfect timing, Wei knocked before Fei Mei could say anything either of them would regret. "Pardon me, madam Yelan, madam Fei Mei—but Syaoran and his wife are here to see you."

Yelan stiffened. "Leave," she dismissed Fei Mei. When her back was turned, Fei Mei rolled her eyes and very nearly stuck her tongue out at her mother. On the way out, she caught Syaoran's eye.

"Oh there you are," she grinned wickedly. "Took you long enough. Ma-ma and I were just discussing you."

"Oh great. You. What did you tell Ma-ma?" Syaoran groaned.

Fei Mei was about to attempt to warn them, but realized that interfering could be the worst thing she could do. Instead, she said, "That you two were making out when I called you. Had your fill?" When Syaoran began sputtering—he'd always been defenseless against his older sisters—she smiled and walked away, pausing only to pat Sakura's arm reassuringly. She whispered, "It's gonna be all right, okay?"

"Uh…thanks?" Sakura stammered and Fei Mei smiled.

"Eh? What was that about?" Sakura asked Syaoran when his sister had left.

"Ignore her," Syaoran rolled his eyes again. "Fei Mei can annoy Ma-ma like hell. Oh balls of Satan," he cursed, making Sakura giggle, "why the hell did she have to be the one?"

"Let's not be rude to your mother," Sakura reminded him gently.

"We won't." He kissed her forehead. "Let's go in."

As Sakura and Syaoran entered, Yelan noticed their hands linked. She kept her face impassive as Syaoran formally introduced them.

Sakura bowed and began the ritual speech for mothers-in-law. "I am honored to join your family, and I would be overjoyed to call you Mother," she said softly.

Yelan merely nodded, but she was watching Syaoran, who was watching Sakura. Her heart fell when she noticed his expression: it was one she had never seen on Syaoran before—a tender, loving expression full of joy.

It made her next action all the harder but she reminded herself that it wasn't Syaoran who was the problem but the girl Sakura. _Don't fall into the trap! Don't trust the girl too easily!_ "You are honored to join our family? You would be overjoyed to call me Mother? Yet," and she laughed a little tinkling laugh that to Sakura sounded hollw, "you did not greet me first as you arrived, as is custom."

Syaoran missed his mother's jibe. "We were just so happy to see everyone else, Ma-Ma. Sorry," he smiled.

Sakura though met Yelan's piercing gaze and blushed. "My apologies…I did not know. I am not Chinese…"

"…and my son did not think it important to teach you our ways," Yelan smiled, but Sakura could see there was no warmth in the smile.

_She doesn't like me_, Sakura thought, and her hold on Syaoran's hand loosened.

"Xiao Lang? Could you fetch us some tea?" Yelan asked.

"Sure," and he pecked Sakura's lips before he left.

Yelan didn't waste time. "How much do you want to stay away from my son? I know he paid you to marry him."

Sakura stood there frozen. "Wh…what?"

"We Lis are very wealthy, wealthier than even the Lims," Yelan said coldly. "Is that why Yue broke up with you? Because of your family's debt?"

_Say something!_ Sakura screamed inside her head. _Tell her she's wrong!_ But she remained silent, unable to even cry, just shaking her head. How could such a wonderful afternoon have turned so cold, so quickly? "I…n…no…"

"Take your time," Yelan said softly, menacingly. "But by the end of this week I want you gone. I don't care what lie you tell Syaoran but you should be gone. You don't love him. You just need him."

"N…I do…I…please…" Sakura stammered, trying to protest. _No! I love him, so much more than you think!_ So why couldn't she say the words? Why?

"Save it," Yelan spat. "I refuse to see Syaoran hurt."

"No…" were Sakura's last words; she could not speak past the large stone in her throat. She kept shaking her head, willing herself to talk. Nothing came out, and in the face of Yelan's icy glare, she wilted.

"Here's the tea!" Syaoran sang out as he entered the room. Sakura forced on a smile for him; she didn't dare tell him what had happened. Who could she turn to? She knew no one here—how could she ask for advice? Who could she ask?

"Thank you," Yelan smiled sweetly at her son as she reached for the tiny china teacups, even more annoyed when Sakura did not move to serve the tea. _Pretending to be hurt by what I said won't help you__**,**_ Yelan sneered inwardly.

So why was she feeling a tad sorry for the young woman? She pushed the thought away. _Don't be fooled by her!_ she reminded herself.

She quizzed Syaoran about his life, his compositions, about Eriol, and Syaoran happily answered her, with little stories and looks at Sakura when he verified points with her.

_I will not cry,_ Sakura pinched herself. _I will stay here and pretend everything's okay for Syaoran's sake._

But the words hurt. She did love Syaoran—and it hurt more when Sakura realized that she loved him more than any other man who had been in her life, save perhaps for her brother and father. Leave him? How could she leave him? She would sooner cut off an arm than leave him…yet if his mother hated her…she knew the importance of family, and did not want to separate Syaoran from his family.

And if Yelan hated her—were the rest of the family feeling the same? Feelings which had haunted her during Yue's rejection came back in terrible clarity. _Not Chinese. Not loving enough. Not smart enough. Not beautiful enough._

_Not enough._

But Syaoran…Sakura swallowed. He wanted to make the marriage work; he'd said so. He told her he needed her, that he wanted to stay with her…_I can't leave him, not after everything he's done for me!_

_You're just rationalizing, _a voice in her head sneered.

_No! My feelings are real!_ She could not…no, she had not…Sakura's thoughts were swirling, making her head hurt a little. She forced on a silly smile, and was grateful that Syaoran was, for once, oblivious; he was clearly happy to see his mother, and told her about his life in Tokyo.

He always referred to her, squeezing her hand, smiling at her. His mother smiled as well, but Sakura could see the hostility in her eyes.

Soon Syaoran was steering her out; she mechanically said her farewells to Yelan, smiling and bowing. He led her up to his bedroom, and Sakura feigned tiredness so that she could go to sleep. When Syaoran's arms came around her waist, she fought the urge to cry; she wanted to tell him everything, to ask him to help her. Instead she buried her face in his chest, savoring his scent, touching his skin with her fingers, trying to keep as much of him as she could. A tired Syaoran drifted off to sleep quickly after kissing her good night; Sakura stayed awake for some time. She was confused; she wanted to talk to someone other than Syaoran right now, someone who knew him and his family.

She slid out of Syaoran's embrace and went to the bathroom, dialing Tomoyo's number. Nothing; she rang it thrice and there was no answer. The same thing happened with Eriol's number, and Sakura found herself smiling; could Syaoran's insane plan for the two have worked? Yet when she tried their hotel, she was informed that they had not returned.

_I need to talk to someone__**,**_ Sakura thought desperately.

Yet she was unable to resist coming back to Syaoran's arms. She did not want to leave him! Sakura could not even bear to think of Yelan's ultimatum. Did she dare defy his mother? Could she?

_I wish there was someone I could talk to!_

And the answer came as she drifted off to sleep: Mei Ling.

* * *

The next morning, Syaoran wanted to go downtown to buy delicacies and foodstuff he'd missed while he was gone. As they waited for Wei, who was going to drive them there, Sakura asked where Mei Ling lived, and if they could drop her off there.

"Whatever for?" Syaoran shuddered. "Hey, I haven't done anything funny to you—yet."

"Oh no…I just…Girl talk," Sakura fibbed as they entered the car. "Good morning, Wei-san!"

Wei grinned and tipped his hat. "Good morning, Sakura-san. Going shopping?"

"Visiting Mei Ling-chan," Sakura said. "Please, could you drop me off there?"

"A pleasure, Sakura-san," Wei smiled as he drove into Central Hong Kong.

"What do you want to talk to her about?" Syaoran asked curiously. He'd sensed Sakura's mood but knew better than to pry—and now she was lying but again, he knew better than to ask.

"This and that. And you," Sakura smiled.

"Okay but then I have to warn you that she and Aris are a very odd couple."

"No kidding? I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me," Sakura grinned.

Syaoran placed his hands on her shoulders; he was about to say something when he seemed to reconsider it, then he kissed her gently instead. But the simple kiss turned into something more passionate when Sakura pulled him down and begged him to open his mouth to her; he yielded easily, it wasn't as if he minded.

_She kisses like she's never going to see me again__**,**_ Syaoran thought, and so he pulled away.

Seeing the expression on Syaoran's face, Sakura knew she'd betrayed her emotions, and cut him off quickly by giggling and saying, "That's a preview of what's in store for you later, ne?"

Syaoran looked at her, wishing she would just tell him what the matter was. But he trusted her; she would tell him when she was ready. Instead he drew a breath, then kissed her forehead instead. "Is that a threat, or a promise?" he bantered lightly.

"Little of both," Sakura smiled as she hugged Syaoran.

Soon they were at Mei Ling and Aris' place. Mei Ling was more than happy to 'babysit' Sakura while Syaoran shopped and ran errands, and when the door to their condominium unit was flung open. Sakura goggled at the sight of Aris in a "Smack the Cook" apron and a floppy chef's hat.

"Oi. Poison my wife and I disembowel you," Syaoran said.

"Good morning to you too," Aris said cheerfully, and Sakura giggled; nothing seemed to faze the guy. "Shall I set a position for you as well? We're having a Western breakfast of sausages, hash browns, scrambled eggs, bacon, and jasmine rice."

"Rice?" Syaoran raised an eyebrow. "Westerners don't have rice for breakfast."

"Of course. But no meal is complete without rice," Aris said.

"He's British, really," Syaoran turned to Sakura, "but he likes to pretend he's Chinese. Makes him feel like he fits in."

Aris said something in Chinese that Sakura didn't understand, then added, "Wo ai ni, Li Xiao Lang." Whatever it was caused Syaoran to choke and Mei Ling to laugh and slap the table.

In response to Sakura's quizzical look, Mei Ling managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "That was sort of obscene. Aris offered to perform an, uh, intimate service for Syaoran." She looked at her fiance and began to laugh again.

"You know Chinese?" Sakura asked Aris.

"Been living here since I was fourteen. Yeah. Mei-babe and I can teach you too. That way when Syaoran whispers in your ear you'll know what he means," Aris said.

Sakura blushed; Syaoran had been whispering Chinese endearments into her ear as they had made out the other day; somehow, not understanding the words had made them sexier. Syaoran was turning pink, and he snapped, "Shut it, Aris!"

"Oh, all right. Ne, Sakura, you ought to bed him more often so he'll be in a better mood," Aris teased. "I happen to know he loves making love…" and he wiggled his eyebrows at Syaoran. "And he becomes ever so much more calm when he's gotten some. I know, from personal experience."

Sakura almost shrieked with laughter; the bad word choice was not lost on her. Nor on Syaoran, who began to sputter incoherently. She grabbed hold of his hand to keep him from strangling Aris.

Mei Ling giggled, "Enough, honey, Syaoran's gonna have a fit." Indeed, Syaoran was looking murderous. "I want you to live long enough to make an honest woman out of me."

Aris grinned. "Okay baby." He served the food, and pulled up a place next to Mei Ling, quickly pecking her lips as he sat down.

Syaoran sat at the table next to Sakura, who squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I'll need antacids for the aftermath of eating his cooking," he joked.

"Well, you can kiss me you-know-where if you like my cooking," Aris teased as he set plates and bowls in front of everyone. He puckered his lips at Syaoran, who grimaced.

Sakura laughed; it was amazing how easily the other couple put them at ease, and she knew she and Syaoran often enjoyed themselves that way—by teasing each other and laughing. She laughed as Aris told more embarrassing stories about Syaoran turning down girls in high school, and Mei Ling happily augmented his stories with details. She held Syaoran's hand, and he absently rubbed her wedding band as

Reluctantly, Syaoran took his leave, kissing Sakura voluptuously at the door. "I'll be back for you later, sweetheart," he said.

"Okay," Sakura smiled, cheered up by the company and the meal.

He stroked her cheek and seemed to be about to say something. In fact Syaoran wanted to tell Sakura she could tell him anything—even whatever it was that upset her. But he thought the better of it; he didn't want to force her to say or do anything. Instead, he smiled at her and shook his head. "Bye, sweetheart," he said tenderly as he stroked her chin.

Mei Ling was waiting in the foyer when Sakura returned. Her face was serious. "So. About Auntie Yelan…"

"How…how did you know?" Sakura gaped.

"I know her. She can be a witch sometimes but really, she doesn't mean to be," Mei Ling said. "Come on." She led Sakura to the living room, and they sat down on the LaZ Boys there. Aris was singing in the kitchen as he washed the dishes, and Sakura smiled; Syaoran sometimes did that, especially when he was composing for Eriol.

Syaoran.

"So…what happened?" Mei Ling asked.

Slowly, hesitantly, Sakura told the story of what Yelan Li had said to her. Mei Ling did not interrupt, merely nodding whenever called for.

"…and I love him so much…but maybe I…" Sakura's breath hitched; she had just confided in a total stranger.

But she needed to tell someone who knew Syaoran and Yelan. She had to know what to do.

To her surprise, Mei Ling handed her a mug of tea; Aris' singing had stopped, which meant he'd heard at least part of her story.

"Maybe…if I told you what happened to me and Aris, it might help," Mei Ling mused. "Yes."

And she began.

* * *

_Seven days after Syaoran's father died, his will was read to the family, and the provision about Syaoran's need to marry or be disinherited sent shock ripples through the Lis. How could he have been so cruel to his only son, who now had barely three months to find a bride?_

_Only Eriol, who had arrived in lieu of Syaoran, seemed calm._

_"How can you be so calm?" Mei Ling demanded. She was panicking; she would have to marry Syaoran, and lose Aris._

_"Because I think you won't have to marry Syaoran," Eriol said quietly._

_But as the days passed, Mei Ling began to lose hope. She began to avoid Aris, who did not take it well. He arrived at the Li mansion with two weeks remaining to Mei Ling and Syaoran's deadline and barged in, insisting on talking to Mei Ling. Yelan Li allowed him in on the condition that Mei Ling tell him the truth._

_"I...I have to marry...Syaoran..." Mei Ling said brokenly._

_"WHAT?" Aris roared._

_Yelan kept her composure. "Surely if you love Mei Ling you will let her do her duty to her family?"_

_Aris had never been so angry in his life. "You can't do this! This is the twenty-first century, hell's bells! I love her! You know I've been in love with her since I laid eyes on her in high school..." He grabbed something from his pocket. "I was going to propose! You KNEW I was going to propose!"_

_Mei Ling's eyes widened. He was going to propose?_

_"Calm down, Aris" Yelan said coldly. "You're only twenty-five, still a child in some ways..."_

_"Fuck that will," Aris exploded. "I will only leave if Mei Ling wants me to leave. And if she means it, not because she wants to fulfill her duties or shit like that. Only when there isn't a scrap of love or desire in her heart for me will you get rid of me. You," and he pushed his face into Yelan's, "would have to kill me to get me away from her."_

_Mei Ling began to cry; she never cried, but now she understood how much Aris loved her. The childish torment she had put him through in high school, subjecting him to her temper, everything he put up with..._

_"I can't not love you, Aris," she said softly._

_"Traitor," Yelan said without looking at her._

_"I'd rather betray you than my heart!" she suddenly screamed. "I am not going to trap myself in a marriage where Syaoran and I will be miserable. What makes you think I won't go flying back to Aris' arms? And what makes you think Syaoran won't help me find my way back to Aris?"_

_Yelan Li looked stricken as Aris grabbed Mei Ling and left the mansion with her. A few days later, Syaoran called and announced his upcoming wedding, sending the Lis into another frenzy._

_It was on that day that Aris presented Mei Ling with the papers for their marriage: the license, the bookings, everything they needed._

_And she said yes without even thinking of the Lis and what their reaction would be. After all, she'd already nearly lost Aris once._

_Never again. She'd made her choice._

* * *

"And now it's your turn to make that choice," Mei Ling said gently. "Tell me, Sakura, can you live without Syaoran?"

"No." Not an ounce of hesitation in Sakura's response.

"Then only you can decide what to do." Mei Ling handed her a tissue; Sakura didn't even know she'd started crying. "Okay? And…trust Syaoran."

Sakura quietly sat there, thinking of what to do, and was pensive when Syaoran picked her up. He didn't question her, merely holding her until they returned to the room they shared.

"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked gently. "Don't think I didn't notice you sinking into depression back there."

She tried to deny it, smiling as she shook her head, but he frowned, and she knew—he knew. Syaoran knew her, knew her so well he was sensitive to her moods. Really, he was perfect for her, and yet—his own mother had said she didn't deserve him. _**But I need him!**_ Sakura knew she could look for a lifetime but she would never find someone who was like Syaoran, someone she could love and cry on and tell her secrets and trash and joke with…She looked at him; the feelings inside her were bursting, and she needed him…she…she walked to the door to his balcony and looked out at the sky, without seeing the stars above.

"I love you, Syaoran," she said softly, not even feeling the tears come down her cheeks. "I love you…so much."

"Sakura?" Syaoran had imagined her confession of love to him, knowing it was only a matter of time, but not like this. Why was she crying? He crossed the room, turned to her and took her in his arms.

"I love you, Syaoran—and it hurts," Sakura whispered, closing her eyes. She clutched his shirt, screwing up her eyes; the pain in her heart was so hard, so…

"Sakura…" Syaoran touched her chin gently. "I love you too. Do you know that?"

She laughed hollowly. "You shouldn't."

"What the hell brought this on?" Syaoran held her chin, tilted her face up to his. Then it dawned on him. His mother could reduce anyone to a mass of jelly with a few well-chosen words.

"What did my mom say to you?" he asked, expression taut with anger.

Sakura opened her eyes in alarm. "Nothing!" she lied. "No—please, she…"

"I know when you're lying," Syaoran said. "I'm still your best friend, remember?"

"I can't tear you away from your family…she thinks I'm just using you…Syaoran, I'm so so sorry, I…" And Sakura screwed up her face in pain, crying, bawling her eyes out, never having known this kind of pain in her life—to have someone she knew she'd been waiting her whole life for snatched from her just like that…and she realized Syaoran was simply stroking her hair gently.

"Silly," Syaoran was smiling.

_He was smiling?_

"Didn't you hear me? I love you, Sakura, and I think I always have—just was too blind to see it. I don't see myself growing old without you. If my mom hates you—then she doesn't know you," he said gently.

"Please…don't fight her…I couldn't bear it if you…"

"I won't," Syaoran was still smiling. "Because I know you will win her over."

"How? She told me to leave you by the end of the week!" Sakura cried.

Syaoran realized his beloved was on the verge of hysteria, and he knew that just telling her it would be all right would not work. But there was always laughter. That was what always calmed her down—and something else, Syaoran was gambling. So he decided he would have to combine both as soon as he stopped her crying.

"Don't cry," he said as he wiped her tears away. "See, you're as pink as a cherry pig."

To his relief, Sakura snorted. "Am in real pain here, in case you didn't notice!"

_Pervy joke time_, Syaoran thought. "Never noticed, cherry, 'cause am thinking with my **other** head right now." He wiggled his brows naughtily, and was rewarded with a slap on the arm.

"Syaoran…let's get serious okay?" Sakura warned him. When he smiled, she bowed her head. "I…she told me to…"

"Leave?" Syaoran completed her sentence, and she looked away. He turned her to face him, looking her straight in the eye. "So are you going to?"

"I don't know…" she whispered. "No. I can't," she said. "But part of me is wondering if I should go…"

He picked her up in his arms. "Then…I'll just have to convince you to stay."

* * *

Next chapter: Syaoran's got a very sexy way to convince Sakura to stay—and a song. Citrus warning.

Note: If you're curious as to why Eriol seemed to know more than he was letting on, do check out chapter 2 of my other story, "The Heart Has Seasons," in which Eriol reveals why he knew Mei Ling would not have to marry Aris. It's already up!

* * *

**Preview of Chapter 14 (longer preview will be up on July 30):**

_"You're beautiful. You probably think I'm saying this just to calm you down—but you know when I'm lying," he said, as both their pulses began to race. Soon the dress was pooled at her feet, leaving her standing in her lacy, girlish underwear; Syaoran made a mental note to send her shopping with Tomoyo for more womanly undergarments—the kind that would thrill both of them. Sakura blushed, and he smiled._

_Syaoran guided her hands to the buttons of his shirt. "Your turn," he said huskily.  
_

_Her wit got the better of her. "And how is this supposed to make me smile?"  
_

_"You see my sexy body and then think, wow, he's all mine," Syaoran grinned. As he expected, she slapped his arm.  
_

_"Very funny!"  
_

_"I'm quite serious, sweet Sakura. Now start working on my buttons. Don't think I never noticed how you stared at my abs on my birthday," he teased.  
_

_"You did?" She blushed.  
_

_"Of course. I always notice everything about you," he said, as her small fingers worked slowly on his buttons. One. Two. Three… "Do you need help?" he teased as he saw her fingers shaking from nervousness._


	14. Roots in the Past

**Slowly, Sweetly: Chapter 14**

**Roots in the Past  
**

**absolutefluffiness says: **_Is anyone still out there reading this? __I deeply apologize for the long delay--I explain as much as I can below, since I can't seem to access my livejournal. In short: Personal problems. Lots of them.  
_

_I haven't been happy with the three chapters I've written, and have been reworking them over and over. I owe a huge debt to the people who rose to my desperate plea for beta help when my beta 'Meiling' ran into some really terrible family problems: Julia and Tania, mystic emeralds, Diney Blue and Janec Shannon. beaucoup riant and Skei-Fyr, I owe you my apologies for not being able to send you anything; things just pretty much went to hell in September, and I wish I could make it up to you. If you like this chapter, then it is their help that made it better. _

_Again, thank you so much, I really did not expect such an outpouring of kindness and you are beautiful, wonderful people! I apologize for being unable to contact any of you sooner. You are the kindest people to help out a stranger begging from out of nowhere, and may blessings shower upon you!_

_I know this is another flashback (I am so sorry about that; to the one who pointed it out, I promise there's a good reason for this) but I hope it a) shows the relationship prior to Chapter 1 and b) clears up some lingering mysteries and hints I dropped in the past._

_More author's notes below, including review/PM responses I just had to answer here. Caution: frustrated language._

**

* * *

**

Fuutie Li sighed and shifted in her seat as she rifled through the investigator's report in her hands, trying to find something she had missed, anything she could use to help her understand the awkward situation now prevailing in the family.

The late March weather was temperate, neither too cold nor too warm. She thought of it, whimsically, as 'courting weather,' and she wished the situation at home were just as pleasant. But it was not.

Her mother Yelan had been mortally offended when Sakura and Syaoran had been dragged out of the house by Meiling. Fuutie had later chastised her unrepentant cousin, who believed what she had done was for the best.

Meiling insisted that Sakura was the real thing, and that her relationship with Syaoran was a love match. And Fuutie was torn between her rapidly eroding suspicions and what she had seen so far. The look of love in Syaoran's eyes could not be denied; the reciprocal tenderness and love in Sakura could not be counterfeited. And Sakura had won over Shiefa's son Ming, who was rude to and could easily detect phony people.

_But I know so little about Sakura! _Fuutie sighed again, and picked up the papers, summarizing her findings on a pad on the table.

Sakura Kinomoto was born on April 1, 1982; Syaoran had followed on July 13 of the same year. In contrast to Syaoran's sterling academic record, hers was average, though she had been a popular cheerleader and a good athlete. Her mother had died of heart failure in the winter of 1986, leaving behind Sakura, her husband, the noted archaeologist Fujitaka Kinomoto, and her son Touya, who had been born in 1978 and who qualified as a doctor in 2003.

Sakura's known friends were Tomoyo Daidouji, heiress to the toy and electronics empire of Sonomi Amamiya; she and Tomoyo were cousins, and had been friends since childhood. Other friends whom she regularly hung around with were Naoko Yanisagawa and the married Rika Terada and Chiharu Takashi; she had many other friends besides them but seemed to be close to only a select few. Sakura had no criminal record, no long hospital stays, no complaints or scandals to her name. She had dated three men seriously: a boy named Kito in high school; a young man named Emile in college; and before Syaoran, the wealthy Yue Lim.

It was in the spring of 2005 when Syaoran first met and married Loraina Satoshi, who was three years older than him. A year later, everything had fallen apart, and it took him a few months to pull himself together again, during which the divorce had proceeded. Syaoran had not fought the divorce, and Loraina (also known as Alia) had asked for nothing, not even attorney's expenses. There was no clue as to how the passionate relationship had abruptly ended, and the divorce became final in the winter of 2006.

Apparently Eriol had introduced Syaoran to Sakura sometime in the fall of 2006; they had begun going out on their friendly dates in the winter. Yue Lim had begun courting Sakura then, and they had become a couple in the summer of 2007. Syaoran and Sakura's dates lessened; there was a month in which they had had no contact. Barely two months later, Yue and Sakura were over, and Sakura and Syaoran had begun going out again—still as friends, no romantic overtures. Fuutie shifted through the photos; her father Yong Song Li had told her that he'd had Syaoran followed at this point.

This was what had triggered Fuutie's and Yelan's suspicions; why had Yong Song insisted on surveillance for Syaoran and Sakura? He had focused his interest in Sakura without telling them why.

Had he done so, Fuutie reflected, things might be clearer and easier for them. Yelan chose to believe Yong Song had done so because Sakura had a suspect personality. Fuutie agreed initially…but now she was thinking her father had other, more pleasant reasons.

Then in May 2008, a drunken fraternity boy beat a red light and smashed into the compact Fujitaka Kinomoto was driving, killing him, his son Touya and a companion, Yukito Tsukishiro, who turned out to be Touya's lover.

Fuutie shuddered as she looked at the copies of the crime scene photos; only the fast actions of a passing truck driver had prevented the frat boy from leaving the scene and escaping his responsibilities. Tsukishiro had almost been decapitated; Touya had had his chest shattered wide open, and Fujitaka's body was a bloody mess.

Later in the same month, Yong Song had returned to Hong Kong from an undisclosed destination, where he had been trying out a new treatment for his cancer. He seemed pleased and happy. That was when he had changed his will, adding terms that forced Syaoran to marry before his twenty-sixth birthday. He refused to explain why, save to say, "Don't worry. He'll make the deadline, and he will marry."

Yong Song had died in early July, happy and content. Syaoran had returned for the funeral but then he had left the very day the will had been read, upsetting his mother when he gave no good reason except, "I have to get back to Tokyo."

Later, it was discovered that Syaoran had returned the day after another blow had fallen on Sakura; she did not know that her father had used their little house in Tomoeda as collateral for a loan with a shady bank, one worse than a loanshark, to finance an expedition. Little had he known that the Kinomoto house was one of several that stood on a prime lot in Tomoeda—and this had been the reason why he'd been granted a generous loan with what seemed to be absolutely reasonable terms.

He'd had good credit until then, but paying for Touya's medical school expenses and Sakura's college bills had drained the Kinomoto savings and small investments. Once the payment was missed—as Sakura knew nothing about the loan—the bank had used enforcers to evict her without giving her a chance to retrieve her things—and had thrown her out on the street with nothing, not even her papers. She had stayed with her best friend Tomoyo then spent the next day trying to convince the bank to give her an extension or to at least let her get her things back. In desperation she had waited on the street outside her house for the elusive account manager whom she was told to talk to.

Syaoran had literally taken her off the street and moved her into his new house in Tokyo, then stepped in, hired one of Tokyo's best lawyers to expose the shady bank's underhanded dealings (apparently without Sakura's knowledge) and force them to let him pay off the loan in its entirety. The house had then been emptied of mementoes and possessions, then rented out to four quiet college students. A week later, Sakura and Syaoran were quickly married; his credit card bills proved they had bought everything within a week of the ceremony.

Clearly Syaoran was beating his deadline, and it seemed like a marriage of convenience. Certainly the will did not say Syaoran was not allowed to marry for convenience, and so the Li women did not challenge it. After the hasty marriage, Syaoran and Sakura's interactions seemed affectionate but not passionate. The investigators Fuutie and Yelan hired had turned up no evidence that husband and wife made love, let alone even slept together. Sakura went to work and home on her own, and she and Syaoran merely shared friendly breakfasts and dinners. And so before Christmas 2008, Fuutie had, upon Yelan's command, pulled out surveillance.

It was now March 2009, and Sakura was not yet pregnant. Yet when she and Syaoran had arrived, things seemed to have changed; they were tender with each other, and Fei Mei swore up and down that she had caught them making love the previous day.

Could their relationship have changed so quickly? Had the investigators missed something? What didn't she understand then? Fuutie knew Syaoran well enough to know he never put on acts; Sakura was the unknown quantity. Yet the young woman seemed so…**real**.

_Acts can look real, _she reminded herself.

She looked at her father's photograph on the wall, and breathed a soft prayer: "Father, help me understand."

As if on cue, a soft knock came on the door of the study, and when she called for the person to enter, Eriol Hiiragizawa walked in.

"I never cease to be amazed by your timing," Fuutie said. She had always respected and admired Syaoran's best friend for his intelligence and subtletly.

He merely smiled; Fuutie thought he looked perturbed, but decided not to ask, fearing that she might intrude on his personal life, a subject on which the handsome young artist was touchy.

"You wanted to ask me about Sakura-san," Eriol said quietly. Without being bidden, he sat in a comfortable chair near the fire and indicated the documents Fuutie had been reading. "What is not in those documents then?"

"They don't really tell me anything about her, and that worries me. Ma-ma is not willing to trust her. I see the rest of the family liking her, especially Fei Mei, but…I don't know what to think."

"Your father," Eriol said softly. "Yong Song asked me not to talk about it but I think this occasion calls for an exception."

Puzzled Fuutie turned to Eriol. "Pa-pa? What does he know about this?"

"Do you know," Eriol sat back and smiled, "your father _**wanted**_ Syaoran to marry Sakura?"

He gave Fuutie credit; she opened her mouth then closed it quickly. No jaw dropped; no startled exclamations. Instead, she said, "But why then did he not tell Ma-ma? Or me?"

"You know they were having problems," Eriol said. He did not elaborate.

Fuutie nodded slowly. Yelan had wanted Syaoran to marry a girl from a matchmaking service, while Yong Song had wanted him to marry just as his sisters had: for love. Yelan had argued that Syaoran owed it to the family to carry on tradition, and said that his sisters were free to marry whoever they liked because they were women.

She was already angry because Yong Song had flouted tradition in naming Fuutie his heir instead of Syaoran. Yong Song had been angry in turn because he felt Yelan was clinging to old ways unnecessarily. Stuck in the middle, Fuutie had desperately tried to make both parents see that they needed to meet halfway.

She had failed.

Fuutie suddenly understood why Eriol had chosen to reveal this to her: she was in a position to make the judgment call regarding Sakura, and to at least try to convince her mother to hear her out.

"Your father altered his will in hopes of speeding the relationship between Sakura and Syaoran along. He saw them together, and in the two chances he had to observe them, he saw the foundations for love. He always referred to those episodes when we argued."

"You argued with Pa-pa?"

Eriol smiled. "I did. I told him that forcing the issue between Sakura and Syaoran was pointless because back then, they really were just friends. But he always came back to two incidents he observed between them, and Fuutie-san, he seems to have been right."

Fuutie looked thoughtful, then said, "Tell me about them, then."

* * *

**Post-Yue, December 2007**

Syaoran first noticed how Sakura retreated into herself when hurt about six months after Yue broke up with her—not that Syaoran knew the significance of the date as she had not confided the specifics of that relationship with him, preferring to make light of the breakup.

He was expecting to have his usual Saturday Cat's Eye Café brunch with her—he was looking forward to mocking Sakura playfully. They'd been friends only for a while, and he didn't know the specifics of her relationship with Yue at that time.

Hence he saw nothing wrong with the jest, "Still dateless? That's 'cause you're so ungirly," which was among the playful insults he planned to use to get a rise out of her. But when he called her to confirm, he got only the answering machine.

Calling her cell phone got him routed to voice mail. It was quite unusual; Syaoran went to her house and found she wasn't there; he peeked through the window of the Kinomoto porch and found nothing. _Where the hell was she?_

All Tomoyo could supply him was that Sakura had called her to say she was on assignment, and that she was all right. No further contact was made, and Syaoran was incensed when he learned the significance of the date.

"Why didn't she tell me?" Syaoran roared. "It's not like that stupid assed long-haired conceited jerk was worth her time anyway. Who wants a girly boy for a boyfriend?"

"Because, Li-kun," Tomoyo said serenely, "perhaps she was ashamed."

"Balls of Satan, why would she be ashamed? That poncy prick should be the one ashamed!" Syaoran said angrily.

"Perhaps she didn't want you to know that she had lost someone in her life again."

"How can you be so calm, knowing she's God knows where brooding over that dickhead, that she's hurt…Fuck it, Daidouji, don't you care?"

The response was quiet. "That _**you**_ care tells me a lot, and I appreciate it, Li-kun," was what Tomoyo said.

Syaoran spluttered, "W-what?"

"It's nice to know she's begun changing you already, Li-kun." He could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"That's not it…Why are you going off topic? What about Sakura?"

"I have every faith in you," was the quiet response before she hung up.

Syaoran groaned and swore. She and Eriol were getting more alike with each day, and if they ever married he made a mental note to avoid them when they were together. He could only take one cryptic person at a time.

When he found out Sakura had gone to Osaka to brood, he was furious at her.

"You could have been held up! Kidnapped! How stupid are you?" he'd railed at her when he finally caught her at home as she returned; he'd taken to waiting outside her house for a sign of her. He'd almost pinned her to the wall of her porch with his arms on either side of her

She'd looked up at him with a blank expression. She looked thin and starved; her eyes were dull and haunted, and in a flat voice, she said, "Sorry. I wasn't thinking. I have to go to sleep. Good night, Syaoran-kun, and sorry for the bother."

"Why didn't you tell me? Idiot! It's been months, can't you just let it go? It's not like the dickhead is worth it, I mean, why do you still even care?" The irony of him telling her to let go of a dead relationship while he was still, after a year and a half, mourning the loss of Alia/Loraina, was lost on him.

She didn't answer; a single tear rolled out of one eye and she opened the door without saying anything except, "I'm sorry I'm not strong like you."

"I never told you to be strong—I said, just forget about Yue! If he really loved you, would he have dropped you on such a fucking stupid excuse? He didn't love you! He just had fun with you and when trouble arrived, he fled like the worthless coward he is!" Syaoran sincerely believed what he was saying, and to his surprise, Sakura went pale.

She stammered before saying, "So even you, who never met him…you know Yue didn't love me." Her voice was still and tiny; the hurt in it sliced at Syaoran.

He almost struck himself when he realized that with his thoughtless words he'd pushed her even further into her shell of misery. She was about to close the door when he shoved his way into her house, slamming the door behind himself.

"What?" Sakura stumbled, and he caught her, setting her on her feet firmly.

"Fucking hell!" Syaoran yelped when he caught her and discovered how light she was. "Haven't you been eating? Do you need someone to take care of you? Christ, Sakura! What is wrong with you?"

A tear simply rolled down her cheek; to his horror, she sobbed soundlessly, staring off into the distance. It was like everything he said or did made her cry even more. He felt like a bull in a china shop, delicate things crashing around him and he couldn't help it because he was big and clumsy and thoughtless.

_**Fuck that.**_ He was not an asshole, and he was not going to let Sakura cry alone.

"Sit down," he said roughly, pushing her on the couch. Sakura flopped onto it almost bonelessly, and Syaoran fought the urge to shake her. He lost the battle to stay silent, though.

"God damn it, Sakura! You can't let that fucker get to you! He's not worth it!"

Sakura suddenly stood up and yelled, "Maybe it wasn't him who wasn't worth it but me! You think he didn't love me, right? Then it's obvious that what's wrong was me! I'm not strong and perfect and anything like you, and maybe Yue knew it, knew something's wrong with me…he knew I'm not worth fighting for!"

Stunned, Syaoran stared at her for several minutes. How could someone so sweet and funny and gorgeous and so much fun to be around think of herself as not being worth it? What kind of pain could push her into that kind of despair?

Pain like his own, he abruptly realized. No, pain worse than his own. Loraina had, if he cared to face it, let him down gently and explained all her reasons and had not taken anything from him. The letters she sent regularly through Eriol showed that she was a kind, decent person for whom leaving him had been as hard for her as it was for him. Yet Sakura had gone through this crap at least three times, with one guy cheating on her and another dumping her for a very stupid reason. Of course she was in pain. He'd just been blind to it all.

He considered his words carefully before saying, "That's not true. It could never be true." He stepped closer to Sakura; she turned her face away from him.

"Look at me, damn it." Syaoran turned Sakura to face him. "I don't care what his excuse was. I know he broke it off 'cause you wouldn't do something like that, not when you were so happy. I don't really know what went on between the two of you but I knew you were happy. So I know it was his fault."

"No, it's me, I'm not Chinese, he had to—his parents, he…"

Syaoran bit his lip to keep from yelling; he rasped, "Shut it, Sakura. Stop making excuses for others, all right? Just…stop it." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration; Syaoran always had to do something with his hands when he was frustrated, and it was either shake Sakura or torment his hair. He chose the latter.

Sighing, Sakura said, "Look, Syaoran, I'll be okay. I just need to be alone."

"You shouldn't be alone! You can't handle this!" He bit his tongue before he could add, _you need me, stop pushing me away!_

A weak smile appeared on Sakura's face. "Really, Syaoran, I'll be fine. I…I'm sorry I yelled at you a while ago."

Syaoran clenched his fists and glared at Sakura. How could she be thinking of his feelings at a time like this? He wanted to tell her how stupid and stubborn she was being, but the words never left his mouth.

That was what was so beautiful about her. She was just herself in a world that prided itself on masks and facades. She was not ashamed to show how she felt, to cry when she needed to, to just be so damned thoughtful of others. Syaoran breathed in and out, calming himself, not wanting to say something unkind in his rush to get Sakura to stop being depressed.

"You can't let your happiness depend on a single person," Syaoran said slowly. "Not only is it a burden on that person, one he might not care to support, but…" and he held her hand reassuringly, "you also shut the door on others who care for you. Like Daidouji. Like Eriol. Like me, your brother, your dad…"

He was relieved when she looked at him, stopped crying, then slowly smiled. "Says he who hasn't let go of Alia."

Syaoran's mouth dangled open. Score for Sakura.

"I…That is…You…"

For once she had the upper hand. "I'm waiting for an answer," she teased.

Unable to defend himself from her very accurate observation—one made in the midst of her depression, come to think of it—he instead stood over her and put a hand on top of her head.

"Idiot," he said affectionately, then began to give her a noogie, rubbing the top of her head so that he mussed her hair badly.

"Hey! Stop it!" Sakura yelped.

"Nope." Syaoran grinned at her.

"Syaoran! I'm _**warning**_ you!" Sakura was flailing, and Syaoran was using his height advantage to stay out of her reach.

"What are you gonna do, kiss me? Ugh, gross." Syaoran made a face.

"Oh yeah? Same to you—kissing you would be like kissing an ashtray!" Oh, score one for her again; Syaoran was still an occasional smoker at that point. But he kept mussing her hair.

"Quit it!" Sakura shrieked. She caught one of Syaoran's legs with a wild kick, and he went down on top of her, overbalancing and landing on the soft carpet.

"Ow." Syaoran had not been hurt, but he said it anyway to rile her.

"You're heavy," Sakura groaned from beneath him.

"Yeah, well, you smell," Syaoran singsonged. She didn't, but the opportunity to annoy was a golden one.

"I DO NOT!" she screeched. Syaoran chuckled. _Score one for me._

"Someone needs a ba-ath…" he continued.

"OOH SYAORAN YOU STUPID BAST…" She caught herself before she completed the dirty word, and choked on it.

Syaoran began to laugh. It felt so good to laugh _at_ her and _with_ her, and to know that he was comforting her in the process. _She's my best friend__,_ he thought, and it amused him; he'd never had a female friend who was this close. Meiling would not be amused, he knew; she had spent their childhood and adolescence trying to get Syaoran to lighten up. When she had warned him about his marriage to Alia, he had simply cut her off. Yet here he was doing exactly what Meiling wanted—with a woman, no less.

Sakura glared at him for a second, then when she caught sight of the mirthful expression on Syaoran's face, fought her own giggles.

"Come on, you know you want to laugh…come on…HA!" Syaoran, catching Sakura unaware, began to poke and tickle at her sides.

She finally laughed, but the laugh was mixed with a few sobs. He waited until she calmed down, leaning against him for support. Though Syaoran was still not fully over Alia at that point, he understood that Sakura needed comfort, and he held her gently, patting her back as she choked and cried.

"Do you know what's p-pathetic?" Sakura finally said after a long period of silence. Syaoran did not reply, but waited for her to continue; he knew she would say more. "I…Yue and I never…never laughed this way, the way we do. I could never cry on him the way I do with you. And we never joked around the way we do. I thought we would have time for that later."

She sniffed. "I assumed we had a-all the time in the world. Third time lucky, you know what they say. Apparently not for me." Her voice became bitter. "Look at me. World's greatest failure with relationships. Applaud me for making stupid assumptions and for thinking people actually loved me." Her voice trailed off into a forced laugh.

"That's pointless," Syaoran scolded her gently. "Don't be silly. You take things too hard."

"I just…" Then she was crying again. "I should be crying in Yue's arms, not yours. I should be able to tell him all the things I tell you without him telling me to just buck up or be strong or not to cry or be a sissy. You're my guy friend, you know? You…you should be Yue…Someone who loves me should be holding me in his arms like you, comforting me like you do…I can't…I wish…I wish someone loved me enough to do that!" Scrunching up her face into an expression of misery, Sakura pressed her face against Syaoran's chest and began to cry so hard, her breath was drawn in high-pitched whines.

Syaoran held her, unoffended by what she had said because he understood—because he too was beginning to wish that Alia was in his arms, that he had had with her the same easy friendship he had with Sakura. He understood because he too felt like a failure in love, like he could only be comfortable with a woman he did not (at least then) consider someone he could fall in love with.

After a while, Sakura fell asleep in his arms; he'd carried her to her bed, tucked her in, and stayed the night on her couch, wondering why he hadn't fallen for someone like Sakura instead. If only he had understood things better then, perhaps everything might have been easier for both of them.

Little did he know that Yong Song Li had seen the confrontation between Syaoran and Sakura, and heard the rest of it when they had moved inside her house.

_She makes him feel_, he smiled. _And she makes him care about her._

Yong Song had also observed Syaoran with Loraina when he'd come to Tokyo for his treatments. That relationship had been passionate but somewhat one-sided; right before the marriage ended, he had known it was coming; he alone had seen poor Loraina crying in misery from her inability to make Syaoran understand her. He'd seen with sorrow how the relationship devolved, and when the divorce papers were filed, he had been greatly saddened when Syaoran had retreated into himself, saying nothing to anyone, not even to Eriol. That was why he'd felt justified when he'd spied on Syaoran with Sakura.

**Sakura.** The young woman was sweet and gentle, and Yong Song believed she would make a wonderful wife for Syaoran. And they were starting out as friends. He'd always believed that would make a good foundation for any relationship. Perhaps playing Cupid this time would be fun—and could take his mind off his terrible cancer treatments.

And then the Kinomotos had died—leaving him no time to put into play his plans to be Cupid.

* * *

**(Present time)**

"Pa-pa…" Fuutie said softly. "I wish he had told us—or at least me."

"He didn't want Yelan interfering," Eriol said. "He thought he couldn't trust her.

"Interesting word choice," Fuutie said.

He understood. "I think Aunt Yelan-san needs to see for herself. Deep inside, Syaoran knows this, and this is why he brought Sakura-san here. No amount of simply telling her that Sakura is wonderful is going to work."

"It's not going to be easy," Fuutie said. "Ma-ma has made up her mind to hate Sakura, no matter what she does."

"I have faith in Sakura-san," Eriol said. "She can seem weak to others, and the way she has responded to her relationships ending may seem like she depends on others for her happiness. But Sakura-san is at heart a very strong person, and she believes that if she gives her best, she will make everything all right for those she loves."

"You know her well. And you admire her."

He smiled. "But what matters here is what Yong Song saw in her…and in Syaoran."

"Tell me more, then." Fuutie leaned forward as Eriol continued the story.

* * *

**May 2008: Deaths in Spring**

Syaoran knew something was wrong when Sakura called him on that awful May morning. He'd greeted her with his usual flippant, "Good morning silly cherry pig!" and gotten a hesitant, "S-sy-Syaoran?" as a response.

Instantly alert, he asked, "Where are you?"

"Please…Syaoran…I can't do this alone…they…accident…otou-san…car…th-they were g-going t-to Narita airport…onii-chan…Yukito-san…" Her words were choked, like she was trying not to cry.

_Shit_, Syaoran thought, because his gut was telling him that the Kinomotos and Tsukishiro were the victims in the car accident he'd heard about over the radio that morning—and Sakura had told him the night before that they were going on a road trip. "They…are they all right?"

"Uh…Maybe not. Dunno…The morgue…police called…" She was zoning out, and he knew he had to act fast. Sakura was a perky person, but she was not prepared to handle death, Syaoran knew. She had reserves of strength, certainly—but not for this.

"Stay there. Do not leave. Wait for me," Syaoran said, already halfway out the door. He later received an automatic ticket for speeding, and another for cutting several people off on the highway, but since he made it to Tomoeda from Tokyo in thirty minutes, he didn't care.

The drive to the morgue was quiet; Syaoran dared not say anything. He knew the awful truth, and he had no words, not even to comfort her. All he could do was let her cling to his hand as they entered the cold morgue. He swallowed his bile when he saw the ruin that had been Touya Kinomoto's chest, the nearly-decapitated Yukito Tsukishiro, the bloody mess that was Fujitaka Kinomoto. He had met them all only on social occasions; even now, in death Syaoran imagined Touya would glare at him and call him the 'rich Chinese brat Sakura hangs around with' as he always did.

Of that, he had an interesting memory. Sakura had dragged him home for dinner, and they discovered Touya was home to get some papers from their files in the basement. Syaoran was uneasy; Touya had never really taken to him and a negative chemistry crackled between brother and best friend, something that amused Sakura.

Yet at the end of that April evening a few weeks before the accident, as Sakura washed the dishes, Touya had given him a gruff once-over.

"_You two still aren't dating?" he asked._

"_Huh? No..." Why would Touya even think that, Syaoran wondered. It would be like dating a sister, sheesh._

_Touya raised an eyebrow. "Are you gay?"_

_Like you?__ Syaoran wanted to retort, but he bit his tongue, instead clenching his fists and teeth before grinding out, "NO."_

"_My sister is beautiful. What's wrong with you? Why do you hang around her if you don't want her?" Touya pressed._

"_What?" Syaoran was surprised by the question, looking at Touya as though the latter were stupid. "Who wouldn't want to be her friend?" was what he blurted out, as if it were the most natural thing in the world._

_The older brother looked at him gravely, then said, to Syaoran's surprise, "You'll do."_

"_What?" Touya's behavior was puzzling Syaoran, and he was getting a strange feeling, one that made him uneasy._

"_You take care of Sakura." A ghost of a smile was on Touya's lips. "Better you than the long-haired Chinese snot…"_

"_Hey, I'm Chinese too," Syaoran retorted._

"_Just a brat, not a snot," Touya said. "Like I said, better you, Chinese brat, than that Chinese snot or that cheating pretty boy. If you ever make Sakura cry, I'll get you. Even if I'm dead, I'll come back from the grave and haunt you."_

Is he actually joking with me? _Syaoran wondered, his jaw open. His natural antagonism moved him to say, "You'd have to die first." He delighted in pointing out the obvious._

"_Cheeky sod." Yet Touya's expression was indecipherable; neither hostile nor angry, he was just looking at Syaoran in a way Syaoran couldn't read._

_Syaoran huffed; what was with the strange British expression? His bangs flew upwards. "We're __not__ dating. We don't think of each other that way," he bristled._

_Touya had merely looked at him thoughtfully, and when Sakura reappeared at that point, he ruffled her hair, making her screech in annoyance, and said, "You go on with your brat __boyfriend __to wherever your date is."_

"_Syaoran is NOT my boyfriend! You're mean, onii-chan!" Sakura yelled after him. "Honestly!"_

"_Maybe I should take lessons from him on how to piss you off," Syaoran said roguishly, a crooked smile on his lips._

"_Yes, well, he doesn't like you so good luck," Sakura had said._

_He had almost told her about their strange conversation, but something held him back. In retrospect, Syaoran wondered if Touya had seen something there that he and Sakura had both been blind to. Even Sakura had commented on how perceptive her brother was. But at that time, Syaoran shook his head and dismissed it as a silly whim Touya used to try and rile him up._

That memory had come back to Syaoran as Sakura, shaking hard, had tried to look at the bodies. At some point Eriol and Tomoyo arrived—probably Sakura had called Tomoyo, he thought. But they took over, sparing Sakura from more agony. Syaoran had not really seen what Tomoyo and Eriol had done that allowed them to identify the bodies when Sakura had failed to do so; she had brokenly told the coroner, "I don't know," when asked if they were her father, brother, and Yukito. Syaoran led her outside the morgue and leaned her against him.

"Cry," he said gently as he placed his arms around her. "You have to do it now so that you can deal with the funeral."

"Please take me home first," she asked quietly, and Syaoran had driven her home. Once home, she had insisted on straightening her father's office in the basement and his bedroom, then she had shown Syaoran Touya's room as well.

The bodies were quickly released from the morgue and the funeral and burial arrangements were made; Syaoran saw Eriol's hand in it. When Syaoran asked Eriol about it, Eriol calmly ignored the question and said instead, "I can't be at the memorial; I have someone…something to take care of. Please don't leave Sakura-san, and give her my…all my apologies for disappearing at the worst time. I promise, I have a good reason."

Syaoran had taken the call, too distracted to realize what Eriol had really told him, as he was following Sakura around the house. He vaguely said "Uh huh," and "Sure," to everything Eriol said. Sensing Syaoran's distraction, Eriol had hung up.

As Syaoran closed his cell phone, Sakura was saying, "…and when I broke that fishbowl, gosh, was he ever furious but he refused to say anything and he called me 'monster' instead so I wound up stomping his foot and I…"

He'd heard enough and knew what she needed. Syaoran placed a finger on her lips, stopping the confused babble. He'd leaned her against his chest wordlessly, and began stroking her back.

"My life…" Sakura began, "it feels like it ought to be over. I…I feel like I have nothing left to live for."

"It is not a waste or anything of the sort," Syaoran said gently. "Let it go, Sakura. You need to let go now. That way you can be stronger."

"I'm so weak," Sakura whispered. "I…"

"You're not weak," Syaoran said gently. "Life hasn't been kind to you, cherry. You've tried so hard, but…you're still here. So let go now. You need it."

"Someone told me tears are weakness," Sakura said quietly.

"Sometimes…" and Syaoran's breath hitched, because he could have been talking to himself, "sometimes it takes more strength to cry."

The tears came then, and she wept for a long time; at one point, Syaoran picked her up and brought her to her bedroom. The security of her room triggered more tears, but he sat in her bed, propped Sakura up against himself, and hugged her from behind, crooning and making soothing noises when her cries rose to a high pitch. After a long while, she calmed down.

"Please don't leave," she whispered.

He shook his head, and they sat there like children comforting each other until dawn, feeling the house and the presences in it begin to fade around them.

"Thank you," were her first words when the sun rose.

"Don't thank me yet," he said quietly. "Because I'm going to make sure you get through this shit and you might not appreciate my methods."

She turned, looking into his eyes, silently pleading for him to stay by her side. Tomoyo had vanished, and so had Eriol, but with Syaoran there, Sakura felt stronger. Safer.

He had brought his clothes, toiletries, and his portable keyboard, moving into the room that used to be Touya's for the duration of the funeral. Syaoran took over the preparations which Eriol and Tomoyo had begun, coordinating with the funeral home for the treatment of the bodies, helping Sakura decide between burial and cremation, and quietly shouldering the expenses when the family's life plan did not cover Yukito Tsukishiro's funeral.

Syaoran had practically lived in the Kinomoto house during the memorial, helping Sakura pass out incense and talk to visitors and serve tea and other refreshments. She had, to his surprise, held up magnificently, helping to clothe the bodies, gathering mementoes, donating clothes to charities, and winding up what she could of their personal affairs.

"Are you her husband?" an elderly neighbor asked as he served her tea. Syaoran smiled and was about to say no when she continued, "She's such a good girl, and you look like a very good boy. Take care of her."

"I will," Syaoran said, just as Sakura came up to give the old lady some rice cakes. He put an arm over her shoulder and squeezed; she smiled gratefully.

He had given her his strength; she had stayed calm thanks to his presence. Syaoran had also seen how she managed to draw herself out to keep others calm, and had begun reflecting on his relationship with Alia.

Yong Song Li, though he was weaker now, had had surveillance continue on the two of them during and after the funeral, and was pleased. He knew he would soon be on his deathbed, and quietly altered his will so that Syaoran would be forced to marry Sakura.

_It is my last gift to him, _he thought as he signed the altered will. _The gift of seeing Sakura in a different light—the light of love._

_

* * *

  
_

**(Present time)**

"Stubborn bastard," Fuutie cursed.

"Where else do you think that awful pride of Syaoran came from?" Eriol said.

"Him…and Ma-ma. Guess he got a double dose. I just…" Fuutie clenched her fists in frustration. "If only! Hell with it all…had Pa-pa and Ma-ma just talked, just been more forthright with each other…" She breathed hard, and Eriol waited as she calmed down.

"Don't you just hate this?" she asked.

He understood. "As always you are in the middle."

They sipped tea quietly, then Fuutie said, "You're just absolutely perfect, are you not? I'm just glad you're Syaoran's best friend."

Eriol's face darkened. "Whatever else you may think, I am in no way perfect."

Sensing she had offended him, Fuutie apologized. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking." Then she probed, "What is weighing on your mind?"

Eriol was about to answer when they heard a commotion in the corridor outside. Fuutie leapt to open the door.

Yelan, having drawn herself to her full height, was glaring down at Sakura, who was holding a tray on which a tea set was placed.

"How dare you touch that tea set without my permission?" Yelan snarled.

"I told her to bring it to you, Ma-ma," Syaoran began.

"Stop defending her!" Yelan rounded on him angrily.

"I'm telling you the truth!" Syaoran yelled, clearly at the end of his patience. "I gave it to her, and told her to make your favorite tea…"

"She had no right!" Yelan shrieked. "And what made her think that would be all right?"

Before Syaoran could answer, Sakura bowed before her.

"I apologize for my presumption," she said quietly. I shall take this back now."

"You've already sullied it," Yelan said coldly. "Bring it to the kitchen."

Unable to bear it, Syaoran yelled at his mother, "Why do you have to be unreasonable? Nothing she does is ever right, as far as you're concerned! You've forgiven worse in others…"

"Please," Sakura stood up and laid a hand on Syaoran's arm. The effect was immediate; he looked at her and calmed down.

"I'm sorry," she bowed to Yelan. She was turning to head for the kitchen when Yelan's slap landed on Sakura's cheek. Unprepared for the blow, Sakura reeled, and dropped the tea set as she hit the wall of the corridor. The delicate porcelain set shattered into many pieces.

"Now look what you've done!" Yelan screamed.

* * *

_Wow. It's been how many months now; it's the second semester here, and our house was flooded by the Ondoy storm in Metro Manila, which is--well, was where I live. We had to move in with relatives for a while, and that wasn't very good for anyone. I also have to work part time now, and that really hurts because when I get home I just want to pass out because I'm so tired and unhappy. Your life just changes from what you're used to into something you don't even recognize yourself in anymore._

_Don't get me wrong: I love this story, and I adore you guys for being so kind. But sometimes, some people who read this story seem to like kicking people when they're down. Sorry for ranting but please, do not send me nasty PMs or reviews like "Hey wer's update, its been 3 mos, hw long can a chaptre take to writte anyway?" Or, "Why is this story taking almost 3 months to update?" Gee, you could at least ask me if I'm okay first before saying that. Given all the crap in my life, I figured writing was the last priority after trying to survive, for your information, and if you have a problem with that, buy us a new house, give my dad a new job, pay for my mom's therapy, and revive our family business. THEN you can yell at me, okay? It's not like you review regularly anyway! YOU try living my life now, see how you like it. "Il go read anothr storynstead." So just go read something else then._

_To everyone else, thank you for your patience, and for still being here. As for an update, since I'm not yet happy with the next two chapters and need time to work on them, perhaps before Christmas? As Mama says, promise the worst but do your best!_


	15. Sakura Stands Firm

**THE REAL CHAPTER! MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**Slowly, Sweetly Chapter 15: Sakura Stands Firm**

**WARNING: **_Steamy non-lemon scene. Turn back if you don't like. You've been warned!_

Well, I did promise this before Christmas, so here we go!

**Disclaimer: **The CCS characters are the property of CLAMP and I'm just having fun in their (many) universes.

**NEW NOTE: **_I have given no one permission to copy, translate, or repost this story or any portion thereof. Please do not repost any part of this story or any of my stories without getting permission first. While CCS is not mine, writing fanfiction does not mean you have no rights to your work. What's this about? There's a note at the end of the story that explains this._

(The continuity issues of this story are being fixed in the companion rewrite, "A Shelter for Broken Hearts," which is currently updated weekly ^_^ It also contains a lot of original new material—in chapter 3, coming this weekend, is Touya and Syaoran versus Yue—yes, a few changes have been made—so I hope you have a look at it!)

* * *

Sakura slowly got to her feet, assisted by Syaoran. She was holding her cheek, which stung from Yelan's slap.

"Are you all right?" Syaoran touched her cheek gently.

Fuutie bent down to pick up the pieces of the tea service. "Ma-ma, you can't blame her for what you did."

"Shut up," Yelan snarled.

Eriol eyed Yelan and said, "I expected better of you, Auntie."

"How dare you! You have no right to judge me," Yelan seethed.

"Eriol-san, don't. Please," Sakura pleaded.

"Oh but I do." Eriol crossed his arms. "I am, in fact, in the best position to do so. But out of respect for Sakura-san, I won't." With that, he turned to leave the drawing room.

"Mother! How could…" Syaoran began. He released Sakura and turned to face his mother, his eyes glaring daggers.

"Don't you dare take her side," Yelan grated out.

"Yes. Don't."

Fuutie, and Syaoran turned to see Sakura, who walked up to Yelan. "Don't take my side, Syaoran. I can defend myself."

Yelan positioned herself defensively. "If you lay a hand on me…"

Sakura cleared her throat and faced Yelan squarely.

"Pleading won't work," Yelan sneered.

Sakura tilted her chin up. "I didn't deserve that. I understand that you are overwrought, and so I will let that pass. But I think the person who deserves this the least is Syaoran, because we're making him choose between us. I love him, and if you cannot believe that, that's all right by me."

To her surprise, saying the words made her feel better…freer. She drew a deep breath, then continued. "But I would like to get along with you for his sake, and even if you refuse, I will continue trying. I know he hasn't been home for so long, and you missed him...but it was not me who kept him from coming home."

"I told you to leave this place…" Yelan said, but her voice was softer, more strained. "You don't love him. Even if you did, you're not an ideal wife for him. I had my partner chosen for me. The old ways are the best. You must leave."

"Because I love him, I will **stay** here. But please don't assume that means I'm giving you the right to mistreat me. He is my husband, and only Syaoran can throw me out of his home…and his life." Sakura said.

Silence. Yelan stared at Sakura, who nodded, and turned to walk back to the room she and Syaoran shared. Syaoran threw his mother a dirty look, then ran after her.

Yelan sank into a chair. Fuutie opened her mouth to say something, thought the better of it, and took her leave of Yelan, who sat there watching the flame in the fireplace burn itself out.

* * *

"Hey." Syaoran caught up to Sakura as she entered the doorway of his bedroom, and noticed she was shaking. He embraced her.

"Syaoran," Sakura said softly. "I'm sorry…" Tears ran down her face, and Syaoran used his thumbs to wipe them away.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he said fiercely, holding her tight. "I love you, Sakura, I fucking **love you**. And what you did back there…"

"I won't let you go…I can't let you go," Sakura clutched the front of his shirt. "I've lost so many things and people I love, but Syaoran, if I lose you…I don't even care if I seem weak to you, because it's the truth."

He kissed her forehead. "You'll never lose me," he promised.

They held each other for a while, savoring each other's presence. Syaoran began humming softly; he'd learned Sakura liked the sound, and was soothed by it.

He released her gently, and took the precaution of locking the door first. "I don't want anyone to bother us," he said, and he kissed her forehead. "I'm not going to make love to you while you're crying. Only when we're both happy, I promise. But," and he led her to the large Western-style bathroom, "I want to make you smile first."

A soft "Hoe?" greeted his ears. Good, he smiled; she was getting curious. He could work with that.

In the bathroom, slowly, he removed her clothes, starting with the little straps of her dress; he raised her little pastel green chiffon dress over her shoulders. He kissed the skin revealed when he removed her clothing, careful to avoid her sensitive parts.

"You're beautiful. You probably think I'm saying this just to calm you down—but you know when I'm lying," he said, as both their pulses began to race. Soon the dress was pooled at her feet, leaving her standing in her girlish cotton underwear; Syaoran smiled as he made a mental note to send her shopping with Tomoyo for more womanly undergarments—the kind that would thrill both of them. Maybe even Tomoyo; the woman's obsession with dressing people sometimes scared, sometimes amused Syaoran.

He guided Sakura's hands to the buttons of his shirt. "Your turn," he said huskily.

Her wit got the better of her. "And how is this supposed to make me smile?"

"You see my sexy body and then think, _wow, he's all mine_," Syaoran grinned. As he expected, she slapped his arm.

"Very funny!" But Sakura appreciated how he could still laugh in the middle of an intimate moment.

"I'm quite serious, sweet cherry. Now start working on my buttons. Don't think I never noticed how you stared at my abs on my birthday," he teased.

"You did?" She blushed.

"Of course. I always notice everything about you," he said, as her small fingers worked slowly on his buttons.

One. Two. Three… "Do you need help?" he teased as he saw her fingers shaking from nervousness.

Sakura stuck her tongue out at him, and to her surprise, he made good on a long-ago threat: he caught her face in his hands and began to duel her tongue with his in a kiss that left them both breathless. He plunged into her mouth with a wild abandon he had thought he'd left behind in his days with Loraina, but this time, he let Sakura feel how much he wanted her, making a wordless promise to be as sensually aggressive and emotionally raw, open to her and to his own feelings.

"Told you I'd do that the next time you stuck your tongue out at me," he whispered as she finally unbuttoned the last button shakily. Her knees had given out during the kiss, and Syaoran was supporting her gently. He smiled as he leaned her against the wall for support, raising his arms and bending down to help her remove his undershirt, then he took her hands and placed them against his chest.

She paused, looking into his eyes; Syaoran nodded, and let his hands hang by his side. Sakura touched the curve where his lean pectorals began, noting the difference in their skin tones; her skin was like light honey, and his, a shade darker. Syaoran's chest, like that of most Orientals, was hairless and smooth.

Never had Sakura been given the gift of being allowed to explore her lover's body without him demanding for release. She let her fingers run over Syaoran's naked chest, thrilling to the various hills and valleys, the bumps of his abdomen, even a tiny appendectomy scar. He was perfectly imperfect—not a god come down to earth, but a man—the man who loved her. Sakura drew her breath in; her tears were gone, replaced by wonderment. She noted how his nipples, smaller than hers and darker, stiffened as she passed her hand over them; experimentally, she rubbed one between her forefinger and thumb, just as he had hers earlier. Save for a small moan and increased pace of breathing, he betrayed no other reaction. Then she amused him by asking him to turn around.

His back was different, Sakura discovered; he had a few scars here and there, which she traced curiously with her finger pads. Otherwise he was smooth and beautiful. Not even Yue, and never Kito, had been so willing to share his body's secrets with her, and Sakura marveled at what he was giving her—his trust, his confidence in her.

Syaoran closed his eyes. He'd never been explored this way, with a mixture of tenderness and curiosity; he had never given Loraina the opportunity to do so, as he'd been both passionate and impatient when they made love. It was almost like he and Sakura were two teens discovering each other for the first time, and he nearly laughed; what was it about Sakura that brought him back to those years?

Soon he took over, and if Sakura was a person who liked touching, Syaoran liked tasting and hearing things. He would lick and kiss a spot on her neck to hear the little whimper she made, then nip at another spot to listen to how she almost purred in pleasure. Like an instrument, he tested her body's responses to him, and marveled at how many sounds she could make when pleased.

He soon realized that her skin was very sensitive, and varied his caresses: a fluttering lick here, a sharp sucking there, a gentle bite in another place. Though he could not in one night memorize the geography and symphony of her body, part of the pleasure came from knowing they had many nights ahead: what he missed tonight, he could revisit at his leisure tomorrow and many other tomorrows.

_My God he hasn't even stripped me yet_, _and I'm ready to just go beyond _hanyaan_,_ Sakura thought. Perhaps it was the trust, the attraction between them that gave her such a high, the feeling of such pleasure in his arms.

She and her friends Tomoyo, Chiharu, Rika, and Naoko had often made fun of movies and novels that claimed the earth moved or fireworks went off when people made love. Nothing could feel that way, they agreed. Tomoyo said that it was sexual chemistry that caused the thrill. Rika said that her husband Yoshiyuki Terada could make her feel 'like heaven' in bed. Chiharu, who married her grade school boyfriend Takashi Yamazaki said that the feeling Rika described faded away after a while but the loving connection remained. Naoko Yanisagawa, who wrote romance novels on the side, insisted that it was the mind that brought about the miracle of arousal. Sakura had wondered at their words for a long time.

Now she understood: the books exaggerated and movies were wrong. Fireworks were short-lived; earthquakes could shatter worlds. What she felt when Syaoran kissed and fondled her was a strange pulsing of emotion, a feeling of something rising, something in her chest where her heart was likely to be swelling.

With Kito she had known fear as he kissed and pawed her; the 'hanyaan' she felt when she first crushed on him disappeared under a wave of resentment and disgust. The beginnings of sweetness were there when she had kissed Emile, but something was always lacking; though their kisses and caresses were nice, they felt incomplete. Yue had given Sakura her first orgasm, and shown her the pleasures of sexual love. But he'd always rushed towards achieving their pleasure, making her wonder if she was missing something somehow.

But Syaoran made things come together; in his arms she felt safe yet cherished. She could feel his passion for her; he did not hide his arousals but neither did he force them on her. He did not work quickly towards consummating their desires; unlike her past boyfriends, he talked to her, laughed with her, even gently teased her when she was in his arms. With him, Sakura felt loved in every sense of the word.

Closing her eyes to savor her emotions, she smiled when her knees buckled; she'd never been good at handling sensual emotions—she tended to get swept away by them, but Syaoran didn't make an issue of it, for which she was grateful.

It was when she sat down on the closed toilet lid that Syaoran realized they probably should have been in bed for his sensual exploration of her. Yet Sakura's eyes met his, and when her gaze trailed downwards, he smiled; he made no attempt to hide the arousal which was prominent in his jeans.

Instead, he asked, "Do you want the rest of my clothes off, cherry?"

She nodded; it was so like him to be that considerate. Her hands worked on his belt buckle. Syaoran watched Sakura fumbling with it, resisting the urge to take over and help her—no. This was hers, this moment, and he didn't care how long it would take his wife to smile.

Because Syaoran loved that smile. While his desires for her were rather urgent, his emotions—the almost overwhelming feeling of love he felt for Sakura—tempered their most intimate encounter so far with a certain sweetness. He realized that their long friendship had actually been, in a strange way, a courtship, a slow easing into the love they now both felt for each other.

His belt dropped to the floor with a small 'clink', and she worked on his pants button, biting her lip as she struggled with it. Finally, it popped open, and Syaoran breathed a sigh of relief; it had been getting painful in there, constricted as he was by denim. She unzipped the zipper, and pushed the jeans past his hips until they dropped to the floor and he stepped out of them, now only in white cotton briefs.

To his surprise, Sakura explored the shape and length of him through the briefs, curiously feeling his hardness. She was savoring the moment, delaying the pleasure of finally seeing him completely naked, no more secrets of the skin hidden from her. She could feel herself moistening, and she fought a blush; _this is my husband, there's nothing wrong in what we're doing,_ she thought. She could hear his breathing, and to her surprise she felt powerful, like Syaoran's pleasure was all in her hands, under her control.

She looked up at him, and he understood; he bent down to kiss her—not a soul-stealing kiss this time, but one in which their love and affection was expressed. When they broke off the kiss, he pulled her to him, nestling her against his chest, letting her recover her breath.

Now Sakura knew—she could not let this man go, no matter what his mother said. _I love him, and he feels the same way. Why should we waste that? Too many marriages fall apart when passion comes before love; we've loved each other,_ she realized with a strange clarity, _for a long time without knowing it._

And she knew her decision. She would never leave him, not as long as he wanted, he needed her by his side. And Syaoran had made it clear that he wanted her there forever.

She guided Syaoran's hands to the clasp of her brassiere, and he obeyed her, looking into her eyes as he removed it, rendering her half-naked. Sakura watched his eyes as he caressed her little mounds with them; soon, his hands followed. He fondled them gently, as if they were things to be worshipped—she looked up and saw him watching her eyes; as he touched her, he smiled, yet his eyes spoke of desires awakened in him—what I awakened in him, she thought with a thrill.

Syaoran realized she had finally learned to trust him completely, and he felt his heart swell with love and pride. He bent down to kiss her again, and his hands found their way to the waistband of her panties. Again he wordlessly asked permission, breaking off the kiss to look in her eyes. She smiled, then placed her hands over his own waistband.

"Together?" she grinned.

"Beat you to it," Syaoran shot back, grinning.

They laughed; then, slowly, Syaoran let her slide his briefs off him. He was amused when she gasped; he was secretly proud that the size and shape of his arousal pleased her, and he was unable to resist preening a bit for her.

"Showoff," Sakura giggled. _Good, she's laughing,_ he thought.

"But you like what you see," Syaoran sassed, and Sakura laughed, then gasped as he eased her own panties down. She shyly stepped out of them, feeling warmth rise to her cheeks (_as if you were a blushing girl with her first lover; grow up, Sakura!_ she scolded herself) and then felt his gaze sweep her up and down, making her feel warm all over despite the coolness of the bathroom.

Gods, he had known she was beautiful, but Sakura—she was perfect in his eyes. He knew that Sakura sometimes compared herself with Loraina, who was certainly a more eye-catching beauty. But Syaoran realized that his journey with Loraina had prepared him to love this woman, and he was grateful. He knew now how not to choke Sakura with his possessiveness, how to show her his love, and how they could be friends—and lovers.

He began to kiss Sakura, taking his time to savor her. Naturally small and slender, she nonetheless had the soft curves that Syaoran loved. Her skin was a healthy light honey color, and he longed to taste her all over, to see if she was just as sweet everywhere else, to plunge into her body, uniting them finally, and release himself inside her depths as they reached for their peaks together.

But he sternly reminded himself that now was not the right time. Instead, he said, "Allow me to touch you, sweetheart."

Sakura nodded, and he led her into the large shower stall. He turned on the shower; he knew she liked the temperature comfortably lukewarm, and adjusted it for her before helping her in. She giggled when his arousal bounced against her back; he laughed, and picked up the soap.

He let their bodies be wet by the spray, then he turned the water off. Turning his beloved wife to face him, he began to soap her gently, letting his fingers move over the skin he had longed to touch for so long.

Sakura closed her eyes; Syaoran's touch was both comforting and arousing. When his hand brushed her nipples, she closed her eyes as they stiffened in response. He continued soaping her, small kisses interspersed with the strokes of his hand and the soap kept her on a delicious edge. Husband, lover, friend—he was everything to her now.

All too soon he was done; her entire body was soaped. She knew it was her turn, and to his surprise, she attacked him almost roughly, playfully. He chuckled as she pretended to whack him with the soap, and they laughed as they wrestled playfully, kissing every now and then; the sensual mood was now also a happy, light one, and Syaoran marveled at how easily they could move from mood to mood now, without hesitation or embarrassment. Waiting for Sakura was the best choice he had ever made in his life, and he no longer regretted rushing his life with Loraina—he'd needed to learn, to prepare him to love Sakura.

But then, she surprised him again by sharply changing the mood; with her hands slick from the soap, she suddenly gripped his arousal between her hands, and began to knead it gently. She pressed her body against his; he could feel her skin, her sparse little triangle of hair. She caught his lips in hers, urging him to bend down to her, and he willingly let her control the kiss until she pulled away.

Up and down her hands moved, and she watched as his nipples stiffened, as he fought the urge to close his eyes. The contrast between the slight warmth of her hands and the cooling shower, and the delighted expression on her face gave Syaoran a fierce arousal. Sakura stroked him faster now, firmer, and he couldn't help the loud moan that escaped him; he was on the edge, he was rising, he was…

…falling

…falling

…falling

…into a sweet ecstasy, a soft warmth pouring out of him in little spurts. When he returned to his senses, gasping her name, Sakura was smiling at him happily.

"You loved that," she said proudly.

"Of course," Syaoran said. "And you're smiling—like I promised."

She gasped, then smiled wider, the big sunny smile he had always loved in her. He took her in his arms and kissed her again, a finger snaking between her thighs. _He's returning the favor,_ Sakura thought with a thrill, and she let herself melt in his arms. His lips traveled downwards; after kissing and nuzzling her throat, he took a little pink peak into his mouth, lavishing and teasing it, switching from left to right as his tongue fluttered, making her gasp and giggle in turns. Their not-lovemaking was sweet and playful; his fingers teased her skin as they slid down; soon, he touched her core, that tiny bud which serves women only for pleasure, and she hissed and moaned his name.

She liked being touched, very much. He explored her with his fingers, his eyes firmly fixed on her face. Syaoran savored the expressions she made, the sounds of pleasure from her lips. Varying his pace, he went fast, then flutteringly slow, then he felt her tense against him.

At this moment he wanted so much to kneel before his wife, to take in his mouth what his hands were stroking, to taste and savor Sakura intimately. But he knew they would have time for this later, and that Sakura deserved the gift of slow, gentle non-union lovemaking. Instead he teased her folds gently, coaxing more honey from her opening and using the slickness to slowly encircle the bud, then press on it with a sweet urgency, then encircling again.

Her knees had given out again, and Syaoran bent lower so that she could cling to his neck. He liked hearing her ragged breathing, and he responded with endearments, coaxing her gently towards her climax. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. "Everything about you is beautiful," he added before he turned, somewhat awkwardly, to kiss her, pouring his emotions into the kiss.

Patiently he continued to stroke her bud with his fingers, mindful not to do it too hard or to suddenly plunge his fingers inside her. "Go on," Syaoran whispered, coaxing her as his fingers moved faster and harder. "Let go, sweet Sakura!"

Sakura could hear herself; she was gasping, ! That pinnacle of pleasure she had only visited with Yue before—but with Syaoran, it was entirely different, much sweeter, yet more intense; a place where all her emotions and sensations were centered on the bud Syaoran was teasing gently. He wanted to kiss her, even to go down and place his face where his hand was so he could taste her then feel the moment when she finally came, but he didn't want to make her lose her breath or her balance, so he settled for pressing her against his body; he was hardening once more, but he focused on her flushed cheeks, her heavy-lidded eyes.

Soon she went over the edge. She stiffened, then arched into him, her breath coming in harsh rasps; he held her until the storm passed, feeling her go delightfully limp in his arms.

She did not notice that she had bitten her lip until Syaoran gently raised her chin and opened her mouth with his finger, releasing the lower lip she was biting.

Again, she surprised him. "I could forget my name in your arms," she breathed, then began to laugh. "Oh Syaoran!"

"Don't. Then I'd have to file paperwork to rename you 'Cherry Pig Li,' and how would that sound?" he teased. They both laughed, arms around each other. He pressed her to his chest, kissing her wet hair gently. Soon he found his way to her lips; this time the kisses weren't urgent but tender and sweet.

Sakura repeated, "Oh, Syaoran."

"I hope you're not saying my name in reproach," he teased, "cause I gave back as good as I got, sweetheart."

"Is this what I've been missing out on?" Sakura asked. "Because if I have…"

"Keep it up, flatter me—you're just greedy and you want more of me," Syaoran needled her, and they laughed again, basking in the afterglow, happily sated and not feeling an urgent need for more. He turned the shower on so they could rinse off. He handed her a large fluffy towel, and they dried each other off.

As he reached for the powder, Sakura threw some on him. He grabbed another bottle and sent a cascade of powder back at her; laughing, they finally calmed down and spread the powder evenly on each other. Then he carried her back to his bed.

He laid her on the bed gently. "I want you to know that I love you so—amazing lovemaking being only part of the reason," he joked as he put the towels away. He was reaching for her nightgown and his boxers when she laid a hand on his and shook her head.

"I want to feel you," she said.

"Enough said," he joked back lightly, and he climbed into bed with her. Soon they were kissing again, gently and tenderly until they were both breathless.

"Is this your way of making sure I never divorce you like your mom wants me to?" Sakura attempted the joke with a little bit of apprehension. But Syaoran merely roared in laughter.

"In that case, I suppose I ought to tire you out so badly by lovemaking that you'll never have the strength to file the papers," he shot back. He pinned her down, his body over hers, skin still cool from the shower. Sakura shuddered; her skin was so sensitive to his touch, she wanted to just pull him down and breathe him in, feel him all night long.

"Want me to start? I bet I could last until dawn," he whispered in her ear, daring her to respond. She smiled; it was nice to know he was still the Syaoran she knew, and yet he was now her lover in addition to being her husband.

When had the marriage of convenience truly become a marriage? Sakura felt she could find out tomorrow—or the rest of the tomorrows she knew they would have together.

"Given your pride you won't stop even if you die trying," she muttered, making him laugh again.

He lay down beside her and pulled her to him, spooning her gently. "I love you, Li Sakura. Even if the love came after the marriage, I don't care. You can't separate me from my family—because you already are part of my family. We belong to each other… whether you like it or not," he joked, and automatically dodged the slap that came down on his shoulder. "You'll win my mom over. I'll help you. I have every faith in you. So…don't cry anymore."

Sakura sniffed; a stray tear had made its way down her cheek, and Syaoran turned her around to face him so he could catch it with a finger, bringing it to his lips and kissing it away. He knew she needed to hear it, and so he whispered in her ear, "I love you, Sakura. Never doubt my love for you."

She sniffled, then pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you too."

"So…still planning on leaving?" His amber eyes were serious and anxious. "I hope your answer is somewhere along the lines of 'no,' because if it isn't," and he smiled weakly, "I'll have to go convince you all over again. And I make a terrible stalker."

"Tempting as the thought is," Sakura smiled back, "never. Never leaving you."

"Sappy," he said, but he bit his lip to keep from smiling.

She saw right through him and giggled. "Same to you."

With that he kissed her gently again, tucking the sheets around them, marking the first night they slept naked in each other's arms.

Syaoran woke up a little later; he was worried because he knew that openly defying his mother just as he wanted to would upset Sakura even more. But he did not want things to escalate to a point where Sakura would be even unhappier. He would be damned if the happiness he'd worked so hard to help her regain was shattered by his mother's short-sightedness.

And as Sakura slept in his arms, Syaoran realized there was a way to get things through to his mother without openly antagonizing her—and he smiled.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura was in the shower when Syaoran awoke. The thought amused him; she had told him she was not a morning person and yet these days, ever since they had moved in together, she often woke up ahead of him. People change, he thought, and he smiled.

As she came out in a fluffy bathrobe, Syaoran teased, "How cruel of you not to invite me into the shower with you." He winked naughtily so she would get his drift.

She blushed, but smiled. "You were sleeping so nicely, I didn't have the heart to wake you," she said as she sat next to him.

He pulled her down for a kiss. "I love you."

She smiled. "I know. Kind of hard to forget or overlook."

"Just wanted to remind you in case you forgot what I said last night. You tend to be forgetful, after all." he teased as he tapped her chin with a finger.

She laughed, and he rubbed noses with her. "I love you too."

"That's better." Syaoran rose and went to bathe; when he came out, Sakura was ready to go down to breakfast with him. Several breathless kisses later, he had struggled into a shirt and jeans, and they went downstairs hand-in-hand.

He led her to the drawing room, where a large grand piano dominated. Syaoran opened the case, and ran his fingers over the keys; they rang out, responding to his touch.

Sakura watched as Syaoran coaxed several ringing notes out of the piano. "Wow," she said, sitting down next to him on the bench. "Lovely sound."

"Wei is a wizard when it comes to tuning this," Syaoran said, and he stole a kiss playfully, not caring who saw them.

Attracted by the sound, Fuutie and Fei Mei came into the drawing room; Syaoran's other sisters and their husbands and children came in, Ming eyeing Syaoran in a hostile manner, making Sakura chuckle.

"I think he's not happy," Sakura grinned.

"Yeah, well, let it be his childhood trauma 'cause I'm not letting you go." And to prove a point, Syaoran glared at Ming and kissed Sakura full on the lips.

"I hate Uncle Syaoran," Ming muttered, making those assembled laugh.

"Ah. The family is gathered," Syaoran said, and he smiled as he segued into another piece. Sakura noticed that it seemed to be a family tradition: a musical performance from Syaoran appeared to be quite a treat for them. She was about to move away when he smiled, standing up and ushering her into a comfortable seat near him.

"Hello, everyone," Syaoran began, smiling at Sakura. "This is my lovely wife Sakura," and he nodded to indicate her, "and I've been writing songs for her lately. Not for Eriol—that would be such a waste, wouldn't it?"

Two of his sisters chuckled; apparently, it was a running joke. "I hope you like this one," and he seated himself at the piano again.

He sensed rather than saw his mother come in, and he called out, "Ma-ma, listen to this one, okay?" He met Yelan's eyes, smiling, but Sakura could see there was a challenge in his brown eyes.

She met his eyes with hers, looking frantic. _Don't fight her,_ she begged silently.

He nodded as he smiled at her. _Trust me,_ his smile said.

"You're all aware I was married once before, to a lovely woman named Loraina," he said conversationally as he ran his fingers over the keys in a rapid series of scales, played softly but with a skill that made it sound like he was already playing a song. "And that marriage was a big fat failure. She couldn't get away from me fast enough. Not that I blame her. It was my fault." He quietly summarized what had happened. Sakura's eyes widened; it was not like Syaoran to bare himself emotionally like that, and she almost stood up to comfort him. But he smiled at her reassuringly

Fei Mei looked at Fuutie and gasped. Syaoran had never spoken about Loraina to the family but here he was now, telling them conversationally of how he had been responsible for the breakup of the marriage.

"…and so you might ask, what makes this marriage different?"

Syaoran looked thoughtful as he segued into the opening of a ballad Sakura had never heard before. "I've never really been good with words, really," he said. "But if you like, I'll try to explain my love for Sakura in a song. It's not likely to make it into Eriol's next album, but…may I?" He turned to his mother.

Yelan nodded curtly, avoiding looking at Sakura, and Syaoran began to play. His long fingers coaxed a lilting melody from the keys, and he sang, _"Of all the things I've ever done, finding you will prove to be the most important one. I would never trade the tears, the conversations no one hears, the learning how to walk before we run. Of all the kites I ever flew, most came tumbling down except the one I sent up with you. I don't want to change a thing, break the spell or cut the string when every wish I make is coming true…with you. Sometimes I forget to say how much I love you, purposely I bet, 'cause I'm so busy thinking of you. So in this world of odds and ends, I'd rather have a part of you than all of my so-called friends. You have taught me how to feel what is false and what is real. Of all the things I ever want to do, I think I'll start and end with loving you."_** (1)**_  
_

There was silence as Syaoran's voice trailed off, and some hesitant applause. He had a small smile on his face as he glanced at Sakura. She was smiling, a bit flushed from emotion. He took her into his arms; she laughed, and tried to apologize for a tear that escaped and trailed down her cheek; he merely laughed, and kissed it away.

"I suppose this means you liked my song?" he joked lightly. But his smile encompassed his mother and sisters as well. Then he squeezed her playfully.

"Good lord, is that our little brother?" Fei Mei whispered. None of them had ever seen him this naturally expressive. The young Syaoran they had known had hated displays of affection; he acted like the little Ming, who had turned his back on them and was grumbling, "Gross."

They had loved teasing him about it as a child; Shiefa had even made it a habit to kiss Syaoran silly before going to bed; Syaoran had wound up sneaking into bed early and locking the door against his older sister. "I don't do affection," were words he'd let go at the age of twelve, which they had seized upon and ragged him about for the rest of his childhood.

And there was the fact of Syaoran bringing Sakura home, when he had avoided their calls and said nothing about his marriage to Loraina. He was sending them a message without using the trademark bristling anger and confrontational means he resorted to when he was younger.

Syaoran's sisters knew what Syaoran had done, and Yelan looked uneasy; such an open display of tenderness and affection from Syaoran was not known in the family.

Without actually saying a word, Syaoran had told them all that what he had with Sakura was real, that she had changed him for the better, that he would give everything up for her sake if only she asked him to—and clearly she had not; the adults already knew of what Yelan had said to Sakura.

"Thank you," Sakura whispered as Syaoran leaned close to embrace her.

"For what? I was just going to tell you it was time to eat," he joked. "Are you that eager to stuff your face?"

She slapped his arm before realizing where they were; he grinned, and poked her side, where she was ticklish, in return. She laughed.

Yelan, watching them, tried to tell herself that it was an act. But actually seeing Syaoran with Sakura was entirely different.

_He truly loves her, _she thought as she watched them walk hand-in-hand to the kitchen. Syaoran's eyes would stray to Sakura all the time, and his smile…Yelan thought she would never see that smile again, boyish and playful yet sweet.

_Sakura brings it out in him,_ she realized.

And she could see how Sakura blossomed in his presence, sparkling and laughing and coming alive, her eyes brighter, her smiles wider.

_Could I have been wrong about her? _She had expected a screaming fight from Syaoran that morning, but instead he was staying calm.

At the breakfast table, he seated Sakura next to himself. She easily made small talk with Syaoran's sisters, and was nice to Ming, who was rude to Syaoran. She was not ignoring Yelan but speaking when addressed respectfully. Syaoran kept one hand on one of hers, and would squeeze it reassuringly every now and then.

_I don't want to like you,_ was Yelan's last thought as she departed the dining room.

* * *

**(1) **Lyrics are from "Of All The Things" by Dennis Lambert.

**Warning, this is a RANT:** I like to think I am a reasonable, nice person, but when someone copied part of Chapter 2 of "A Shelter for Broken Hearts" (which originally appeared in this story) and reposted it in their blog word for word, copy pasted, without saying where they got it and without asking permission from me, then added "Copyright by…(their name)" … That's stealing, right?

So I tried commenting on the blog, PMing the person, emailing the person…nothing. So I began to wonder: maybe this wasn't an accident or a simple case of someone not understanding how wrong what they did was. I almost gave up on this story as a result, because I was so hurt and upset, but I decided, this is MY story and I am going to fight because it would be a disservice to everyone who's been so kind to me.

So I dedicate this to all of you (except of course the person who 'reposted' my work, who shall not be named lest I be accused of cyber bullying—hah, what about me, it was my work that was taken? _Sana naman mahiya ka kahit konti kasi kapwa Pilipino pa naman kita. Nagmakaawa ako na tangalin mo sa blog mo yung trabaho ko, di mo ako pinansin_). Thank you for all the reviews, alerts, favorites and PMs…it's because of YOU that I will continue and keep writing. This is for you! We've got two or three more chapters to go, so please stick around!


	16. Now They Are Truly Married

**Slowly, Sweetly 16**

**Now We Are Truly Married…**

_(The continuity issues of this story are being fixed in the companion rewrite, "A Shelter for Broken Hearts." It fixes issues that were raised in reviews for this story, and contains a lot of original new material. I hope you have a look at it! Also, I need a change of pace; would you mind if I started on a light, fluffy story? Thanks!)_

**Mystic Emeralds deserves much thanks for helping me make a coherent chapter! (hugs) 'Meiling-chan' or swallowingtears helped me with the non-explicit lemon, so thank you for that!**

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_**A little declaration first. **_Would you be inspired to update if you received this review? _"Whats takin yu so long to update it s bene 2 monts your so lazy yuo leave at clify you owe youre readers to update a lot don be such drama qeen woh cares all u do is make excuse like all chaptres and i so sock and tire of it you know u have so many rviews so y u so fukn lazy? hury up ok or il not read stop starting another story ok fiinish this or else"_

No? Neither was I. But then as I typed up my review responses, I realized something important. Anonymous cowards like that aren't worth it. So "Sayoran Luver," my revenge on you is twofold: I will update at my own pace. And two, I have this wish for you: May you be forced to go through what I have been going through.

I've explained over and over why it takes time for me to write. Honestly I'm tired of reviews that include annoyance over my slow updates. Writing this is a hobby for me and not a job. I am under no obligation to update quickly; it's not like I get paid for this. I am a working student. Since this stuff used to upset me, a friend suggested I disable PMs and anonymous reviews.

But when I thought about it, I realized one thing: Hey you, nasty PM'ers and anonymous reviewer, **you can't get me down**. There are more good people reviewing this story than idiots like you. I have a reason to continue--and that's **the people who have always reviewed, who have always helped me out, and who are always kind to me**. **That's you, my reader**, and so this blush-worthy SxS-centric chapter is for you. Enjoy, and thank you so much for always supporting me!

Forgive the long long chapter, please.

**Warning: VERY steamy, long non-explicit scene up ahead. Please turn back if you don't like that stuff!

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**~o0o~**

"This is Syaoran as a little boy," Fanren grinned as she showed the old plastic photo album to Sakura, who squealed in delight.

"Oh I knew he was a cute child but this costume!" Sakura turned shining eyes to her sister-in-law. "He looks like a little warrior!"

The green costume Syaoran was wearing, Fanren explained, came from one of his favorite cartoons. The sisters had made it for him, and gotten him a sword; he'd pranced around and fought 'enemies' with it for days.

Sakura's finger caressed Syaoran's childish cheek. Momentarily she had a vision of a small boy like Syaoran—their son, and she smiled softly.

_Soon,_ she promised herself. Syaoran hadn't made a move to consummate their marriage yet out of respect for her, and she couldn't believe how sweet, how wonderful his gesture was.

Unknown to Sakura, Yelan was watching her go through the photo album. Sakura's radiant smile, her eagerness to listen to Fanren's stories about Syaoran…and of course Sakura's standing up to her earlier had earned Yelan's respect.

But now the problem was how to repair things without losing face. Was that even possible? Everyone in the family already knew what she had done to Sakura. And now they watched as Sakura acted as if nothing had happened: she still offered her respects to Yelan, smiled at the older woman, offered her tea…in fact, Yelan grudgingly admitted Sakura was a charming woman.

She sighed, and moved away from the door. Could she have been wrong about Syaoran's choice after all? And if so, what could she do now without embarrassing herself?

* * *

**~o0o~**

A few days had passed since the ugly scene with Syaoran's mother, and so far the older woman had tried to avoid Sakura. But strangely the mood wasn't hostile; Syaoran wasn't sure but he felt as if he were missing something somehow, like his mother was—ashamed? Embarrassed? No, that wasn't possible; he dismissed the thought out of hand.

Sakura had resolved that she would be herself, and try to win Yelan over for Syaoran's sake. So when she had learned that Yelan and Yong Song had been in an arranged marriage, she began to think that perhaps some regret or pain had been involved. _Perhaps,_ Sakura thought, _there is something I am missing._ And so she redoubled her efforts to be nice to Yelan, to learn more about her.

Had she known that Yong Song had followed her and Syaoran around in Tokyo and watched their relationship develop, she would have had more pieces of the puzzle.

In the meantime Sakura had gotten to know Syaoran's sisters. Fuutie, the eldest, seemed reserved; but after a while, Fuutie had begun to smile at her, and talk to her. The youngest, Fei Mei, was mischievous and reminded Sakura of Meiling, whom Fei Mei was close to; the other two, Fanren and Shiefa, were living proof of how Syaoran got his silliness from his family. All four were happily married; Fuutie's husband was a gentle younger man named, to Sakura's surprise, Night, and he doted on her. Fei Mei's husband Shen reminded her of a Chinese version of Aris, mischievous and friendly. Fanren, who had married early, had a husband who looked familiar to Sakura until she realized that he was Kang Xing, a pop rock superstar who had worked with Eriol and Syaoran in the past. Shiefa's husband was much older, but he clearly adored his wife.

Sakura loved them all. Having lost her own family just a year ago, she basked in the kindness of the sisters, Syaoran's cousins, uncles and aunts.

Only, Yelan kept her distance from Sakura and it still stung. Not that Sakura didn't try. She served tea to Yelan, bravely refusing to be accompanied by anyone else, and tried to talk to her during shared meals. But while the older woman was no longer antagonistic, she accepted Sakura's attention with a reserve that chilled the younger woman. Her answers to Sakura's questions seemed clipped; Sakura would only realize much later that they were hesitant.

Why? Shouldn't Yelan have been angrier at Loraina? Why had she chosen to vent things on Sakura?

Sakura sighed; _sometimes people just dislike people, I guess,_ she thought. She longed to talk to someone who could understand and wasn't emotionally involved the way Syaoran was. It was just strange that Eriol and Tomoyo were both missing. She had tried calling their hotel, to no avail; she had tried their cellphones, also to no avail. All she got was a message from Tomoyo wishing her luck with Yelan.

"They're okay," Syaoran said when she asked.

"How do you know?"

Syaoran looked outside the window. He knew of the turbulence between Tomoyo and Eriol, and if Tomoyo had not spoken of it to Sakura, then it was not his place to say so.

"Have you made promises not to say things?" he asked his wife.

"Yes…" Sakura nodded.

"Then you understand why I can't say anything," Syaoran put an arm over Sakura as they snuggled in bed against the headboard. They were trying to watch a silly variety show, and Syaoran had been kept busy translating the dirty jokes and dialogue. Sakura's command of Mandarin was still shaky, and Syaoran delighted in playing with her by giving her wrong translations every now and then.

"Oh." Sakura frowned. "Is Tomoyo-chan hurt in any way?"

"Nooo." Syaoran drew the word out. How could he tell her that it was _**Tomoyo**_ who was putting Eriol through hell?

Sakura looked up at her husband, searching his liquid brown eyes. She knew him so well, and realized that pressing him would not be a good idea. So instead she traced his jaw with a finger. Looking at him, feeling the joy of requited love she had given up on finding, made her feel happy.

"So. Explain that joke to me now," she said changing the topic for both their sakes. "The one about the camel and the tent?"

Syaoran grinned. "How about if I demonstrate instead?" He rolled her over and kissed her; laughing, she tickled him. The air was soon alive with her shrieks and his shouts of laughter; playfulness was something that defined their relationship, and they both loved it.

Outside, Yelan blinked. She had been passing by when she heard the tickle fight erupt; not that she knew what it was but the happy laughter of Syaoran…it had been so long since she'd last heard it.

She knew that Syaoran's marriage to Loraina had been marred by arguments, jealousy, and depression on Loraina's part. Sakura, she had thought, would be no better as a gold-digger. But Sakura had not shown any shame as she helped in household chores, and Syaoran…Ah, there it was. Syaoran was _**happy**_, for the first time in a long time.

She smiled, against her will. When the silence told her that they had ended whatever it was they were doing, she moved on.

Pride would not let her admit that she was beginning to see what Syaoran saw in Sakura.

Fuutie watched her mother from behind a partially open door with a small smile. Perhaps it was only a matter of time before Yelan thawed out. Maybe even before Syaoran and Sakura went home to Japan? She could only wish.

* * *

**~o0o~**

Loraina looked at the skies; only a few months till her June wedding to Yue. It was raining in Tokyo, and she found herself wondering if she was making another mistake like the one she'd made with Syaoran.

_Syaoran._ Loraina sighed. Before Eriol had vanished to Hong Kong, he'd mentioned that Syaoran had recently remarried. Loraina smiled, praying Syaoran was happy. _His wife is a lucky girl,_ Loraina thought; _if he can control his passions he makes a very gentle lover._

Then her thoughts turned to Sakura Kinomoto, and her smile faded.

She and Yue had an uneasy truce after she'd walked out on him and stayed with Tomoyo Daidouji. Jealousy was an alien concept to her; she prided herself on being a rational woman but the thought that she might have been a substitute for Sakura in Yue's heart bothered her no end.

Yue hadn't done much to reassure her save for his grandiose declarations of love, and she was still hurt by his actions.

Sakura had not confirmed attendance at their wedding, and neither had Syaoran. Loraina found herself wishing she could just know if Sakura still loved Yue, and if Syaoran was all right.

_Perhaps,_ she thought, _it would be better if Sakura did not attend our wedding._

She was immediately ashamed of her unworthy thought, but she could not bear it; Yue had not assuaged her fears of him still being in love with Sakura, but still…

"Rinnie?" Yue was home, and he touched her cheek. He'd been so much more affectionate after that awful fight, trying to make things better.

"Mmm," Loraina said absently as she looked out the window.

Yue stroked her hair, wishing he knew a way to reach her again. How could they be married if she kept that emotional distance from him? A wild impulse inspired him to call Syaoran a week or so ago but Syaoran was not in Tokyo, to Yue's surprise.

_I wish I knew how to show Loraina that it's going to be okay, _Yue thought.

Abruptly he asked, "Are you having second thoughts about our marriage?"

And was floored when Loraina, without looking at him, said, "Yes."

"But why?" Yue placed his hands on her shoulders; he knew that grabbing and hugging her would only offend her.

Loraina turned to face him, and he was stunned to see she was in tears. "You're still in love with her, aren't you?"

"What?" Yue paled. Was Loraina still thinking that?

"I see," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

A long silence in which the pouring rain was all they heard.

Then she whispered, "Sorry. I'll j-just…go."

She began to walk away, but Yue caught her hand.

"No," he said quietly. "No, Rinnie, no, no, no. I let her break up with me, and I was pissed at losing her, and yes, I wanted to spite her when I invited her to our wedding." He decided that losing her would end his world, and that honesty was his best weapon now.

"I…I wanted to show her that she wasn't the only one who had moved on. With you. I admit, I wanted Sakura to be jealous of you because you're so beautiful, and so perfect…I wanted to show her who I was willing to abandon my family for. And that was you." Yue drew Loraina closer.

"I don't know if you can believe me because I can be such a jerk, but I've never loved anyone more than I love you. My parents aren't coming to this wedding because when they asked me to give you up and marry a Chinese girl, I told them to go to hell." He swallowed past a lump in his throat. "I only want you. Please…believe me."

He took a deep breath, and Loraina sat down, wide eyed but still holding his hand. "My pride was wounded when Sakura went and married that guy Syaoran. They had been friends all along and it pissed me off not to know that about her life. I was selfish and spiteful. That's the only reason."

"Did-did you say Syaoran?" Loraina said faintly.

Again Yue swallowed. "Yes. Sakura is married to your ex-husband. And—she loves him. When I last saw her she was holding a photograph of him, and she—Loraina, I was annoyed because she never looked that way with me. It wasn't love, believe me, just pride and spite. I wanted to get back at Sakura so much, I forgot about your feelings, and I am so sorry."

Another long pause, then Loraina turned to Yue.

"That wasn't very nice of you," she said quietly, "to use our wedding to get back at someone."

"I know, and please forgive me," Yue said. "I've told you the truth because you deserve to know." He paused, and to his horror his eyes filled with tears.

Abruptly Yue stood up and turned to go to his bedroom, when Loraina's hand stopped him.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," she said softly.

The rain fell in gray sheets outside the window as Yue turned his face away from her. "I can't lose you," he whispered. Then, "I won't lose you!" he almost yelled. He knelt in front of Loraina. "Don't leave me. Please."

His raw emotion and honesty touched something in Loraina. She knelt beside him, and embraced him for a long while, each feeling the presence of the other in a way they hadn't for a long, long time.

"So. Am I the only one who thinks it's strange how we all ended up together?" she asked Yue, deliberately changing the topic.

"What?" Yue looked at her. Loraina was smiling.

"I love you," Loraina said softly. "Now let's shake the ghosts of our pasts away and start all over. How about that?"

"I'd like that," Yue smiled as he bent down to kiss her. "I'd like that very much."

"And let's hope they attend our wedding—together," Loraina said after the kiss was over. "That way, we can wish them luck and happiness as well. Perhaps I can seek Syaoran's forgiveness, and you can forgive Sakura in turn."

"Aren't you pushing it?" Yue joked weakly.

"No," and Loraina caught his hair playfully. "We need this to move on."

"Whatever you say," Yue smiled happily.

"Let's start over, then," Loraina felt tears creep into her eyes. "We won't forget our pasts, but we can use them as stepping stones towards the future. How about that, Yue?"

Yue sighed in relief. "Thank you. This, Rinnie, is why I love you. You believe in me."

Loraina smiled, and the rest of the day passed by as they went out on their first date without Sakura or Syaoran tagging along in their hearts.

* * *

**~o0o~**

Syaoran knew his mother was beginning to crumble after his open declaration of his love for Sakura and Sakura's unexpected show of fighting spirit. A few days had passed quietly, and Sakura had regained her confidence.

In the meantime, they had stolen time away together to explore Hong Kong; Sakura had asked shyly to see the tourist spots, and Syaoran, amused, had been happy to show her the night markets, the malls, the temples and famous restaurants, even an overnight trip to Macau where both of them lost small amounts at roulette, blackjack, and the slot machines.

Losing themselves like tourists felt like them being new people, free of cares in the world, and they drew closer, the wounds of Yelan's rejection slowly burning away. The distance, Syaoran was sure, would help Yelan by giving her time to think things over.

"I kind of miss the sakura blossoms at this time of year," Sakura said as they wandered the streets of Mongkok hand in hand.

Syaoran nuzzled the side of her head; ever since they had crossed the line to intimacy he longed to make love to her but was waiting for her to make the move. But he was happy, utterly happy with her.

"I know what you mean," he said as he pulled her close so they could walk with her arm around his waist and his arm over her shoulders.

She turned to kiss him; as the crowds passed by, Sakura lost herself in the joy of kissing the man she loved most of all who had passed through her life: her husband. Then she stopped and smiled. They were in front of a noodle shop and she tugged him in. When the menu, a worn plastic-laminated cardboard, turned out to be in Mandarin, she flopped it at him with a desperate look on her face. "Hey, help!"

"Let's see…Ah, you'll like this. Eel and pork liver with duck intestines," Syaoran hid his face behind his menu so Sakura wouldn't see his grin.

She pulled the menu down. "Oh come on. I just want beef brisket noodles. Don't be mean."

"Beef brain coming up," Syaoran teased again. And then he winced when Sakura lightly kicked his shin under the table, giggling.

"Hey. I'm not your brother," he scolded.

A pause, then, "I know." Sakura looked out the window, sighing.

Syaoran held his breath; he knew her family was still a sensitive topic for her. But instead she turned back to him, smiled, and said, "Touya wouldn't like you bullying me."

"He didn't like me, period," Syaoran said. "Your dad was much nicer."

"That's because Dad liked you," Sakura smiled. She reached out for his hand above the table; Syaoran took her hand in his, smiled as he squeezed it, then motioned for the waitress as he ordered two beef brisket noodle bowls and tea. Sakura added, "And soymilk, please."

He raised an eyebrow. "Soymilk and noodles?"

"I like soymilk," she said. "My brother used to boil it with honey when I was sick."

"You miss him, don't you?" Syaoran squeezed her hand gently.

"Always." Then she looked at him intently.

"What is it?" Syaoran asked.

"Sometimes I wish they were still here. But," and she looked out the window again, propping her chin on the hand that wasn't holding Syaoran's hand, "life does go on."

"Do you want to go home? Back to our house in Tokyo?" Syaoran asked. "We can go back to the cemetery and say hello."

She looked up at him, her lovely green eyes twinkling. "Isn't Hong Kong your home?"

And Syaoran smiled back. "Where you are is home for me," he said softly.

Sakura simply looked up at Syaoran, as if memorizing his handsome features. His warm brown eyes, his thick eyebrows (which she often playfully threatened to shave), his smooth cheeks marred only by light stubble…that her life had led her into his arms still surprised her, and occasionally she wondered if she was going to wake up from some wonderful dream.

"I…I'm so happy with you," she said, her feelings of love putting a large lump in her throat. "I just love you so much, I wish we'd been together from the start, that there had been no Yue, nobody else. Don't you ever wish that?"

"That would have been wonderful," Syaoran mused as he stroked her fingers with his. "But Sakura, could you have lived with the me who was the way I was with Loraina?"

After a pause, Sakura said, "Maybe not. But Syaoran, I believe you would have changed anyway. I believe in you."

It was Syaoran's turn to get a lump in his throat. He looked away, and muttered, "Thank you."

He heard a rustle. Sakura moved her chair closer to his, then kissed his cheek. They smiled at each other, and he put his arm over her shoulders, holding her close.

The noodles arrived, and they ate in a comfortable silence. No other customers arrived, so they were able to keep their table free, no need to share with strangers. Sakura watched Syaoran, a mixture of happy emotions threatening to make her just burst from how she felt. Despite all she had gone through, it meant a lot to her that Syaoran was her husband, lover, and friend.

As Syaoran was slurping his noodles in the accepted way, she blurted, "I love you."

He stopped mid-slurp, swallowed the rest of the noodles, then asked, "Not that I mind but where did that come from?"

"I wish…" Sakura looked down, blushing. Then she drew on some reserve of strength and said, "I wish I could let you into my mind. I don't feel as bad as I did when your mother attacked me back then. I'm not even angry at her anymore. I just…These past weeks with you, just us, have been among the best in my life. I…I only wish onii-chan and otou-san could have seen us together. That they knew how happy you make me."

Syaoran flashed back to a talk between him and Sakura's father just the day before his death. He'd asked Syaoran to look in on a heartbroken Sakura then, and Syaoran remembered Fujitaka saying something that made no sense to him then.

"_Give it time, Li-kun," he had smiled gently. They were at Fujitaka's office at the Tokyo university, and Fujitaka had invited Syaoran over to give him papers, maps, and photos for the next dig scheduled in the hinterlands of the Philippines._

"_Give what time?" Syaoran asked, confused._

"_I believe that love always finds a way, and the best kind of love tends to creep up on us when we least expect it." _

_Syaoran looked away. "I—you know I'm not really over my ex-wife yet, sir."_

"_I know." Fujitaka's eyes twinkled. "But time truly is our friend if we choose to make it so."_

_That brought a small smile to Syaoran's lips. He hadn't been close to his father, whom he had nonetheless adored. But Fujitaka—he could see why Sakura was the way she was, delightful and kind and wonderful and strong. It was her father's influence on her._

"_You raised a wonderful daughter, Fujitaka-san," Syaoran ventured. "Her friendship means a lot to me."_

_The older man paused, then smiled. "It makes me happy to hear that, Li-kun." Fujitaka smiled and stood up, dismissing Syaoran._

Now Syaoran understood; Fujitaka had always known about the possibility of love blooming between him and Sakura, but had chosen not to say anything.

"I think they know, wherever they are," Syaoran reassured her.

"That I'm in good hands?" Sakura smiled.

"That you are. Now finish your noodles." He smiled back at her, and when they took the train back to his house, the mood was affectionate and sweet.

At the Li household they discovered that Aris and Meiling were having a fireworks display fight. Syaoran groaned.

"They have these stupid contests all the time," he said.

"But fireworks?" Sakura raised a brow. "Do those two have a license?"

"Certainly not," Syaoran chuckled, "which is why we all have the speed dial to the police and the fire department on our phones. But they love competing against each other then having, er, steamy scenes afterwards. Guess it turns them on."

Sakura laughed. "I can believe that. Those two are really quite unconventional."

"Indeed." Syaoran dashed into the house, grabbing a thick mat and quilt, grinned, then took Sakura's hand, leading her up a small hill behind the mansion. "We can watch from here. Best view, cherry."

He chose a warm spot under a large tree, unrolling the large mat, spreading the quilt over them when they were settled, and pulling Sakura close as they lay under the tree to watch.

In a while, explosions lit up the night. Meiling's display was full of designs and colors; Aris's display was a wild riot of dozens of large fireworks exploding in the sky all at once. Below them they could hear friends and family cheering, and Sakura snuggled into Syaoran against the bite of cold of early March in Hong Kong.

Neither would remember how it started. Sakura turned to Syaoran, who impulsively caught her lips in a kiss.

And was surprised when she returned it just as passionately, her tongue sliding into his mouth. Oh the joy of kissing the man she loved most! She tangled her fingers in his thick chocolate-colored hair, pulling him closer so she could lose herself in the sweetness of him—his scent, his lean body, his devastating eyes.

Syaoran, without thinking, rolled on top of Sakura, greedily returning her kiss. Both his hands cradled her lovely face, and he would occasionally break off the kiss to plant kisses on her cheeks, the corners of her mouth, on her eyelids, everywhere he could kiss her.

And his kisses trailed downwards, slowly, teasingly, as he slid off her light jacket. She closed her eyes when he used his teeth to bring down one of her lacy shirt's spaghetti straps. He chuckled as she shivered.

"Cold?"

"No." Her eyes were fire as she looked into his. As he nudged her bra strap off with his nose, she closed her eyes, wondering at how such a simple touch could bring her to the brink of pleasure, one she had only visited with Yue—but not this intensely. Never. Syaoran could make her go weak with just a touch.

When his warm mouth closed over the flesh he had revealed, Sakura let out a soft cry of joy. Boldly she let her hand slide down the front of Syaoran's jeans, stroking the heat she found there.

Syaoran groaned. Never had he wanted to please someone so much, but Sakura's intimate touch—he gasped as she pulled down his zipper and slid her small hand into his boxers, gently caressing him, her fingers sliding over the length there.

He put a firm hand on hers, pulling it away. Shaking his head, he lifted her blouse and bra so that he could continue to taste her. Every gasp, every little moan was something he cherished, and he prayed he would not lose control before he had taken her to many, many heights of pleasure first.

Sakura thrashed under him as his mouth teased her, and his hands slid under her jeans, finding their way to her panties. His palm was warm, and when he began rubbing a finger gently over her most sensitive part, she cried out his name. "Syaoran!"

He slid back up to kiss her; she'd gotten her hands on his shirt and was pulling it off so that she could feel his chest against hers, skin on skin. He slid down to unfasten her jeans; once they were off, he slid upwards to kiss her again, his warm skin sliding over hers.

"Sakura," Syaoran moaned as she touched him. He covered her with his body, wanting to touch and feel all of her on him.

His mouth was everywhere, and so were his hands; Sakura gasped and clung to Syaoran's shoulders as he worshiped her gently.

Just when it seemed that they would finally consummate their marriage out in the open—if under a quilt—they heard Syaoran's nephews and nieces calling. Slowly they came back to themselves. Syaoran reclasped Sakura's bra and lowered her blouse, continuing to kiss her voluptuously as he raised her jeans back to where they were. She pulled his shirt back on and rezipped his pants.

Then she squeaked when Syaoran pulled her close again.

"What?"

"Do you think that was it?" Syaoran asked. He looked—there was no other phrase for it—thoroughly kissed; his lips were swollen, his hair completely wild, his eyes dark with desire. "Do you think we are going to stop now? Oh no, Sakura, tonight…" and he feathered his lips across hers, "guess what we'll do?"

She caught her breath, then had it knocked out of her as he kissed her again.

When she had her breath again, she whispered in his ear, "We'll make love, yes?"

Breathless, she awaited his answer. There was none; he picked her up and began walking back to the house, kissing her silly along the way.

"Let me down, come on," Sakura wheedled as they drew closer to the mansion.

"Oh, fine," Syaoran groused, though he didn't mean it. She knew; she smiled and led him back where they came from, then handed him the quilt as she rolled up and picked up the mat.

"Come on," Sakura urged. "Back to the house."

He did, reluctantly, and put an arm protectively over her shoulders as they walked back to the house, pressing her to himself.

"Sakura, Sakura!" Ming cried as they returned to the sweeping driveway of the Li mansion. "Did you see Uncle Aris's fireworks?"

"I did," Sakura grinned and bent down to accept a kiss on the cheek. But as Ming aimed for her lips, Syaoran swept her upwards.

"Get your own wife," he scolded Ming.

"But I want Sakura!"

Syaoran smirked. "Again, she's mine. But if we have a little girl," and to Sakura's surprise, he pulled out his wallet and showed Ming her photo at the age of ten, "would you like to marry her?"

Ming stared. "Wow," he breathed. Then he snatched the photograph from Syaoran's wallet.

"Hey!"

Ming turned to Sakura. "Please hurry and have my wife soon," he said as he bowed to her. Sakura began to laugh.

"We'll see," she chuckled. Ming ran off, showing everyone "my future wife"; Syaoran's sisters giggled and shot him salacious looks, which he ignored.

As she and Syaoran walked back into the house, she whispered, "Too bad we didn't get started on little Sakura a while ago, ne?"

"Hell no, wife of mine. This is _**definitely**_ to be continued as soon as we get past the family. And perhaps," he nibbled at her earlobe as he spoke, "we can add to that heap of noisy little Lis someday. If you want to, that is."

"Wouldn't say no," Sakura breathed.

"Personally, I have no objection to constant hot love with you—**without** the resulting offspring." Syaoran chuckled as he licked her neck teasingly. "Ming will be twenty before we have kids." He snorted.

"Mean," Sakura laughed.

"Want to try—tonight?" Syaoran said as he licked her nape; they were in the shadowed area of the back porch and he was confident no one could see them.

Or so he thought.

"Depends," Sakura smiled; she looked wanton and utterly desirable, in Syaoran's un-humble opinion; his wife was quite hot. Syaoran gasped as she cupped the evidence of his arousal, which had not gone down as they walked back to the house. "Depends on how someone—**performs**—later."

"Don't tempt me to take you right on the porch," Syaoran growled, pinning her to the wall and kissing her forcefully again. Sakura nipped his lower lip, causing him to groan, and to his happy shock, she suddenly opened her legs, causing him to settle between her thighs.

It occurred to him that they looked like a pair of horny teenagers dry-humping with all their clothes on, and he fought the urge to laugh.

"And if I let you?" she asked, breathless. Baiting him, she moved her hips so that his arousal rubbed against her. "I would let you _'take me, make me your woman'_ anywhere, Syaoran."

She laughed at his expression; she knew he hated that song.

Syaoran snarled in frustration, and picked her up again, kissing her fiercely. His sisters in the foyer stared as he rushed upstairs to their room, kissing his wife all the while as they fumbled to try and stay vertical.

"Whoa," Fuutie said when she regained her composure. "What do you think that was about?"

"Duh," Shiefa rolled her eyes. "What the hell do you think young newlyweds do?"

"But—Syaoran has never lost control in front of us before!" Fuutie gasped.

"If you had a wife as cute as his, and you two got along as well as they do, don't you think he'd take the opportunity to shag like bunnies all the time?" Fei Mei teased.

"In the house?" Shiefa giggled. "Boy, has he got it bad."

"What, you want to tell him to go get a room? Be my guest," Fei Mei laughed. "See if you come back with your head intact, 'cause he'll bite it off. You don't get in the way of that kind of passion."

"You think?" Fanren, who had collected the kids from outside, drawled. "I happen to know they started outside." She gleefully proceeded to tell them of the rather hot makeout session that had started on the hill then continued on the porch; Sakura and Syaoran had not known that Fanren could see them from the garden.

The other three sisters oohed and began to laugh. For sure Syaoran would be teased completely and mercilessly if—not when—he ever emerged from his bedroom with Sakura.

Upstairs, Sakura found herself practically tossed on the bed. Syaoran stood there, trying to regain his breath. "Sorry," he said softly as he lay down beside her. "I...you drive me crazy..."

Sakura chuckled. "I believe someone threatened to continue what we started," she teased. And paid for it when Syaoran's lips came crashing down on hers, kissing her hungrily and passionately.

Neither could remember when all their clothes came off; all Sakura remembered was his warm skin on hers, his weight on her body, her chest pressed against his, his mouth, his tongue, his fingers...

And Syaoran could not believe the wonder of sharing himself so fully with the woman he loved, and his pleasure was multiplied by knowing that she felt the same way. They explored each other slowly, taking their time, making it all the more sweet for both, tasting and licking as they pleased, bringing each other to peaks of joy both had found with other lovers before but not as intensely, never with as much emotion and happiness as they did now.

Sakura, Syaoran learned, would blush and close her eyes whenever she reached her pleasure peaks; to keep himself in control he spilled his on the sheets when he could no longer control his body's reactions to her touch. When she used her mouth on him, though, Syaoran lost control and spilled himself over her.

"Sorry," he whispered when he recovered. Then with his eyes glinting in the pale light, he returned the favor, and when he thrust his tongue into her, he marveled at how she was responding to him. She almost tore his hair when she reached her peak, screaming Syaoran's name shamelessly. And he could not believe how the sound turned him on.

Then they were united; Sakura closed her eyes and almost wept for joy at the feel of him inside her. Syaoran was holding her, kissing her, their tongues meeting and dueling fiercely. When he began the rhythm of their love, she clung to him, and to his surprise she reached her first peak quickly. After a long, beautiful while he reached his own, and spilled himself inside his wife for the first time in their married life.

Panting, Sakura looked up at him, then moved her hips and squeezed him inside her; he moaned and hardened again. Soon they were making love again, and the rest of the night passed in a blur as they discovered how to be a real husband and wife for themselves, learning how love and lust could dissolve into a blur of sensations with the face of their beloved on it.

This night, the first night they made love, was one of the happiest of many in their long life together.

* * *

**~o0o~**

"Ummm…" Sakura blinked; the bright light from the windows was annoying her.

"Mmm," Syaoran responded, tightening his hold on her.

"Light…windows," Sakura said fuzzily.

"Screw that. Stay with me," he said as he nuzzled her neck. Against Sakura's back bumped the evidence that he still wanted her after the passionate session the previous night.

"You're insatiable," Sakura whispered as Syaoran, eyes still closed, bent down to lick and suck at her. "We made love three times last night, for heaven's sake, Syaoran!"

"So?" Syaoran rolled on top of her, grinning.

"You're right," Sakura agreed as he began to kiss her. "Who cares, right?"

"Mmm." Syaoran began to fondle Sakura who gasped as he slid himself back into her. "Oh…oh…"

"Love it when you're incoherent," Syaoran whispered in her ear as he began to thrust into her again. This time their lovemaking was slow and many kisses were exchanged; after a while Syaoran moved his wife over his hips and let her set the pace. He moved so that she would come—once, twice, thrice. Then he kept moving, enjoying the sounds she made.

Much later, after lazily making love, they lay in each other's arms. Syaoran snorted when Sakura's tummy made a hungry sound.

"Sorry."

"Shall I order breakfast in bed?" Syaoran said as he looped several strands of her hair with his finger.

"Hoe, no! They'll see us like this!"

"In case you didn't notice," Syaoran said as he kissed her ear, "you're wearing my engagement and wedding ring. People _**expect**_ us to make love."

"But still!"

"Keep it up and you'll be the recipient of another passionate session," Syaoran warned playfully.

"How did I wind up with such a horny husband?" Sakura pretended to complain.

"You were lucky," Syaoran laughed as he stood up and picked up the house phone.

"Ah yes, Wei, good day. I'm aware it's lunch time but Sakura and I would like scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, and hash browns…Yes, I know you hate making Western breakfasts, Wei, but you'll do it for me, right? No? For Sakura, then? Ah, good. Thanks!"

He turned back to Sakura, nuzzling her neck. "Want to scandalize him by making love when he arrives?"

Sakura slapped his arm. "Pervert! We might give him a heart attack!"

"No, he'll give us the Heavenly Chart for conceiving a boy," Syaoran chuckled as he began fondling Sakura yet again.

Sakura looked pensive. "I would."

"Would what?" Syaoran asked, pausing in his caresses.

"Like to have our baby," she smiled. "Make Little Sakura for Ming," she added jokingly.

"Shouldn't we have a honeymoon first?" Syaoran pouted.

She laughed. "Aren't we having that? We've been together for so long…"

"As friends. I want you," Syaoran said.

He sat down next to Sakura and looked her in the eye. "I want to keep you all to myself, because I know that you have a life to get back to and work and friends. I want a little pocket of time in which you're mine, and mine alone for a month or so, then we go back and let the world have the Sakura it adores. But I…" and he placed a gentle hand on her cheek, "want to be your lover—no one else but us. Please. I'm asking you because I don't want to do things the way I did with my ex. I want you to want me too. I want you to be happy with me and because of me."

Sakura looked at Syaoran, who normally never said such a mouthful, much less with such a steady voice, no stammering, and placed her hand over his. "I love you," she said softly. "And I'm touched that you would tell me that." She smiled. "How can I resist you?"

"You can't," Syaoran said smugly. She slapped his arm again, and chuckled.

"Conceited bastard," she mocked him.

"You forgot the 'horny' part," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"I…" Whatever Sakura was going to say was interrupted as a knock sounded on the door. She squeaked, reddened, then fled into the toilet.

Syaoran, grinning widely, pulled on his boxers before opening the door to Wei, who took one look at the badly rumpled sheets and returned Syaoran's big grin with one of his own.

"I see you will be needing this," and he indicated a chart propped up against the silver dome covering the couple's breakfast. "Do try and help Miss Sakura conceive a girl, young master, as heaven knows we have an overabundance of boys here. And young master Ming will die of restlessness and frustration if you don't."

"Amen. Let me take that. Thanks, Wei," Syaoran said as he wheeled the cart into the room. "We'll take it from here."

Wei bowed, smiling, and left.

* * *

**~o0o~**

"Karoshi-san. What brings you here?" Yelan asked curiously. The man, who was an attorney Yong Song's age, had arrived early in the morning.

Wordlessly he held out a small key that Yelan realized was the key to a safety deposit box. It was looped on a slender green ribbon to which a jade bead had been tied.

She gasped. Only her husband, Yong Song, had ever used keychains like that.

"What…"

"Yong Song told me to give this to you on the wedding anniversary after his death," Karoshi said quietly. "And now I have." He turned to walk away when Yelan called him back.

"What's there?" she asked.

"A gift," Karoshi said with a tiny smile. "A gift...from beyond the grave."

**(To be continued in chapter 17)**

**

* * *

  
**

**~o0o~**

In Chapter 17, Yelan discovers that love and forgiveness can come even after someone's death. Sakura and Syaoran go on their long-delayed honeymoon, and learn that it is possible to love someone even more than they already do.

**Review responses:**

Sakura-chan, I am not starting from scratch so do have a look at the revision? puasloma, I'm trying my best, hope you can back me up. zoooaaa, er, capslock? uh, I shall try what I can do. acw, thank you for understanding. vlakimir, I will update when I can. Enigma infinite, oh thank you! cupid17, thank you so much for the wish! nikky, I wish I could thank you personally for your kind review. I think that, thanks to the advice I've received, this will reach 20 chapters after all :D Julia and Tania, Eeep my mistake, what I meant was the story will stay and be very slowly updated LOL. humbleblossom-paulina, there will now be 4 more as it will reach 20 chapters! purplemonster27, I understand what you mean and I'll try to fix that; have you seen the rewrite yet? Please let me know what you think. rondallagurl, Well it's a process, so dahan dahan pa. Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon, oh god I am so sorry. See it's people like YOU who make me want to continue; you've always been so nice. Thanks for understanding! Dark Shinzo, I'm sorry to hear that. I became a member of stopplagiarism as a result and I now know I was actually lucky. There's a bit of Ming here, and a lot of SxS. I was blushing the whole time I wrote it but I knew I had to show how they made it to full intimacy. inuyashangel, it's okay now. Sorry I had to close anon reviews, but I know you can sign in, thanks again! Suyi, I wonder if the looong love scene was OK by you? agate ilie, yes, I shall fight! Slowly though haha. Yep, here I continue it! winterkaguya, LOL I was looking for that drama and couldn't find it; if I had more time on the net I could watch it on youtube, I hope. More Ming here haha! lhaine07, I thank you for your constant support! Kandygurl4, it's OK now, and thanks for the review. jeemawoo, thank you too for reading and reviewing, that means a lot to me. CardcaptorSakura16, heck no, not with so many nice people reading and cheering me on. Hehe, I wonder what you think of this long scene... Yingfa Dreamer, I love that you noticed all those things, cause honestly sometimes I get a little sad when people ask me stuff that I did cover in the story. Got your PM! vreni, huh? uy hindi ha! mas kilig ba dito? hehe. smile4meeh, thank you too, and I appreciate even simple reviews like yours. sootyxsnowpetal, thank you so, so much. you also deserve a thank you because people like you and everyone else who encourage me to keep going -- keep me going XD uvr-B1u5H'd, thank you too! broken emerald AHHH Pinoy ka pala! haha akala ko Korean ka. Salamat! Wings of Wind, thank you, and please do stay, we still have four chapters! lilmouse1988, well, it's over, whew. wow, what's your course? Thank you for taking the time to read and review! DineyBlue, don't you wish you had a boyfriend who does what Syaoran does? I know I do...and when my cousin gave me the 6 volumes of Absolute Boyfriend, oh God I could have died just to get a Night01 model (blush) redeyes143, aw wuv you too and thank you for always being supportive! pApAw, haha, we need Yelan to melt slowly lang for now. wakka wakka, is that from Muppet Show? haha. iluvpink, I'll try but no promises for now. Happy Valentine? (haha so late), Mystic Blood, Sorry, sa bitin, but this time no more bitin o dib? Very long scene pa! Re Tomoyo, it's Touya haha. qwerty23131 YES I love their stories! I hear Majah is a Filipino too. I have printouts of their stories, it's all I have U_U Wow thank you for that! Kevin, oh thank you. Hope this is OK for you too? More Than Useless, AMEN and thank you for seeing that! Actually it can be a prequel but it's taking on a life of it's own; in "Shelter" Sakura is feistier, for some reason. pyscho-pyro-shrink, thanks! AngelEmCuti, thank you!. Hana No Ai, that is not a problem at all! I do the same thing. aw thank you that makes me feel so happy! Polaris-Sakura, that made me giggle. Given the length of the loving in this chapter, XD Sakura-Chan Master of the Clow, You're not the same as the Sakura-chan, I take it? Thanks for understanding, and I shall try my best. It was Touya, and as for the limes/lemons, here's the advice my friend Meiling/swallowingtears gave me: Write it however you feel comfortable with it. I chose not to go expicit; she does that well, I can't, so she said just do it however you like! Oooh I may hold you to the theater offer soon! XxButterfluxAngelxLover, please don't apologize, no problem at all! xSapphirexRosesxFanx, glad you liked it! LOL don't tempt me to have Tomoyo film it. Gah if there were men like Syaoran I would shove you out of line for him LOL sorry just kidding. Seirin, oh that made me blush, thank you! Moons-chan, that's really OK by me, I also can't review. YamiNoTomoyo, coming from you that is an honor. Karithinia, now you have to tell me about how you can relate to this! Prinsesa Bibe, OK lang yun basta nag-review ka rin so thank you! butterflyKISSU, thanks for helping me out for a lot of rough patches! MikoKagome1113, any comments on the rest of the story, would appreciate it! Camillecamille04, oh gosh hope your exam's OK! Sorry, that's Touya and yes, the answer is in the companion story in my profile (on hiatus though, sorry). ying-fa91, we've got four more chapters to go!


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